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Tickets go on sale to the general public June 30th at somethingworthknowing.com. So come build a better world with us on September 16th and experience something worth knowing you can get your ticket at Complexly.info slash something. Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. There's that first thing of it, Dear John and Hank.
It's a comedy podcast for me and my brother John. That's that other guy there. We talk to each other, we give you to be surprised, we answer your questions, and we bring you all the weeks from both Mars and AFC Wimbledon. How you doing John?
I'm doing well. As you know Hank, I'm in the midst of this 100 day health and fitness challenge where over at youtube.com slash 100 days my best friend Chris and I are trying to have a healthy midwife crisis and I'm a little sore right now to be perfectly honest. You know what John? My whole body hurts.
So in addition to the soreness, I have in my life attempted to get in shape before and I'm not tremendously out of shape. I do like two structured workouts a week. I've done that for years and it's been really good maintenance for me. But in the times when I've tried to be much more active about it, you know what I notice?
That it takes a ton of time. It's not just the physical effort. It's just like, oh, how does anybody have an extra hour a day? Well, so I have an interesting answer for that question.
In general, I find that when you make things a priority, they happen and that literally nothing should be a higher priority than your health, except maybe your family and even that's arguable. So there's that. The second thing though is that I have found the mental health benefits of exercise to be so dramatic in the last couple months that I've been doing this that I save time because time that would otherwise go to my obsessive thinking patterns and the compulsions that I use to deal with them instead that time goes to exercise. And then I find that I have more time each day for actual work and hanging out with my family and stuff.
So for me, there's an upside to it. But it's like with anything. It's just what you make a priority and what you don't. And I think there's a good argument to be made that you don't need to make exercising to the point of exhaustion for an hour a day of priority.
Yeah. And that is sort of what I realized. Like I will never have that ideal body shape. I will have a less than ideal, but still healthy body shape.
And that is my... Yeah, I mean, I'm not doing this for body shapes. I'm past the point in my life where I'm obsessed with body shapes. Thank God.
You're also past the point in your life where you could have an ideal body shape. This is not possible for a man your age. That's a great point. I'm never gonna have a six pack.
My six pack ship has sailed. Hank, would you like a short poem for today? Yeah. Is it about six pack ships?
No, it's about love and loss. It's one of my very favorite short poems. I can't believe I've never read it. In fact, I might have, but if I have, then you're hearing it for a second time and it's still great.
It's by Tom Gunn. It's called James Ian. It's just a tiny little cupwit. Their relationship consisted in discussing if it existed.
I think we all know that feeling of having been in a relationship that consisted primarily of discussing whether it existed. Ah, I'm very grateful to be out of that game. I'll tell you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just got to accept that it exists. Well, I mean, that's the nice thing about marriage. Yeah, it's legally binding. Yeah.
The state has agreed that it exists. Exactly. A government has acknowledged that your relationship is real. Hey, let's answer some questions from our listeners.
Okay, sure. This one is from Maggie. I found this question very weird and surprisingly deep. Dear Hank and John, I made a fart joke and my mom said I can't do that.
And then responded by saying that Hank Green makes fart jokes. She agreed with me that if I can get on the podcast, she will let me make fart jokes. Please help. Also, I was on a train derailment and almost died and help is appreciated.
I didn't ignore the train derailment part of the fart joke because the fart jokes are more important. I use humor as a defense mechanism, Maggie. Oh, sorry here about this is, I mean, I love that question so much Maggie. I really appreciate the way that you're handling what I imagine is a traumatic time in your life.
I mean, that question had a plot twist that I have not seen the likes of since the usual suspects. I mean, I was going in one direction and now I'm going in a whole different direction because suddenly like Maggie's making a fart joke in the middle of this nearly fatal train derailment. I don't know that I'm glad you're okay. Yeah, I don't know that she was making the fart joke during the train derailment.
But I do think that Maggie's mom should understand. Well, first of all, we've already solved the problem. She can make fart jokes now. It's great.
You're on the pod. It happened. But I think that. So, Hank's made fart jokes since I was a little kid and I've never thought that they were that funny, but it's always brought him great pleasure.
I think in general, it's important if you're making a fart joke that it be funny. Sometimes you're like, that's wasn't you've heard my best fart joke ever, Story John, right? Oh, no, but I'm sure you're going to tell it. All right.
So I was in this very long, long and boring business meeting. It was like the sort of like for VidCon, I think it was VidCon 2013 or 14. Everybody was together and we had this day long meeting because the team was pretty remote. So we brought everybody together and it's just a lot of details needed to get ironed out.
We were in like our seven of this meeting and Carver, who you remember, was going through something. And I noticed that every time Carver gets an email, a thing pops up, it says to the emails from it, it says this subject to the email and his email, his email, his computer is being broadcasted to the entire room of people. And so we all see like the emails Carver is getting in the subject of each email. So I sit back in my chair and I said Carver an email and wait.
And I'm so happy. I'm just like, suddenly I've reached this moment of perfect bliss. And then upon the screen arrives the email to Carver from Hank Green, subject line fart fart fart. And there's like a giggle and then there's like another and Carver's just talking about signage or whatever.
