PODCAST · health
Better Sex
by Jessa Zimmerman
Better Sex is focused on helping all couples create and enjoy their best possible sex life. Better Sex is hosted by Jessa Zimmerman who is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Each episode will dive into one topic related to sex. Some will be devoted to addressing sexual concerns like sexual dysfunction, differences in sexual desire, and intimacy problems. Some will help you develop realistic and helpful expectations. And some will offer information and approaches that can just make your sex life better.The information and discussion on the podcast should not be taken as medical advice or as therapy. Please seek out qualified professionals for medical and therapeutic advice. jessazimmerman.substack.com
Episodes
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Ep. 427: Breast Cancer and Sex: Treatment Impacts, Body Image, and Reclaiming Pleasure
Host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back sex therapist Dr. Jennifer Valli to discuss how breast cancer and its treatments affect sexuality and quality of life, emphasizing that experiences vary widely and that similar issues can arise with aging and other medical changes. They review sexual impacts of...
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Ep. 426: [Soapbox] The Power of the Stories We Tell Ourselves
Host Jessa Zimmerman shares a personal story from a coaching workshop to illustrate how the meaning we assign to events shapes our emotions, physiology, behavior, and ultimately our results. After waiting two hours to ask her mentor James a question and losing her chance when the room closed…
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Ep. 425: Delayed Ejaculation
Host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Andre Lazarus back to discuss delayed ejaculation, defining it as a consistent difficulty reaching ejaculation that becomes a concern when it bothers the person or impacts the relationship. Andre describes common contributing factors including medications (such as...
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Ep. 424: [Soapbox] Relationship Agreements for Difficult Conversations
In this soapbox episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman suggests couples create explicit relationship agreements—written down and revisited during hard moments—rather than assuming they share the same expectations. Inspired by classroom agreements used at the…
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Ep. 423: Shameless Care - STI testing from home
Host Jessa Zimmerman talks with Robert Johnson and Anna Osman from Shameless Care about common gaps in “full panel” STI testing and why site-specific screening matters, especially throat swabs for gonorrhea and chlamydia. Robert shares how an asymptomatic oral gonorrhea infection went undetected...
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Ep. 422: [Soapbox] 17 Reasons Your Man May Have Lower Desire
Host Jessa Zimmerman shares a Soapbox episode outlining 17 reasons a man might have low desire, emphasizing that only one is responsive desire. She covers performance anxiety, low testosterone, needing emotional connection and safety, intimidation by a partner’s sexuality, lack of experience or...
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Ep. 421: Vulnerability as Strength
Host Jessa Zimmerman talks with Doug Noll, a former trial lawyer turned peacemaker, about reframing vulnerability as strength through lessons from Tai Chi: the softer you are, the stronger you are, and the more vulnerable you are, the more powerful you are. Doug defines vulnerability as staying...
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Ep. 420: [Soapbox] Affair Recovery; Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity
In this Soapbox episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses infidelity and what affair recovery can look like. Jessa frames cheating as a “bad solution to a problem” and outlines key milestones for rebuilding trust: the partner who cheated doing a “dark night of the soul” examination of...
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Ep. 419: The Formula For Desire in Long Term Relationships
In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Dr. Anna Elton about her book The Formula of Desire and why desire commonly fades in long-term relationships. Elton shares how her research interviewing over 700 couples led to frameworks and assessments for...
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Ep. 418: [Soapbox] Don’t Accept Sex Your Partner Doesn’t Want
Host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman addresses “sex that’s not worth having,” focusing on situations where a lower-desire partner begrudgingly offers sex with clear disinterest, disconnect, or even hostility. She distinguishes this from reactive desire, where someone starts with openness to...
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Ep. 417: Early Ejaculation is a Shame Pattern
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Michelle Fischler about her upcoming book, “Coming Soon: The Unshaming Guide to Early Ejaculation and Lasting Longer,” arguing early/rapid ejaculation is fundamentally a shame issue and nervous system pattern, not a performance problem. Fischler describes...
