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Tickets go on sale to the general public June 30th at somethingworthknowing.com. So come build a better world with us on September 16th and experience something worth knowing you can get your ticket at Complexly.info slash something. Hello and welcome to Dear Hank and John. That was a very spooky beginning although I guess we do live in spooky times or as I prefer to think with your John and Hank.
It's a comedy podcast. Not anymore. Guys this podcast will never be funny again. It's no longer a comedy podcast.
Our mistake. We should never have created a comedy podcast in the first place. This is a drama podcast about death. It's a dramedy in which John and I will answer your questions, give you a good advice and bring you all the weeks news from both Mars and Ansey Wimbledon.
How you doing John? Great. How are you Hank? I just like I could hardly imagine a way in which I could be better.
How about you? Oh man. I'll tell you what. You know what's nice is to look into the face of a smiling child.
Let's just think about that. Oh God. Puppies are great. Oh man.
I have a I've had a I've had a really pretty intense stomachache for going on two weeks now more or less without pause. I'm not loving. You know what I'm finding hard to do Hank is like be entertaining. Like I do the urge to be entertaining is not really inside of me right now.
So yeah. This is this is what you're going to get folks. Right. Well like what's tell me something that you like.
Tofu Pad Thai. You know what I really like lately is the music of snow the product. Did you listen to the Hamilton mixtape? No.
No. I got I got to like fess up here and just like 100% admit that I've listened to like two Hamilton songs that I've listened to a lot. Oh my God. You've got to listen to the Hamilton mixtape Hank.
It's awesome. I haven't even I haven't even listened to the whole Hamilton soundtrack John. Oh come on. I know.
I know I'm a bad bad user of popular culture. I also haven't listened to Neil Cesariga's new mouth mood smashup album which I feel like I'm I'm missing out on tremendously. It is terribly terribly important that you listen as soon as possible to the Hamilton mixtape because it will provide you with hope in these dark and difficult times and lots of people will be like I don't understand what's so dark and difficult about these times and to those people I just say come on. Oh the scary thing is that like that the days between when we record this podcast and when it comes out there's going to be so many other things that people might think we're referring to sure but it's not those things it's just it's the things from earlier in the week.
It's the stuff from it's the stuff from last week that we're talking about not even the new stuff. But of course by next week the stuff from this week will have been forgotten because the news cycle now lasts for four milliseconds. Well that's the only way to do it when I'm completely fascinated by the new news cycle in which we live where nothing is ever really news because it is always supplanted by new news but that means that the old news never lasts long enough to be properly contextualized so no one understands what it means and then we move on to the new news which we don't have time to find out what it means because there is now new new news anyway here is a poem by Carol and Duffy called The Dark. It's a poem for children but I feel like it's also a poem for all of us right now.
If you think of The Dark as a black park and the moon as a bounced ball then there's nothing to be afraid of at all except for aliens. The Dark by Carol and Duffy. Oh man I'm on the list of things I'm afraid of right now aliens are like like negative. I'm like aliens please come on by tell us what we're doing wrong.
Help. We do need some guidance. Help me aliens. That is what I would ask.
I would ask how did you guys get through this period in your history when uh when just concerned about the extent of political polarization in the United States and also the declining faith in our fundamental political institutions because those it's all made up ideas. It's made up ideas that we have agreed together to believe in and when we start eroding faith in those institutions by for instance arguing that between five and seven percent of all votes cast in the presidential election were cast illegally by people who don't exist or something without any evidence of that. Like you just you just start to erode that faith in the institution itself in the idea of voting being reliable and once you start to undermine that institution. You got this this uh boy when this happened in Rome it was a big problem for them and not like a problem for a few years but a problem for like uh the last like seventeen hundred years.
Anyway John I think we should probably do a question it's from Christian who asks Dear Hank and John I was listening to your podcast on my phone and I put the speaker on my face when I felt the wind or some air displacement acting as wind on my skin. Is it the sound waves of the podcast blowing wind on my face? Are your voices touching my skin? What is happening?
