Been There Got Out Podcast

New Jersey judges are now hearing from children directly in custody matters, and parents whose exes have spent years working on those children are alarmed. Nilaja Ford's counter is that the children were already in the middle of it. The revision changes who gets to hear them.Nilaja Ford co-founded Ford Brown Law with her partner Donnett Brown. Both were prosecutors for the state of New Jersey, and both specialize in domestic violence alongside family law. Nilaja handled domestic violence contempt matters on the prosecution side before moving into an exclusively matrimonial, custody, and domestic violence practice, and she has been conducting child interviews since before the statute was revised to formalize them. She and her partner also run a free legal-services clinic at a women's resource center in Newark. Everything she describes here is New Jersey practice, though she notes much of it tracks other states moving the same way.The conversation opens on hearsay, because it is where parents lose ground without understanding why. A letter from a therapist, a teacher, or a supportive friend generally cannot stand on its own at a hearing; the person who wrote it has to be available to be questioned. Nilaja walks through the exceptions she leans on, particularly business records like school attendance, and why expert reports come with the expectation that the expert can be asked how they reached their conclusions.She then explains what the revision, nicknamed children in charge, actually does. New Jersey's best-interest standard and its 14 factors are unchanged. What is clarified is the mechanism: a recorded interview with the judge, under a protective order rather than something a parent can post, with questions submitted by both sides. Age affects how much weight a child's preference carries, not whether they are heard. And the question she puts on her own list is not who do you want to live with, it is what the ideal arrangement would look like, in specifics, because the specifics are what reveal what is really going on.Nilaja and Lisa then work through the situations BTGO's clients live in. A parent asking for sole custody, and her first question, which is always why. Reporting abuse, and why the investigating body has to be the state agency rather than you. Cayden's Law, and what these changes are trying to prevent. A teenager who has already aligned with one parent, and Nilaja's uncomfortable point that acts and omissions count, that timing counts, and that a case arriving late arrives with a history already built. She also covers legal decision-making, stonewalling, and the 24-hour clause she has had written into orders so one parent cannot run out the clock on the other.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhat hearsay is, and why the letter from your child's therapist may not come inWhich records do come in, and why school attendance is used so oftenWhat New Jersey's children-in-charge revision actually changed, and what it did notHow a child interview is conducted, who submits the questions, and who can hear itHow age affects the weight of a child's preference rather than their eligibilityWhy "I want sole custody" gets answered with a question, and what she is listening forWhy the state agency, not you, has to be the one investigating an abuse allegationActs, omissions, and timing: why a case brought late arrives with a history attached⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Nilaja's background: prosecutor, then family and domestic violence law 3:00 Hearsay, and why the therapist's letter will not come in 7:00 What the children-in-charge revision actually changed 9:00 How a child interview works, and who writes the questions 11:00 Age, weight, and New Jersey's fourteen best-interest factors 17:00 "I want sole custody." Her first question is why 19:00 Reporting abuse: the agency that investigates, and why it cannot be you 25:00 Teenagers who have already been turned against a parent 31:00 Getting to the whys behind what a child says 39:00 Legal decisions, stonewalling, and 24-hour clausesKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Nilaja Ford at Ford Brown Law: https://www.fordbrownlaw.com/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

Some of the language we all use in family court every day didn’t always exist. The word “co-parenting” is one of them — and the attorney credited with introducing it sits down with us in this conversation. Anne P. Mitchell was one of the first two attorneys in the United States to fight for a child’s right to an ongoing relationship with their father after separation, and what she learned across decades in the trenches of high-conflict custody is exactly what targeted parents need to hear today.In this first part of our conversation, Anne walks us through the warning signs that a false allegation of abuse is on its way, the simple steps that protect you before one ever lands, and the co-parent counseling model she helped pioneer — including the surprisingly effective way to get a judge to order it.🎯 What You’ll Learn:✅ Where the term “co-parenting” actually came from — and why the framing matters for your case✅ The real driver behind most high-conflict acrimony, and how to recognize it escalating✅ The early warning signs that a false allegation of abuse may be coming✅ Concrete steps to protect yourself before an allegation is ever made✅ What co-parent counseling is, what it isn’t, and why it works when little else does✅ The “cut the cake” method for getting a resistant ex to agree to counseling✅ How to get a judge to order co-parent counseling — and why they so rarely refuse✅ Why proving a false allegation can flip custody in some states✅ The danger of the “silver bullet” restraining-order strategy being pitched online✅ When it may be time to find a different lawyer — and how to advocate without alienating the one you have👩‍⚖️ About Anne P. Mitchell:Anne P. Mitchell is an attorney, law professor, and law dean emeritus, as well as a legal journalist. She was one of the first two attorneys in the United States to advocate for a child’s right to an ongoing relationship with their father after separation — work she began even before law school, when she founded an advocacy group and testified before the New York legislature. She is credited with introducing the term “co-parenting,” co-developed an early model of co-parent counseling, and is the author of “They’re Your Kids Too,” a guide for parents navigating a broken family law system. Still licensed in California, she continues to write and advocate for children and parents.

Two labels get used for very different situations in family court, and mixing them up changes who the judge thinks is to blame. A "high conflict" case is two parents who can't agree on a pediatrician or a summer camp. A family violence case is one parent behaving abusively while the other parent, or the child, reacts to it. Attorney Ashish Joshi says that second parent should never carry blame for the reaction.Ashish Joshi practices family law and focuses nationally on domestic violence and parental alienation cases. His first book, Litigating Parental Alienation, is one Lisa has recommended for years. His new one, Litigating Family Violence, covers the wider category: coercive control, emotional and financial abuse, immigration used as leverage, international abduction, and the child psychological maltreatment that alienation falls under. He also teaches on these issues at legal and judicial conferences, including for judges in areas with few family law resources.In this conversation, Ashish and Lisa work through the difference between parental alienation, parent-child contact problems, and alienating behaviors, and why courts sometimes need all three distinctions to get an order right. They talk about what makes a reunification order enforceable: a named therapist, a deadline, and consequences for the parent who is supposed to bring the child to sessions. They cover why letting a rejected teenager decide how often to attend therapy undermines the process, when a judge can find alienation from a parent's own text messages without an expert witness, and what changes once custody has already been reversed but the child is still in constant phone contact with the parent who alienated them.Ashish also talks about the research on men experiencing coercive control and intimate partner violence, and about vicarious trauma, both for professionals who handle these cases and for the parents living through them.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy "high conflict" is the wrong label when one parent is abusive and the other is reacting to itThe difference between parental alienation, parent-child contact problems, and alienating behaviorsWhy no child is ever "too old" for court intervention, as long as they're under the court's jurisdictionHow to write a reunification order that can't be stalled: a named therapist, a deadline, and real consequencesWhy letting a child set their own therapy schedule undermines the whole processWhen a judge can find alienation without an expert witness, and when you actually need oneWhy safeguards, not just more parenting time, matter once custody has already changedThe difference between a child's voice and a child's choice, and why courts should never confuse the two⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 What "family violence" means, and why Ashish wrote a broader book 7:00 Why "high conflict" is the wrong label for these cases 11:00 Parental alienation vs. parent-child contact problems vs. alienating behaviors 15:00 When to bring resist-refuse dynamics to court 17:00 Severe cases: custody reversal, and why no child is "too old" 19:00 Writing a reunification order that can't be stalled 25:00 Why letting a rejected teenager set the therapy schedule backfires 31:00 When you need an expert witness, and when a judge doesn't 35:00 After the custody flip: the phone, enmeshment, and safeguarding reunification 39:00 The new book, self-care for the fight, and where to find AshishKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Ashish Joshi at Joshi: Attorneys + Counselors: https://www.joshiattorneys.com/ 🔗 Ashish Joshi on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashishsjoshi/ 🔗 Ashish Joshi's latest book at the American Bar Association: https://www.americanbar.org/products/inv/book/456601936/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