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Ep. 416: Negotiating Kinks, Fetishes, and Monogamy
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Sara Perry, a sexological body worker and somatic sex educator, about helping people connect with their bodies, pleasure, and desires and then communicate and negotiate those desires with partners. Sara shares her path from studying psychology of sexuality...
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Ep. 415: Poly Parenting: Age-Appropriate Disclosure, Boundaries, and Introducing Partners
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back Candace Sjogren, author of "Polyagony," to discuss how parents can navigate consensual non-monogamy with children. They emphasize that many parents don’t plan for integrating relationship structure with parenting, especially when opening a relationship...
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Ep. 414: [Soapbox] When She Wants More Sex: Desire Discrepancy in Hetero Couples
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman returns with a soapbox episode on desire discrepancy, focusing on heterosexual relationships where the woman is the higher desire partner. She explains that mismatched desire is normal and common, and that gender doesn’t determine who wants more sex; in her practice,...
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Ep. 413: Stigma, Shame, and Sex: How Culture, Religion, Family, and Media Shape Desire
Host Jessa Zimmerman interviews New York City sex therapist and trainer Sari Cooper about how sexual stigma and shame are shaped by culture, religion, family dynamics, and implicit messages like silence or lack of affection modeling. Cooper shares her background from a liberal upbringing and…
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Ep. 412: What couples therapy misses about the body
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Pavini Moray about why somatic approaches are vital in couples and sex therapy, especially when talk therapy leads to over-processing without change. Pavini shares their path from Montessori education to sexological bodywork and how embodiment, intentional...
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Ep. 411: The Book of Ecstasy: Finding Joy, Connection, and Transformation Beyond Orgasm
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Barbara Carrellas, author of The Book of Ecstasy, about ecstasy as a transformative state that goes beyond pleasure, sex, and orgasm into connection, awe, and ego-dissolution. Carrellas describes how her work was shaped during the AIDS crisis in 1980s New...
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Ep. 410: [Soapbox] Tuesday Is Different Than Thursday: Communicating Pleasure in Sex
Jessa argues that each person is responsible for their own sexual pleasure by learning what feels good, what turns them on, and then clearly sharing that information with a partner. She emphasizes that partners aren’t mind readers and don’t have the same instant feedback loop as masturbation, so...
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Ep. 409: Reclaiming Desire After 50: Nervous System Regulation, Novelty, and Communication
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Dr. Julie Merriman about her book, Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?, focused on helping women over 50 reclaim pleasure and desire. Merriman explains that decreased libido is often less about menopause alone and more about decades of high-functioning…
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Ep. 408: [Soapbox] When Lower Desire is a Mask
In this Soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explores how the common higher-desire/lower-desire framework is helpful but doesn’t always accurately describe what’s happening in a relationship. She outlines two main ways desire can be “masked”: a higher-desire partner may detach from...
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Ep. 407: The Science of Pleasure, Trauma & Longevity
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews functional medicine clinician and neurofeedback specialist Dr. Stephanie Rimka about emotional regulation as a biological process involving safety, the vagus nerve, brainwaves, hormones, and co-regulation through relationships. Rimka describes how chronic...
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Ep. 406: Gender, Loneliness, and Reconnection
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Anthony Silard back to discuss research-based, average gender differences in relationships, community-building, and loneliness. Silard explains how women tend to have more robust “social convoys” than men, contributing to outcomes like higher male mortality...
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Ep. 405: The Truth About Erectile Dysfunction
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Johns Hopkins urologic surgeon and researcher Dr. Arthur Burnett about erectile dysfunction from a holistic biopsychosocial perspective. Burnett explains how erections work as a vascular function regulated by the nervous system, and how physical factors…
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Ep. 404: [Soapbox] HRT is not Primarily About Libido
In a soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman clarifies a common misconception that hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is mainly meant to increase libido. Drawing from two recent conversations—one with a post-menopausal client experiencing painful sex and resisting HRT as a “fix,” and…
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Ep. 403: Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy for Intimacy and Sex
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews therapist Hannah Buzzo about psychedelic-assisted therapy for intimacy and sex, for individuals and couples. Buzzo describes her background in addiction and trauma work (including EMDR), her training in trauma treatment with psychedelics, and how…
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Ep. 402: [Soapbox] Good Faith Communication vs Gaslighting
In this soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains why effective communication requires holding our “reality” loosely, since perception is filtered and interpreted by the brain, and partners often experience the same event differently. She describes a process of sharing each person’s...
