#99 MASKING VS AUTHENTICITY IN FRIENDSHIPS

Hi — Mel GabbI here and welcome back to Changing Spaces. Inthe last episode I talked about how travelling with friends can expose value clashes and old patterns. Today I want to share the next layer: what it feels like to move from masking your needs to naming them — and why that matters forfreedom, friendships and our nervous systems. Set-up — the London flashback (brief)After a busy London stretch with a visiting friend, I feltdepleted. Late nights, lots of walking, noise when I needed quiet. I realised that when I’m exhausted I used to hide it — especially with certain people ,because any sign of tiredness became an invitation for drama, control or blame. So for years I held back. I muted myself to avoid being used against me.But on this trip something shifted. I started to say thingsout loud. I told my friend I needed quieter nights. I noticed what happened when I didn’t — resentment, small explosions, or snapping. And I noticed whathappened when I did — a sense of calm arriving, even in the middle of tension.the power of creating a container that matches your needs. What this reveals about friendshipsHere’s the lesson: friendships that work for short meetupsdon’t always survive the strain of extended time One person’s quiet is another’s boredom.One person’s generosity is another’s accounting. Neither stance is “bad” —they’re different values. The skill is to notice that and choose how torespond. I now practise a different stance: calm authority. I name my needs, protect my rest, and refuse to be the person who smooths over everything at my own expense. That’s not punishment — it’s preservation of creativity, peace,and wellbeing. Closing reflection & invitationTravelling together offers a mirror. It shows us where we’restill responding from survival, and where we can act from choice. For me, that’s the heart of Changing Spaces — shifting contexts, shifting patterns. Check my YouTube page if you would like to see more videos