What happens when your ex doesn’t just badmouth you to the kids, but tells them God is on their side? In this episode, Lisa talks with interfaith minister and trauma-informed therapist Sherri Heller about one of the most under-recognized weapons in a high-conflict divorce: faith itself.When a marriage involving a high-control religious system breaks down, the parent who leaves is rarely treated as someone making a healthy choice. They’re cast as the one who “deviated,” the one who is “morally depraved,” the one the children must be protected from. Sherri explains exactly how this plays out as parental alienation and why family courts so often miss it, pushing for reconciliation “at any cost” while the smear campaign hides in plain sight behind a veneer of virtue.If you’ve heard your own child repeat phrases that don’t sound like them, like one parent in this episode, whose child said she should be talking to “good Christians, not bad divorced people,” you’ve seen what Sherri calls borrowed scenarios and abuse by proxy: the child used as a vessel to carry the alienating parent’s message. She and Lisa talk through what to actually do in that moment, why opposing the indoctrination head-on backfires, and how to find the “middle ground” and the “way in” instead.You’ll also hear Sherri’s candid take on a hard truth we teach our own clients: in a system that won’t recognize this abuse, you have to learn to play the game. Stay tactical. Gray rock. Build leverage so you’re not completely cut off from your child, and plant seeds quietly (through nature, literature, science, and critical thinking) that give your kids room to find their own autonomy as they grow, especially in adolescence when the contradictions start to surface.Sherri and Lisa also talk about where to put your energy instead of into endless arguments. At Been There Got Out we teach our clients to look for the “universal agreements,” the handful of things both parents claim to want, like a child who is healthy, happy, and well cared for. Anchoring your communication there keeps you on the high ground, gives a watching judge a clear contrast between your behavior and your ex’s, and quietly removes the conflict your ex is fishing for. Sherri’s clinical framing of why opposition feeds the narcissist lines up exactly with the strategic communication we coach every day.There’s also real hope in this episode. Sherri reminds protective parents that the very contradictions an alienating parent creates tend to surface on their own, especially in adolescence, when the pressure of living inside someone else’s story starts to produce its own symptoms. The seeds you plant now, quietly and consistently, are often what your child reaches for later when they begin to question. Your steadiness is the long game.This is essential viewing if you’re navigating custody where religion, a controlling community, or a “messianic” ex is part of the picture. It pairs directly with our book “When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You” and our work on strategic communication.About our guest: Sherri Heller is an interfaith minister and trauma-informed therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse and complex trauma recovery, and a survivor herself.⏱ CHAPTERS / TIMESTAMPS00:00 Welcome — a topic we rarely cover00:52 What is spiritual & religious abuse?02:12 Meet Sherri Heller: minister & trauma-informed therapist03:40 Common misconceptions (it’s not just isolated sects)06:02 How love bombing opens the door08:17 When the community sanctions the abuse09:44 A survivor robbed of her future11:23 Rigid rules: controlled marriages & forced isolation13:31 Narrowing it to the family system14:17 Red flags: cognitive dissonance & the absence of humility17:47 Covert vs. overt: ontological gaslighting18:48 Triangulating with the divine & prosocial camouflage20:34 Grooming children into martyrs24:49 Divorce, leaving the faith & parental alienation25:51 Learning to “play the game” in family court28:49 Borrowed scenarios & abuse by proxy29:36 Finding the middle ground with an alienated child31:34 When (and how) to tell kids a parent is mentally ill33:32 Getting out: reclaiming yourself35:27 Gray rocking, planting seeds & the adolescent awakening37:21 Where to find Sherri Heller37:53 Closing thoughtsWHO WE ARE: Been There Got Out helps protective parents survive high-conflict divorce, custody battles, and parental alienation. Lisa Johnson and Chris Barry teach the strategy that attorneys often don’t — how to communicate, document, and present your case while protecting your relationship with your kids. We’ve been there. We got out. We’ll help you do the same.→ Struggling with alienation right now? Book a free 30-minute discovery call: https://btgo.as.me/?appointmentType=24686877→ Get the book “When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You”: https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Out-Against/dp/1967674183/Find Sherri Heller: https://sheritherapist.com/index.html#ParentalAlienation #ReligiousAbuse #HighConflictDivorce #CustodyBattle #NarcissisticAbuse #CoerciveControl #ProtectiveParent #CoParenting #BeenThereGotOut

If you've been living in a high-conflict divorce or custody battle, you probably know that feeling all too well — the exhaustion that never quite leaves, the hypervigilance, the sense that your nervous system has forgotten how to relax. And for many people in these situations, a glass of wine at the end of the day has quietly become two, or three, or something stronger. Not because of weakness. Because of science.In this episode, Lisa sits down with Dr. Christal Badour, a licensed clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Kentucky, where she runs a research lab focused on trauma recovery and the intersection of PTSD and substance use disorders. Dr. Badour's work is dedicated to understanding why trauma and substance use co-occur so frequently — and more importantly, how to help people break that cycle.What you'll learn in this conversation will likely change the way you see yourself.📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODEDr. Badour opens by challenging one of the most persistent misconceptions in our space — the idea that trauma means a single catastrophic event. For people experiencing legal abuse, coercive control, and ongoing post-separation conflict, the damage often looks different: a chronic, lower-level activation of the stress response that erodes you over time. It's not a capital-T Trauma, but it creates many of the same consequences.From there, Lisa and Dr. Badour explore the self-medication hypothesis — the well-researched mechanism by which people dealing with painful experiences reach for substances to quiet their nervous systems. If you've ever needed something to take the edge off just to get through the day, this conversation is for you. Dr. Badour explains this not as a character flaw, but as a neurological response to overwhelming stress.The conversation takes a hopeful turn when Dr. Badour explains that you don't have to wait until the legal process is over to begin healing. Emerging research — much of it developed in military settings — shows that trauma treatment can actually begin even while the threat is still present. This is enormously important for BTGO listeners who are still in the middle of custody battles, still receiving hostile texts, still dreading the next court date.You'll also hear a moving story about one of Dr. Badour's clients — a woman who hadn't worn shorts in years because of the shame she carried from a sexual assault. The moment she walked into a therapy session in shorts? A powerful reminder of what real recovery looks like.🕐 TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction — The Connection Between Trauma and Substance Use01:45 Meet Dr. Christal Badour — Psychologist, Researcher, University of Kentucky03:20 What Mental Health Professionals Mean by "Trauma" vs. What We Mean Everyday06:10 Chronic Stress vs. Single-Incident Trauma — Why Ongoing Abuse Creates the Same Damage09:30 Legal Abuse and the Nervous System — When the Threat Never Ends12:00 Can You Start Healing Before You're Safe? What the Research Now Shows15:40 The Self-Medication Hypothesis — Why Substances "Work" in the Short Term20:15 Why Avoidance Feels Like Relief but Blocks Long-Term Recovery23:30 How Substance Use Interferes With the Brain's Natural Processing of Trauma27:00 Evidence-Based Treatment Approaches: Skills-Based vs. Trauma-Focused Therapy31:50 EMDR, Written Exposure, and Approaches That Don't Require Talking About It35:20 Animal-Assisted Therapy, Equine Therapy, and Complementary Approaches38:40 Why Joy and Connection Are Also Part of Healing (Not Just Symptom Reduction)41:10 AA, NA, Harm Reduction, and Choosing the Right Door for Where You Are44:30 How to Support a Loved One Who Is Struggling48:00 Success Stories — When the Shame Finally Lifts51:00 Where to Find Dr. Badour | scienceforsurvivors.com

You know that feeling. Your phone buzzes. You see their name. And before you can even read the message, your heart is racing, your chest tightens, and you can barely think straight.You're not overreacting. You're not weak. Your brain has been literally wired by trauma to respond to that notification as if your life is in danger — because for a long time, it was.In this episode, Lisa sits down with Max Weigand, a positive psychologist from Germany and the creator of Psychosomatic Intelligence — a method that brings together the science of the mind, subconscious beliefs, and nervous system mastery to help people who are stuck in chronic fight-or-flight finally break free.If you're navigating high-conflict divorce, shared custody with a narcissistic ex, or family court proceedings, what Max shares in this conversation isn't just inspiring — it's immediately practical. Because the same nervous system that's been hijacked by years of abuse is the one you're being asked to perform with in court, in mediation, and in every co-parenting communication you send.Here's what makes this conversation so powerful for where you are right now:✅ Why negative emotions literally shut down your prefrontal cortex — the part of your brain responsible for logic, reasoning, and staying calm on the witness stand✅ The reason your brain can't tell the difference between a real threat and a text message from your ex — and why that's not a flaw, it's a survival feature you can learn to override✅ What Max calls your 'emotional home' — the default emotional state you keep returning to — and how to identify whether yours is working for you or against you✅ The 'reality filter' concept and why people stuck in victimhood aren't being dramatic — their brains are literally filtering out evidence of anything good✅ Simple, free morning practices (journaling, gratitude, visualization, mindful tea) that Max says can rewire the brain's neural pathways — especially if used during the critical theta window right after waking✅ The famous 'golden crocodile' demonstration that shows, in real-time, why trying NOT to think about something backfires every time — and what to do instead✅ Max's take on forgiveness — not as something you do for your ex, but as the practice of learning to stop swallowing the poisonLisa makes a point in this conversation that will resonate with so many of you: the moment you hear a ding from your phone that might be a message from your abusive ex is the perfect example of the brain treating an imagined threat as a physical danger. Years after separation, the neurology of abuse is still running in the background. Max explains not just why that happens, but what to actually do about it.This is one of those conversations that feels equally useful whether you're deep in the legal battle right now or years out and still feeling the weight of it. The tools work at any stage — and they work faster if you're starting from a harder place.⏱ TIMESTAMPS00:00 — Introduction: Max's core philosophy — the further down you are, the more potential you have02:09 — Why mastering the nervous system matters more than just changing your mindset04:41 — Max introduces himself and Psychosomatic Intelligence05:43 — How emotional dysregulation destroys decision-making — the prefrontal cortex goes offline09:33 — Why your brain can't tell the difference between a real threat and a vivid memory or imagination10:33 — The 'notification ding' effect: your body's panic response to a text from your ex12:00 — Neural pathways: why the fear response gets stronger every time you repeat the pattern12:27 — What is Psychosomatic Intelligence? The three-system alignment model13:58 — Step 1: Awareness — identifying your 'emotional home'16:33 — The mind-body feedback loop: how physical tension amplifies emotional states17:01 — Projecting your body state onto other people — why a bad night's sleep creates conflict17:25 — 'Living in victimhood': how the brain's reality filter traps you in suffering19:14 — The reticular activating system: your brain's filter and how to reset it20:33 — Practical tool: the 'what's going right' morning question21:10 — Lisa's recommendation: 10 minutes of fun every day to balance stress hormones21:20 — Abraham Lincoln and the sharp axe: why you can't afford NOT to pause23:05 — Lisa shares her morning journaling practice and how it changed her days24:00 — The theta window: why morning and evening are the most powerful times to rewire your brain25:33 — The neuroplasticity moment: why it doesn't matter if you journal, visualize, or just drink tea26:40 — The 'golden crocodile' live demonstration: why 'don't think about it' never works27:38 — The pink fluffy unicorn: replace, don't resist — the neuroscience of positive focus29:01 — Forgiveness: not about the other person — about choosing not to swallow the poison29:25 — Lisa on 'apathy as freedom' and the goal of emotional peace29:44 — Nikos Kazantzakis quote: 'I want nothing. I fear nothing. I am free.'30:13 — Wrap-up and how to find Max