And then there's another and then there's like laughter and then everybody's like the tension is broken and finally we're all okay. And I was just like, I am a magic man. Fart fart fart. I mean, I would say that that's the kind of story where you had to be there for it to be funny, except that I strongly suspect if I had been there, I also would not have found that particularly funny.
But anyway, I think Maggie's mom should understand that Maggie has to deal with some stuff and jokes, even if they are slightly inappropriate, are a great way to do that. I have to say, I'm a little bit on Maggie's mom's side on this one just because I have my own children who are constantly making fart jokes. Thank you. Child is not big enough yet, but it's the relentlessness of them.
It's the refusal to reach for higher subject matter that I find so exhausting. Like my kids genuinely think the following is not just a joke, but like a joke on par with any joke that's ever been told in the history of the world, doodoo head. And I'll be like, what? And Alice will say, Henry said doodoo head.
And that's why we've been laughing for seven minutes. Yeah. Well, you know, I got it to each their own. You got it.
You got to give. Let people love the thing they love, John. Do you want to ask about a question for us? Yeah, I, I, I'm trying to get my children to get into some sophisticated humor, you know, like Ogden Nash poetry, but it doesn't happen yet.
Um, we're just getting Ogden Nash made a ton of fart jokes. Farture is old as literature, really. This question from Grace who writes, Dear John and Hank, I recently gave my boyfriend poetry. I had written about him as part of his Christmas present.
He received this really well and it actually seems to have brought us closer. However, watching him read it and thinking about someone I know reading my work is mortifying. Like as I sit here thinking about him reading my work, I want to shove my face in a pillow. I like writing and part of me wants to share it more, but I also feel so vulnerable sharing it.
How do I get past this suffocating and embarrassment? Grace. Hank, I wanted to ask you this question because I do not know the answer and I'm hoping that you can help me not feel embarrassed and mortified by the prospect of sharing work that I have made with strangers or with, indeed with, with, with boyfriends, et cetera. I thought that this was purely practice.
Like the more you did it the better it got. Is that not the case? No, not in my experience. Like I've had Sarah read something relatively recently and it's just awful.
Like it's so nerve-racking and weird and uncomfortable and you feel so exposed. And I think part of it, well, I have a thing that I've just sent to to Catherine and to a friend who is a professional writer. But not me. And but not no, no, that's an interesting thing.
Like I do not want you to read a thing that I've written until it is published. Right. Like that would be very nervous. I don't know why you make me more nervous than Catherine or this friend of mine, who I'm not mentioning intentionally.
And I'm nervous to hear what they have to say. I mostly just want it to be over with. Like I want them to finish and tell me. But but but when I read the things that I write, like I know when they are terrible.
I'm I feel like I'm at the point now where I'm conscious of like what the problems are. And I think that's a that's a big important part of not being nervous about anything. Like of course I still get nervous. Like when there's when there's an element of the of the like uncontrollable going up on stage, you never know what's gonna happen.
You never know what you're gonna mess up. You never know what the audience is gonna do. But but in times when there are a lot of variables that I can control for, I find myself like I seek out those variables, I control for them and then I move forward. But there is a lot of there is a lot of subjectivity in interpretation of any of any art form.
And so you like people are something we're gonna receive it well and something we're gonna receive it negatively. That's just gonna happen. But but I find like if I can read something that I wrote and say that's good. And I and like it's somebody who thinks that that's not good is wrong.
Can you do that? I do not have that ability. No, no, no, no. And I also don't think I'm a particularly good judge of what is working.
Like a lot of times I think, um, you know, something and something that I'm writing. I maybe I recognize that it doesn't work, but I still think it's really good. And it's only when I zoom out or take some time or listen to people I trust that I realize like, Oh, like the fault nurse ours should not end with hazel literally tied to railroad tracks. Because that that's like, that's, you know, that's just bananas.
Like it makes no sense. But I don't a lot of times recognize that in the moment. And so I think that's part of what I find stressful about sharing my work with people. But I also think the one thing I guess I'd say to Grace is that you've got to remember that, you know, your boyfriend cares about you and he's going to read your work generously.
And there's an element of that that I think just makes a huge difference, you know, like when you feel like you're going to be read generously, it's a lot less scary. Then when you feel like you're going to be read from a place of judgment. Now, like, it's important to read stuff critically and to read from a place of judgment, I think. So I'm not, I'm not saying that, you know, I don't welcome those readings.
But I do think in general, like the most fulfilling reading experiences I have start with me saying, I am excited to read this book and find what I like in it, where I am excited to hear this poem from Grace and find what I like in it, rather than like, I am reading this to confirm what I already suspect, which is that there is something about it that I hate. There's also, there's also an element of like, like, I have a much less hard time watching somebody watch one of my videos, if it's pure comedy, then if it's like me being open about myself and about the world and like, bearing my soul a little bit, like, I don't want to be in the room if you're watching that video, especially if it's about the person that I've made it for. Like, like in that, in that particular circumstance where it's like, I made this for you, and it is an opening of my soul and like, and like an attempt of like, to say things that I don't know how to say, then it's like, yes, you want to run away and not be in the room and be like, here, I'm going to go, let me know what you think, I'll be in the cafeteria. I don't know, I was going to be in the cafeteria.