Thanks Christian. Yes. Yes. What happened?
Our voices are touching Christian skin. I have a question for Christian. Not to put this back on to Christian but what? Why?
Why did you put a speaker up to your face? I don't know maybe because he wanted to have our voices touch his skin. So that's really what's happening though. Our voices are essentially caressing the skin of a stranger.
Well the skin of tens of thousands of strangers and it's happening to all of them all right now. So I'm like that's what sound is it's a mechanical wave in air. So air is getting compressed and like it's like compressions and decompressions of air. That's what that's noise and if you are really close to it you can totally feel those compressions.
So it's not like wind. It's not air moving across. It is the it is changes in the density of the air that you're feeling and that when you feel that with your ears your brain is able to interpret that as noise and sound and words and then decode those words into meaning and it's amazing and isn't life beautiful isn't humanity beautiful. Aren't we something spectacular that has maybe only happened once and shouldn't we just celebrate that for a moment?
I got that. Question comes from Ryan. Ryan identifies himself as not Ryan but that's exactly the kind of thing that Ryan would say so I'm going to assume that his real name is Ryan. Ryan writes, Dear John and Hank, when you die would you like to be turned into a tree also what kind of tree would you want to be once you die?
I guess this is a thing it's called the BIOS urn thanks for the pod not Ryan which is exactly what Ryan would say. I figured we could get back on topic Hank by turning the podcast back into death. Yeah. Marm about death which is on the subject of death.
Now Hank I'm not sure about this I'm not a lawyer and even if I were a lawyer I don't think I'd specialize in wills and trusts but I do believe that if you make a statement about what you want to happen to your remains on a podcast that is legally binding. So we're doing it right now or last one testament John gets my my stereo and do I get your stereo? That way I can listen to your music and you'll be whispering at me from beyond the grave. I'll be caressing your skin with my dead dead noises.
That sounds beautiful. Sorry. What are we talking about? What are you talking about?
What are you going to be done with your body? Are you going to turn into a birch tree? I don't know. I don't know.
So John you have opinions about about physical burial. Tell me about them. It will surprise you to know that I have thought about this quite a lot. Yeah okay so I have a friend who digs graves for a living and I do like I like the fact that he'll still have a job like if we all start stop burying ourselves what's he gonna do?
I'm pretty sure that job is going to be taken by automation fairly soon. Hank. No way. I think there's a lot of craft and skill that goes into digging holes for graves because you have to like you gotta make sure you don't kill the trees and yeah there's all you can't automate that.
Okay um let's let's get to the point here which is what do we want to have done with our bodies? First off obviously I want to be an organ donor. I'm strong organ donor. If there's any way for me to be an organ donor I want to be an organ donor.
Um and then I don't actually care what happens to my body whatever is convenient and least traumatic for my family is fine with me because I will be deceased so it won't be of pressing relevance to me. I would however like a headstone and the reason I would like a headstone is not that I'm like a narcissist who wants to be visited by people of the future. It's because I have found it very helpful in my own life to visit the headstones of my ancestors especially from our mom's family the ancestors buried in Tennessee but also our grandparents who are buried here in Indianapolis. I've just found it helpful to have a headstone and a grave to visit.
It doesn't actually matter to me if the person's remains are technically interred there I just I like headstones. I think they are an underrated and underappreciated facet of contemporary American life. Um you know I I wanted to say that I think that it's important when I don't have a strong opinion about something to just not have a strong opinion about it so I'm not gonna have one. I'm just not gonna have an opinion about this but I do want to say to Ryan um and and maybe I should because eventually something will have to be done with my my remains because I will die.
But I do want to say to Ryan that I would like to be turned into a tree but I will tell you you can't know that I am already being turned into a tree. The way oh wow you just blew my mind that atoms work is they're constantly coming in out of our bodies and I breathe out carbon dioxide all the time and that carbon in that carbon dioxide was once part of my body and uh and then that carbon dioxide gets you know sucked into the leaves of trees and turned into lignin and cellulose and all of the proteins and uh and structural compounds that make up trees happens all the time. I am already part of many many trees you just go out there and you breathe on some leaves you're part of that tree and then you can go back and be like hey hey uh friend who I just made and then went on a hike with earlier uh last year I breathed on this tree I'm in there I'm in it that's me that's me tree. Hey is it possible that the only real purpose of human life is to turn oxygen into carbon dioxide?
