4064 What If The Problem Isn't Your Spouse?

When tensions escalate, and all you feel is defensive, it's easy to point fingers rather than look in the mirror. Marriage takes intentional decisions with love at the root of all actions. But what if the problem isn't your spouse? Maybe what's missing or what's blocking your marriage from thriving is something inside of you. Marriage isn't a passive ride. It's an ongoing, intentional commitment that demands honest work, with love as the foundation for every decision and action. Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at the Kairos FREE Online Community. https://createyournow.com And that means owning your side of the story. That's uncomfortable. It's hard. You might feel like you're already giving all you've got—loving, forgiving, serving—yet things still stumble. But that gap is often where self-reflection becomes a non-negotiable. THOUGHTS: How do you handle tensions in your marriage now? If you truly want a marriage that holds tight through storms—both the ones raging now and the ones yet to come—you have to be willing to do the toughest work there is: looking in the mirror with an unfiltered gaze and asking, "What role am I playing in this story?" The K.I.S.S. ~ What is your role in the story! Your story is being written every day! And you get to choose what character you play and the role you want to excel in.  You could be one who chooses to be the jerk in the relationship and push back on everything with the intention of proving you're right.  Or you could be the one who chooses to see all sides, takes in the moment, and accepts ownership for the actions and words to come. Marriage is rough and beautiful all at the same time. Smooth the edges with love that flows from a heart healed, not hurt. Three Steps to See Yourself and Shift Your Marriage Own What You Can Control You can't change your spouse's actions or feelings—but you can control your own. Shift your focus from what's "wrong" with them to what's within your power. This means noticing your reactions, your words, and how you show up emotionally. When frustration rises, ask yourself: Are my expectations realistic? Am I communicating clearly? The moment you take ownership here, you reclaim power and open the door to change. Get Curious About Your Blind Spots We all have them—patterns and behaviors we don't see without an honest, sometimes painful, look. Maybe it's your tone when you speak up, how you handle conflicts, or the way you shut down emotionally. Ask for feedback from your spouse, a trusted friend, or a coach. Listen without defending. That feedback might sting, but it's the kindling for growth and connection. Seeing yourself clearly is the antidote to repeating the same fight over and over. Commit to Consistent Self-Improvement Change isn't a one-time fix; it's a daily commitment. Identify one behavior or mindset that's sabotaging your peace. Then replace it—not just once, but repeatedly until it becomes your new normal. This could mean practicing patience, choosing forgiveness over resentment, or saying "thank you" aloud daily. Small, persistent shifts ripple out into huge transformations for your marriage. Here's the truth nobody else will say: Your marriage is your job. Not 50/50, but 100% ownership of your role in it—no excuses, no deflections. When you lean into that responsibility, you become part of the solution, even if your spouse isn't yet ready to do the same. Your marriage deserves this fight. It's worth every ounce of energy to craft a relationship rooted in connection, respect, and real, true love. Start with you—because the strongest marriages start from the inside out. "Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!"   #RelationshipBuilders #CreateYourNow #LoveAndMarriage 🔔 Desire to be supported and encouraged by other like-minded women? Join us at the Kairos FREE Online Community. https://createyournow.com TAKE A.I.M. ~ Action Ignites Motivation  - This is a complimentary (FREE) coaching call with me. You will discuss your specific situation while gaining tools and strategies to move you forward. (https://form.jotform.com/62988215824163) 🙏  Create Your Now TV on Pray.com (https://pray.com) 🎥  Create Your Now on YouTube (https://youtube.com/createyournow) 🎧 Create Your Now on Spotify, Pandora, and Audible. 🎶  Create Your Now on iHeart Radio (http://www.iheart.com/show/263-Create-Your-Now-Your-Best/) ✍️  [email protected]  Instagram @CreateYourNow @KristianneWargo Twitter @KristianneWargo @CreateYourNow Facebook www.facebook.com/TheKISSCoach www.facebook.com/CreateYourNow   Cover Art by Jenny Hamson Photo by Canva.com   Music by Mandisa - Overcomer http://www.mandisaofficial.com Song ID: 68209 Song Title: Overcomer Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI) One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music -  Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.