Yeah, maybe that's the best way to do it, Grace, is just to disappear for a while and then let your boyfriend on his own time respond to your poetry, but I don't know, we're a couple of middle-aged people who haven't found our way through this, obviously Hank, like, we're not really giving Grace advice right now, we're giving each other advice. Definitely the case, and I think often the case, but not in the case of this question, John, which is a harder one, and a real interesting one to me. Dear Hank and John, I have been online catfishing a girl for about four years now, and I'm attempting to be someone else, for the picture that is not me. I know that that makes me sound like an absolute psychopath, however, it's 100% platonic, and I feel so so bad about it.
I had a fake cat when I was younger, just a mess with people in my hometown, and I found this awesome girl, she's bold and strange, and she understands me on a level that no one else does. I can't keep living a lie, but I also can't tell the truth, it would hurt her even more than me, what should I do, just ignore her forever, maybe? I'm in way, way too deep, I need to be as advice, would it be helpful? You are the only people I've ever talked to about this, catfish and penguins, anonymous.
Oh god, oh god, I mean, if I couldn't find my way through the last question, Hank, I certainly can't find my way through this question. I mean, that sounds like a very intense and unpleasant experience, but also kind of one that you've put on yourself. I understand it's like the lobster that does not notice that the water is getting warm until suddenly it is boiling, I guess, but oh boy, yeah, you know, Hank, just a quick side story that I've told before, when I met my first real girlfriend, who I met on the internet in the old days of the internet, I drove all the way across the country to meet her after talking back and forth to each other for two years, and I'd never seen a picture because back then it was uncommon to send pictures over the internet because it cost a ton of money. And whenever I talk about the relationship that we had, which ended up being a great relationship that lasted for several years, people always say, oh, and she was nothing like how she described herself, and I always say, no, we didn't really describe ourselves, we never really talked about each other physically, the internet was so different then, all of which is to say that I feel even less qualified to answer this question, having been in a situation where catfish could have easily occurred but didn't.
Yeah, I mean, I think I'm going to call you Igor because we need a name. Igor, you've already... You know what would be better though? What?
Ryan. All right, right, of course. Ryan, you've already in effect done the hurting. It's just that the nervous system hasn't picked up the pain yet.
It already happened. You have hurt this person, and and maybe there are ways to make the hurt less, but the offense has already occurred, and I know that it wasn't necessarily something that you meant to be meant to do from the beginning, and you got yourself weighing over your head one little step at a time, and you didn't know that you were boiling your lobster in that pot. But Ryan, you got to end this, and it may be just going to cold turkey, or it may be telling the person the truth and moving on, but every time you continue the relationship you are making the hurt worse in the eventual moment when the hurt happens. Right.
The other thing I would say from Ryan is I get a vibe from the email that maybe Ryan thinks that maybe there's a world in which this friendship can continue after this is revealed, and I'm not here to say that's not possible, but I do strongly think that in the likelihood that this person does not want to continue a relationship, you need to honor that 100%. You need to just, you need to honor that because you have to understand that they will likely be hurt in a way that they there's no real coming back from. Maybe not, but I think you have to honor that if that's what they want. All right, Hank, we have another question.
This one comes from Ian who writes, dear John and Hank, I was drinking a lovely dark red wine blend with my sister last night, and I didn't rinse the glass until after the tiny wine puddle with the bottom of the glass. I'd dried completely side note. Ian, I do not believe in leaving that tiny wine puddle. I will stick my finger into the bottom of the glass just to get that get all the wine out of there, and I will lick my finger to make sure that I get all the wine.
Anyway, I just I love wine, Hank. Also, I have a very restricted amount of wine that I'm allowed to drink during this 100 days, so that might be somewhat related anyway. When I ran water into the glass, it turned not as I expected a diluted red, but instead a muted but very distinct blue. When I rinse the glass with a still wet puddle of wine, the water turned the normal red color.
I assume there's some chemical explanation for this, but I'm no expert. John likes wine and Hank likes chemistry, so clearly you are experts. Enlighten the world. Shellfish and eyesores, Ian.
Hank, I don't like shellfish and eyesores. No, those are like two of my least different things, actually. Hank, I do not know why this happens. Also, it has never happened to me, and I have drunk a fair few glasses of wine in my day.
Well, you're never leaving the crust at the bottom. Certainly not lately. Good lord. I mean, it's a very strict eight ounces at most per day.
So, Ian, I am like 90% of the way to being sure I know why this happens. So, the stuff that makes red wine red is a chemical, a bunch of different chemicals called anthocyanins. And anthocyanins change color depending on the pH of the solution that they are in. So, when you took the anthocyanins out of solution completely, my guess is that the acids, whatever they are, which I don't know, we're also able to escape somehow.
And then you diluted that with probably what is slightly basic tap water. In some places, tap water is slightly basic because of the chemicals in the ground. So, probably you have what's called hard water and your water and your acid is slightly basic. Now, I actually this morning, because I wanted to be sure of this, I took some red wine, which I had a little bit of left from when my friend was visiting, and I put it into a glass, and then I put some dish, some like laundry detergent, which is super basic, into the glass, and then diluted that.
