#82: "Why" Work - Part 1

Alright everyone - here we go - we are officially jumping into Season #7 and we aren't turning back.  We are SO excited to be with you guys - and we are hoping we can be here for a while - we will see how long we can last!   We are going to be talking about "Why" work in this episode as well as the next one.  This episode is more so laying the foundation for episode #83 where we unpack the roadmap for getting to the why.   Jason states several things out of the gate that I think are important:   If you don't understand your why - you are at a substantially higher risk of relapsing. Understanding the why radically changes how your conceptualize what you did and who you are. Sometimes it's hard to get to the why in certain cases.  So it's not always an easy process. There is also a balance between focusing on the why and doing recovery work.  Focusing too much on the why to the point where the recovery work is neglected is not the point here.   And now for the foundational things to be aware of and also name for yourself (him) when working toward the why:   We start by unpacking the markers or risk factors that we see in men with sexual integrity issues:  Abandonment, Shame (difficulty naming it and working through it), Corruption of the Arousal Template, Enmeshment, Abuse.   Here are the other things mentioned that it's important to have an understanding of / appreciation for:   #1 - The Three I's (Shame based self-concepts).   #2 - Sexuality becomes THE vehicle that delivers love.   #3 - Correlation between his acting out and his core wounds.   #4 - The acting out is both an expression and an offset to the shame.   #5 - Acting out is about meeting legitimate needs in an illegitimate way.   #6 - It comes down to being an intimacy issue - the pursuit of intimacy in a false way versus pursuing intimacy in a God-designed way - mind, heart, body soul.   And a word from me (Shelley) - notice that NONE of this has to do with her.  NONE of it.  The end.   We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #7.   The WOHT workshop for men just outside San Antonio, TX is sold out for January. Join the Wait List here so that you are the first to know about the next workshop later this year. Empowered Boundaries is coming back SOON. Join the Wait List to be the first to know when the class opens for registration. Make sure you download the Podcast Freebies! You can do that here.   Would love for you to consider joining me at the Spring 2025 Women's Retreat - you can join the wait list here.  More details coming soon! For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.