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Tickets go on sale to the general public June 30th at somethingworthknowing.com. So come build a better world with us on September 16th and experience something worth knowing you can get your ticket at Complexly.info slash something. Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John! Nor is I firthic with Dear John and Hank.
It's a comedy podcast where me, Hank and my brother John, we answer your questions, give you some advice and bring you all the weeks and news from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon and I'm back! Welcome back, Hank, how's fatherhood? Oh it's good! It's got its ups and downs though, I'll tell you that.
I have been told that there are difficult parts of being a parent. I had not been able to internalize them. Now I have. Yeah it's funny, I mean it is truly something that no one can prepare you for but also you have to remember that lots of people who are worse at this than you have done it.
Yeah, yeah no that's definitely true. I don't necessarily want to base my success on the worst of all parents but I think we are doing a great job and I like him and he's good thing and he's so cute. Yeah that's fine. I feel like you're in some kind of heightened ecstatic state though.
You're talking extremely fast, you're not really finishing your sentences, you're just sort of drifting off into the ether, it's interesting. I'm excited to be back. I'm very excited to be back. It's been such a very strange time.
I left the podcast and I left to focus on being a dad before the election and that it has been a weird set of moments since then and I'm glad to have been away during that time. Yeah. Because it has taken me a long time to process and get to a comfortable place where I'm ready to take on the world again. Well I'm very glad that you're back and ready to take on the world because I for one am absolutely exhausted with having to be both of us.
Well speaking of having to be both of us or not, I wanted to start the podcast off before your short poem by telling people that they can come see us, both of us doing a live Dear Hank and John at NerdCon Nerd Viteria in Boston in February and the dates of that event are February 25th and 26th he said as if he knew that before he opened up the tab and his browser to look. Yeah and that's actually going to be the first time we've ever recorded a live episode of Dear Hank and John together and for all I know it might be the last time. It can't imagine that it will be the last time but I want to tell you about some other people who are going to be at this event. John George Watsky is going to be there.
Hannah Hart is going to be there. Yep big fan. John Cozart is going to be there. Great.
Lacey Green. It's going to be great. My whole band, Wheezy Waiter, who's going to be there. Megan Tonjus, Michael L'Ronda, Michael Buckley, Nathan Zed.
Nathan Zed's coming to NerdCon Nerd Viteria. Yes. No, now I want to go. Yeah so you can get tickets to that at NerdCon.com right here.
I think I got to NerdCon Nerd Viteria.com. That'll be a slightly faster way to get them but yes, NerdCon.com. Or just Google it. The other thing that I would say though is that if you don't live in or near Boston and or can't make it to NerdCon or Tiberian February, you can also hang out with Hank and me and probably a live episode of Dear Hank and John at VidCon 2017 tickets for the VidCon in Anaheim, California this summer are on sale this summer.
This coming summer are on sale now as our tickets for VidCon Europe and VidCon Australia. And I will have to be both of us at VidCon Europe and VidCon Australia because John won't be there. So I will know what it's like and I'm just going to do a Dear Hank and John and I'm going to pretend to be both of us. Maybe we can Skype you when maybe not.
Yeah we'll figure something out. Last thing in the world of self promo and I apologize for all the self promo but you know we would like to see as many of you as possible. Project for Awesome is still going on if you are listening to this shortly after it was uploaded and you can go to projectforawesome.com.com slash donate right now and get some great perks including a recording of Hank reading the first two chapters of the book that he's working on, a recording of me reading some new writing of my own the first time that I've had new writing to share in many years and also an exclusive episode of Dear Hank and John just for people who donated to the Project for Awesome. So please check that out at projectforawesome.com slash donate.
I hope it's been a good P4A. I've certainly stressed out about it. Those people who are donating through the Get the Dear Hank and John episode you also will be answering questions from only the people who got that perk so your chances of getting your question answered increased dramatically they do not increase to 100 percent and we apologize for not being able to answer all the wonderful questions that we get. Hell we get so many good questions that we don't answer.
I feel terrible about it. Very difficult questions and funny questions and all kinds of questions that we're not able to get to and we've got a huge list of good ones right now but first John we're going to get to your poem. What do you have for me? I've got a poem from Mary Oliver because Hannah Harps in our last episode and I were talking about Mary Oliver and it reminded me of this poem Song of the Builders.
It's not that short I apologize but I do like it. On a summer morning I sat down on a hillside to think about God a worthy pastime. Near me I saw a single cricket. It was moving the grains of the hillside this way and that way.
How great was its energy, how humble its effort. Let us hope it will always be like this. Each of us going on in our inexplicable ways building the universe. Song of the Builders by Mary Oliver.