The color I got was not blue, but it was a very distinct color change from bright red to a gray, like sort of a blackish gray. I have to stop you right there, Hank. Are you telling me that you took drinkable, usable red wine, you poured it into a glass, and you then put laundry detergent in the glass with the drinkable red wine rather than drinking the red wine? I got to tell you, John, not only did I do that, I used several other chemicals to see what the best one was.
And laundry detergent was the best one. I used bleach, which is not basic in the same way. That's a very negative effect on the taste. That turned a very bright yellow, which was interesting.
And I also used some calcium carbonate, which made sort of a murky, chalky gray or white, which was also really interesting. I think that probably some of the calcium carbonate came out of the solution and precipitated and made it murky and cloudy. I don't know super a ton about what chemistry was happening here, but I do know that there are lots of pigments that change color space in pH. Emphasigions in wine are one of them.
And yeah, so you are seeing the change in the pigment that actually makes red wine red. I'm interested in why yours turned out blue. Mine turned out black. And I don't know if that's different emphasigions in different brands of wine, but I would be interested in that.
I think, like, I could kind of, in my mind's eye, be like, I can see a little blue in that black. But I wouldn't say that. I feel like probably I was just being biased by the question. But yeah, the pigmented wine is a pH indicator and wine is acidic.
And it is so what red wine will be red for as long as it is acidic. And then when it is basic, it will be a different color and it will taste absolutely horrible. Possibly deadly. Don't do that.
Don't drink wine. That has bleep to it. I don't know that I need to say that. Just drink the wine and don't ask questions.
That's my strategy. I also have some antacids and put it in the wine to see if that would get a more distant color change, but I was not able to make that work. I mean, this is deeply offensive to me. We need to move on.
This question comes from Tossett who writes Dear Green Brothers. Well, that's a strategy for getting around the deer, John and H. I would love a Nerdfighter shirt, but I don't really have money to spend on things like that. Is it okay if I make my own like with fabric paint on a blank shirt?
I don't want to slate your company or commit some kind of copyright infringement. I wouldn't be selling them or anything. I just want to make one or two shirts for myself. Thanks.
Do it. Also, I wish we could provide a shirt that would be inexpensive enough for you to buy, but do it. That's even better. No, Hank and I, I remember in the early, early days of Brotherhood 2.0, Hank and I used to say that we didn't want to make shirts because we wanted all Nerdfighter shirts to be homemade because they were always so much better than whatever shirts you could buy on the internet.
But then eventually, we started DFTBA.com and aside from selling music, it started selling shirts. But we still think like the best Nerdfighter shirts are homemade. And a lot of times, like our favorite shirts that are for sale at DFTBA.com are shirts that we discovered online somewhere, or that somebody was wearing in line, that they'd made themselves in the shirt was just so great. We were like, where did you get that?
And they're like, we made it. And then we'll be like, great, can we sell it at DFTBA? So yeah, keep making shirts. Don't worry about it.
There's a reason we haven't copyright or trademark the word Nerdfighter or the phrase DFTBA. And it's so that you can feel free to make that stuff without worrying or even thinking about it. Like we are grateful to you for caring enough about this community to want to brag about it on a t-shirt. So thank you.
And don't worry about it at all. Don't worry about it at all. I remember one time I did a live TV live show. Yeah.
And then the next day I did an actual in-person live show and there were people with shirts, like referencing a joke that was made in that live TV live show. Yeah, that's just the best. There's no way to do that faster. That's the only way you can do that.
I remember in Paper Towns, there at one point, Margot wears a t-shirt that's like a pink t-shirt featuring an orange dragon breathing green fire or something. I don't remember. And when I went on tour for Paper Towns, I'd been on book tour a lot of times before. And it's pretty soul crushing to go from city to city and talk to like six people or 12 people or a large group of high school students who don't know who you are and don't want to be there.
But this is their way to get out of English class or whatever. Like I always found touring really difficult. And obviously it's a great opportunity to talk about your book and everything. But at the same time, it's just kind of emotionally exhausting.
And I remember the first tour stop for Paper Towns, there were people wearing homemade pink t-shirts with the green dragon breathing orange fire or whatever. And I was just like, oh, oh, oh my god. Oh my god. This is going to be so fun.
This is going to be the exact opposite of all my previous tours. And it really was like that was the first time when I thought like, oh god, this is, I mean, yeah, it just that was the moment when I realized that Nerdfighteria had changed my creative life in this like deep and lasting way. So yeah, please, we're all for homemade t-shirts. They're the best.
All right, since we're on the topic of Nerdfighteria, we got a question from Georgia who asked Dear Hank and John for Christmas. I found out that my dad and my sister and I will be flying from Canada to Boston for Nerdfighteria, which is February 24th and 25th. I'm pretty sure is that right. I don't know, but you can find out more and get tickets at Nerdfighteria.com or just go to Nerdfone.com and you can get you can find a link there as well.
And it's February 25th and 26th, but I got real close. February 25th and 26th and it's 60 bucks for two days of high quality enjoyment. I'm extraordinarily excited. Can't wait, says Georgia.