Uh no no okay because I was thinking that would imply that there was any purpose to human life John. Let's move on to another question. God this podcast is so funny. I mean this all of this is gonna be in our next best of episode boy.
Oh yeah. Mattie writes Dear John and Hank how do we know that Mars wasn't the first place humans were but we left it because it was dangerous or something. I assume the more something is uh that the fundamental political institutions of the nation of Mars collapsed. Maybe there was a war or it slowly became uninhabitable or uh at first it was just like a lot of these votes are illegitimate and then slowly it became that the idea of certain people voting was illegitimate and then slowly it became but voting itself was a legitimate.
Engineers at NASA have said that the evidence of water showed that life could have been supported so how do we know that that life wasn't us? Maybe the reason NASA hasn't figured out how to get back to Mars was because that's how we got here and the government has erased all proof and technology. Please help me figure out my true ancestry. Mattie now Mattie Hank is conflating several conspiracy theories in the single question which I love because that in 2017 America the conflation of multiple conspiracy theories is actually the dominant form of discourse.
So it's great. It's really it's helpful for me. It's a glimpse into how how this stuff works but I'm just gonna answer the question as far as I know it and then you can answer the question as far as you know it which is that Mattie the good news is that we know how long human beings have been here on Earth because of radiocarbon dating or not carbon actually but what radiometric dating I think it's called but also for other reasons there's lots of things in the fossil record that tell us how old stuff is and we've had humans for around 250,000 years. We are very new species and we did not come here from Mars.
We know that we didn't come here from Mars partly because early humans did not seem to have any kind of space going to technologies. Indeed in many cases they barely had spears but also because we know that 250,000 years ago Mars was not a particularly habitable place so we're pretty sure that humans are not from Mars and even if they were I can't see how the government one government could have erased all proof. I feel like it would have had to be all the governments and they would have had to have a real they would have to be really well organized. I don't know if you've ever visited the UN but it's hard for them to get much done.
I'd be John. You answered that question perfectly and wonderfully and I think it was great. There was nothing on a technical level that I would add at all but I would add. Do we know Hank whether if life existed on Mars like it's very unlikely that there was like life on Mars with two cells, right?
Yeah well that's the thing about life. The vast majority of it even on Earth only has one cell. I know believe me. I often think about the total weight of bacteria being 1000 times the total weight of humans.
Yeah they're big and that's just the bacteria. There's all kinds of one cell fungi and then there's archaea. There's lots of lots of good stuff. Peremeciums, amoebas, brain-eating amoebas.
Yeah those guys are really quite advanced. They got a lot going for them. Yeah so the diversity of one cell of life is remarkable but the thing I want to say though is maybe, maybe but probably not because that's how all of that's our now. Okay okay tell me give me your most realistic humans came from Mars scenario.
Just try to approach it as best you can be as realistic as you can. Humans came from Mars when? Here's the most realistic explanation for how humans came from Mars. We don't know for sure that they didn't.
No that's no good. Here okay listen I can actually make a case that humans came from Mars. No this is this is that no no no John. This is how we make cases.
We make cases by just by being very clear that no one really knows anything. Right and it's hard to prove a negative. That's all you need. And then it's time.
So given that you can't prove the negative conversation is probably true. So given that you cannot definitively prove that humans didn't come from Mars even though you can. It probably means that humans did come from Mars because failure to prove a negative constitutes the truth of the positive. This question comes from Jill.
You've asked the last three questions. All right you ask a question. Am I never going to ask a question? Ask a question.
I don't want a little bit of justice in this world. John this question comes from Jill who asks the air hank and John. How nice do I need to be at the grocery store? While I'm standing in line at the Express check out a lady got behind me with only one item.