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Ep. 401: Signs You May Be Headed For Divorce
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews therapist and divorce support group leader Oona Metz about how emotional and sexual disconnection often contributes to divorce, drawing on Metz’s 15 years of work with hundreds of women and her book Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women. They...
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Ep. 400: [Soapbox] Care and Curiosity: The Foundation for Understanding Your Partner
In a soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman argues that a basic foundation of relationships is caring about a partner’s wellbeing and taking their unhappiness seriously, even without agreeing with their interpretation. She explains how the brain filters and assigns meaning to events, so…
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Ep. 399: How Couples Can Rebuild Desire
Host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Courtney Fay Long about common challenges couples face with desire discrepancy, losing spark, and the pressure–rejection cycle. Long shares how prioritizing sex earlier in the day, expanding sex beyond intercourse into connection, and using…
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Ep. 398: Intimate Conversations: Co-creating Authentic Sexual Experiences
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Dr. Teresa Johnson about why and how couples can have healthier conversations about sex, including desire changes, boundaries, consent, and emotional intimacy. They discuss cultural taboos and shame that keep people silent, how comparisons to porn, media…
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Ep. 397: [Soapbox] Not Tonight and the Seven Dwarves
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses a common dynamic between higher- and lower-desire partners, warning that taking a partner’s “not tonight” personally leads to feeling rejected and eventually showing up as an unsexy “dwarf” (grumpy, needy, whiny, resentful, withdrawn), which creates…
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Ep. 396: Using NLP to Improve Intimacy
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Josh Davis about neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) as practical, research-supported tools drawn from psychotherapy to improve mindset, communication, and relationship dynamics around intimacy and sex. Davis explains NLP’s origins and introduces…
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Ep. 395: [Soapbox] Why the “Devil’s Bargain” Fails: Shared Responsibility for Initiation
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains David Schnarch’s term “the devil’s bargain,” where the higher desire partner stops initiating sex and leaves initiation entirely to the lower desire partner. She describes three common origins: a well-intentioned attempt by the higher desire partner to…
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Ep. 394: From Resentment to Forgiveness to Love
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Anthony Silard about his book Love and Suffering and how loneliness and disconnection affect relationships. Silard describes a “love progression model” of acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and love, each requiring overcoming suffering, resentment,...
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Ep. 393: Ecstasy/MDMA for helping couples heal and enhance their relationship
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Jonathan Robinson about using MDMA (ecstasy) with couples to accelerate therapy, emphasizing a legal disclaimer and harm reduction. Robinson describes renewed interest in psychedelic therapies, claims MDMA can make deep couples work happen in hours, and...
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Ep. 392 [Soapbox] Afraid to find out it's hopeless
In this soapbox episode of the Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman describes a common barrier to seeking help for sexual issues: the fear that if you “open the box” and really look at your sex life, you might discover it’s hopeless—like Schrödinger’s cat being alive or dead. She...
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Ep. 391: Healing Sexual Dysfunction Through The Body
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews pelvic work practitioners Ashley Rose and Martin Beaudoin about how pelvic restrictions and misdiagnosed physical issues can contribute to low libido, anorgasmia, dyspareunia, vulvodynia, pudendal neuralgia, and relationship strain. They describe pelvic…
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Ep. 390: [Soapbox] Easygoing; Hard to Live With
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains how being “easygoing” or people-pleasing—rarely stating preferences and letting a partner decide—can create a hidden burden in relationships. She describes clients who didn’t realize how constant small decisions (meals, plans, TV) led to their partner’s...
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389: Adventures in Polyamory
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Natalie Davis about how her marriage shifted from assumed monogamy to swinging and then polyamory after an affair about 15 years into her relationship. Davis describes early insecurity, rules for safety, and how communication and healing helped her and her...