And also Hank, this will be my first con of any variety and my first time meeting any Nerdfighters outside of my family and those I've brought into this myself. I've been watching videos for a couple of years, but I'm worried that I'm not enough of a Nerdfighter. I'm not sure why maybe because I'm still relatively new to the community or because the first project I actually participated was P4H 2016. Maybe I just don't feel like enough of a nerd or that I'm not unabashed enough about my interests.
I don't want to arrive at Nerdfone. I don't want to arrive at Nerdfone and suddenly feel shy or feel like I don't fit in because Nerdfighteria aligns with my morals and opinions on the world, but I also don't want to embarrass myself by being not Nerdfightery enough. Am I overthinking this? Yes.
Any of these advice would be appreciated as you are as close to experts on Nerdfighteria as they come. Also, if you have any con related tips that I can guarantee that they will be put to good use. Wear comfortable shoes, Georgia. That's my con related tip.
Bring a balance bar too. Yeah, bring some snacks. That's the other thing that I would say. I think you are overthinking this, and I think the reason you're overthinking it is because you're excited but also nervous because it is a new thing and it is not something that you have done before and it is good and exciting and fun to do new things, but it is also somewhat scary.
But when you are there, it will flow naturally and it will feel like a natural fun thing to be doing and you'll go from panel to panel or event to event and you'll have a good time and you'll talk to people about their t-shirts, hopefully homemade t-shirts, but also t-shirts available now at dftba.com. And it will be fun. But I always feel this way before I go to a conference and then the vast majority of the time I'm able to have a great time. There have been a couple of exceptions in my life, but almost all the time, it's really, really great.
Yeah, it's interesting that feeling that you are feeling right now is such a familiar feeling to me when I've had many times. Pretty much every time I go to a concert I have that where I'm like, am I enough of a fan to even go to a concert? Should I wear the shirt of the band or should I wear a shirt of like a peripheral band that's like over to the side? How do I look cool enough for this?
Should I sing along with the songs? What about if I don't know if I've been on the chorus? Should I sing along then? Like way over analyzing it.
And it's really like, and that can kind of be a detriment because it can make you feel like I don't want to take any risks. But I really like, I think that that these experiences can be more rewarding if you do take a couple of risks here and there and try things that you wouldn't normally do. And I think that's one of the great things about being able to get out into the real world at a place where there are people who have similar values to you and get a chance to engage and connect with those people. Which I hope happens a lot.
Yeah, I totally agree. And I think, you know, getting over the, in a way just getting over the hump of like buying the tickets and making the plans is the hardest part. And then you're on the other side of it. And once you're there, it, you know, if the conference people have done their job, it should flow pretty naturally and be pretty straightforward and easy for you.
And since I am not directly involved in NerdCon or VidCon these days, I can tell you that Hank and his team do an amazing job of that. I think I think they put together really, really wonderful experiences for people and give lots of opportunities for you to have a good experience. And obviously that doesn't mean that everyone will. But I, it's really great what they do.
They're a wonderful group of people and they have wonderful values and they do a great job. And we should also mention while I'm talking about that, in addition to tickets to NerdCon, Nerd by Teria, Hank and I will also both be at VidCon Europe in Amsterdam in April, which I'm very excited about. I wasn't going to go, and I wasn't going to go, and I wasn't going to go. But then the lure of Amsterdam proved too much to me.
That is April 7th to 9th if you want to hang out in Amsterdam. I know it's going to be tons of fun. And tickets to VidCon and Anaheim are also for sale as are tickets to VidCon Australia, which is this fall. And you won't be coming to Australia right now.
No, I mean, unless I get the bug at the last second, but I really like this thing where I don't promise to do stuff and then I can do it if I want to rather than feeling obligated. This is from Herine who asked Steer, Hank and John. The first vlogbrothers video I saw was the Slobber Carrots Punishment, and I thought it was really stupid. However, less than a month after that, I started to watch vlogbrothers again, and I liked it.
It took me another few weeks to realize that the two videos were from the same channel. Now, I love the Slobber Carrots video. What happened? Why did I suddenly love a video that I hated just a couple of months before?
That's a great question. Oh, what happened, John? What happened to Herine? I mean, I think what probably happened is my guess is that the Slobber Carrots video is only a good video if you care about the people who made it, specifically me and my kid.
And I think, after watching a bunch of our other videos that hopefully are good, even if you don't care about us, the Slobber Carrots video became kind of magically better. And that's one of the weird things about vlogbrothers over the years is that it's always been this mix of content that really only makes sense to slash can be enjoyed by Nerdfighteria and then videos that are made for a sort of like broader world outside of Nerdfighteria. And so maybe that's what happened? That's what I'm guessing.
I think that's a really good point. Herine actually goes on in this question to basically say, how do I, like, it seems wrong for me to feel that way. Shouldn't I keep disliking something if I disliked it once? And do I have this weird bias now?
And how do I identify that bias to make sure that I only like stuff if I actually like it? But that's the thing. Like, the more you know about something, you're going to like different things. Like, as like, now I like books that I never would have liked before because I've read more books.