You know John I got an email from someone who had tried to email you and Hannah to let you know that while this person really liked Dear Hank and John she really wanted to hear that Mary Oliver podcast that you said you might do with Hannah but she could only find my email address so she was telling me all about how she wanted a podcast that wasn't mine. So that's what I get for having a public email address. People tell me they'd rather not listen to my podcast and please if possible make a different one. That's not going to have you in it.
Because God knows what I'm not the interesting on a Mary Oliver podcast. You got a question for me John? I've got a bunch of questions for you Hank but let's start out with this one from Sheamus who writes Dear John and Hank when I was born I had red hair. I mean is there a first sentence to a question from a person named Sheamus that is more likely?
The red hair naturally turned brown when I was about two years old while I'm glad to hear that you didn't die it at two. Now my brown hair is naturally darkening to almost black. At what point do I start to say my hair color is the new color? More importantly at what point do I have to change the hair color listed on my identification?
Would it be a crime if I listed my hair color as brown for my whole life? You're going to jail Sheamus. Now we know we've turned you in. We have your full name and email address and the police are aware.
Yeah. Yeah. Sheamus I think you might be catastrophizing just a little bit. Like I think it's very unlikely depending on where you live of course but I think it's extremely unlikely that you'll go to jail for reporting that your hair is brown when it is in fact quote almost black.
So this is this is a weird thing I have noticed about my life. So we've got we're this duo. We've got Hank and John Green. We're a thing and you have darker hairs on me.
Hank Green. You have darker hair than me. But I have brown hair. You have darker but because we are a duo one of us is the blonde one and one of us is the brown hair one and when you like when you see us represented in graphical formats I am drawn as blonde.
But if you look at my hair color it is brown. It is just not as brown as yours. So there's this very straight like particularly in the spectrum of brownness. There is just a huge amount of brown that is almost unnecessary to even talk about it.
There's basically two hair colors. There's various shades of brown and there is red. But even red is kind of a shade of brown and also Hank you know I'm looking at pictures of you and at least in the summertime you're pretty blonde. Yeah it depends on how much I go outside.
Yeah. My hair is I don't think of myself as blonde. That is that is an unusual thought. I'm undergoing a change that is similar to the change that Seamus is experiencing only my hair is becoming gray.
And I am wondering at what point do I either say that my hair is gray on my identification or ask my hair stylist to color my hair which he has said he will not do. He has said that that is a bad idea. But I don't know. I don't feel like you can have gray hair and be on YouTube.
I feel like it's I'm having a little bit of an identity crisis about becoming middle aged and being old and still being on the internet and the internet getting older than me. I mean and the internet being young and hip in a way that I will never be again. But maybe we should just move on to the next question. That's probably a good idea.
This one's from Lachlan who asks Dear Hank and John. In the case of a world zombie apocalypse what percent of the world would need to be infected before everything is fair game and you're allowed to steal weapons and food etc. Obviously if one or two people were infected regular laws would still apply. But what is the tipping point?
So Hank before we get to this very interesting question do you have a zombie apocalypse strategy like is this something that you think about because of course it is something that I think about? Well I have I have a short term apocalypse strategy. It's not a zombie apocalypse strategy but anything from you know just a worldwide power grid failure to volcano anything that's going to keep me in my house and stuck without services for like a week or two. I have preparations for that which is just a bunch of cans of beans and a bunch of water and I got that in my basement.
I don't actually have it in my basement. Most of the cans of beans are actually in my cupboard because I eat them sometimes but I like to have a fair stock of beans just in case to survive unpleasantly for a couple of weeks until things return to normal. Beyond a couple of weeks I'm just a I'm a goner and I'm fine with that. Like because I think that there's sort of a law of diminishing returns in terms of apocalypse strategies.
I think if you can get through two weeks you're gonna be good for like 98% of apocalypseses and those two percent it's a long tail often to infinity of like when services are gonna be restored. If services are never gonna be restored like it's just not gonna happen for me. Yeah. I don't have those I don't have the kinds of skills necessary.
I also don't really want to live in that world. Like I'm not I'm not looking to survive in a dystopia. I can barely handle our current level of dystopia. So like the things went hard hard dystopian in the next few years and there was a question about whether you have enough cans of beans to survive or you know people were paying tens of thousands of dollars for canisters of water or trading in gold teeth or whatever.
Like I'm out. I'm done. I'm not. It's just it's not gonna be me.
Like I'll fight as long as I can. I guess for the safety of my kids but I also know that I'm not gonna be in that 1% you know like I'm gonna be in the 99% which is why my zombie apocalypse strategy has always been the moment you reach that tipping point and you realize that this is gonna be a zombie apocalypse situation with guns stealing and no rules and all governments gonna fall apart and we're gonna be you know living in small tribes that are at war with each other in can't trust her or walk in dead type situation. I'm done. I'm out.