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388: [Soapbox] Comfort and Growth Cycles in Long Term Relationships
In this soapbox episode recorded on the road, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a concept from David Schnarch about the natural rhythm of long-term relationships: alternating comfort cycles and growth cycles. Growth cycles require effort, change, and transformation, and when partners do that...
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387: Bad Marriage Advice
On Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews relationship coach Monica Tanner about her book Bad Marriage Advice, written initially for her son before his marriage. Tanner shares how her parents’ divorce and her own early marital struggles led her to study relationships and...
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386: [Soapbox] The Plight of the Higher Desire Partner
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the “plight” of the higher-desire partner who wants sex to be part of a loving relationship but feels stuck in a catch-22: bringing it up can be labeled as pushing and create more shutdown, while staying quiet can make the lower-desire partner assume...
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385: The 5 Love Languages: in the bedroom
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Krish Phua, a certified sexologist and intimacy and sexual wellness therapist at Underneath the Moon Singapore, about applying Gary Chapman’s five love languages (physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts) to erotic...
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384: [Soapbox] Choose to Focus on the Anti-Fear
In this soapbox episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a client-inspired lesson on how fear-based conversations can spiral into a reactive cycle that fuels negativity and creates the outcomes partners most dread. Drawing on the idea that events lead to thoughts,...
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383: Yoni Mapping with Freya Graf
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Freya Graf about yoni mapping therapy and how she combines it with internal pelvic release work. Freya shares how her own history of shame, body image struggles, and fear around intimacy led her into this work, explains what “yoni” means and why she’s…
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382: [Soapbox] Activities for connection
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman continues last week’s discussion about the potential of MDMA-assisted couples work, emphasizing she is not encouraging MDMA use because it remains a Schedule I illegal substance outside of research. Drawing from a recent 30-hour MDMA-assisted therapy training, she...
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381: The Sure Thing - A strategy to prioritize intimacy with Elana Auerbach
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Elana Auerbach about her book, “The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark,” and how a consistent weekly intimacy ritual can rebuild connection in long-term relationships. Elana shares her background as a “good girl” who followed an expected...
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380: [Soapbox] The potential for MDMA in coupes work
Sex therapist Jess Zimmerman shares what she’s learning from a 30-hour training on guiding people who choose to use MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly), emphasizing she is not endorsing illegal substance use and is focused on the research and potential pending FDA approval. She describes MAPS’s Phase 3 clinical...
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379: Mindfulness Based Porn Addiction Recovery with Jeremy Lipkowitz
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Jeremy Lipkowitz about porn addiction (or compulsive/problematic porn use) through a Buddhist-informed lens that frames addiction as using rewarding behaviors to escape or numb unpleasant emotions. Jeremy shares his own history of escalating porn use from...
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378: [Soapbox] When neither person wants sex
Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman answers a listener question about what to do when both partners have low desire for sex. She explains that if both people are happy not having sex, there is no problem to solve. If the couple wants sex to be part of their relationship but neither experiences...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Better Sex is focused on helping all couples create and enjoy their best possible sex life. Better Sex is hosted by Jessa Zimmerman who is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Each episode will dive into one topic related to sex. Some will be devoted to addressing sexual concerns like sexual dysfunction, differences in sexual desire, and intimacy problems. Some will help you develop realistic and helpful expectations. And some will offer information and approaches that can just make your sex life better.The information and discussion on the podcast should not be taken as medical advice or as therapy. Please seek out qualified professionals for medical and therapeutic advice.
jessazimmerman.substack.com
HOSTED BY
Jessa Zimmerman
CATEGORIES
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Better Sex have?
Better Sex currently has 426 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Better Sex about?
Better Sex is focused on helping all couples create and enjoy their best possible sex life. Better Sex is hosted by Jessa Zimmerman who is a couples’ counselor and nationally certified sex therapist. Each episode will dive into one topic related to sex. Some will be devoted to addressing sexual...
How often does Better Sex release new episodes?
Better Sex publishes regularly with 426 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Better Sex?
You can listen to Better Sex on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Better Sex?
Better Sex is created and hosted by Jessa Zimmerman.
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