And so like, certain books don't satisfy me the way that they used to because maybe they were simpler and have more like more conventional expectations. But I didn't know that because I hadn't read a lot. And now that I've read more, I'm like, yeah, I'm not so interested in that. And I want something that will define my expectations a little more.
And that happens not just in media, but in all things in life as things get more complicated, you realize, maybe you appreciate something in a way that you didn't before. And that's part of growing and being a different person. Because you're never, yeah, you're never the same person from one day to the next. It doesn't seem like it, but that's the way it is.
I think we've got a question from Linnea who writes, Dear John and Hank, I've recently purchased a pretty cool Steven Universe t-shirt, which is red with a large yellow star in the middle. I love this shirt. However, I have a dilemma. Every time I wear this shirt to a public place, someone makes a comment about how much I must love Carl's Jr.
For those of you who don't know, Carl's Jr. is a restaurant chain here in the United States run by, apparently, our next Secretary of Labor. So that's a thing. It's a hamburger restaurant.
It's sort of a not great Wendy's, is how I would describe it, a lesser Wendy's. Anyway, Linnea writes, I do not enjoy Carl's Jr. My question is this, how do I go about wearing this piece of pop culture merch without accidentally endorsing a restaurant chain that I strongly dislike? Hot dogs and pork chops, Linnea.
The day, first of all, that logo is not the Carl's Jr. logo. So, Steven Universe, you got the yellow star on a red shirt, Carl's Jr. yellow star with a smiley face in it on a red background, and then you have Homestar Runner, which is a white star on a red shirt.
It's very confusing. There's too much going on here, and weirdly enough, I googled this and there's a Reddit thread from 2014 on the Steven Universe subreddit. It says, everyone thought I was promoting Carl's Jr. Yeah, I mean, I'm looking at this t-shirt right now, Hank, because Linnea was kind enough to send a picture.
We'll post it on the Patreon at patreon.com slash to your handcon, and looking at this particular t-shirt, my number one conclusion from it, having never seen the t-v program, Steven Universe, is that that is a Hardys and or Carl's Jr. t-shirt, 100%, no question. Well, in that case, Steven Universe is a big fan of Hardys, because that is the shirt that Steven Universe wears. Well, I'm just telling you, if I saw someone wearing that t-shirt in a public place, I would think to myself, wow, I mean, that is weird that someone would be that into Hardys and or Carl's Jr.
Because there are weirdly, there are two companies, Hardys and Carl's Jr., that have the same, basically the exact same menu, and are owned by the same people, and have very similar logos, but are different restaurant chains. And so, if I saw it, because I am in a Hardys part of America, I would almost definitely think, well, I guess, Linnea, I mean, I guess I wouldn't know her name. I probably guess it from the t-shirt, though. I guess Linnea is a huge Hardys fan.
Which is probably not your fault. It is the creator of Steven Universe's fault, probably, for not accurate. Yeah, what I would say to Linnea is you just need to add something in puff paint to the bottom of the shirt that makes it absolutely clear that you don't love Hardys. Like, I'm opposed to Hardys, would be one thing that you could add.
You might be able to get that puff paint, by the way, from Tossett, who's going to be designing his own new fire shirt. I'm a little worried that that's going to be a little confusing to the average person. Like, now it's just an anti-Hardys shirt, not a pro-Steven Universe shirt. Well, maybe above the star you can have, I am strongly in favor of the television program, Steven Universe.
Listen, Hank, this is off the cuff here, so you might find ways to shorten this or whatever. But that's what I would write in puff paint above the star. And then below the star, I would be also for the record, I do not like Hardys or Carl's Jr. Because I think if you just say I do not like Carl's Jr.
people are going to think that you're a Hardys fan, Fandrel. You know what the truly unsung hero of this moment is? Who? People who love Steven Universe and Hardys.
Oh, I know those people are on the internet right now searching for this very t-shirt. They're like, I found it. I've found this shirt that represents my values, the Steven Universe values and the Hardys values. Oh, God.
Well, this podcast, by the way, is brought to you by the Steven Universe Hardys, Carl's Jr. Coalition fandom. Steven Universe Hardys Carl's Jr. Coalition fandom, seven people in the middle of the country somewhere.
Including our next labor secretary. I can't remember which member of the cabinet he's going to be. Today's podcast is also brought to you by Farting. Farting, Hank's number one source of jokes.
No, and one of my top 10 sources of joy. This podcast is also brought to you by Destroying Wine. Destroying Wine. It's fun.
It makes your brother uncomfortable. Makes me extremely uncomfortable. It's just, and of course today's podcast is brought to you by Grace's Poetry. Grace's Poetry.
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First of all, I have to say it was not the postal service that wrote and performed at Creative Brothers on October 12th. It was Deathcat for Cutie, which just happens to have the same lead singer as the postal service. We have another correction from Clarissa who says that Elsa is not a princess because her parents are dead so she is a queen. I hope that didn't spoil anything for anyone.
And also Thomas would like to say that it was not the International Telecommunications Union that decides when to add new leap seconds but the IES, the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service. Now I don't know what the relationship between the ITU and the IES is. My guess is that it's complicated. I bet it's like Hatfield and McCoy is like they just absolutely hate each other and they've been at war for so long.
