#81: The Deeper Pain Points

Welcome to the official first episode of Season #7! In this episode we wanted to talk to all of you about how to handle the deeper pain points (of hers) that feel like they will never ever go away. How can he help her handle those deeper pain points and how can she handle those deeper pain points.   Jason's tips for husbands:     First - we can't judge and don't have a right to judge how deep the well of grief is. When he judges what is in the well, this just further adds to the sludge in the bottom of the well.     Second - and point in case - husbands have to remember that they throw things back into the well when they (for example): sigh, don't give her space to grieve, ask how much longer until she will get past the grief and pain, etc.     Third - initiative is key. When he takes initiative and brings it up - he is scooping with a bigger bucket which will only help.   Next steps for women pertaining to the deeper pain points:   First - make a list of your pain points (the things that keep bubbling up in your heart and mind). Keep in mind, you may need to take a chunk of time to really know what these pain points are - they are usually the thoughts or images that come to mind that make your heart ache over and over and over again. So give yourself a week or two and keep coming back to your journal to jot them down. Then - go back and mark the ones that are the deeper of the pain points, the ones that take your breath away. Most women have a handful of these.   Second - use these journal prompts to continue to pump the well and bring clarity to the deeper pain points:   #1 - What hurts the most about this particular pain point? (The reason this hurts so much is because…) #2 - Name something you have lost because of this particular hurt.   Third - take yourself through the Self Compassion Exercise for each of the deeper pain points - see the Podcast Freebies for that particular exercise.   Please note - the goal isn't to get rid of these pain points but rather to pump the well and to be faithful to honor them, name them, experience them and ultimately move through them.   We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #7. "Name it to tame it" comes from Dr. Daniel Siegel, the author of Mindsight. He talks about how the limbic system actually Would love for you to join Jason and his team at the Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men just outside San Antonio, TX from January 24-26, 2025. Make sure you download the Podcast Freebies! You can do that here.  Would love for you to consider joining me at the Spring 2025 Women's Retreat - you can join the wait list here.  More details coming soon! For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.