ADHD in Partnership: Untangling Resentment, Shame, and Shared Responsibility — with Dr. Carol Shilliday

ADHD can impact partnerships in all sorts of ways.  And without both partners doing the U-Turn to connect with their own parts... resentment builds... and the spark dwindles.  In this episode of Self-Led Love, Bahia Miller is joined by Dr. Carol Shilliday—clinical psychologist, IFS assistant trainer, and longtime ADHD specialist—for a grounded, compassionate conversation about how ADHD shows up in intimate relationships.Together, we explore ADHD not as a character flaw, but as neurodivergent wiring that deeply affects executive functioning, dopamine, emotional regulation, and follow-through—and how, without understanding, it often turns into shame, resentment, parent/child dynamics, and disconnection in partnership.We talk about why ADHD is linked to higher divorce rates, how symptoms get misinterpreted as moral failures, and why both partners often end up feeling unseen and unloved.You’ll hear:Practical ADHD support strategies—without turning into controlthe subtle perspective shifts that empower ADHD partnershow critical acceptance, education and creativity are for ADHD partnershipsWe also explore how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps ADHD couples by working with parts, unblending from shame and criticism, and restoring self-leadership on both sides of the relationship.This episode is an invitation to move from blame to understanding—and from managing each other to partnering together.✨If this episode resonated, share it with a partner or friend—and consider leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to help Self-Led Love reach more couples ready for repair. ✨Connect with Dr. Carol ShillidayEmail: [email protected]://www.drshillidaytherapy.com/PRE ORDER THE BOOK INSIDE ADHD HERE✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia:Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblendThe Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklistwww.bahiamiller.com🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlistWant to go deeper into the work?🎧 For our podcast community:Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22Use code PODCASThttps://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop*Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer*Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach.Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality.This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...