85. Is the Problem the Child — Or the Learning Plan? with Kat Marrington and Sally Galloway

You’re sitting in a meeting thinking you’re here to talk about support.There’s a plan. There are ‘adjustments’.And yet your child is still escalating… and suddenly the school is hinting at removal, reduced hours, or ‘this isn’t the right setting’.This episode is the practical middle bit no one gives you:When a plan exists, but it’s either the wrong plan — or it’s not actually being applied.WHY THIS MATTERSWhen a school says ‘the plan isn’t working’, it often gets translated as ‘your child is the problem’.But plans fail for predictable reasons:they’re too big and unworkable in a class of 28no one is actually implementing them consistentlyteachers don’t understand the ‘why’ behind the strategiesthe plan ignores language processing, sensory load, or demand avoidancethere’s no review cycle, no accountability, no data, just documentationthe teacher doesn't have the capacity to implement the plan in the classroom due to numbers and workload.And when the plan becomes a ‘set and forget’ document, you get stuck in a dangerous loop:‘We tried everything’ → escalation continues → the child gets labelled → exclusion gets normalised.WHAT WE COVERWhy an IEP is a start, not a manualHow ‘too many strategies at once’ makes a plan fail fastWhat to ask when the school says ‘we’ve tried everything’How to check if staff actually understand what’s on the planWhy ‘accommodation’ can trigger teacher resistance — and how ‘considerations’ changes the toneThe missing piece in most behaviour plans: language processing and communication loadHow literal thinking, vague instructions, and high language demand can create ‘refusal’ and shutdownHow to build accountability into the plan (review dates, outcomes, roles, communication method)Red flags that the school has decided your child is ‘too hard’Green flags that the team is still in curiosity, collaboration, and problem-solvingOrchid vs dandelion kids: when pushing through builds resilience, and when it becomes traumaTHIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…your child has a plan at school but behaviour is still escalatingyou keep hearing ‘we’re doing everything’ but nothing changesthe teacher looks overwhelmed and the plan feels impossible in real lifeyour child gets labelled ‘defiant’ or ‘refusing’ and you suspect it’s processing/demand/safetyyou’re trying to work out ‘do we persist or do we leave?’you want practical language for meetings without becoming ‘that mum’MORE ABOUT SALLY GALLOWAY & KAT MARRINGTONKat Marrington (Speech Pathologist) at www.Talkiplay.comSally Galloway (Occupational Therapist) at www.sallygalloway.com.au🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED IN THIS TRANSCRIPT1️⃣ When School Decides Your Child Is the Problemhttps://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/2️⃣ Vanessa LaPointe EpisodeGrieving the Child You Imagined — While Loving the One in Front of Youhttps://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/parenting-grief-adhd-mums3️⃣ Resilience vs Trauma Episode (Emma Rose)Raising Strong Children: How to Support Without Always Solving Their Problemshttps://adhdmums.com.au/raising-strong-children/🌸 ORCHID & DANDELION REFERENCEDr W. Thomas BoyceDevelopmental paediatrician and author of The Orchid and the DandelionBoyce, W. T. (2019). The Orchid and the Dandelion: Why Sensitive Children Face Challenges and How All Can Thrive. Knopf.📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:Bullying Response Kit https://adhdmums.com.au/product/bullying-response-kit-adhd-mums/The School Choice Kithttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/Explaining ADHD to Kids – Parents Guidehttps://adhdmums.com.au/product/explaining-adhd-to-kids-parents-guide/📬 Check out my Paid Resource on Schools:Making School Work – Parent Guide ($20)https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/📬 Listener Questions & Community🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:https://wa.me/61403457313✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook GroupFor community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast