All About Marriage - Life After An Affair

In this week’s episode of the All About Marriage series, Larry sits down with therapist Teresa Haskins to have an honest and compassionate conversation about life after an affair. This is a tender and potentially challenging topic, and Teresa encourages listeners to care for themselves as they engage with it.They explore the two primary types of affairs, emotional and physical. Emotional affairs often involve secrecy, deep emotional attachment, and misplaced vulnerability, even if there is no physical intimacy. Physical affairs can take many forms, from one-night encounters to workplace dynamics or patterns connected to addiction. In both cases, the betrayal and secrecy are often the most painful parts to heal from.The conversation addresses what can lead to an affair, including unmet emotional needs, a desire for validation or excitement, poor communication, or personal struggles within the betrayer. Teresa emphasizes that infidelity is not always the result of something lacking in the marriage; sometimes it reflects unresolved issues within the individual.Larry and Teresa also discuss how affairs are discovered. Confession offers the best opportunity for rebuilding trust, while being caught can compound the trauma. From there, healing begins with what Teresa calls the “atonement stage”—a season of humility, transparency, accountability, and patience. Rebuilding trust requires consistent openness and often takes one to two years, sometimes longer.They highlight the importance of involving a trained third party early in the process to help both spouses navigate difficult conversations, avoid further harm, and move toward restoration in a healthy way.Recommended resources from this episode include Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass and What Makes Love Last? by John Gottman.If you or your spouse are navigating betrayal, you do not have to do it alone. Care to Change can provide the structure and support needed to begin healing and rebuilding trust.