I let her go in front of me seeing that I had about 12 things in my cart right after that. Another lady got behind me with only one item and I didn't let her go in front of me and she acted annoyed. Was I wrong not to let her pass? What if like four more people with only one item each got behind me?
How am I supposed to let? Am I supposed to let all of them through? Help. I need answers.
Horses and goats Jill. All right Jill couple things. First off you say you have about 12 things in your cart. If you're in the Express lane you need to know exactly how many items you have in your cart.
If it's 12 you're in the clear. If it's 13 you've committed one of the greatest crimes known to man. Yeah well I mean like being nice at that point is right out. It doesn't matter at all.
You've broken the deep down essential rule. Yes. Secondly and I don't know if you're going to agree with me about this but listen Jill. Last year the year before that 1962 then maybe in those situations it makes sense to let the person with one item get in front of you but this is 2017 America and what you need to do is take care of number one.
Look out for yourself and we all know from reading the fountainhead that if you look out for yourself above all others and care nothing for the interest or needs of other people that the world will reach its best possible state. I'm worried about this podcast John. Why have we gone off the rails? No I'm going to answer this.
I think we're all I think we're on the rails John we're just on a different set. I I want to answer this question honestly for Jill and I will say Jill you did the right thing. Oh I was being serious. You did the right thing in letting that first person go and then saying okay well there has to kind of time which I actually check out but the person behind you doesn't know necessarily that you've already let one person through and so this is a situation that is just clearly a small misunderstanding and in the course of human history that will have a large effect on the happiness of any of the people involved.
It has shown that you have spent a fair amount of time thinking about it which I think is fine but you probably can now move forward out of this experience and not have to worry about it. It's the kind of situation where you're like maybe you were short with someone because you were frustrated with another situation in your life and they have to be understanding that sometimes the reason someone is impolite is not because they are not aware of the etiquette or they are not a good person but sometimes they have bad days and sometimes something is just not the way that you know that it's complicated and so I think the person who maybe thought that you were rude needs to be a little more understand that sometimes the world is more complicated than it appears at first to them to be. One of the hardest things about being a human being is imagining the lives of strangers generously and complexly and nowhere on a day to day basis is that more difficult for me than while standing in line at the grocery store. Like you just have to be able to think it is possible that this person who is being very inattentive in the way that they're going about paying for their groceries has just had an extremely stressful day and that's why this is taking 45 minutes.
And if you can do that it makes human life feel less like this series of minor oppressions in which you're forced to participate in bureaucracies and more like you're part of a community and that is actually quite a heartwarming thing and that you can be generous toward this person you don't know and in doing so like it will make their life a little easier but weirdly it will also make your life a little easier. Hey John do you want another question now that I've fixed that static that was on the podcast? Sorry everybody for that static? Yes I do I do.
This one is from Zach who asks Dear Hank and John on a recent trip to the planetarium I learned that not only is the curiosity rover much bigger than I had originally thought but it also has a laser for scientific in quotation marks research given that there may be life on Mars could this giant laser firing robot be seen as a hostile invader from the point of view of microscopic Martian life where the aliens in war where the aliens in war of the world's actually just trying to do research on us maybe they were maybe they were just shooting their little spectrometer laser and vaporizing us to see what we're made of. Does NASA take that into consideration? Yes Zach kind of they do kind of. Really?
