Better Sex

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Natalie Davis about how her marriage shifted from assumed monogamy to swinging and then polyamory after an affair about 15 years into her relationship. Davis describes early insecurity, rules for safety, and how communication and healing helped her and her husband rebuild trust. She explains kitchen-table polyamory, living in a “resident V” with her husband and his other partner (her metamour), and the mundane realities of sharing a household alongside dating others. They discuss jealousy, consent, STI awareness, the lack of legal protections for non-monogamists, and how polyamory can require “graduate level” communication. Davis shares that she wrote a memoir, Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory, publishing January 13, 2026, and where to find her online.Note: Natalie wanted to make sure to credit the person who coined the word "polyamory" in 1990: Morning Glory Ravenheart Zell00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:44 Meet Natalie Davis01:56 From Monogamy to Poly03:33 Swinging After Infidelity06:23 Healing and Rebuilding Trust11:16 Coming Out and Risks14:11 Writing the Book16:38 Kitchen Table Poly19:09 Life in a Resident V22:54 Jealousy and Communication26:01 Dating Beyond the Household28:16 Sex Life Pros and Cons32:47 Skills for Doing It Well35:21 Book Details and Where to Find36:47 Final Thanks and Wrap UpJessa's quizzes are available:The higher desire partner quiz: https://intimacywithease.com/hdp-higher-desire-partner-mistake-quiz/The lower desire partner quiz: https://intimacywithease.com/ldp-lower-desire-partner-mistake-quiz-organic/BioNatalie Davis is the author of the new poly memoir, "Saying Yes: My Adventures in Polyamory" (pub date Jan. 13, 2026). She is the editor of the online publication Polyamory Today, and her work has appeared in Heart Affairs, Discovering Polyamory, Monogamish, and The Memoirist. Her opinions on polyamory have been published in The Washington Post. She has presented workshops on communication and non-monogamy across the United States. A recovering lawyer, she lives in the Washington, DC, area, with her partner and marvelous metamour. You can find her on Instagram, Medium, and her website as nataliedavisadventures. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

In this soapbox episode recorded on the road, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a concept from David Schnarch about the natural rhythm of long-term relationships: alternating comfort cycles and growth cycles. Growth cycles require effort, change, and transformation, and when partners do that work they earn a new “normal” they can relax into until the next growth phase arrives. Jessa explains that couples may be pushed into growth by external changes (such as shifts in sexual functioning or illness) or by complacency, routine, and unspoken dissatisfaction when someone avoids “rocking the boat” until it becomes urgent. She reframes these moments as normal opportunities to adapt, refocus, experiment, and reconnect, and reassures listeners that intense effort is usually temporary and leads back to renewed comfort.00:00 Show Intro00:45 On the Road Setup01:09 Comfort and Growth Cycles01:39 How Growth Creates Comfort02:39 What Triggers Growth02:46 Change and Health Events03:15 Complacency and Avoidance04:20 Reframing Crisis as Opportunity04:50 Reassurance and Takeaways05:08 Outro and Credits This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe

On Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews relationship coach Monica Tanner about her book Bad Marriage Advice, written initially for her son before his marriage. Tanner shares how her parents’ divorce and her own early marital struggles led her to study relationships and train in Relational Life Therapy and sex-related coaching. They discuss common couple dynamics (pursuer–distancer, fighting, withdrawal), how unskillful communication erodes trust and leads to resentment and “roommate syndrome,” and why thriving marriages require learned relational skills rather than fairy-tale expectations. They address sex myths, the need to discover and communicate desires, and the idea that emotional connection and sexual connection are related but distinct systems requiring intentional work. Tanner critiques clichés like “compromise,” “happy wife, happy life,” “don’t go to bed angry,” and “don’t sweat the small stuff,” and suggests practices like regular “sex talk Tuesday.”00:00 Show Intro00:45 Meet Monica Tanner01:33 Why Relationships Matter04:28 Common Couple Dynamics06:40 Romance Myths And Control08:42 How Sex Gets Impacted10:23 Love Versus Desire12:44 Jess Quick Break13:13 Bad Sex Advice Myth15:12 Compromise Versus Collaboration16:59 Cliche Advice Debunked18:33 Learning Relationship Skills21:17 Healing Childhood Wounds23:34 Rebuilding Spark And Context26:04 Book And Where To Find27:23 Final OutroWant to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Monica Tanner, RLT trained, Relationship Coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast, transforms marriages with simple communication, connection, conflict resolution and commitment strategies. Her mission is to lower the divorce rate and improve marital satisfaction. Through her engaging podcast, new Amazon Best-Selling book, Bad Marriage Advice, vibrant social media community, and couple’s coaching practice, Monica's expert guidance has impacted thousands of couples, by helping them ditch resentment and roommate syndrome and get back to living their happily ever after love story.www.badmarriageadvice.comwww.monicatanner.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe