47: Dealing with Toxic People

I'm guessing you have a toxic person (or two!) in your life. How can you recognize toxic people? Why is it so hard to recognize that toxicity? And what does recovery look like?

Co-host Lauren Trantham and I dig into what a toxic relationship looks like, why they can be so hard to pinpoint, and how you can recover from that type of abusive relationship. We want you to know that if you're in an abusive relationship, please seek help because you have the freedom to make choices and get out. 

Recognizing Toxic People

For me, I have one of two reactions to toxic people: (1) they either make my skin crawl immediately OR (2) I understand they're toxic but believe I can help "fix" them.

One way to recognize toxic people is to ask, "How does this person make me feel?"

In my life, I don't want to upset the toxic person so I stuff down my own feelings and don't take care of myself, all in the name of selflessness.

Even when you recognize toxic people, you sometimes can't separate from them, e.g. a family member. Toxic relationships are complicated.

Emotional and verbal abuse comes out like a dripping faucet, but the next thing you know, you have a flood. Humans can adapt to almost anything so we adapt to abuse too. Abuse happens slowly.

Two more keys to recognizing toxic people are asking, "Can I identify the drips?" and "Am I able to do something about it?"

You can only control your own reactions.

Recovering from Toxic People

Lauren shares these best practices as she's recovering from her toxic relationship:

1. Be really clear about how you feel.
2. Take moments to discover how you feel.
3. Analyze if there's any legitimacy to how you feel.
4. Be really clear on who you are.
5. Surround yourself with those who know and love you. 

Conclusion:

Remember that abuse can be really hard to recognize because it's made up of little manipulations. Also, know that you can recover. You are free to do what you need to do to get help.

Key Quotes from the Episode:

There is life after toxic people - Jen Rozenbaum

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This episode was originally published on shamelesslyfeminine.com/episode47.