Two parents cannot sit across a table without it turning into a fight, so the mediation moves onto Zoom. Each one waits in a separate breakout room while the attorneys shuttle between them, trading a religious holiday here for an extra week of summer there, until an agreement takes shape without the two of them ever having to look at each other.Ian Steinberg practices matrimonial and family law in New York City, where his firm handles divorce across the city, Westchester, and Long Island. He is also a friend of Chris and Lisa's, returning for a second conversation. His first career was in real estate litigation, which taught him how a courtroom actually behaves; he later trained in mediation and collaborative law, convinced there was a less destructive path through a divorce. He traces his feel for conflict resolution back further than that, to refereeing adult-league hockey as a teenager, holding the whistle as the youngest person on the ice.Ian lays out how mediation works when one side holds far more of the power. In its classic form, two parties meet with a single neutral mediator and each consults a private attorney between sessions, so no decision binds anyone until it is written down and signed. He explains why a retired judge sitting as mediator can rein in a parent who is used to getting their way, and how separate rooms, in person or over video, keep a frightened party from having to negotiate across from someone who frightens them. He also makes the case for what mediation saves: money that would otherwise go to motion practice, and the momentum that comes from shrinking ten open issues down to two.For anyone walking into a first session scared, Ian offers a plan: prepare with your lawyer and your divorce coach, name the triggers you already know your ex will use, and write down every ask in advance. Above all, you are never required to say yes in the room, and a good lawyer will not corner you into it. He is equally clear about the cases where the power imbalance is too great or the conflict too raw, and mediation should not go forward at all.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy mediation can still work in a domestic violence case, but only with firm guardrails in placeThe difference between classic mediation and attorney-guided mediation, and when each one fitsHow a retired judge serving as mediator can shift a lopsided power dynamicWhat a consulting attorney does, and why nothing is binding until it is on paperHow separate rooms and Zoom breakout rooms keep a frightened party from facing their exHow to prepare: your written asks, your known triggers, and the professionals around youWhy you never have to agree on the spot, even when your own lawyer is pushing to closeThe signs that mediation should stop, or was never the right fit for your case⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Welcoming Ian back, and what litigation costs you 3:00 Learning conflict resolution as a teenage hockey referee 5:00 When family court does not protect the target 7:00 Two kinds of mediation, and the consulting attorney outside the room 11:00 Retired judges as mediators, and shifting a power imbalance 13:00 Lisa's own mediation, and the momentum of small agreements 17:00 Zoom breakout rooms and four-way conferences for safety 21:00 Preparing a scared client: asks, triggers, and support 25:00 Not getting pressured to settle, and informed consent 27:00 When mediation should stop or was never the right fitKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Ian Steinberg at Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein: https://www.berkbot.com/attorneys/ian-steinberg/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

If you've ever found yourself paralyzed by the fear that your ex is slowly turning your children against you and there's nothing you can do about it, this conversation is for you.In this episode of Been There Got Out, Lisa Johnson sits down with Dr. Alicia del Prado, a licensed counseling psychologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area, to talk about one of the most painful experiences a parent can go through: parental alienation. But rather than focusing only on what's happening, Dr. del Prado brings her clinical expertise to what you can actually do — specific, grounded strategies to prevent alienation from taking hold, minimize its impact when it has already started, and stay psychologically intact through all of it.One of the most important things she says: fear is a filter. When we're operating from that deep, primal terror of losing our kids, we make decisions that can actually make things worse — not because we're bad parents, but because our nervous system is in survival mode. Understanding that is the first step toward changing it.WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:✅ What parental alienation actually is — and why it affects an estimated 22 million divorced and separated parents in the US and Canada alone✅ Why feeling hopeless about parental alienation is understandable — and what to focus on instead✅ How fear acts as a "filter" that distorts your decisions and what to do about it without suppressing your emotions✅ The most common misconceptions people have about alienation — both from inside the situation and from the outside✅ How to support a friend or family member going through parental alienation without saying the wrong thing✅ How to use your child's love language to stay connected even when they're pushing you away✅ What to do when your child screams at you, ignores you, or says they hate you✅ The micro goals framework: how to keep showing up consistently even when you see no results✅ Why children in these situations usually do come back — and what gives them the courage toTIMESTAMPS:00:00 — Introduction: Why we're revisiting this conversation (audio issues from previous recording)01:10 — What parental alienation actually is: a definition from a clinical psychologist02:30 — The 22 million statistic: how widespread parental alienation really is03:15 — Dr. del Prado's personal background and why this topic is close to her heart04:30 — "I feel like it's destined" — addressing the hopelessness alienated parents feel06:00 — Fear is a filter: how trauma responses hijack parenting decisions in high-conflict situations08:15 — Misconceptions about parental alienation from the inside: why catastrophizing makes it worse10:00 — Misconceptions from the outside: what friends and family get wrong and how to ask for support12:30 — The Constructive Conversations model (with Dr. Anastasia Kim) for difficult dialogue14:15 — Using love languages with alienated children: quality time, words of affirmation, gift giving, touch17:00 — When your child doesn't respond to your love language efforts: the power of repetition18:30 — Reliability and consistency: why attachment is built over time, not in a single reunion20:00 — When children are openly hostile: what to do in the moment when your child screams at you22:45 — Self-regulation tools for targeted parents (including Marsha Linehan's distress tolerance skills)24:30 — Setting limits with your child during a hostile encounter without escalating26:00 — Micro goals: why big reunion fantasies set you up to fail — and what works instead28:30 — Making micro goals about your behavior, not your child's response30:15 — Do alienated children come back? What the statistics actually show31:30 — How to find Dr. del Prado and her practiceABOUT DR. ALICIA DEL PRADO:Dr. Alicia del Prado is a licensed counseling psychologist and the founder of a group practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her clinical work spans children, adults, families, and couples navigating relationship challenges, depression, anxiety, and trauma. Dr. del Prado brings both professional expertise and personal perspective to the topic of parental alienation — as a child of divorced parents herself, she understands both the systemic challenges families face and the emotional complexity children carry through these transitions. She is co-developer (with Dr. Anastasia Kim) of the Constructive Conversations model, a step-by-step approach to having difficult but necessary dialogues with people we care about.CONNECT WITH DR. DEL PRADO on Instagram: @DoctorDelPrado & @DelPradoCounseling

If you've been ordered into parenting coordination, or you're wondering whether a parenting coordinator could help your high-conflict custody case, this conversation is for you.Lisa sits down with Nicole Sodoma, a family law attorney with 26 years of experience, founding partner of Sodoma Law (seven locations across the Carolinas), and a practicing parenting coordinator since 2005. What makes Nicole's perspective uniquely powerful is that she's not just an expert — she's a targeted parent who has personally worked with three different parenting coordinators since her own separation in 2019. She knows this process from every angle.Together, they break down what a parenting coordinator actually does, who gets one (and why), what the most common and costly mistakes parents make are, and the practical communication and documentation strategies that can help you stop making them — starting today.Whether your parenting coordinator seems to be favoring your ex, you're confused about what decisions they can and can't make, or you're just trying to understand how to use this process strategically, Nicole gives you a clear, honest roadmap.🕐 TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction — Who is Nicole Sodoma?01:20 What is a parenting coordinator, and how does it connect to reducing conflict outside of court?03:45 What qualifies as a "high conflict case" — the legal definition from North Carolina statute06:10 Can a parenting coordinator tell right away who is high conflict?08:30 Lawyer PC vs. mental health professional PC — which one should you choose?11:00 Do parenting coordinators ever talk to your kids or observe exchanges?13:20 Parenting coordinator vs. guardian ad litem vs. custody evaluator — what's the difference?16:00 Nicole's personal story: three parenting coordinators after her 2019 separation21:15 What happens when one party just won't cooperate with the PC process24:30 Guardrails and impasse clauses — why your parenting plan needs them even without a PC28:00 Legal decision-making areas: education, medical, extracurricular, religion — and now technology31:00 Mistakes parents make — the full laundry list from Nicole31:30 Mistake #1: Over-communicating with your toxic ex (and how to stop)34:00 Bill Eddy's BIFF method and understanding high-conflict personalities36:15 BTGO's Strategic Communication course — why communication is everything38:00 Mistake #2: Reacting emotionally instead of strategically — the "knee jerk response"40:30 Mistake #3: Choosing to win over choosing resolution43:00 Mistake #4: Failing to recognize the real impact on your children46:00 The 7-38-55 rule: why what you say matters less than how you say it49:15 Mistake #5: Social media — why that post never feels as good as you think it will52:30 Mistake #6: Not documenting patterns (and how to do it right)55:45 BTGO's approach to targeted documentation — the "Super Bowl commercial" concept58:00 Recording exchanges — when it helps and when it can backfire01:01:00 Nicole's top 3 practical tips: shared children's email, school communication, blended family planning01:06:00 Technology in parenting plans — social media rules, Apple accounts, and age parameters01:09:00 How to find Nicole Sodoma + her book "Please Don't Say You're Sorry"01:11:00 Closing thoughts and takeawaysIf this conversation helped you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs it. You are not alone in this.#ParentingCoordinator #HighConflictDivorce #CustodyBattle #CoParenting #FamilyLaw #NicoleSodoma #ParentingPlan #StrategicCommunication #ParentalAlienation #BeenThereGotOut

