80: Competition, Comparison and Shame in the Field of Coaching

This episode is part of the Smart Mindsets and Habits series. You can find the full transcript at https://prosperouscoach.com/80The last episode was about the crucial role of courage in success and how it comes before confidence.I received a lot of sweet comments about that episode along of the lines of “Thanks, I needed that!”Yes! Every coach needs encouragement, especially in the early days. Have you ever noticed the word ‘courage’ within the word ‘encourage’? I encourage you to encourage other coaches too.Now I want to talk about adverse affects on your confidence as a coach. Namely, petty competition, comparison and shame. One leads to the next.Shame is the Dark Secret in the Coaching IndustryI’m going to get right to the elephant in the room … the toxic result of comparison.Have you ever felt a sense of shame when you compare yourself to other coaches?It’s okay if you have. And actually it’s healing to acknowledge it.Just thinking about it my body can produce that hot pit in the stomach feeling — the distinct sense memory of shame. Teddy Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So true.I don’t much do the comparison thing anymore. But I know the territory intimately.Here’s the way I experienced it:As a new coach I’d bounce around the Internet looking at other coache’ websites. Immediately, I’d feel there’s so much I need to do better and overwhelm surged in.A little aside here … I had no idea whether those website were helping the coach at all. Chances are most were dud websites even though they are pretty and flashy. I’ve learned a lot about what makes for a client winning coaching website since then.When I used to attend monthly local ICF meetings I’d brace myself for the continual display of superiority by some coaches there. It felt like a room full of peacocks and I didn’t have anything to display.Don’t get me wrong, I met wonderful coaches there too — people who, two decades later, are beloved colleagues. But the atmosphere was rife with competition rather than camaraderie.Later in my career, as part of a circle of joint venture colleagues who were helping each other promote programs, the competition was even more fierce. There was a thick sense that we were all vying for the same thing and there was only so much to go around.Social media amps up competition and the knee jerk to compare yourself with others. From the number of followers to the quality of reactions to the images … if you let yourself go there, you can compare yourself into a little dark corner and never come out.I see so many coaches give up because of comparison and shame.A Healthy Response to CompetitionLook, if you don’t feel that icky shame that comes from competition and comparison, I’m glad. My guess is someone taught you how to have a healthy response to competition.So let’s talk about that. Imagine navigating in the coaching and marketing world without torturing yourself. What would that look like?Well, I’ll tell you. It’s NOT an internal hardening but rather a softening.Click here to see the 5 Internal and 5 External Adjustments you can make right now.