81: How Shame Crushes Momentum in Your Coaching Business

This episode, which is part of the Smart Mindsets & Habits series, is a follow on to Episode 80, which was called Competition, Comparison and Shame in the Coaching Industry.I received many brave and heart felt comments on that episode, including this one from Marian:“Thank you for this episode, Rhonda. I feel like you’re responding to what’s inside my head! This was amazingly helpful to me and has inspired me to reach out more to support and share with other coaches, especially my classmates.”Well done, Marian, because that kindness you shared to other coaches goes a long way for making the coaching industry a more friendly and encouraging field. We need that.It’s not easy to talk about shame.But the upside, is that once you acknowledge it you can quickly realize what triggers it and that helps you let it go. A private client in my VIP Coaching Business Breakthrough program was baring her experience of shame with me in our session today. And I’m so grateful to you, Barbara, that you have generously given me permission to share a bit about our discussion in this episode. Your willingness to be vulnerable helps you and every other coach who hears this podcast. Being vulnerable is one of the ways we can love each other up so we all become more successful at this big coaching business endeavor.The Cycle of Shame for a New CoachBarbara told me that she felt the shame of comparison today when she was encouraging a current client to re-up for more coaching.And talking it through we realized is that shame can come up fast whenever you’re doing something that you care deeply about that you haven’t done much before. Here’s what I think it can look like as a new coach …·      First there’s feeling ashamed that you don’t know everything right now. (Shouldn’t I be a master at coaching? Shouldn’t I know exactly how to do everything?)·      Next comes shame for needing expert help to do it right. (Oh no, I’m spending more money when I’m not yet earning from coaching. Why is everything so hard for me?)·      Then, as you are on the learning curve, there’s shame that it’s taking a while to get everything right.·      And if you model aspects of your business on what other coaches are doing there’s the shame that comes from comparison.·      There’s shame that you’re not 100% together as these other coaches seem to be. (By the way ‘seem’ is the operative word there.)·      When fear comes up about crossing thresholds in your business shame tags along because it’s embarrassing as an adult to feel fear, especially if that fear makes you doubt yourself or stop taking action.·      Imposter Syndrome makes shame darker still. Why would anyone hire me? Who am I to help them?·      And, shame surfaces in the sales and enrollment process. Just having to ask someone to hire and pay you can feel shameful. Why would anyone pay this much? What if I can’t deliver? Will they figure out I’m a fraud because I don’t know exactly what I’m doing yet?Breaking the Cycle of Shame in Your Coaching BusinessSo there’s this insidious cycle of shame. And if you don’t have mentoring support, shame can literally stop you from moving forward – crush your momentum.Read about  the key to stopping the cycle of shame.