65. Dr. Jake Porter – Are Sex Addicts Being Defensive? Or, Do They Need Help?

Is it defensiveness? Or, is it a deficit? Understanding this could make a huge difference in improving your communication as a couple when recovering from betrayal trauma and infidelity. We all know that being defensive destroys connection and increases conflict. But first, we need to be sure that the person really is being defensive. Not every reaction comes from a defensive place. Often, people act the way they do because they lack maturity in that area. Empathy, conflict resolution, communication, compassion. All of these skills must be developed as a child. If not, you may struggle using these skills as an adult. What may look like defensiveness may actually stem from a deficit in his/her ability to interact in this high-stress and deeply emotional environment. The truth is, many sex addicts in recovery did not learn how to practice empathy, healthy conflict resolution, and compassion. Their parents and mentors did not help them develop these skills. Many aspects of masculine culture label these skills as weak or feminine. It's never too late to learn healthy relationship skills. And, we need to make sure that we're not shaming someone who is trying their best. It's hard enough to do something that is foreign to you. It's even harder when you feel like you need to be ashamed of your inability to do so. Being supportive is always the best route you can take. In this podcast episode, Dr. Jake Porter and I discuss how to determine if your partner is being defensive or if they have a deficit in this area. And, what can be done to address this issue so that it does not continue to harm the relationship. If you would like a free copy of Jake's book, you can download it here: https://drjakeporter.com/breakingbarriers/ If you're a high-achiever looking for a group of like-minded men to recover with, visit my website: successfuladdict.com My book is now on Audible for those of you who have been waiting for the audiobook. You can listen to it here: https://www.audible.com/pd/The-High-Achievers-Guide-to-Sex-Addiction-Recovery-Audiobook/B0F5XZ85XV