4: Roles and Responsibilities for Married Couples

In today's episode, we will talk about Roles and Responsibilities for Married Couples.  This is a common area of landmines for couples.  We hope to help shed light on this issue for you and to give some creative ways to navigate successfully.

1.       Roles and Responsibilities in Family of Origin

a.       Traditional vs Egalitarian (Modern)

b.       Heather discusses the Traditional Approach from her Childhood (Pros and Cons)

c.       Brian discusses two household approach from divorce.  One home was a single mother doing mostly everything and the Traditional approach in the father's home (Pros and Cons).

2.       Current Household - Traditional vs. Modern Roles: Discuss the evolution of gender roles and how they have changed over the years. Explore the benefits and challenges of traditional and modern role divisions.

3.       Communication and Expectations: It is important to have open and honest communication in setting expectations for household responsibilities.

a.       Communicate about what you like and what you don't like

b.       What from childhood do you want to keep doing.  What from childhood would you like to stop doing?

c.       What tasks do you like to do alone and which do you prefer to do as a couple

d.       Discuss what level the children can be involved

4.       Careers/Stay at Home Parenting: Communicate about how a career and/or stay at home parenting will affect how tasks are handled.  This can be a common argument especially when one spouse stays at home. 

a.       Career Spouse:  Be open and honest about how the potential for long hours and travel might affect the ability to do tasks around the house.  

b.       Stay at Home Spouses:  Be open and honest about the ease or difficulty in completing certain tasks. 

5.        Delegating and Outsourcing: We talk about delegating tasks or outsourcing chores to maintain a harmonious household. This could include hiring help (i.e. professional cleaning service) or using technology for convenience (i.e. robot vacuum cleaner).

6.       Conflict Resolution: Address common conflicts that arise in managing household responsibilities and provide strategies for resolving them. Discuss how to avoid power struggles and work as a team.  Here are some examples:

a.       Who's the Boss:  Identify who the leader is that will direct and who the employee is that will carry the orders out. 

b.       Discuss How long will a Task Take:  Clearly communicate with each other how long you expect a solo task or a task you do together to take. 

c.       Ask for Help and Ask How You Can Help.  Remember you are a team so be kind to each when you are discussing help.

7.        Flexibility and Adaptability: Emphasize the importance of being flexible and adaptable in sharing roles and responsibilities. Life changes and unexpected events can require adjustments.  Talk ahead of time about changes that might needed, such as if one spouse must go out of town to visit a sick relative for an extended period.  In this case understanding what tasks are important and which can be left undone would be important to know. 

8.        Time Management and Scheduling: Offer tips for effective time management and creating schedules that ensure both partners have time for their responsibilities and personal lives.

9.        Role Reversal: Discuss scenarios where traditional roles are reversed, with one partner taking on tasks typically associated with the other gender. Share success stories and challenges.

10.    Reward Yourselves with Quality Time and Relationship Nurturing: Remember life is not always about completing chores and checking off boxes.  So make sure to reward yourselves with some time together not focused on the hustle and bustle of daily life and responsibilities.

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