What does a Guardian Ad Litem really think when a 10-year-old says they want 50/50 custody?Crystal Wright has heard it hundreds of times — and she can tell instantly when a child has been coached. As a family law attorney AND a working GAL in Atlanta, Georgia, Crystal is one of the rare practitioners who has seen the custody system from every angle: as the attorney fighting for clients, as the neutral investigator protecting children, and as the professional who has had exactly one parent incarcerated for defying her court orders.In this conversation, Crystal joins Lisa Johnson to unpack one of the most contentious questions in family law: when should a child's voice be allowed to decide their custody arrangement — and when should it be completely disregarded?The answer, Crystal says, has nothing to do with how articulate or advanced your child is. It has everything to do with whether the language they're using sounds like an actual child — or like someone's lawyer.What You'll Learn in This Episode:✅ How GALs instantly detect when a child has been coached — and what specific language is a dead giveaway✅ Why "I want 50/50 custody" coming from a 10-year-old should raise immediate red flags✅ What the 'borrowed scenarios' phenomenon looks like in a real investigation✅ How Crystal visits kids at their schools — without telling the parents — and why she always gets new information✅ The real impact on children when they're put in the middle: clinical depression, self-harm, 17-year-olds calling their GAL crying at 10pm✅ At what ages (11 and 14 in Georgia) a child's preference becomes legally relevant — and why that still doesn't mean they get to choose✅ The non-negotiable case for reunification therapy — and what Crystal does to parents who try to block it✅ How to find a qualified GAL and what to look for in a mental health expert for an older, refusing child✅ What to do when your child won't see you: Crystal's direct advice to rejected parents⏱️ Timestamps:00:00 — Introduction: How Lisa and Crystal met at the Bridging the Gap conference in London01:45 — How a GAL tells the difference: coached child vs. genuine preference04:30 — Crystal's background: family law attorney, boutique firm in Atlanta, and why she loves GAL work06:00 — Advanced children vs. coached children: why intelligence isn't the issue08:15 — "I want 50/50" — why that phrase signals coaching immediately10:00 — Age and preference in Georgia: the affidavit of election at 11, determinative weight at 1413:30 — Why Crystal stopped having children sign affidavits of election15:45 — The 17-year-old: even at near-adulthood, best interest analysis still controls18:00 — Reaction to New Jersey's ruling: what does it mean for children's long-term wellbeing?21:00 — Why Crystal visits children at their schools — without telling parents — and what she learns23:30 — Children and truth-telling: parroting, fawning, and protecting a parent26:00 — Loyalty conflicts: the real emotional impact on children stuck in the middle29:00 — Clinical depression, self-harm, and older kids calling Crystal crying at 10pm32:00 — Older children refusing contact: how to make the case for intervention to the court35:00 — Reunification therapy: Crystal has never been denied an order for it — and here's why38:30 — What happens to parents who block reunification therapy: contempt motions and incarceration41:00 — What kind of expert witness to bring in for an older refusing child43:30 — False allegations and fake documents: how they're handled in investigation46:00 — How to find a good GAL and what qualifications actually matter48:30 — How to prepare your child for a GAL interview (and what NOT to say)51:00 — Advice for rejected parents: don't give up, keep reaching out, send birthday gifts54:00 — Memory, photographs, and why fighting for a child who doesn't want you right now still matters56:30 — How to find Crystal Wright and closing remarks💬 Connect with Crystal Wright:Instagram: @crystalwrightlawgaWebsite: https://crystalwrightlaw.com/

Jon went four years without speaking to any of his four children. This episode is a follow-up: two weeks before recording, one of his daughters texted him for the first time since telling him, in her twenties, that she never wanted to see him again.Jon, the advocate behind the Male Victims of Female Narcissists community, coaches men who are dealing with an emotionally abusive ex and parental alienation, work that grew out of his own long marriage and divorce. He describes his ex as someone who worked her way between him and his kids, and between him and his extended family, gradually rather than all at once.In this conversation, Jon and Lisa go through the two forms of alienation he sees most often: one that plays out through the court system with younger children, and a slower version with older kids, where the distance starts to feel like the child's own choice. He talks about why he now thinks he divorced too late, what he said when his daughter finally reached back out after four years of silence, and the story from the Bible's prodigal son that shaped how he waited for her.Jon also shares what he tells the men he coaches: why chasing an adult child who has cut contact usually backfires, why he still doesn't discuss the marriage's problems with his kids, and why everyone he has talked to about this points to the same pattern: the parent who stays consistent tends to be the one a child eventually comes back to.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnThe two different kinds of parental alienation: one enforced through the court system, one that develops slowly with older kidsWhy Jon now believes divorcing earlier might have given his kids a stable home soonerWhat he actually said, and didn't say, when his estranged daughter reached back out after four yearsWhy chasing an adult child who has cut contact rarely worksWhy he doesn't discuss the marriage's problems with his kids, even years laterThe prodigal-son framework that shaped how he waited for his daughter to reach outWhy acknowledging the hurt on both sides mattered as much as the apology itself⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Two kinds of parental alienation 5:00 Why he waited to divorce, and what he'd do differently 11:00 The text that said "see you never" 13:00 The prodigal son framework: waiting without chasing 19:00 The actual reconciliation call, and not pulling punches 25:00 Advice for parents whose kids are still young 29:00 Taking the high road, and where his other three kids stand 35:00 Coaching men through this, and where to find JonKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Male Victim Jon on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/malevictimsoffemalenarcissists/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

Lynn Price once walked away from a negotiation and left real money on the table on purpose. After twenty-five years and more than eleven thousand negotiations as a corporate attorney, she did it because the conflict was making her sick and she valued peace more, and she calls that a strategic decision, not a defeat.Lynn Price is a negotiation speaker, trainer, and author, and an attorney who spent over two decades as in-house corporate counsel. Across roughly eleven thousand negotiations she started noticing patterns and turned them into a simple, memorable formula she calls the three Rs. Her book, Negotiate It!, breaks the whole skill down.In this episode, Lynn and Lisa adapt that formula for a toxic ex you feel powerless against. They work through being Ready, Relatable, and Reasonable, and Lynn's system of sorting every want into three buckets: your have-to-haves, your helpful-haves, and your hopeful-haves, the ones you can trade away. She explains why you make the ask even when the other side holds the leverage, why you make it and then stop talking, and a line she learned early: if it feels good to say it, don't.They trade the moves Been There Got Out teaches too, anchoring to a shared goal, never asking or answering why, and never letting your ex see how much you want something. Lynn is practical about how to build the skill: practicing out loud in front of a mirror or a camera so your words and your face do not give you away, and even rehearsing with AI. Her core message is that negotiation is learnable, not a personality trait, and preparation is what turns fear into confidence.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnThe three Rs of negotiation: being Ready, Relatable, and ReasonableHow to sort every want into have-to-haves, helpful-haves, and hopeful-havesWhy you make the ask even when the other person holds the leverageWhy you should make your ask and then stop talkingThe rule "if it feels good to say it, don't," and how to use a pauseWhy you never ask or answer "why" with a difficult exHow to prepare by practicing out loud, recording yourself, even rehearsing with AI⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Negotiation vs. mediation, and Lynn's 11,000 deals 3:00 The three Rs, and confidence from small wins 5:00 Leverage is perception: you still get to make the ask 9:00 Prioritizing your ask: the three buckets 13:00 Being relatable, and anchoring to common ground 15:00 Make the ask, then go silent 17:00 "If it feels good to say it, don't" 19:00 Being reasonable, and never asking or answering "why" 27:00 The price of peace, and cost-benefit 29:00 Preparing: practice out loud, record yourself, even AIKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Lynn Price at Lynn Price Consulting: https://lynnpriceconsulting.com/ 🔗 Negotiate It! by Lynn Price (Amazon): https://www.amazon.com/Negotiate-Develop-Negotiation-Muscle-Workplace/dp/0692152539About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

What does a family court judge actually think when you walk through those courtroom doors?If you have ever walked out of a hearing asking "why did the judge do THAT?" — this conversation is for you.Peggy Walsh spent 18 years as a family court judge — after first building her career representing parents, caregivers, and children as a family law attorney. Then she took off her robe. Not because she stopped caring, but because she believed that the people who love a child should be the ones making decisions for that child — not a stranger, however well-intentioned, in a black robe.Today, Peggy works as a co-parenting coach, helping parents stay out of court altogether — or, when court is unavoidable, understand exactly what to expect and how to show up effectively.In this conversation, Lisa and Peggy go deep on what family court actually looks like from the inside — and what most attorneys never tell their clients before they walk into that hearing.WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS INTERVIEW:✅ Why judges assume BOTH parents are high conflict — and how that shapes everything they observe✅ What judges really notice about demeanor (and why the person blurting things out in court isn't necessarily the problem outside of court)✅ The one question you should always ask your attorney before your first court appearance — and why most attorneys forget to answer it✅ What "forced resolution" vs. "compromised resolution" actually means — and why Peggy always preferred to help parents reach their own agreements✅ The specific things only you know about your family that no judge ever could — and why that makes negotiated parenting plans almost always better✅ What status conferences are, why Peggy loved using them, and how they can reduce conflict over time✅ Why appearing to "want it all your way" in front of a judge rarely ends well — and what to do instead✅ How to think about co-parenting communication as modeling behavior for your children — not just logistics management✅ Why your child hears your tone of voice even when they are upstairs and cannot hear your words✅ What it looks like to stop making your ex the "star of your show" — and why that shift changes everythingTHIS INTERVIEW IS ESSENTIAL IF YOU:- Are going to court and do not know what to expect- Are frustrated by a custody decision you do not understand- Are trying to build a parenting plan and wondering whether to negotiate or let the judge decide- Keep getting pulled back to court by a high-conflict co-parent- Want to understand what judges actually value — not what TV court dramas portray- Are ready to shift from reactive victim to proactive problem-solver in your caseABOUT PEGGY WALSH:Peggy Walsh is a retired family court judge who served for 18 years, primarily handling divorce and family law matters. Prior to her time on the bench, she represented parents, caregivers, and children as a family law attorney. She is now a co-parenting coach, helping parents navigate high-conflict situations, create workable parenting plans, and stay out of court whenever possible.Connect with Peggy Walsh: https://peggywalsh.com/