I like run ahead first into the zombies. Right. Well of course zombies aren't the actual concern but but this is a thing that people that scientists study you know sort of in relation to riots or in war when it's like when does it become acceptable to start to start stealing to start looting to start killing other people because that's the thing that's happened in the world and it is an important thing to study and the terrible thing that happens and has happened you know in places where there are Nerdfighters and it sucks and and what it often comes down to is it is the moment when people think that it has become normal when they see some other people doing it that it becomes like if other people are doing it then I guess it's the right thing to do and we're very lucky to be able to have a very stable society and I'm very very committed to keeping it that way. Yeah I mean yeah I think we should try really hard I mean I just want to summarize what you said back to you so that you can hear yourself you basically just said I think we should try to avoid a zombie apocalypse.
Well I think that we should try to avoid societal instability. Have I talked to you Hank about how I believe that stability is the most underappreciated virtue? I think you have you have and like if I were gonna get a tattoo like over my over my belly button it would just say stability. Yeah well I mean it's easy to say I love it when my life is stable and I am absolutely terrified when my life is unstable.
Yeah and and we've got a question coming up that we might ask about that very thing maybe I should just ask it it's from Emma who who asked here Hank and John I'm 17 and have been with my girlfriend for about 11 months. I think I'm happy with my girlfriend but I can't help find myself crushing on others a couple in particular who I can't help being attracted to and I found myself thinking about them a lot is this normal should I try and stop crushing on others should I tell my girlfriend I can't help but feel that I'm wasting my time for experimenting and having fun by choosing the less exciting but maybe safer option. Having said that if I was to leave my girlfriend for the mere possibility of an exciting single life I think I would become lonely pretty quickly. Spaghetti and cats Emma.
Yeah this is a tough one I don't feel like I can really advise Emma on this issue. I think stability is great but I'm also a 39 year old arguably gray-haired individual. You're not not 17. Yeah I mean I think what it comes down to is how you actually feel how you feel connected to you know the other person in this equation.
Of course you're always gonna crush on people you're gonna feel attracted to other people forever that's a normal thing but there is something that I think is maybe a little bit different about crushing where it's like I'm fantasizing about being in a relationship with this person not just about like boy I like the way that their mouth looks and the responsibility becomes to the relationship and if you want the relationship to be a thing and aren't just not just because you're like afraid of being lonely but because you like this person and respect them and want to treat them well then you do sort of have a responsibility to curtail your fantasizing about being in relationships with other people and I think that that's I think that but like of course like you know like having those having those feelings is totally appropriate you probably should not be like hey girlfriend I just wanted you to know that I've been fantasizing about being in relationships with other people that's not a necessary thing that you have to do that's the thing that happens but deciding whether or not you're gonna break it off so that you can have a more exciting time for experimentation that's that's up to you and it's up to how you feel like you want to respect your significant other and how you want to respect the relationship that you're in. I think that was good advice and I also I just have no idea how to be 17. The more I like it's just an it's an astonishingly difficult thing to be young because you're living with the size of the options are so limitless like the possible futures in front of you are incalculably vast and that's exciting in a lot of ways I think that's what's so thrilling about adolescence but it's also absolutely terrifying or at least it was for me it's kind of paralyzing to think like well I could do this and then I'm gonna be stuck on that path for the rest of my life or I could do this and then I'll be stuck on the that path for the rest of my life and that that feeling of like oh you know like these two roads diverging in a yellow wood in the famous Robert Frost poem but the thing is in actual like in my actual experience of being a teenager the two roads diverging in a yellow wood you walk for five feet and then the road diverges again and then you walk for five feet in the road diverges again and so on seemingly forever and so when you reach a period of stability where you're happy with the road that you're on and it also isn't splitting constantly threatening you with whatever might befall you I find that to be a very pleasant part of life. I think adulthood in general is like massively underrated.
