"Am I Going to Lose My Child to Alienation?" A Psychologist Answers

If you've ever found yourself paralyzed by the fear that your ex is slowly turning your children against you and there's nothing you can do about it, this conversation is for you.In this episode of Been There Got Out, Lisa Johnson sits down with Dr. Alicia del Prado, a licensed counseling psychologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area, to talk about one of the most painful experiences a parent can go through: parental alienation. But rather than focusing only on what's happening, Dr. del Prado brings her clinical expertise to what you can actually do — specific, grounded strategies to prevent alienation from taking hold, minimize its impact when it has already started, and stay psychologically intact through all of it.One of the most important things she says: fear is a filter. When we're operating from that deep, primal terror of losing our kids, we make decisions that can actually make things worse — not because we're bad parents, but because our nervous system is in survival mode. Understanding that is the first step toward changing it.WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:✅ What parental alienation actually is — and why it affects an estimated 22 million divorced and separated parents in the US and Canada alone✅ Why feeling hopeless about parental alienation is understandable — and what to focus on instead✅ How fear acts as a "filter" that distorts your decisions and what to do about it without suppressing your emotions✅ The most common misconceptions people have about alienation — both from inside the situation and from the outside✅ How to support a friend or family member going through parental alienation without saying the wrong thing✅ How to use your child's love language to stay connected even when they're pushing you away✅ What to do when your child screams at you, ignores you, or says they hate you✅ The micro goals framework: how to keep showing up consistently even when you see no results✅ Why children in these situations usually do come back — and what gives them the courage toTIMESTAMPS:00:00 — Introduction: Why we're revisiting this conversation (audio issues from previous recording)01:10 — What parental alienation actually is: a definition from a clinical psychologist02:30 — The 22 million statistic: how widespread parental alienation really is03:15 — Dr. del Prado's personal background and why this topic is close to her heart04:30 — "I feel like it's destined" — addressing the hopelessness alienated parents feel06:00 — Fear is a filter: how trauma responses hijack parenting decisions in high-conflict situations08:15 — Misconceptions about parental alienation from the inside: why catastrophizing makes it worse10:00 — Misconceptions from the outside: what friends and family get wrong and how to ask for support12:30 — The Constructive Conversations model (with Dr. Anastasia Kim) for difficult dialogue14:15 — Using love languages with alienated children: quality time, words of affirmation, gift giving, touch17:00 — When your child doesn't respond to your love language efforts: the power of repetition18:30 — Reliability and consistency: why attachment is built over time, not in a single reunion20:00 — When children are openly hostile: what to do in the moment when your child screams at you22:45 — Self-regulation tools for targeted parents (including Marsha Linehan's distress tolerance skills)24:30 — Setting limits with your child during a hostile encounter without escalating26:00 — Micro goals: why big reunion fantasies set you up to fail — and what works instead28:30 — Making micro goals about your behavior, not your child's response30:15 — Do alienated children come back? What the statistics actually show31:30 — How to find Dr. del Prado and her practiceABOUT DR. ALICIA DEL PRADO:Dr. Alicia del Prado is a licensed counseling psychologist and the founder of a group practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her clinical work spans children, adults, families, and couples navigating relationship challenges, depression, anxiety, and trauma. Dr. del Prado brings both professional expertise and personal perspective to the topic of parental alienation — as a child of divorced parents herself, she understands both the systemic challenges families face and the emotional complexity children carry through these transitions. She is co-developer (with Dr. Anastasia Kim) of the Constructive Conversations model, a step-by-step approach to having difficult but necessary dialogues with people we care about.CONNECT WITH DR. DEL PRADO on Instagram: @DoctorDelPrado & @DelPradoCounseling