Well yeah I mean they take the life into consideration not so much the I don't take so much the zapping it with lasers like I think if we burned up a couple of bacteria on Mars probably wouldn't be the end of the end of the world but certainly not the end of our world but it could well be the end of the Martian world if there's the last two bacteria. It just seems very unlikely that they would be out there on the surface if there's bacteria or if there's single-celled life or any kind of life on Mars it would be very likely below the surface where there is less radiation to disrupt it but hey we don't know but it's a big surface of Mars and we're only in a very small place but I do like kind of like I like the idea of of an alien species just like sending down this giant robot to Earth and being like what are you guys made of? I'm just destroying all of us. Yeah like they don't have a concept of like individual life forms and they're like well obviously you know it's just like burning a couple skin cells off so we're just gonna be like and burn a couple of those human beings off the face of the Earth because they must be part of a collective in which no individual matters at all like us the aliens are and I could see that I could see that kind of like that kind of uh ignorance because it's so hard to imagine the way that life would be for another kind of life form because we know this one way that it works like it's easy to forget that all of the vertebrates on planet Earth evolved from one kind of fish that's why we all have two legs and two arms and a head and a spine and like we are already like the exact same like there aren't any animals with four arms unless they don't have any legs and like that any vertebrate many terrestrial vertebrates and that like that's so weird like even snakes snakes like sometimes you're gonna have tiny little legs still hiding in there and like manatees have pelvis that float inside of their body is not connected to the legs that have now disappeared um it's like tiny useless pelvis that are just still there um that's a pretty good name for a band tiny useless pelvis that are still there that's a long name that's a long one yeah maybe it's like tiny useless pelvis is our first album still there uh i just needed to interrupt you really quickly because earlier you said that there are no animals with four arms and that is inaccurate and um i know that henry would be upset with me if i did not point out that that is inaccurate because of course um there is an animal with four arms it is called maychamp and it's a fighting type of pokemon yeah also all the things from uh from pandora the world in avatar and uh which i always thought was like oh yeah see differently that body's that makes a little bit of sense but it didn't make sense to me that not everything on pandora had four arms i was a little frustrated by that like there were some but not others i could see it happening but it's unlikely but it's why like dragons for example don't make sense because dragons have wings and also arms and also legs and that would be six total limbs and that just has never happened like you couldn't it's like amazing that it's never happened but it's like we have a way of laying out bodies and and that kind of radical change to the layout just doesn't occur which is why for example wivens are totally acceptable which just have wings and legs and our dragons but without the arms so go wivens from now on everybody that's what we're calling the mascot of dear hank and john the podcast the wiverts we i mean this podcast is so far off the railshank that uh i i'm thrilled that we now have a mascot but tragically there's no one still listening it's just you and me out here we're alone at the end of like we're walking on the edge of the world looking down at a vast abyss together and and we are like laboring under the delusion that there are people here with us but it's just you and me man i think i think there's a couple of people who've held on just six or seven that are hoping maybe we get to one of the questions that they sent in and they're like hey guys but like i know that you're on your thing and that you're worried about your your things but i had that question that i really wanted to ask but yeah sorry maybe it was this question okay let's see this question comes from mary who writes hi john and hank i've been wondering what the difference is between calling someone blank the second and calling them blank junior do people call themselves the second to seem fancier what gives insert clever sign off here mk moony ps i was able to meet ill in north carolina for the tour denared fighting when i was in sixth grade you two are amazing and have helped me through so much thanks a billion you're welcome a billion mary also it is very helpful to know that you are from the american south because i have noticed that in the south there are a lot of seconds and also a lot of juniors but they are not the same thing they are not and in fact it's very important to me that you know this because i am second and i don't want you to think that i'm just trying to be fancy that's right he's not just trying to be fancy no in fact i actively attempt to not be fancy despite the fact that i am um i uh so my dad's name is not my name my grandfather's name is my name and so i am not junior because i would be junior if i had the same name as my dad but i do have the same name as someone else in my family so i am the second of that name in the family that is why i am the second right so but it is really weird like why do we have the second at all and it's like an official part of my name like on like on my driver's license it's weird yeah that like like i'm a king of something or like a pope i don't need to be a second like like the second of his name well i mean you are kind of the pope of our family i'm not kind of the pope of your family john i'm in no way i'm in no way i'm a extended family obviously you know serice serice the pope of our nuclear family i'm saying you're the pope of our extended family in what in what way am i the pope of our extended family i mean if you told everybody in our extended family you know catherine sera henry alis orin mom dad if you told all of them like there can only be one pope who shall it be i think we would i think we would um blow the red smoke for you he said not totally confident on how folks get elected but uh...
