98: How to Handle Difficult Coaching Clients

This is part of the series about Managing Coaching Clients. Find the show notes for this episode at prosperouscoach.com/98 and the whole series at prosperouscoach.com/manage.This subject isn’t talked about much in the coaching world. But it is a real thing. I decided to be brave and broach the subject with you because I know, as a new-ish coach, you’ll appreciate the straight talk.What I’ve discovered having conversations with therapists, lawyers and other coaches is that all professionals that serve people in a fairly intimate way, especially one to one, are likely to have difficulty with some clients.I’m talking about the kind of difficulty that can ruin your day and raise dread for future conversations if you let it.I’ve had my share of upsetting coaching sessions and coaching relationships over 20 years as a coach. I’ve flubbed up so many times, was inarticulate and cloddy in my attempt to clear the air.Some situations have resulted in significantly improved — even excellent relationships. And some have ended the coaching relationship altogether.You might be surprised that sometimes the best thing to do is part ways, hopefully respectfully.Over time, as I’ve enrolled clients into longer term VIP and higher ticket programs, there’s been an increasing need to attract clients who are the right fit. I put a fair amount of energy into assessing fit.And, I’ve made errors in judgment. What I mean is that I thought I’m a good fit for them and they are a good fit for me but I was wrong. This is a delicate balance because coaching or mentoring is an honored role and trust must go both ways for it to work well.In the past, some of my clients have put me on a pedestal – not something I want or encourage. Perhaps it’s because I have a podcast and speak authoritatively or because I have decades of expertise and I’m helping coaches to launch their own business … there can be a perceived power differential. I did an episode about this which you can find at prosperouscoach.com/89I prefer a collaborative relationship. More and more I verbally encourage my clients to self-advocate and to give feedback throughout our professional relationship.I’m a highly sensitive person so if I let it, a difficult client relationship can literally make me sick. My body is a sensitive instrument that alerts me quickly if energy is off. So, true to my teacher archetype I’ve been studying this challenge and creating a process for myself.I hope it will be helpful to you or that it sparks your own creation of a process you can rely on.Avoid Labeling and Instead ReflectSo first, it’s best NOT to think of any human being as DIFFICULT. That or any label will bias your experience with the individual and inadvertently give you permission to turn off self-awareness.Every coach knows this … it takes two to tango. There are two personalities in the room and each brings their communication weaknesses and crystalized beliefs, which are unhelpful.Every coach knows this too … the only person you can change is yourself. So that’s your locus of control. As soon as you realize something is off between you and your client, reflect on your own beliefs and behaviors first.What is YOUR part in the difficulty?4 Steps to a Clean Perspective About Your Coaching Relationship#1 Separate facts from interpretationLearn more about how to handle difficult clients.