Yeah it's I think less interesting to write about in stories these moments of like of just pleasurable sitting by the fire drinking your cognac or whatever it is that you like to do I don't know I don't do either of those things but but it is it is really wonderful and I think that our anxiety about getting to that place is really misplaced because because people think like oh I don't want it all to end and I'm just gonna like be going through the motions that everyone else goes through but there's a reason why people do that there's a reason why people sort of settle in and and like and have a family and like you know get really involved with their work it's because there's there's so much reward right and it's it's can be hard to convey the you know the pleasures of that simple stability yes it makes for bad movies but good living in my experience our next question comes from Michelle Hank who writes dear John and Hank I recently went to make an appointment with a doctor I've been seeing my entire life in order to get my ear cleared out it's been blocked with wax and impeding my hearing for two weeks now in going to make an appointment I found out that my doctor has retired how does one go about finding a new doctor I've never had to do this before and I have no idea where to start any dubious advice is appreciated as I would like to get my ear cleaned out in the future pumpkins and penguins Michelle I haven't had a doctor I mean maybe since since high school is it is I don't know what I don't know if it's no it do most adults have like a doctor that is just their doctor doctor I have that doctor for my butt problems but I don't have it for like my whole body like you don't have like a general practitioner you see on a fairly regular basis when you have health problems no when I have health problems I either go see my butt doctor because most most the problems are related to my colon or I or I go to the like the lock in clinic and pay my 60 bucks wow I mean I can really empathize with Michelle in this situation because I have retired three three physicians in just the last 10 years like they've they've opted out they've been like okay I've had enough that some of some of my patients I'm not gonna say who but some of my patients have pushed me out of the medical profession yeah so the first one was a great doctor he was my doctor for our first five years in Indianapolis I felt very close to him we had a wonderful working relationship and and then he retired but he was 65 that's that's reasonable the second doctor that I retired retired just two years after I started seeing him at the age of 48 a perfectly healthy guy just decided that he had to get out of the doctoring business right around the time that I was recovering from my viral meningitis then I had a great doc a really wonderful doctor he wasn't conveniently located to my home but I just I really was a big fan of my doctor and he just retired six months ago and it was devastating like I was like the first time I saw him I actually said to him listen so you know I have retired two doctors in five years are you planning to retire anytime soon and he was like no I love my work I'm young I'll be doing it forever four years later retired well then you should probably go my route and see whoever happens to be at the walk-in clinic that day and I would suggest that to Michelle in the meantime while you're trying to find a new GP no no no not permanently not permanently but like she's trying to find a new GP but she's got impacted your wax and she can't hear it's causing her anxiety so she should go to the walk-in clinic and get her here irrigated which is the most common procedure they do at walk-in clinics and I know this because I did it good for you to get your irrigated at the walk-in clinic you should absolutely do that Michelle but the larger question is are there health benefits to having consistent care from one primary care physician and the answer is overwhelmingly yes that person actually doesn't always have to be an MD a nurse practitioner or but but there is there are definitely benefits to having a consistent relationship with one primary care physician or NP or whatever also Hank and I do not never trust our advice our advice is always dubious but like maybe especially don't trust Hank's medical advice since like I am familiar with Hank's medical education and it includes one semester of organic chemistry that was the last time Hank was exposed in any way to human medicine I at least have spent my entire adulthood googling symptoms so I am fairly familiar with a lot of health problems but even even my medical advice should never be trusted consult your physician as for how you find a physician talk to your friends and family members about physicians they trust if they have great general practitioners or family medicine doctors or nurse practitioners they love working with and then also you got to look on your insurance list to make sure that they're covered by your insurance and then you can find out where they went to college which doesn't matter of course doesn't matter that much although it matters a little bit to me because I'm I'm a doctor I'm a doctor snob okay I will admit that I'm a doctor snob I'm very happy with my current primary care physician who's a big fan of the pod so it's great to I hope that you're enjoying this episode doctor I'm not gonna say your name just because I don't want a bunch of people going to you all the sudden and you're not having as much time for me but I'm a big fan and you're doing a great job and I appreciate it and I'm sorry that I dispense medical advice on this podcast never dispense medical advice on a podcast and don't retire doctor whatever don't you know I'm a long talk before I officially hired him as my general practitioner that I was in this for decades and I needed him to be in it for decades too I also I just want to finish this question by saying that once upon a time I got my ear wax cleaned out and I made a vlog with this video about it and I did a lock and click and you can watch that on youtube.com slash vlogbrothers if you google around enough I'm sure you could find that big lump of ear wax coming out of my ear it was an amazing experience I mean that's just terrible self-promotion I think it's great I think I'm so good at the self-promotion nobody nobody nobody nobody wants to like stop listening to the podcast pull over on the side of the road pull out their phones do it google vlogbrothers earwax and watch that video right now if you're gonna do that many steps could you guys do me a favorite register for NerdfunderedFighteria instead of going and watching a ex-eewax video I'll put