🔁 Dr. Premela Deck is back — and this time, she's going deeper.If you're navigating reunification therapy, supervised visitation, or simply trying to understand why court-ordered therapy isn't fixing anything, this is the conversation you've been waiting for.Dr. Premela Deck holds a rare trifecta of credentials: she's a family law attorney, a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker (LICSW), and a PhD-level social worker who has spent her career studying high-conflict families. Her practice, ST Family Services in Massachusetts, brings together psychologists, social workers, attorneys, and even a retired judge under one roof.In this episode, Lisa and Premela do something a little different: they brainstorm the questions that most parents in our community are too scared — or too confused — to ask. And what comes out of that conversation is some of the most practical, grounding guidance we've ever put on this channel.⏱ TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction — Dr. Premela Deck Returns00:55 Real client case: the supervised visit that fell apart before it started04:10 Why court orders and clinical interventions are often in conflict06:30 The prep work that HAS to happen before any supervised visit09:00 What you should ACTUALLY tell your child about supervised visitation11:20 How removing the loyalty bind can unlock the relationship13:10 Dr. Premela Deck introduces herself and ST Family Services15:30 The collaborative model: why siloed professionals fail families17:45 What should a child be told about supervised visits? (Full question)20:00 How to handle transitions when a child is crying or dysregulated22:15 "I can't force her — she's traumatized": how to respond to this message25:10 How parenting plans (and their vagueness) impact reunification27:30 The silver bullet strategy — and why it blows up cases30:20 Your attorney is your employee: taking strategic oversight of your case32:00 Coercive co-parenting: "my ex is abusive — what do I do?"34:15 What to prepare before meeting a reunification therapist for the first time36:40 When a child is a teenager: what force is (and isn't) in this work38:50 Making a good impression on therapists and court professionals40:30 Who should pay for therapy when "you're the problem"?42:10 Will a charismatic, narcissistic ex fool the therapist?44:20 What is a parentectomy?46:00 "Breadcrumbs": how to keep the door open when you need to step back48:30 Parental rights vs. children's best interest — when they collide50:00 Looking ahead: webinars, court order strategy, and what's coming next#ParentalAlienation #ReunificationTherapy #HighConflictDivorce #CustodyBattle #FamilyTherapy #SupervisedVisitation #NarcissisticAbuse #CoParenting #FamilyCourt #BeenThereGotOut #DrPremelaDeck

If you have a court date coming up, a difficult phone call with your ex on the calendar, or you're just sick and tired of going blank exactly when you need to be sharp, this conversation is for you.Lisa sits down with Annie Brook, a body-centered somatic psychologist who has trained therapists for decades and spent time in courtrooms testifying for children. Annie brings something genuinely different to this conversation: not just the why behind the freeze, the anger, and the exhaustion you've been feeling, but practical, body-based tools you can use covertly, right now, even with a judge watching.In this episode, Annie explains:- Why hopelessness after a toxic relationship is neurological, not a character flaw- How your birth experience and earliest attachment moments may have shaped the "blind spots" your ex exploited- The science behind why you freeze when you're attacked in conversation or in court, and how to break it- Four covert grounding techniques you can use during a custody hearing without anyone knowing- The "hula hoop" exercise that rebuilds your sense of personal space and power- What "middle tone" is and why it's the secret to staying credible and relational under pressure- How self-attack thinking is not just emotionally exhausting — it may be affecting your physical healthAnnie Brook's website: https://www.anniebrook.com#NarcissisticAbuse #NervousSystemHealing #SomaticTherapy #FamilyCourt #HighConflictDivorce #ParentalAlienation #TraumaHealing #CoParenting #CustodyBattle #AnnieBrook #BeenThereGotOut 

Finding the right therapist for your child during a high-conflict divorce is one of the most important and misunderstood decisions you'll make.Most parents want immediate results. They want their child to sit down in session one and start processing everything that's been happening at home. But experienced art therapist Ahimsa Luciano has seen this expectation backfire again and again, and she has a more effective approach to share.In this conversation, Ahimsa breaks down what effective therapy for children in high-conflict situations actually looks like, why it takes longer than parents expect, and why that's not a bad thing. She explains how to match your child's personality to a therapeutic style, what to say when the other parent has told your child therapy means something is wrong with them, and exactly why the therapist can't be your source of custody intel, even when you desperately want updates.WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:- Why AI will never replace a human therapist, and what the 7-38-55 communication rule reveals about what's really missing- What makes an experienced intake truly different and why this first step is the most important one- How to give a resistant child space to open up, even when their world feels like it's in chaos- Why it can take months (or longer) before a child talks, and why that's not failure- How to handle a child who's been told therapy means they're damaged - a trauma-informed response that actually works- The truth about "parentification" in high-conflict families and its long-term impact on relationships and boundaries- Why children tell each parent something different and why that doesn't mean anyone is lying- What 'your child is fine with both parents' in an evaluation actually means, and why it's not the betrayal it feels like- Why custody exchanges are a major anxiety trigger for children and the specific harm of using kids as tools at handoffs- Questions to ask when choosing a therapist for your child including how to match personality type to therapeutic style- Why your child's therapy space must be private and what the therapist will and won't share with youABOUT AHIMSA LUCIANO:Ahimsa Luciano is an art therapist licensed in New York State and the co-founder and co-owner of Pleasantville Wellness Group, a multidisciplinary therapy practice in Pleasantville, NY serving children through adults, couples, and families. She began her career at a domestic violence and sexual assault agency as the children's therapist — an experience that gave her deep roots in working with kids navigating high-conflict separations, divorce, and trauma. Pleasantville Wellness Group offers a broad range of therapeutic modalities including art therapy, play therapy, and individual and group services, and is currently in-network with NYSHIP, United Healthcare, and Oxford for New York State clients. Some therapists in the practice are also licensed in additional states.  https://www.pleasantvillewellnessgroup.com/home#highconflictdivorce #childtherapy #parentalalienation #coparenting #arttherapy #custodybattle #parentification #divorceandkids #traumainformedparenting #beentheregotout #kidsanddivorce #therapyforchildren

If your child just told you something terrible — or if you're afraid they're trying to — this conversation is for you.Lisa sits down with Julia Hochstadt, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in trauma, childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault, and domestic violence. Julia works with adolescents (15+) and adults, including many parents navigating high-conflict custody situations where their children may be in danger. She also testifies as an expert witness in DV and intimate partner violence cases.This interview was recorded during Sexual Assault Awareness Month — but Julia's guidance is something every protective parent needs to hear, no matter what month it is.In this conversation, you'll hear:→ The #1 thing Julia urges parents to do immediately when a child discloses abuse — and the exact words to say→ Why disclosures can sound unbelievable — and why that doesn't mean they're not true→ How years of gaslighting from an abusive partner erode your ability to trust your own instincts (and what to do about it)→ The behavioral signs that should prompt a protective parent to lean in — not wait and watch→ A practical, age-appropriate framework for building a child's safety plan — including how to plan for different times of day, different scenarios, and changing circumstances→ Why Julia compares child safety planning to how the fire department talks about home fire safety — and why you should revisit it every time life transitions happen→ What research says about the #1 protective factor for a child whose abuse was not properly addressed by the legal system→ How to comfort a terrified child when you have to send them on a court-ordered exchange you know is unsafeLisa also shares a real situation she encountered that same morning: a mother whose child disclosed the worst kind of abuse, survived two investigations that were not acted upon, and is now being forced into a form of reunification therapy that's making things dramatically worse. Julia's guidance for this mother, and for the many parents in this community who are living this nightmare, is both clinically grounded and deeply human.ABOUT JULIA HOCHSTADT, LCSWJulia is a licensed clinical social worker licensed to practice in New York and New Jersey. She specializes in primary and secondary survivors of childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault, and domestic violence. She does training, education, and outreach nationally, and testifies as an expert witness in DV and IPV cases. She is also available for consultation to individuals and clinicians nationwide.Website: https://therapywithjulia.com#ChildAbuse #ChildSafety #ParentalAlienation #HighConflictDivorce #ProtectiveParent #DomesticViolence #SafetyPlanning #ChildDisclosure #SexualAssaultAwarenessMonth #CustodyBattle #CoParenting #TraumaTherapist #BeenThereGotOut

James Porfido spent decades on both sides of a criminal courtroom, prosecuting cases and then defending them. What he saw over 35 years became a book about a system he believes has tilted out of balance.James Porfido has practiced law for more than 35 years, starting as a certified criminal trial attorney in a New Jersey prosecutor's office and later moving to the defense side, where he handled sex crimes and child abuse cases. He is now of counsel at a large New Jersey firm, teaches advocacy and persuasion as an adjunct law professor, and has spent 25 years as a legal analyst commenting on high-profile cases. He is the author of "Unequal Justice: The Search for Truth, the Balance in the Scales."In this conversation, James and Lisa focus on the theme that torments their audience: a court process that moves so slowly it becomes its own punishment, and an ex who exploits that. He explains New Jersey's lifetime restraining orders and the narrow path to dissolving one, why the "I'll just explain it to the judge" instinct fails, and how a parent can lose all contact with their children while an allegation, sometimes a coached or false one, sits unresolved for a year.They also get practical. James is candid that these cases are a fight, and that the right attorney is one who knows the courthouse and its people, not only the statutes. He walks through the questions worth asking before you hire, and why "how much do you charge" should not be the first one. And he shares the harder argument from his book: that a restraining order is sometimes granted as a tactic to gain leverage, which pushes back the people with real injuries waiting at the back of the courtroom for the protection they actually need.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhat New Jersey's lifetime restraining orders mean, and why they're so hard to dissolveWhy "just telling the judge you didn't do it" is not how any of this worksHow the delay between a temporary and a final order can itself become a weaponWhat happens to a parent's contact with their kids while an allegation is pendingHow a coached allegation can flip a parent from presumed innocent to presumed guiltyWhy knowing the "players," not just the law, is what you want in an attorneyThe questions to ask before you hire, beyond "how much will this cost?"Why genuine abuse cases deserve priority over the ones weaponizing the system⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 What a legal analyst does, and trials as storytelling 5:00 From prosecutor to defense, with a grounding in DV cases 9:00 New Jersey's lifetime restraining orders, and how hard they are to undo 13:00 Why you can't just "tell the judge," and the side-of-the-road trap 15:00 When the delay itself becomes the weapon 17:00 Kids under a restraining order, and a parent becoming a stranger 19:00 False allegations, coached children, and being presumed guilty 21:00 Surviving the limbo, and an attorney who knows the players 25:00 The questions to ask before you hire (not "how much?") 29:00 Unequal Justice: when restraining orders get weaponizedKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 James Porfido at Porfido Law: https://www.porfidolaw.com/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

