97. This Hidden Schema Sabotages Success: Unmasking the Failure Schema

Send Gemma a messageEpisode Summary:Dr Gemma Gladstone and Justine Corry dive into the Failure Schema, a schema that is often overlooked but can be profoundly impactful in many areas of life, particularly in achievement and work-related contexts. They explore how this schema manifests, its origins, and how it often intertwines with other schemas such as defectiveness, dependence, and even unrelenting standards.Key Takeaways:Understanding the Failure Schema: The Failure Schema is a pervasive belief that one is destined to fail or is inherently inadequate, especially when compared to others. It often surfaces in academic, career, and achievement-related areas.Origins and Development: This schema may develop from childhood experiences such as being labeled as "slow," having learning difficulties, or growing up with unrealistic expectations from parents. It can also be linked to feeling inadequate compared to siblings or peers.Coping Styles: The failure schema can lead to various coping behaviors, including avoidance (not trying new things due to fear of failure), surrender (believing fully in the schema and setting low standards for oneself), and overcompensation (attempting to prove the schema wrong by setting unrealistic goals).Self-Sabotage: One of the most significant ways the failure schema manifests is through self-sabotage, where individuals might avoid challenges, procrastinate, or engage in behaviors that ensure they fail, thus reinforcing the schema.Interrelation with Other Schemas: The failure schema often does not exist in isolation. It may be accompanied by schemas like defectiveness (feeling inherently flawed) or unrelenting standards (setting impossibly high standards to avoid failure).Practical Advice:Challenge the Schema: Start by identifying the origins of your failure schema. Reflect on past experiences that may have contributed to its development and consider alternative explanations for these experiences.Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Overcoming the failure schema requires pushing through the fear of failure and taking risks. Setting achievable goals and gradually exposing yourself to new challenges can help shift this deep-seated belief.Break the Cycle: Recognize the coping behaviors that reinforce the failure schema and actively work to change them. Whether it's avoidance, surrender, or overcompensation, addressing these patterns is key to overcoming the schema.CONNECT WITH USThe Red Flag Project: a place for women to do the self-development they need to choose loving, respectful relationships.InstagramFacebookClick the link below to find out more about our online dating course, our course on schema chemistry and how to break free from love-traps and our online membership The Schema Circle.Linktree: https://linktr.ee/theredflagprojectSchema Therapy for Life: For anyone who wants to become their own pattern-breaker using the wisdom and clarity of Schema Therapy.InstagramFacebookLinktree: https://linktr.ee/schematherapyforlifeInformation about private therapy/coaching with Gemma or Justine email us: [email protected] you Support the Show?Support the show🎓FREE LIVE MASTERCLASS - Why smart women override red flags in dating😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  ✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here