it on the Patreon this question is from Scott and it's for me so I'm just gonna read it as this as Dear Hank and John but but really just Hank while discussing the Martian terrain with some friends I referred to the ground as Earth one very astronomically knowledgeable friend said that I was wrong and suggested that the earth is a term for soil on earth then Mars we should call the soil Mars was I wrong to say earth still developing my catchphrase Scott that's good you know I like that Scott knows that he's in a period of growth right now where he doesn't have a catchphrase yet but he also knows that that catchphrase is coming right right do you want to think of some catchrases for Scott or do you just want to answer the question? Sure no yeah you answer the question well I think of some catchphrase is for Scott then I'll just kind of I'll board them out as I think of okay well this is an interesting question in fact the word just beamed up by Scott the word for earth started out as meeting dirt and soil and stuff and then it got expanded when we realized we were on a planet to refer to the whole planet which is especially interesting because it means that I'm just keeping you going to interrupt me but you haven't it's making me real nervous great comma Scott it means that the earth we chose to call it earth but we could have very easily called it dirt or soil or or just you know rubble or something some other thing clay but we chose to call it earth which is good because I'm glad that I'm not like a durder I'm glad I don't live on dirt but on Mars the soil you could still call the ground there earth but you should not call it soil because it's not soil because soil has a bunch of other stuff in it including microorganisms and you probably couldn't even call it dirt you might have to call it regolith or regolith because it's because it's dead lifeless organic or non-organic material every land I live in is Scotland okay good well done John real proud of you this question comes from Joshua who writes Dear John and Hank why is it often difficult to breathe and fart at the same time I often find this to be an issue when trying to surprise others with my farting hahaha Joshua come on man you got it you got to reassess your life choices you're either you're seven or you need to uh I think sophisticated up no no definitely all the hay is going to completely disagree with you because haysteal does yes never never never let me know my breath and they know that I'm about to squeeze out of fart sorry I had to read the rest of the question that's the rest of it we're done over so hey why do you hold your breath while you while you're farting first I want to say that oftentimes at Dear Hank and John we have to edit people's questions down substantially so that it's sort of easier to get through them and read poorly and that's the whole thing uh we did not have to edit Joshua's question it is it is just those two sentences they didn't even say uh thank you or you know Josh at the end that was it um and boy I've got a good catchphrase for Joshua oh yeah Joshua good um well I so Joshua Joshua Josh Joshua um you're just playing it safe because there's a possibility that you're a mouth farter uh and this is a condition that uh some people have where uh if they fart with their mouths open while breathing and don't close off their trachea they'll fart out both ends at once and you don't want to fart at your mouth nobody knows you're making this up right yes of course make it up oh thank god oh thank god oh I love I love I don't know enough about I never know enough about science to know for sure when you're making something up but that is a huge relief I was actually in the middle of googling the phrase mouth farter oh good uh which by the way whoa uh regret uh hit the back button and never go back do not do not do not guys do not do not make the mistake that I just made never if I can give you one piece of advice it's never do that Hank we have to leave this question behind and move on to another question quickly we have to go this is over the question is over the new question comes from Annie Dere John and Hank this summer I'm going to be moving across the country to Jasper Alberta for a job pause Annie please please please please please please please let me into Canada please just let me into Canada I have some immigration issues because I was denied entrance to Canada in 1994 due to insufficient funds and now every time I try to get into Canada I'm putting the line for the naughty people where we have to get special interviewing and I just I need to be led into Canada but not for a little while Annie but forever also could you make it like 30 degrees warmer on average in Jasper Alberta okay I'm moving across the country to Jasper Alberta for a job guiding trails on horseback this will be my second summer doing this it just so happens that Jasper is in the mountains and I fell in love with one of the local mountains pyramid mountain I don't know if Annie means that she fell in love the way that you fell in love with the person or she means that she fell in love the way that you generally fall in love with the mountain but we're not here to judge her I'm planning on hiking to the summit this is where my dilemma is I'm very excited and I want to tell my mom but I know she would be worried about me going on a potentially overnight hike on my own I am in the need of some serious dubious advice should I tell my mother about my plan to climb this mountain and risk the fact that she will try to talk me out of it and potentially give her undue stress and have her be mad at me while I'm across the country or should I wait until after I've done it and tell her how great it was retrospectively I need to know how old Annie is maybe maybe I don't she's growing across the country to work all summer guiding trails on horseback so she's not nine that's not I don't know maybe the child labor laws are different in Canada but I'd be surprised if she's nine I I don't know I don't know you gotta you gotta you gotta judge your relationship with your mom and you gotta judge your mom's momminess but it's not that big of a deal I think you gotta tell your mom that you're gonna climb I mean Annie explains later in this email that it's a 12 hour hike so theoretically it might not even be an overnight hike as long as you're well you're well prepared I think you just need to be very well prepared Annie and to know what you're doing if you are not an experienced obviously don't trust Hank and I's advice over actual experienced campers but if you're not an experienced camper that's not something I would take on by myself but but yeah I think you've got