They can't even remember what they're fighting about but they hate each other. And if you work at the IES, I bet you wake up every morning and you think what can I do to take those ITU mofos down? This is from Thomas Nelson who's from the Swedish Institute of Space Physics. So luckily not from neither of those organizations.
So if he was from one of them, I would call him biased. But since he's from the Swedish Institute of Space Physics, which is not easy to say, I'm trusting him on this even though the week if you think it's hard to say in English, try saying it in Swedish. I like to imagine that the Swedish Institute of Space Physics is kind of like the mediator in the horrible relationship between the IRS and the ITU. Yeah.
Yeah. They're like, we're the Switzerland of this. I know it's confusing because we're Sweden but trust us. Yeah.
I mean they're basically the same. Thomas, just kidding. Just kidding. Please come to VidCon Europe.
Thomas of course in his work at the Swedish Institute of Space Physics is like living my dream. I desperately, desperately wish that I had been good at physics, especially space physics. Like that's the thing I most would have liked to have a gift for. So I'm a little jealous.
We've also got a correction. I just searched on Twitter from June 21st, 2016, correction from Seamus says, and the current Pope is Pope Francis. So apparently we got that one wrong at some point. I think we corrected ourselves on that in a previous podcast.
Not to worry. So we're good on that. We didn't nail the current Pope like seven months ago. We corrected ourselves and then Hank has just recorrected us.
So thank you, Hank. All right, we're going to do one more question before we get to the important news from Mars and Nancy Wimbledon. It's from Sam who asks, Dear Hank and John, I've been trying as we all should be to make myself a better person, someone that I like more and to always think what would Captain Picard do? But often I find myself frustrated with changing parts of myself that I feel impossible to control.
Not just things that we accept and learn to love about ourselves or at least tolerate, like appearance and voice, but actions that seem instinctive and thoughtless. When there's no time to think things through or win in a relaxed environment, I'm running almost on autopilot. Do you have any advice for dealing with regrettable choices that we make and that don't resonate with our hopes and images of ourselves? But we continue to make any way without thinking?
I can't help but feel that I might just be a bad person. Warmly yours, Sam. Well, you got to sign off. That's a good start.
Warmly yours. John, I am a creature of habit. I like to establish habits and I believe in habits. And I think that in a lot of ways, the way that we communicate is often, as Sam says here, instinctual in a way.
Not instinctual, but it's like we have pre-programmed a set of responses and we just use them without thinking. Yeah, you go with your default choice. Yeah. And sometimes we can set ourselves up with bad defaults.
And that doesn't mean that we're bad people, but it means that we have to consciously set up new habits. And that can be hard work. And one of the habits that I like to try and establish is to actually take a moment to think before I say a thing. Because it's become more important as I've gotten people who will take a lot out of what I say, particularly people who work for me.
They might think that some of the cuff comment meant a lot more to them than it did to me. And so taking that beat to be like, what is this person going to think about the thing that I'm going to say? And then how am I going to feel about what I'm going to say before I say it has become a constant habit for me that I think has made my relationships better? I am no good at making better choices than my default choices in the heat of the moment.
I do think it probably is great to pause and take a second before you say something. I found like, yeah, I am like 100% on board with Sam on this one and feel like I've made absolutely no progress on this in the last like 20 years of my life. The only thing that I will say is that I used to habitually lie, like in conversation, just to make it convenient, not like out of malice or anything. But someone would say like, oh, have you ever been to Cincinnati?
And I would say yes, just because you don't want to seem like you haven't been to Cincinnati or you want to let the person continue with their story. And I do try now not to do that as much. Although I still I find myself doing it all the time with movies or something. Someone will say like, did you see this movie?
And I'll be like, oh, yeah, I don't even know why. Why? Why am I saying that? And even when I'm saying it, I'm just like, why?
Why did you say that? Like, now you're in a tough position. Like, because you've got to have an opinion on you got an opinion on Batman versus Superman, a film you have not seen and also have no intention of ever seeing. And so I am still I am still working on this.
And I think that it's hard and difficult and one of the weird things about humans. Yeah, I'm just I think that I spent a lot of time as a younger person believing that every word that I said was going to be something but through which someone would judge me. And so I set that up early where it was like, I need to be very careful about making sure that everything I say makes me makes everybody think the right thing about me, which led to a lot of not speaking at all. But but set maybe set me up for being fairly good at saying things that that are going to have the highest probability of not making people feel bad.
Well, I do think that is a fairly good goal. Although there are times I don't know, it's complicated. Let's move on to the news from AFC Wimbledon. The great thing about Sports Tank is that it is cut and dry.
You win or you lose or in the case of soccer, you often tie. So since we last spoke, Hank, AFC Wimbledon has it's been an interesting time. They had their third round FA Cup tie against Sutton United, which was on American cable television is very exciting, except the game itself was and I use this word sparingly when talking about AFC Wimbledon wretched. It was a nil-nil draw, but even that score line, I think, a bit flatters how horrible the game was to watch.
And there was then an FA Cup replay in which Sutton United won. They won 3-1 largely because of a controversial red card that resulted in AFC Wimbledon playing with only 10 players for the vast majority of the game. AFC Wimbledon were up 1-0 into the second half, but they're defensively tied with only 10 players, and they lost the game, which is a bummer. On the upside, in League 1, things continue to go quite well, or at least relatively well.