You pick your child up from their other parent's, and within minutes, the screaming starts. Maybe they're throwing things. Maybe they're kicking you. Maybe they're saying things you never imagined hearing from your own kid's mouth - things that sound frighteningly like your ex.You're doing everything you can think of. Talking. Reasoning. Setting consequences. Nothing works. And you're starting to wonder if your child is broken... or if you are.You're not. And neither is your child.In this episode, we welcome back Tosha Schore, founder of Parenting Boys Peacefully and co-author of the book "Listen: 5 Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges." Tosha has been a trusted voice in the BTGO community for years, and this conversation may be the most important thing she's shared with us.Here's what she wants you to understand: when your child comes home from the other household and erupts, that behavior is almost never about you. Their limbic system, the emotional brain, has been flooded by stress, fear, and unpredictability. Their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, self-regulation, and respect, is offline. You can't talk them out of it. You can't punish them out of it. And time-outs make it worse.What you can do - what actually works - is exactly what Tosha walks us through in this conversation.In this episode, you'll learn:→ Why children in high-conflict divorce situations are wired for aggression, and why it's a fear response, not a character flaw→ The one thing you should do first when your child is escalating (hint: it's not talking)→ Why consequences and time-outs create the exact opposite of what you need in these moments→ The stay-listening technique and why staying quiet and present is the most powerful tool you have→ What to say (and what NOT to say) when your child is in a rage spiral→ The note-under-the-door strategy that has helped hundreds of parents reconnect with an escalating child→ The surprising reason why your child's laughter after hurting you doesn't mean they don't care→ How to use "special time" to rebuild connection — and why it creates a window into your child's inner world when nothing else will→ The difference between a stress-driven outburst and a chronic pattern that needs more support→ Why the fastest way to earn respect from your dysregulated child is to stop demanding it in that momentTosha also shares what she calls "good enough parenting shape," and why what you need most before your child gets home is to take care of yourself first, so you can show up fully for them.If your child seems to become a different person after exchanges - angrier, crueler, more out of control - you need to hear this conversation. And if you've ever felt your ex's voice coming out of your child's mouth while they're screaming at you, that's not your imagination. Tosha has words for that too.

🎯 "I don't know what to expect — and that terrifies me."If that's where you are right now, this conversation was made for you.Dr. Benjamin Garber is a New Hampshire-licensed psychologist, former therapist of 30 years, custody evaluator, and legal consultant who has spent two years building one of the most practical resources available to family court litigants: DiffuseDivorce.com, a free library of advance orientation programs to prepare you for every stage of the family court process.His central insight? The fear, overwhelm, and anxiety that fills your world when you step into family court isn't just painful — it is actively working against you. When your "anxiety balloon" is full, you can't think flexibly, communicate clearly, or show a judge and evaluator who you really are.The research-backed solution is called advance orientation: giving yourself a roadmap before you engage with a process, so you can show up as yourself instead of a terrified version of yourself.This concept, proven in medicine, dentistry, psychiatry, and now being applied to family law, is the foundation of everything Lisa and Chris teach at Been There Got Out. And in this conversation, Ben explains exactly why it works and where to get it for free.💡 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:✅ What "advance orientation" is and why it's backed by 55+ years of research across medicine, dentistry, and psychiatry✅ Why your anxiety is actually hurting your custody case — and the science behind why✅ How judges and evaluators are watching for "ecological validity" — are they seeing the real you?✅ The single biggest misconception parents have about family court (and why it destroys cases)✅ Why diagnosis (narcissism, bipolar, etc.) matters far less than dynamic in custody cases✅ What Ben published that made his colleagues so angry they tried to submit a mass rebuttal✅ Why family law doesn't belong in our court system — and what Ben thinks should replace it✅ The 3 C's of successful co-parenting: Communication, Consistency, and Cooperation✅ Why it's more important to fight for your kids than to fight with them✅ Where to find free advance orientation programs for every stage of your case📘 DiffuseDivorce.com — Free advance orientation programs for family court litigants📘 FamilyLawConsulting.org — Ben's publications, consulting services, and book📖 Holding Tight, Letting Go — Ben's book on child development and autonomy📖 Twisted Allies — Ben's novel about family law work#FamilyCourtHelp #HighConflictDivorce #CustodyBattle #AdvanceOrientation #CustodyEvaluation #ParentalAlienation #CoParenting #DivorceSupport #NarcissisticAbuse #BeenThereGotOut

If seeing your ex, even from across a parking lot, sends your body into overdrive, you're not overreacting. You're experiencing a trauma response. And it has a name.In this episode, Lisa sits down with Dr. Andrea DePetris, a clinical psychologist at Yale School of Medicine and private practice therapist, for a conversation that will genuinely change how you understand yourself in these moments.We start with something that gets thrown around a lot - the word "trigger" - and Dr. DePetris explains precisely what it means in a trauma context: a stimulus that activates your trauma memory network and makes your brain and body feel like the danger is happening right now. Not overreaction. Biology.From there, we dig into the window of tolerance, a concept developed by psychiatrist Dan Siegel that describes the range in which we can think clearly, connect with our kids, and respond (rather than react) to what's in front of us. Trauma narrows that window. Chronic high-conflict divorce narrows it even further. And when something pushes us outside that window, our nervous system responds in one of two ways: it speeds everything up (hyperarousal: fast talking, heat in the body, urgency, needing to win), or it slows everything down (hypoarousal: going quiet, shrinking, emotional flatness, checking out).Both responses make complete sense. Both were designed to protect you. And both can absolutely get in the way of the parent you want to be in that moment.he good news (and Dr. DePetris is practical and clear about this) is that these patterns are learnable and changeable. In this conversation, she walks you through exactly what to do in the moment and how to build the self-regulation muscle when you're not activated, so it's available to you when you are.What you'll take away from this episode:→ The clinical definition of a trigger — and why trigger warnings may not work the way we think→ How to recognize whether you tend toward hyperarousal or hypoarousal when you encounter your ex→ The single best thing to do in any activation moment (spoiler: it's a pause — but Dr. DePetris shows you exactly what that looks like for each response type)→ A breathing technique you can practice with your children right now: breathe in like you're smelling flowers, exhale long like you're blowing out birthday candles→ The '5 neutral things' grounding exercise and why naming them moves you from feeling to observation→ Why stepping away isn't avoiding — it's modeling self-regulation for your kids→ How to repair with your children after a hard moment, and why kids don't need perfect parents — they need present onesDr. Andrea DePetris is a clinical psychologist at Yale School of Medicine and works with adults in private practice. She specializes in helping people understand the internal patterns — shaped by early life and relationship history — that drive how they feel and respond, and supports them in updating those patterns to feel more integrated and at peace.#CoParenting #HighConflictDivorce #WindowOfTolerance #Triggers #EmotionalRegulation #NarcissisticEx #CustodyExchange #TraumaResponse #HighConflictCoParenting #ParentalAlienation #DivorceRecovery #ToxicEx #GroundingTechniques #MentalHealth #BeenThereGotOut

Monique represented herself in her own California custody case, then went to law school. Along the way she became a trained domestic violence advocate, and she now helps organize around a bill built to address the thing that kept happening to her and to people she works with: an ex who could no longer reach them any other way, so they filed a motion just to force them back into a courtroom.Monique is a former BTGO client, a current law student, and a co-founder of a grassroots survivor advocacy group in Southern California. She is not an attorney, and she is careful to describe SB 1192, the Reclaim Act introduced by California State Senator Susan Rubio, as a proposal moving through the legislature rather than as current law.In this episode, Monique and Lisa work through how the bill is structured: defining who qualifies for protection, an affidavit that a domestic violence advocate or a mental-health professional can sign, and protected filings on the other side of it. She explains that it would recognize repeated frivolous litigation, including filings meant only to insult, injure, or maintain contact, as post-separation abuse, and that where it applies, filing fees can be waived and an attorney provided at no charge. It builds on California's existing coercive-control protections rather than starting from scratch.The back half is about advocacy itself: how survivor-led, bottom-up organizing gets laws like this passed, why testimony is most effective when it stays factual and within the time limit, and how Connecticut's Jennifer's Law opened the door other states are now walking through. Monique closes on the community work behind all of it.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhat California's proposed Reclaim Act (SB 1192) is trying to do about post-separation litigationWhy the bill treats repeated frivolous filings, even ones meant only to force contact, as abuseThe three-part structure: who qualifies, an affidavit, and then protected filingsWho can sign the affidavit: a trained domestic violence advocate or a mental-health professionalWhere it applies: filing fees waived and an attorney provided at no costHow it builds on California's existing coercive-control protections rather than replacing themHow survivor-led, bottom-up advocacy actually gets a bill like this passedWhy testimony lands hardest when it stays factual, and how Jennifer's Law became the model⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Reunion: from pro se client to law student 3:00 SB 1192, the Reclaim Act, and who introduced it 5:00 The three-part test: who qualifies 7:00 The affidavit: who can sign it, and the evidence 9:00 Frivolous filings, waived fees, and a free attorney 13:00 Protecting the advocates who sign 17:00 Survivor testimony: keep it factual 21:00 Getting a law like this passed in your state 25:00 The community work behind the billKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