to make the right decision for you and make sure that you bring plenty of water and food and a compass and a fully charged phone maybe a satellite phone just in case you get super lost and like a GPS beacon that you can like rip off and then they'll find you no matter what and uh flares you should bring flares I am more experienced camper than john that's not true well you you were talking a bunch of nonsense so there's that but I will say that uh it's first definitely have someone know that you're going even if it's you know it's not for your mom but somebody needs to know you're going that is the biggest mistake that leads to death in backcountry hiking is you go off and people don't know where you are because if something goes wrong they don't know where to look for you but the way to make it much safer is to go with someone else and uh and I know that there is a lot of wonderfulness that can come out of going by yourself but if if you want to alleviate some of your mom's stress you can you could maybe find somebody to do it with um and that that maybe your mom maybe go with your mom maybe not maybe not you know a uh you know 2,700 meter elevation uh mountain I don't know if any's mom's up to that but that if I was your mom it would make me a lot less nervous if you went with somebody else and maybe that would make it easier for you to tell your mom you would you not bring a flare on this trip uh no I would not bring a flare on that trip I would definitely bring bear spray though uh because that's Alberta and they got the bears there oh god oh my god my days of sleeping on the ground with bear spray on my person at all times are over that's that's not I'm not coming back to that place okay but anyway hank any question reminded me that our podcast today is of course brought to you by Mount Pyramid Mount Pyramid a pyramid that is also a mountain that a woman named Annie is in love with and that's okay Nicholas Tesla was in love with pigeons this podcast was also brought to you by two weeks worth of beans uh two weeks worth of beans available at Costco and uh we'll get you through 99.1% of all apocalypses for the record Nicholas Tesla was only in love with one one pigeon it was a particular pigeon and today's podcast is also brought to you by gray hair gray hair coming soon to youtube there's other youtubers of gray hair john you're just classing up the joint it's fine it's fine it's fine it's also finally brought to you of course by mouth farters anonymous uh the place where you can go for all for all of your you know discussions you want to have about your condition of being a mouth fighter which is totally all right and nothing to be ashamed of this episode of your hand con don't it's brought to you by shopify there are a lot of things that stand between i have an idea and this is an idea that actually exists in the world and people are buying things from me and that is what shopify makes easier when you start with shopify the tools to design and launch and take payments they're all there from day one you don't have to build a whole machine before you can start building the business and this is important because you also have to like look good and with shopify's templates you could get a site set up really quick that looks credible and professional without needing to code or duct tape a bunch of different tools together and when things look real that works on my brain to be like i'm doing a real thing it also works on other people's brains to be like this is legitimate shopify also has one of the best checkout systems on the internet it's built to help customers finish the purchase effectively and efficiently roadblocks returning customers can check out with a single click that means less friction and fewer abandoned carts and a smoother experience for everybody that stuff gives you confidence early on and it gives other people confidence in what you're doing you're not wondering whether the payment system is going to work you're not wondering whether customers can get through the process shopify handles that foundation so you can focus on the thing that you're actually trying to do it's really kind of amazing to me the shopify is a tool that works from the first day your store launches when you're just starting to get customers all the way up to being the size of good dot store or dftv.com or being the size of like matel and gymshark when you build a shopify you're building with tools that already work at every scale all you need is the idea shopify handles the rest you can start your free trial at shopify.com slash deerhank start your free trial shopify.com slash deerhank with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27th 2026 see website for more details one thing i love about summary is how easy everything feels the days are a little more relaxed my kids don't have to wake up at five in the morning and i find myself reaching for the same comfortable go anywhere pieces again 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Hank let's answer one more question before we get to the astonishing. Historic amazing unprecedented news from A.S.E. Wimbledon and the presumably incredibly exciting news from Mars as well. Okay well I'm looking forward to doing that and maybe giving you a tiny bit of advice after having heard a couple of episodes of Deerhank and John without me about your presentation style when it comes to A.S.E.
Wimbledon but first I wanted to ask you this question from Justine who asks Deerhank and John. My roommates and I have each picked out our favorite holiday movies to watch together in the weeks leading up to Christmas but to my dismay one of my roommates picked Die Hard which I am convinced is not a Christmas movie. It takes place during Christmas but it hardly has the joyous holiday theme that I would normally expect from a Christmas movie. I think the plot could easily take place at any time during the year.
My roommates all disagree with me so I'll leave it to you. Is Die Hard really a Christmas movie? Well this happens to be as you know Hank one of my areas of expertise because I have spent more time watching and thinking about the Die Hard franchise than probably anyone on earth not named Bruce Willis. I feel like Bruce Willis probably doesn't spend that much time thinking about Die Hard actually.
You might be right actually now that I think about it. Die Hard is a Christmas movie for precisely the reasons that Justine cites for it not being a Christmas movie which is that it is all about the holiday spirit. It is all about learning to be grateful for family and learning that even in extremely complicated situations love conquers all. And also never take off your shoes.
