#89: Staying with Dignity

We go back to a listener question, this one from IG where a woman asked:  how do I stay with dignity when the acting out was so extensive.  I'll be honest - as I listen to this episode, I think there is SO much more we could have shared and we didn't.  I'm making the choice to push it out but read these show notes for some of my additional thoughts that weren't included in the audio.   Where my mind goes initially is to work at untangling any "judgments" (and I don't say that word in a negative way, think: opinion) or preconceived notions you have about women (or men) that are betrayed.  Jason also mentioned that it's important to create space between where you land and where others in your life land on leaving versus staying.  Oftentimes the opinions we have about things, especially before they are apart of our lives, can influence us more than we realize when we are walking a road we never thought would be ours to walk.   Second - for myself, I felt confident in giving Jason a second chance.  This also helped me stay with dignity.  I mentioned a book by Tim Keller, Forgive, where he really opened my eyes to how important it is to pursuing reconciliation if at all possible.  Obviously, it isn't always possible and there are even some situations where it is okay to not pursue reconciliation.  I found what Tim said in his book reassuring of what God hopes for us within relationships which is quite different than the world view of relationships where we just move right on to the next.   Both of the things above (the opinions I was holding onto that I needed to release + choosing to give Jason a second chance) were things outside the relationship that I needed to sort through to stay with dignity and peace.   That said, I pivot to biblical times and robes and Joseph and honestly, I think I get a little lost so I understand if you do, too.  We are essentially grappling with - is dignity dependent on how others treat us?  Can it be stripped from us like it was for Joseph way back in Genesis based on others choices?  Or is dignity apart of who we are as God's children (inherent dignity)?  Could it be both?   Where we landed is here:  it's both/ and.  The stripping of dignity happens in relationship and thus building it back up also happens in relationship.  AND - there is inherent dignity that we can confidently stand in.  Both are important!   So a couple of questions for you as you consider if you can stay with dignity (dependent on the relationship):   - do you feel you are being honored in the relationship today? - what are you not okay with and is he still doing these things? - do you hold a high bar for how others treat you? - has there been restitution?  (And while I didn't say this on the podcast - I think restitution is huge for women in restoring dignity.)   I hope this episode, at a minimum, gets your mind turning as you consider what it looks like to stay with dignity.   We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #7.   Tim Keller's book entitled Forgive is linked here. Registration for the next WOHT workshop for men coming April 4-6, 2025 outside Austin, TX. Click here for all the details and to register. Applications are OPEN for the Spring 2025 Women's Retreat but will be closing soon.  Would love for you to consider joining me and my team there. Empowered Boundaries is SOLD OUT. Join the Wait List to be the first to know when the class opens again for registration. Make sure you download the Podcast Freebies! You can do that here.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.