Somewhere around the teen years, a lot of alienated parents hit the same wall: the child who used to run to them now refuses to come at all. In this episode, psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, with fifty years helping families, offers advice that's both bracing and full of hope.She starts with a truth few say out loud: some alienation is almost unavoidable in divorce, and it tends to peak in adolescence. But she reframes the picture: your child is half the other parent, and protecting them means helping them value that half. She and Lisa get practical: why your face and body at the exchange say more than words, how to rebuild trust with a wary teen the way you'd earn a rescued animal's trust, and what to do when a teenager refuses contact. Respect it, but never disappear. Write the letters. Keep the box. Because in her experience, the children come back.This is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.✅ WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ✅ Why some alienation is almost unavoidable in divorce, and why it peaks in adolescence ✅ Why your child needs to value the half of them that's the other parent ✅ What your face and body communicate at the exchange (and how to check yourself) ✅ The "rescued animal" approach to rebuilding trust with a wary teen ✅ How to reframe a "strong-willed" child as a strength, not a problem ✅ What to do when a teenager flatly refuses contact ✅ Why writing letters and keeping them matters more than you think ✅ Why the children so often come back, and how to be ready⏱️ TIMESTAMPS (+1:00 for the bumper) 0:00 Intro 1:00 Meet Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst: 50 years with families 2:48 Why some alienation is unavoidable in divorce 4:30 The attachments kids lose, and the one they cling to 6:55 Honor the other parent: your child is half of them 8:52 Reframing a "strong-willed" child as a gift 13:45 What your body says at the exchange 23:01 The "rescued animal" approach to rebuilding trust 26:24 When your teen refuses: respect it, and stay connected 31:22 Write the letters, keep the box: why kids come back 36:38 You can't do this alone 41:42 Where to find Dr. VanderhorstCTA (spoken): Losing your teenager to alienation? Book a free discovery call at beentheregotout.com. Books: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Out-Against/dp/1967674183 · Been There Got Out — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Relationships-Circumstances/dp/194627495X/ Tags: parental alienation, alienated parent, teenager refuses visitation, reconnecting with child, co-parenting teenager, staying connected, custody, high conflict divorce, protecting your kids

One assumption does real damage in a contested separation: that child protective services is a route to custody. Sara Vandenberg, who worked those cases from the inside, says the agency does not recommend custodial arrangements between two parents and cannot hand a child to one of them. Court is where custody is decided, and calls made for custody reasons tend to come back on the person who made them.Sara Vandenberg is a psychotherapist and trauma professional who specializes in familial sexual abuse and incest, and works with survivors of abuse more broadly. She spent about three years as a child protective services caseworker in Texas before moving into clinical practice, and she now runs Tonalli Counseling Services along with a coaching and consulting practice. Her book, Choosing to Love Again, is about recovering from betrayal, from familial abuse to infidelity and abandonment. This is her second conversation on the show.She starts by lowering the temperature: investigations are common, they are usually short, and removal is rare. Then she draws the line that changes how you understand the whole process. A caseworker is not assessing whether you are a good parent. They are assessing whether the child is safe, which is why an investigation can close with nothing happening even when real harm is present. Her risk-versus-danger frame does the rest of the work: risk is the deer-crossing sign, danger is the deer in the road.The rest is practical. What to document, and why she wants a record of your child's behavior rather than a file on your ex. What a caseworker notices in a home, which is closer to milk in the fridge than an immaculate kitchen. What defensiveness sounds like when a parent lists everything they do and everything their ex does not. Preparing a child for an interview without coaching them, and how coaching gives itself away. Substances, including hair follicle testing that looks back months on a child. Getting written confirmation that a case was ruled out. What to do, early, if a placement may be coming. And repeated false reports: why you cannot stop them, and what a pattern of them eventually says about the person making the calls.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy a report to child protective services is not a route to custodyThe difference between clinical harm and what an abuse statute actually coversRisk versus danger, and which one an investigation turns onWhat to document before an investigation, and why it's your child's behaviorWhat a caseworker looks at in your home, and what they are not looking atHow to prepare a child for an interview without it reading as coachingHow to get written documentation that a case was ruled outWhat to do early if a placement may be coming, and how a safety plan differs from a removal⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 How common investigations are, and how rarely a child is removed 3:00 The myth that child protective services decides custody 5:00 Handling the panic, and how short the process usually is 8:00 What to document, and clinical harm vs. the abuse statute 12:00 Risk vs. danger: the deer-crossing frame 14:00 Defensiveness, and what a caseworker hears in "I did, he didn't" 16:00 What they look at in your home 18:00 When a caseworker can act before a judge signs off 20:00 Substances, hair follicle testing, and preparing a child for the interview 24:00 If placement is coming: naming a safe person early 27:00 Repeated false reports, and how children actually handle themKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Sara Vandenberg at Tonalli Services: https://tonalliservices.com/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

Have you ever looked back at your relationship with your ex and wondered: how did I get here? Why did I choose someone who would eventually turn the courts, the kids, maybe even your own family against you? Why did this feel so normal... at first? The answer might be encoded in your DNA. In this conversation, Lisa sits down with Dr. Sylvia Kalachinsky — a PhD family therapist with 21 years of clinical experience, a faculty career that took her from Mount Sinai Medical Center to working with migrant families in the California fields, and a newly released book called “Lonely AF.” She is also someone who grew up with a narcissistic father and learned, in adulthood, to trace her own relational patterns back to their roots. Together, they unpack intergenerational trauma — not as a heavy clinical term, but as the lived experience of patterns passed down through families across at least three generations. Patterns encoded not just in behavior but, according to the science of epigenetics, in your actual DNA. In this episode, you’ll discover: - Why we are often unconsciously attracted to partners who mirror how we felt emotionally with our primary caregivers, even if that feeling was painful - The science behind “your nervous system will reject what’s unfamiliar, even if it feels good,” and why a healthy relationship can feel suspiciously boring at first - Big T vs. little t trauma - why your pain counts even if it “didn’t seem that bad” - How to do a genogram to identify the patterns your own family has been running for generations - The BODY Skill: a 90-second grounding technique you can use silently in mediation, at a deposition, or while waiting for a call from your lawyer - Why your healing is the single most powerful gift you can give your children and how modeling emotional regulation stops the cycle of transmission Lisa also shares her own story about how, after 20 years in a high-conflict marriage, a loving, stable relationship initially felt “too boring.” Her nervous system had been conditioned to chaos. The moment you hear Dr. Sylvia’s response to that story might be the thing you share with a friend today. Whether you’re in the middle of a custody battle, co-parenting with someone you can’t trust, or already on the other side and trying to make sure the cycle ends with you — this conversation is going to give you something you’ve been looking for. Dr. Sylvia’s new book “Lonely AF: A Therapist’s No-B.S. Guide to Feeling Less Alone” is available now. Find Dr. Sylvia at: Instagram @doctorsylviak | drsylviak.com | The Doctor Sylvia K Show podcast

Your child cried at your house about how much they hate going to their other parent's home. Then you found out they had a great time. Or they came home from your ex's house perfectly happy, when you expected them to be upset. Or they told you one thing — and told your ex something completely different. It can feel like a betrayal. Or proof that something is wrong at the other house. Or maybe it makes you doubt your own perception of what's happening. Here's what's actually going on — and it's less alarming than you might think. Dr. Jill Leibowitz is a clinical psychologist and play therapist in New York City who works with children and families navigating high-conflict divorce and co-parenting situations. In her third conversation with Lisa and Been There Got Out, Dr. Jill unpacks one of the most confusing and emotionally loaded experiences in shared custody: why children behave so differently depending on which parent they're with — and what it means for you as the parent trying to protect them. This conversation also addresses what happens when parents respond to the "two-faced" experience in ways that escalate conflict — even when they mean well. From reporting back what the kids said, to demanding consistency in rules, to getting pulled into a group text where the kids are being used to pressure a decision, Dr. Jill walks through the specific behaviors that keep the conflict burning and the concrete steps parents can take instead.  In this conversation: - Why kids bring different emotional parts of themselves to each parent — and why that's developmentally normal - What it means when your child complains about the other parent's home (and what it doesn't mean) - The "code switching" concept: how kids adapt to different homes the same way they adapt to different classrooms - Why demanding the same bedtime, diet, and screen time rules in both homes creates more conflict than it solves - The group text trap: what your ex is doing and the precise way to step out of it - Why children who seem to want decision-making power are often overwhelmed by it — and what to do instead - How to be the parent your child brings their full self to, not just the brave parts or the scared parts  If you've been confused, hurt, or worried by your child's behavior between homes, this is the conversation that will finally make sense of it.  CONNECT WITH DR. JILL LEIBOWITZ: Website: https://realtkseveryday.com Instagram: @realtkseveryday Facebook: Real Talks Everyday  #KidsBehavior #CoParentingHelp #HighConflictCustody #ChildTherapist #DivorceKids #ParentingAfterDivorce #CoParenting #ParallelParenting #NarcissisticEx #FamilyLaw 