Yes never take off your shoes if there is an imminent threat of a terrorist attack on the skyscraper where you are the only chance of stopping that attack. I also have to say while we're talking about Christmas movies and the greatest Christmas movie of all time Die Hard 2 Die Harder is also a Christmas movie. Really? It happens to Christmas Eve in Washington DC a year after the events of Die Hard 1 and the best part about Die Hard 2 is that they try to make sense of this coincidence by having Bruce Willis over and over again and say I can't believe this stuff keeps happening to me on Christmas.
Well I mean I think it's quite actually it's pretty great like there's a lot of interesting great things about Die Hard but I think it's pretty great that they have that the Christmas theme stretches through the whole movie. Like it's you know it's a holiday party at the beginning and when he kills that guy, it steals his machine gun he like writes on his shirt and blood now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho because he had a lot of blood to write. Exactly it is a Christmas movie.
And I think there's something interesting about Die Hard as a Christmas movie which is a thing that's happened where people are like it's kind of a rebellion against the idea of the Christmas movie which is something I don't love because they're like I really like Christmas and like coming together and experiencing a thing culturally even if we don't all agree on you know other things but like there's something about the holiday time everybody has their celebration it doesn't of course have to be Christmas but but they're like the this togetherness and the family and the like whether it's like you can't take it with you or it's elf there's good feeling Christmas movies and there's a cynicism that comes along with being like well I don't like any of those where's the Christmas movie about dying and killing people and blood and cocaine. Right no it's definitely it's definitely sort of a cynical response to Christmas movies along the lines of a bad Santa 2 or to a lesser extent bad Santa. I haven't seen that in the post. I mean I definitely get that I also want to say for the record Hank that not everybody celebrates holidays in the winter that you know like everybody doesn't the holiday season for everyone but but yeah I like Die Hard as a movie a lot I like it less as a Christmas movie but I still like it as a Christmas movie and I support its inclusion if people want to be cynical about Christmas it's a better way of being cynical about Christmas than bad Santa 2.
Hank okay okay Hank now tell me what I'm doing wrong with my AFC Whibbledon coverage please. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. We all know the story of AFC Whibbledon. There are gonna be some people who don't but they're gonna pick up on it.
You don't have to go through the whole thing every time. We are with you we are excited about AFC Whibbledon but the moment that you have you start this like long story of how AFC Whibbledon happened every time that happened while I was listening to the pog I had to skip it I'll be honest with you. If you could find a really fast abbreviated way of doing it that would be fine but just tell me what happens. In the second round of the FA Cup.
What's that? What is the FA Cup and what is the second round? Oh I apologize I thought I wasn't supposed to give any background. No different background new background new context is great.
We're aware of how AFC Whibbledon happened though. The FA Cup is a competition in England it's basically like a knockout competition in which all the teams in England can play each other and then like the big teams like the United and Chelsea come in in the third round. Okay so everybody's gunning for that third round ticket because then you can play potentially a big team that's how AFC Whibbledon played Liverpool a few years ago. So this was a second round FA Cup tie against Kurz and Ashton.
It was a huge game for them because they're way down in the sixth tier of English soccer and they got off to a roaring start with a former Liverpool youth prospect scoring three goals Hank. Wow two goals and the first half and then completed his hat trick in the 60th minute and things were looking very very bad for AFC Whibbledon in the 80th minute down three nil away from home to Kurz and Ashton. Everybody including me like I was still watching it because it was the game was televised which is incredibly exciting so I was still enjoying just the prospect of watching this team I love on television but at no point did I think that they had a chance to win even though they were dominating possession but they were three nil down and then in the 80th minute the 80th minute with 10 minutes to go in the game off of a corner kick a goal a goal who scored it you can't even really tell because it was such a scrum. That's pretty amazing.
And then it was 3-1 in the 80th minute and I was like well that's nice that there was a nice little comeback there and there's something to build on for the future got this big game coming up on December 10th against the franchise currently playing in Milton Keynes and then Dom Poli on scored a goal a minute later and then a minute after that Tyrone Barnet scored a goal and then it was 3-3 in the 94th minute when with the last touch of the ball Tom Elliot headed the ball into the back of the net AFC Whibbledon win 4-3 having come back from a three nil deficit in the final 10 minutes of the game it was insanity. Yeah and indeed I watch the highlights one of the nice things about FA Cup games is that they actually get some coverage and they put together a highlight reel and we're gonna put that on the patreon you can watch it and it really is exciting just to watch in the like sort of five minute digested version and that final goal was improbable like that is not an easy head. Yeah I gotta say by the way that I feel terrible for Kurzen Ashton I mean that would have been the biggest win in their history and it's devastating to lose that way and my thoughts are certainly with their fans but it does mean that AFC Whimbledon made it to the third round draw when they could have drawn games against Manchester United or Chelsea or Liverpool but in fact they drew arguably an even more interesting matchup against Sutton United. Hank do you know why it's interesting to be playing Sutton United in the FA Cup?