you know i'd i don't know that you're wrong but i don't want that i don't want that responsibility well i have a special not your fault that's true uh... op might add my bad white smoke the white smoke i'll tell you what i've always wanted to be catholic and i've always been as high in a physical and as you can possibly be uh... without just going over and becoming catholic but uh... but i don't don't know my vatican don't know my vatican rituals that well uh...
well john that will encourage you to know that this podcast is brought to you by vatican ritual vatican ritual if you need it need to know more about it because even though you're a piscopalian uh... you have this weird interest in catholic and i go for everyone everybody's a piscopalian with it by the way almost every of this billion i know is a weird interest in catholicism uh... and of course it is also brought to you by the darkness the darkness currently surrounding deer hank and john not just sponsoring us but also inside of us i was by gusses also brought to you by facts we don't exist anymore facts i mean the weird thing is so like people are going to say that we have a liberal bias and but you know the truth about me which is that it's very difficult to say that i have a liberal bias because i am like not a particularly politically liberal person but i have been completely thrown over the edge by the refusal to engage with facts and data it's just ideological rigidity scares me more than almost anything and i am a deeply afraid person and uh... ideological rigidity in the face of uh...
in the face of like facts that argue against your position just terrifies me okay sorry lastly today's podcast is brought to you by the grave the grave uh... one of the great underrated uh... american traditions and also the place which we are all headed i was a friend last night and uh... and one of my friends as a child who has a blanket he sucks on and the blanket has just become disgusting and and like i can't imagine that he lets his child put this in his mouth and it's like you have to throw this away but the child is so attached to it that like they're afraid of his like psychological well-being of the blanket goes away and i was like well you know like someday his mom's gonna go away it's something like we're all gonna die so we are starting to be like that blanket it's gone now it's gone it doesn't exist anymore and someday that's gonna happen to your dog and your daddy and all your brothers and sisters and now you understand death that is that the way that the proper way to parenthood i mean i have to say hearing that story i've never been so proud of you that's not the response i expected heck let's move on to the news from mars and d this episode of your hand on the front you by shopify there are a lot of things that stand between i have an idea and this is an idea that actually exists in the world and people are buying things from me and that is what shopify makes easier when you start with shopify the tools to design and launch and take payments they're all there from day one you don't have to build a whole machine before you can start building the business and this is important because you also have to like look good and with shopify's templates you could get a site set up really quick that looks credible and professional without needing to code or duct tape a bunch of different tools together and when things look real that works on my brain to be like i'm doing a real thing it also works on other people's brains to be like this is legitimate shopify also has one of the best check out systems on the internet it's built to help customers finish the purchase effectively and efficiently without a bunch of roadblocks returning customers can check out with a single click that means less friction and fewer abandoned carts and a smoother experience for everybody that stuff gives you confidence early on it gives other people confidence in what you're doing you're not wondering whether the payment system is going to work you're not wondering whether customers can get through the process shopify handles that foundation so you can focus on the thing that you're actually trying to do it's really kind of amazing to me that shopify is a tool that works from the first day your store launches when you're just starting to get customers all the way up to being the size of good dot store or dftv.com or being the size of like matel and gymshark when you build a shopify you're building with tools that already work at every scale all you need is the idea shopify handles the rest you can start your free trial at shopify.com slash deerhank start your free trial shopify.com slash deerhank with new subscription only wild supplies last until September 27th 2026 see website for more details one thing I love about summary is how easy everything feels the days are a little more relaxed my kids don't have to wake up at five in the morning and I find myself reaching for the same comfortable go anywhere pieces again and again which is why I keep coming back to quince I often wear either a long-sleever short sleeve button down from quince and it fits well and I never have any complaints in fact sometimes I get compliments about it I was at the airport a couple days ago I often find myself in airports and someone said I like your shirt and I said thanks it's from quince quince is 100% European linen pants and shirts are breathable easy to throw on in the summer upgrade your rotation needs starting at just 34 dollars their tees are soft enough to live in all day and the lightweight cotton sweaters are exactly what you want when those summer nights cool down so that's why I'm wearing quince this summer and you can make your summer wardrobe easier by going to quince.com slash deerhank for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too that's QUINCE.com slash deerhank for free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash deerhank.