Wimbledon beat Oxford United on January 14th, which is a very good result. And while they are no longer in the playoff positions, and I think maybe, I mean, you know, look, last season, AFC Wimbledon were arguably the smallest team in League 2 this year. They are almost certainly the smallest team in League 1, so to be in 12th place is great. Currently, Wimbledon, having played 26 games, are in 12th place on 36 points.
They are about 8 points out of the playoff spots, but more importantly, from my perspective, they are 11 points clear of the drop. So a mid-table finish would be extraordinary for Wimbledon this season, especially since almost everyone picked them to be relegated. Well, and the franchise currently playing in Milton Keynes is like 3 points out of the drop, so that's something else. That would be amazing.
That would be great. It would be great to be able to say farewell to them and not have to play twice a year, but we shall see. There is a lot of season to go, and the franchise currently playing in Milton Keynes is extremely well capitalized, so they should be able to buy some players in the January transfer window. Whatever that means, well John, on the service of Mars, there is a minivan driving up the side of a mountain, which is exciting.
It's gotten to a place, a Gale creator, where it is now regularly coming across somewhat startling and amazing things as it moves backward in geologic history as it goes up this mountain. It is just found a rock. I know rocks are just rocks, but it is a very beautiful rock. You can see pictures of it.
Maybe we'll put one on the Patreon. That looks for all the world, like what it looks like when some mud, or with some silty clay, is wet and then dries up. You get those desiccation fractures or desiccation cracks. It makes these really pretty geometric shapes, probably seen this in various places.
What happened with this rock is that that happened sometime in the distant geologic history of Mars, when some wet, mud, wet with water dried out, created those cracks, and then some sediments, like scotting, blown into those cracks, and then the whole thing petrified over a long period of time. Then, way after that happened, this rock actually fractured in a couple of places, and water seeped through it, because we've been covered by a bunch of dirt, and so groundwater seeped through it, left deposits in those fractures. We can see not only the original formation that happened in water, but then the deposits that were left in the rock, and of much later date, also by liquid water, flowing through the subsurface of Mars. This rock contains a great deal of geologic history of Mars, all of which is wet.
That's very cool. It's pretty rock, and they are now able to drive right up to it, take pictures and take samples from it, and it has a good name that I've forgotten. I didn't know. I didn't hold on a second.
What do they call it? It's a fun name. I'm going to wait for it, Hank, because I know it's going to be that good. It's going to be so fun.
It's going to be like, they're going to call it the do-do head rock. That's what Alice would have named it. Oh, it's called Old Soaker, the rock. Old Soaker.
That is setting an extremely low bar for fun. That's all I'm going to say. Yeah. So.
Oh, man. I know it's a fun name. I can't remember what it is, John, but it's super fun. Old Soaker.
Old do-do head. All right, John, what did we learn today? Well, I mean nothing, really. That's not for us.
We learned that Hank is willing to completely ruin a perfectly acceptable glass of red wine by pouring bases into it. We learned that Carl's Jr. and Hardee's and Steven Universe are all in fact the same thing. Steven Universe fans might have a word about that.
Also Hardee's fans. We learned that fart jokes are a pretty good defense mechanism if you've just been not killed in a trained derailment. We learned that shellfish and eye sores is a terrible sign off for an email. Warmly yours.
Much better. Nobody likes that. No. Some people like shellfish.
And I guess some people probably like eye sores. You know, there's people out there who think that our current aesthetics are all wrong. So maybe it's not for you, Hank, but it could be for someone. I do agree that warmly yours is pretty great.
Hank, it has been a pleasure to podcast with you. It's been a pleasure to podcast with you too. Can I just read you one question, John? I don't think it requires any comment, but I think it's important.
An important thing to say for us here at Dear Hank and John, Clara asks Dear Hank and John, I'm a college freshman and just beginning to figure myself out. Although there are certain things I'm very sure about myself, such as my core values, I'm very unsure of other things. When I'm asked by other people about my opinions, they're shocked when I tell them that I don't know or am unsure of what I think. It took me a long time to become okay with my own unsure uncertainty and it strikes me as very odd that humans are not okay with this.
Why do we fear uncertainty? How are we supposed to figure things out if we can't admit being unsure? How does all of this work? At least I'm certain of my name, Clara.
Amazing sign off. Also, just nothing needs to be said about that question, except that we here at Dear Hank and John are far too often full of faux certainty and we should say that out loud here at the place where we give you some advice. So thanks Clara for the great message. I completely agree.
I believe that I don't know are the three most underrated words in the English language and frankly Hank, you and I should both use them more often. Dear Hank and John is produced by Rosie Anna Hoss-Rohan some shared in Gibson. Our editor is Nicholas Jenkins, Victoria Gonzorno is head of community and communications. Our music is by the great Gunerola.
Thank you so much for listening. You can email us at hankandjohn at gmail.com. That's where we get your questions or use the hashtag Dear Hank and John on Twitter where I am John Green. Hank is Hank Green and as we say in my hometown, don't forget to be awesome.