I bet you're gonna believe I don't. It's because AFC Whimbledon's first game back when they were in the ninth tier was a pre-season friendly against Sutton United. The folks at Sutton United opened up their stadium to Whimbledon supporters 4,500 people came they expected about 250 and that was AFC Whimbledon's first game they lost 4-0 but there was still a pitch invasion at the end of the game and so now AFC Whimbledon supporters get to go back to that same field where AFC Whimbledon took where AFC Whimbledon played their very first ever game as AFC Whimbledon so it's a really exciting matchup and you know theoretically Whimbledon since Sutton United now played in the fifth tier and AFC Whimbledon are up in league one and then who knows? Then who knows?
All right it's kind of the story of life. Well the game with the franchise currently playing in Milton Keynes will have happened by the time this podcast gets uploaded right? Correct. And so you'll have to check the scores for that because we don't know how it went but we'll talk about it in the next podcast.
We hope it went well because here is 2033 which is way too late. Humans are developing comedy on hashtag Mars. What crash course would you recommend for those who wish to join them? What crash course do you think that Mars so this is the National Geographic channel which they've a new show I don't know what it's called possibly called Mars and I'm excited to watch it but I haven't seen it yet because I don't have cable.
In fact in fact I asked the National Geographic channel how a lowly court cutter like me could watch the series to which they did not respond. Because it's an awkward question. Yeah I would say it's between chemistry and astronomy but it's got to be chemistry ultimately that's got to be more helpful when you're actually on Mars. Yeah that is that is true.
You know you do learn about sort of like you can in astronomy course you might end up winning some of the like exo-exo biology exo-geology that kind of stuff but mostly you're not mostly not learning that kind of stuff. So yeah I think chemistry is that's what I said that's why I told them and they said send us the syllabus we're in hashtag Mars. That's a couple of them on their good social media strategy. Though I you know that got that got 896 likes so some people saw that and I'm excited about this series I've heard that it's good and it is a it is told in a very interesting way where they have like real life people like Elon Musk and the other grass Tyson talking about the mission in a fictitious the fictitious mission as it is real.
So I'm excited to see it it looks like it's got really great visual effects and I love Mars and I wish I had the National Geographic channel and they're probably as a way for me to get it on iTunes or Amazon or something but I'll be looking into that. But right now I'm a little busy to be watching the TVs. Though there are lots of moments when I could be could be watching TV when he sleeps a lot. Oh man I watched TV so much when Henry was a little baby because he didn't care.
Yeah yeah. Actually it seems like Orin would much rather have me interacting with like if he's like sitting on my lap and I'm watching TV he's like dude dude I'm right here. What are we doing? And I'm like what's up and he's like oh now we're doing something and I'm like oh great you like to play.
You want to do stuff okay. Oh that's very cute. It was such a pleasure to meet Orin over Thanksgiving. I felt so lucky and so happy to see you with such a beautiful baby.
It brought me great joy. Hank we have to end our podcast now. Okay. What did we learn today?
Oh gosh what did we learn today? We learned that I should probably have a general practitioner of some sort and don't. Yeah I'll say. We learned that you know whatever color your hair is according to Hank it's still brown.
It's all brown everybody's got brown hair. We learned that die hard as a Christmas movie but probably not the best Christmas movie. We learned that we live on a planet called Earth but only through a free accident of linguistics is it not called dirt. And of course we learned that broadly speaking if you live in Alberta you should never leave the house without bears right.
I have to say even living in Indianapolis where brown bears are relatively uncommon for instance there's never been a sighting of one outside of a zoo. I still feel like maybe I should have bears spray on me at all. All right John well thank you for potting with me. I missed it so much.
Oh it's very nice to have you back. Thanks for coming back and not choosing to spend the rest of your life just hanging out with your kids which I wouldn't blame you for doing but I'm glad that you're back. Our podcast is edited by Nicholas Jenkins Rosie on a whole south of questions Victoria Bonjourno does all of the social media stuff and many other things as well. Our theme music is by Gunnarolla.
You can email us at Hankandjeanel.com that's where you should email us to get your question answered. I apologize in advance for all the questions we don't answer Hank did I miss anything? No I don't think you did we completely forgot to tell you that your stuff in the oven is burning and as they say in our hometown oh my god it's burning check on the stuff in the oven thank you for listening and as we say in our hometown don't forget to be awesome.