this episode of deerhank and John is brought to you by factor imagine for a moment that you are absolutely immersed in some work where you're creating something beautiful or useful or useless and ugly but you love it anyway and you look up and suddenly you have a feeling and that feeling is that it is 2.30 p.m. and you did not eat lunch what are you gonna do are you gonna get meal delivery that's gonna cost too much and maybe be a bit of a mistake or are you gonna go to the cupboard and just eat several fistfuls of peanuts those are my two choices unless I have a factor in the fridge you can get smoky barbecue chicken breast with potato mash cream corn and peppers you can get creamy lemon pepper chicken with veggie rice peel off broccoli and carrots this has the fiber I need it has the protein I need and it has the delicious ness I need what about garlic herb roasted barramundi with potato zucchini and burr block sauce I don't really know what that means but it sounds delicious what about a black bean taco bowl with corn salsa and cilantro crema a delicious high-fiber high protein meal that no animals had to die for any of those can be ready in two minutes fresh never frozen over a hundred rotating weekly meals including globally inspired flavors like Mediterranean and Asian factor shops perhaps cooks and delivers straight to your door so you have more time for everything you love this spring head to factor meals calm slash deerhank 50 off and use the code deerhank 50 off to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only wild supplies last until September 27th 2026 see website for more details ah sports oh god well I have some really good Mars news it's good it's very exciting Mars I have some really good AFC Wimbledon news but I feel I feel like we should do one more question maybe we'll do one more question after the news get people to hang on hang on sure that's all that's all I'll hang on through that through the darkness of the news that they don't really care about that much I want to go first John that's just not true Hank people only listen to this podcast for the news from AFC Wimbledon which is as follows on January 21st AFC Wimbledon played Chesterfield it was a thrilling nil-nil-draw and way thrilling I mean not the best and then yesterday as I'm recording this at least AFC Wimbledon played Jillingham or possibly Gillingham it's like Jiffon Giffen nobody knows how to pronounce it Hank and you know what happened what happened I mean imagine the most exciting thing that could have happened is it a nil-nil-draw it's literally even better than a nil-nil-draw is it is it three one one nil down to two on up that's the way they win the cup Hank yeah the game was won not by AFC Wimbledon or by Jillingham it was won by our old friend unplayable pitch Augie pitch yeah Soggy pitch frozen pitch that's very exciting to the winner and AFC Wimbledon's magic and Gillingham or possibly Jillingham congratulations to frozen pitch their first victory against AFC Wimbledon this year but if history is a guide not their last that sounds like some really great news to make people to John so that in the first is that are you done by the way that's it man frozen pitch emerged victorious well I have to you that the first time a Mars news has gonna be brought to you by a press release which which I it's very exciting to me because I love this press release and it is from the newsroom of the Houston 2017 Super Bowl then and and they would like to know that the host committee unveils Wow Factor experience do you want to know about this Wow Factor experience John yes the great thing about press releases is that you could just say them exactly because they're meant to be plagiarized so I can just do this without having a good time that's the whole point of a press release the Houston Super Bowl host committee today unveiled at future flight as its Wow Factor for the 2017 Super Bowl live fan festival featuring a virtual reality experience and numerous hands-on space exhibits future flight will share with the public the incredible journey to Mars and beyond the unveiling took place at the 2016 Space Commerce Conference and exposition also known as Spacecom quote the host committee has declared Super Bowl L.I. whatever that is what is it 51 is 51 L.I. I think I'm not a Roman citizen as it says the Super Bowl of the future in the city of the future said Sally Sergeant President and CEO of the human Super Bowl host committee did I say human Houston nothing says future the human Super Bowl CEO of the human Super Bowl host committee nothing says future more than deep space travel the human committee is thrilled to partner with NASA and I don't know why they keep having to say that they're made of humans but apparently that we have to be specific now the human committee is thrilled to partner with NASA and the leading space industry companies to create the future flight experience for people to enjoy during Super Bowl live so this is actually pretty cool thing they're building like one of those towers that like drops you so but you're wearing virtual reality goggles while it's happening future flights key component is a virtual reality ride that takes guests on an excursion through space to the red planet and back using actual footage from Mars guests don virtual reality goggles for the two minute and 10 second ride it concludes with a 90 foot drop they actually drop the people that transports the writer visually from Mars back to Earth landing on the 50 yard line of the NRG stadium just in time for kickoff of Super Bowl L.I.
