71 - The Moment I Completely Lost It

Episode 71 of the Addiction Makes Three podcast, hosted by Amanda Lockyer, titled "71 - The Moment I Completely Lost It" was published on November 20, 2025 and runs 19 minutes.

November 20, 2025 ·19m · Addiction Makes Three

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Summary

There’s a moment in every addiction-impacted relationship where you realise… it’s not just their drinking/drug use/gambling etc that’s changing the family, it’s changing you too.You don’t plan for it.You don’t see it coming.And when it happens, the shame of it stays in your chest for years.Today I’m sharing a story I’ve never fully talked about publicly, the moment I completely lost it, the moment my kids were scared of me, not their dad, and the moment I realised that addiction had changed me in ways that were unimaginable and I could no longer ignore.If you’ve ever snapped, yelled, bellowed, broken something, stormed out, or reacted in ways you’re not proud of… please hear me:you’re not a bad mother/father, a bad partner, or a bad person, you’re a human being in survival mode, and you're at your breaking point.In this deeply personal episode, I talk about:The moment I “broke” and how my kids carried that memoryWhy your anger, snapping, and hypervigilance make total sense in survival modeHow addiction slowly reshapes the “safe parent” without you realisingWhy getting support for you is the difference between coping and crashingThis isn’t an episode about blame or shame, it’s an episode about truth, compassion, and reclaiming yourself after years of walking on eggshells.And if you’re thinking,“I can’t keep living like this…”or“I don’t want my kids remembering me this way…”This episode is for you.And your great 2026 begins with one small step today. not in January, and not after the next crisis.Listen next:Ep 66 - They Say They're Sober... But You're Still Not Sure.Ep 3 - Where Is My Lasagne? Ep 47 - 11 Subtle Signs Your Partner’s Addiction Is Controlling Your LifeEp 35 - When You're Scared to Set the Boundary... Start Here👉 Resources and support:1️⃣ Book a Friendly Chat: Explore what working together could look like because you’ve been trying “this way” long enough, and it’s not helping anyone.👉 Click here to find a time2️⃣ Join the Pathway to Wellness Waitlist: My signature program helps you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction — with calm, confidence, and community👉 Join the waitlist here3️⃣ Download the Free Crisis Conversation Guide: Learn what to say (and what not to say) when addiction takes over, with real scripts that help you stay grounded even when it’s messy.👉 Get the Free Guide4️⃣ Connect on Instagram: @addictionmakesthree5️⃣ Questions or reflections? 💌 [email protected] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episode Description

There’s a moment in every addiction-impacted relationship where you realise… it’s not just their drinking/drug use/gambling etc that’s changing the family, it’s changing you too.

You don’t plan for it.

You don’t see it coming.

And when it happens, the shame of it stays in your chest for years.

Today I’m sharing a story I’ve never fully talked about publicly, the moment I completely lost it, the moment my kids were scared of me, not their dad, and the moment I realised that addiction had changed me in ways that were unimaginable and I could no longer ignore.

If you’ve ever snapped, yelled, bellowed, broken something, stormed out, or reacted in ways you’re not proud of… please hear me:

you’re not a bad mother/father, a bad partner, or a bad person, you’re a human being in survival mode, and you're at your breaking point.

In this deeply personal episode, I talk about:

The moment I “broke” and how my kids carried that memory
Why your anger, snapping, and hypervigilance make total sense in survival mode
How addiction slowly reshapes the “safe parent” without you realising
Why getting support for you is the difference between coping and crashing

This isn’t an episode about blame or shame, it’s an episode about truth, compassion, and reclaiming yourself after years of walking on eggshells.

And if you’re thinking,

“I can’t keep living like this…”

“I don’t want my kids remembering me this way…”

This episode is for you.

And your great 2026 begins with one small step today. not in January, and not after the next crisis.

Listen next:

Ep 66 - They Say They're Sober... But You're Still Not Sure.

Ep 3 - Where Is My Lasagne?

Ep 47 - 11 Subtle Signs Your Partner’s Addiction Is Controlling Your Life

Ep 35 - When You're Scared to Set the Boundary... Start Here

👉 Resources and support:

1️⃣ Book a Friendly Chat: Explore what working together could look like because you’ve been trying “this way” long enough, and it’s not helping anyone.

👉 Click here to find a time

2️⃣ Join the Pathway to Wellness Waitlist: My signature program helps you rebuild your life alongside (or beyond) a loved one’s addiction — with calm, confidence, and community

👉 Join the waitlist here

3️⃣ Download the Free Crisis Conversation Guide: Learn what to say (and what not to say) when addiction takes over, with real scripts that help you stay grounded even when it’s messy.

👉 Get the Free Guide

4️⃣ Connect on Instagram: @addictionmakesthree

5️⃣ Questions or reflections? 💌 [email protected]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.