whatever L.I. is for guests who prefer not to experience the 90 foot drop there will be a special presentation area outside of the attraction to experience virtual reality portion of future flight without dropping off of a shower it's very exciting John look at that you get to go to Mars for that one yeah yeah they got a special John Green edition of the ride as well I appreciate that for guests who don't want to fall 90 feet out of the sky oh god imagine that's the majority of guests but you know these days people do all kinds of things for thrills well that's great Hank I'm sorry that you won't be at this the Super Bowl in Houston I don't know for a fact that you won't I'm just guessing based on everything that I've learned about you in the last 30 something years not gonna be in the Super Bowl at the Super Bowl in Houston but it's not gonna be real bummer for you to miss out on but the good news is that you won't be at the Super Bowl yeah it seems unlikely John seems unlikely I I mean I have to say I wish why it doesn't all Mars news come in the form of breast releases like that that was fantastic I was very excited I don't know but I also guess it has good press releases to for the record maybe I'll start reading them on the bottom of the show I'm sure Hank what did we learn today other than the fact that like Hank and John are not in a great headspace right now oh god we learned that dragons are impossible but wiverns are not it's true it's true I mean I'm glad I learned that oh man we of course learned that Hank or as I shall now refer to him Pope William Henry Green the second is the Pope of our extended family we learned that if you breathe on a tree you become part of that tree and can we just revel in the beauty of life on earth for a moment and how wonderful it is so deeply interconnected and it is almost like if you are a destructive force for it anywhere you are a destructive force for it everywhere I'm sorry I took that to a negative place when I did you did you did you could have said like it's almost as if you are if you are a destructive force against it that is it is just such a harmless little caress of breeze on the majesty that is the constant and willful fight against entropy that biological life is that was actually quite beautiful and lastly we learned that when you are standing in line at the grocery store you must endeavor to be kind to others especially when it is difficult because this will make your life better and also everyone else's life better and isn't that kind of what we all need right now yeah just I just want to go to the grocery store and like get 12 items and go to the Express Lane and then just let everybody go in front of me for like two hours yeah and then at the end of that process it's gonna I'm gonna have 12 bottles of wine and my cart is gonna be my 12 items and then I'm just gonna give the 12 bottles of wine to the employees at the grocery store be like hey you guys I don't know if you drink but if not give this to a friend and if you do have a nice night on me I totally think you should do that but I also think that it is absolutely criminal to give away wine that you yourself could drink Hank thanks for potting with me but now please remember that we live in a world where if you buy wine you must drink it yourself and not share it with your friends or with strangers unless those friends or strangers can benefit you in some way right of course well that is what friendship is for that is literally the case that is literally the case that is the only reason friendship exists is so that you can use that friendship to further your standing in life and then at the end you will still be dead your hand can join us produced by Rosie on Hall's Rojas and Gibson our editors Nicholas Jenkins Victoria Gorna was our head of community and communications our music is by the great gonna roll a we will endeavor to be less horrible next time sorry but there's a real close and now it's really going over here in Greenland guys Greenland is a nice phrase that we've never used before I don't know why we've never brought that up before you can email us at Hank and John at gmail.com what else is going on yeah we're also on Twitter John is John Green Hank is Hank Green you can use the hashtag to your Hank and John if you want to tell us that we got something wrong which obviously doesn't actually matter because facts don't exist and as they say in our hometown please please please let's all work together and don't forget to be awesome