When Kasia Bukowska's horses refused to cooperate, she thought she was failing. What she discovered instead changed everything she understood about trauma, healing, and why we stay stuck. Kasia is a Polish equine-assisted therapist, equestrian coach, and artist who has spent years learning how to use horses as healing partners for clients working through deep emotional pain - including survivors of narcissistic abuse, people in the middle of high-conflict divorces, and anyone whose nervous system has been shattered by years of coercive control. But here's the most important thing she says right at the start of this conversation: you don't need a horse. The lessons horses teach — about nervous system regulation, about authenticity, about the way your energy affects everyone around you — apply to your dog, your cat, a rabbit, even a tree. If you've ever wondered why you can't seem to calm down no matter how hard you try, or why you walk into a custody evaluation dysregulated even though you desperately want to present well, this conversation is going to give you a completely different lens for understanding what's happening in your body. Lisa and Kasia go deep on how horses act as biological mirrors — literally responding to your internal state in real time — and what that reveals about the patterns keeping you stuck. Including a story about a giant shire horse and a little wooden pole that will stay with you. In this episode: 00:00 - Introduction: Who is Kasia Bukowska and why horses?01:45 - The one thing Kasia says immediately: you don't need a horse!03:30 - Kasia's background: equestrian coach, equine-assisted therapist, and artist05:20 - How she discovered the connection between her paintings and her horses' messages08:10 - What actually happens in an equine-assisted therapy session12:00 - Why Kasia works with horses at liberty (no halters, no riding) and what that makes possible16:30 - How a horse responds when you're reliving trauma vs. when you're regulated19:45 - "The way you do one thing is the way you do everything" - what this means for your healing24:00 - The cavaletti story: what a ton of horse taught one client about softening instead of pushing30:15 - How addiction, self-harm, and deep shame show up in equine sessions33:40 - What to do if you see horses on the side of the road and can't stop36:20 - How to use any animal (or a tree!) as a grounding tool right now40:10 - Can you do equine therapy online? Kasia explains how44:30 - How to find equine-assisted learning and equine gestalt practitioners near you47:00 - Where to find Kasia: Instagram, websites, and upcoming webinars Find Kasia Bukowska:Instagram (coaching): @equestrian_kasha_bukowskaInstagram (art): @kasha_bukowska_artCoaching & therapy: hearthorseexperience.comArtwork: kashabukowska.com Been There Got Out:We are Lisa Johnson and Chris Barry: veteran high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists who help targeted parents navigate one of the most painful experiences a person can face. We fill the gap between what family law attorneys are trained to do and what therapists understand about the legal system. If your ex has a personality disorder, if you're fighting to protect your relationship with your children, or if you're trying to rebuild your life after years of coercive control, you are in the right place! #equinetherapy #traumahealing #narcissisticabuserecovery #nervousystemregulation #highconflictdivorce #equineасsistedtherapy #healingafterabuse #beentheregotout 

A liar is a liar today, tomorrow, and twenty years from now, David Goldberg says, and so is someone telling the truth. That is his argument against rushing to book the fastest, cheapest examiner you can find when a false allegation has just upended your custody case.David Goldberg is a state-licensed, advanced board-certified polygraph examiner. He spent his early career in law enforcement, and in the roughly 25 years since he has run more than 20,000 examinations for people who were never arrested or charged: parents accused in custody disputes, people facing rumors or workplace accusations, students, and adults trying to confirm something they remember from childhood. He describes himself and Lisa as being in the same line of work in one respect, which is that people arrive at both of their doors in a state of panic.The conversation opens on that panic, because David treats settling someone down as part of the job rather than a courtesy. He books one client a day and gives that person as long as it takes, on the reasoning that a rushed intake produces badly formed questions. He then walks Lisa through the sequence for a parent whose children have been removed on an allegation: the intake, questions built both around what you say happened and around what the other side is claiming, the verbal result the same day, and a detailed written report inside 24 hours.They cover what a parent can and cannot make happen. You cannot compel your ex to test. A court can order one, and therapists and evaluators sometimes request one. David also talks about what the waiting costs while a case sits, in terms of contact with your children and the relationship you then have to rebuild.The last part is the part people argue about. David names three reasons someone fails, and says the frequent one is withholding information rather than deception. He explains how to vet an examiner, why an examiner experienced only in pre-employment screening is the wrong choice for a custody or abuse allegation, and where to check credentials. On admissibility he is precise: the charts do not come in, the report can where a judge allows it, and he has had cases dropped by an agency before a courtroom was ever involved. He closes on what he sees when he tells someone they passed.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhat a polygraph can realistically do for a falsely accused parentWhy an examiner should settle you down before testing, and why that does not skew resultsThe sequence: intake, pre-test interview, same-day verbal result, written reportWhy the report is written in detail rather than as a pass-or-fail pageWhether you can make your ex take one, and when a court can order itThe three reasons David says people fail, and why holding back is the common oneHow to choose an examiner, and why to avoid referral servicesWhat is admissible: the report versus the charts, and the cases that end before court⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Calming down before you test 3:00 David's background, and the range of issues he tests for 9:00 Falsely accused in a custody case: the process step by step 13:00 The verbal result, then the detailed written report 15:00 Can you make your ex take one? Can a court order it? 17:00 What the waiting costs you and your children 19:00 The three reasons people fail a polygraph 23:00 Choosing an examiner, and the shortcuts to avoid 25:00 Admissibility, and using a result outside the courtroom 33:00 What closure actually looks likeKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 David Goldberg, Executive Protection Group: https://www.executiveprotectiongrp.com/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

The baiting is the point. When a co-parent pushes a boundary the court will not enforce, drops the kids' things off after being told not to, needles you in front of the children, it is engineered to spike your nervous system so you react and end up looking like the problem. Dr. Jordin Wiggins works on the one thing you can actually control in that moment: your own physiology.Dr. Jordin Wiggins is a naturopathic doctor of more than a decade who noticed her patients' health complaints kept overlapping with coercive control and abuse, then lived through an abusive relationship herself without seeing it at the time. She now helps high-achieving people recover, using nervous-system regulation and a reconnection to their own sense of self. She and Lisa found their common ground fast: their clients are the capable, empathetic people abusers tend to seek out.The first half is recognition. The "super traits" that make you exceptional at work and vulnerable in love, the boiled-frog way coercive control erodes you until you cannot remember what you like, and the particular shame of being the role model it happened to. Jordin explains how chronic stress shuts the body down, why reclaiming small pleasures and plain fun is part of recovery, and how much of the injustice, from the ex to a court that will not act, is real and worth being angry about.The second half is the toolkit. Feel and finish your own feelings rather than suppressing them or projecting them (she spends real time on a simple feelings wheel, because the word she hears most is "overwhelmed"). Use the watchdog, possum, and wise owl to get back to your thinking brain. Stop overexplaining. And train regulation when you are calm, through tiny repeatable practices like a skincare routine or the lotion challenge, so that when your ex shows up at the door to bait you, you can bring yourself back down. She closes on where to find her and a worksheet to start.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy "super traits" like empathy and loyalty make you excellent at work and easy to targetWhy emotional baiting is designed to trigger your nervous system, and how not to take the hookThe watchdog, possum, and wise owl: getting back to your thinking brain before you respondWhy overexplaining to someone intent on misunderstanding you always backfiresHow to validate and complete your own feelings instead of suppressing or projecting themWhy you can't control the ex, the court, or the system, and where your power actually isNervous-system regulation you practice alone, so you have it when the baiting startsSmall pleasure practices (like the "lotion challenge") that turn the stress response back down⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Protecting your energy when co-parenting with an abusive ex 3:00 "Super traits," and why capable people don't see the abuse 7:00 The boiled frog: how coercive control erodes you slowly 11:00 Losing yourself, and the shame of "you of all people" 14:00 Stress, the body, and reclaiming what you actually like 19:00 The power of fun, and forgetting who you are 21:00 A real co-parenting case: baiting, boundaries, and injustice 25:00 Feeling your feelings instead of managing everyone else's 28:00 Watchdog, possum, wise owl, and why overexplaining backfires 31:00 Completing the emotional cycle, and getting your power back 39:00 Regulation you train alone, the lotion challenge, and finding JordinKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

There's a moment most people in our community know well. Your phone lights up with a message from your ex. Or you're sitting in the parking lot outside the courthouse. Or you're on the phone with your attorney and your voice starts shaking.You know the response you want to give. You know the person you want to be in that moment. And then something happens — a thought spiral, a surge of adrenaline, a reaction you didn't plan — and afterward, you're sitting there wondering what just happened.That's not a character flaw. That's dysregulation. And it is absolutely something you can learn to change.Our guest today, Bonnie Butler, knows this from two directions: as someone who lived through her own version of emotional chaos — adopting six traumatized teenagers at once after years of fostering — and as a certified emotional regulation coach who has helped hundreds of clients transform the way they respond to stress, conflict, and the impossible situations life throws at them.This conversation with Lisa is one of those episodes where you'll want to stop and take notes. Or maybe you'll just find yourself nodding along, because finally someone is naming what you've been experiencing.Timestamps:00:00 — Opening: the problem of knee-jerk reactions with a toxic ex01:20 — Bonnie defines emotional regulation in plain language03:45 — The pause technique: interrupting the thought spiral with a physical cue07:10 — Why holding your breath makes rational thought impossible09:30 — Bonnie introduces herself: from overwhelmed foster/adoptive mom to regulation coach14:00 — The turning point: hitting a wall and learning the hard way18:20 — Why no one ever teaches us to manage our emotions21:40 — Her 12-week program and what transformation actually looks like25:00 — Why clients resist the tools at first — and what happens when they try anyway29:15 — Self-regulation explained: what it feels like when you've got it33:00 — Co-regulation: how your state spreads to everyone around you37:20 — The heartbreaking thing that happens when kids try to regulate their parents40:45 — How modeling regulation teaches your kids to regulate themselves43:00 — "Name it to tame it": why naming an emotion is the first step to releasing it46:15 — "The anxiety I'm feeling" vs. "my anxiety": a small shift, a big door48:30 — Meet Jim: how one client made friends with their anxiety to stop being controlled by it51:00 — Our thoughts are not facts — and you don't have to keep every thought you have54:20 — The thought closet: choosing what you keep and what you let go57:00 — Change, loss, and grief — why healing always has a harder side01:01:00 — "Paddles in the canoe": taking back the steering wheel of your life01:04:30 — What you focus on grows: the profound shift in how Bonnie saw her own life01:08:00 — From "what might have been" to "what could be"01:12:00 — How to connect with BonnieConnect with Bonnie Butler:Website & booking: bonniebutlercoaching.comInstagram: @bonniebutlercoachingFacebook: Bonnie Butler CoachingEmail: [email protected]#EmotionalRegulation #HighConflictDivorce #CustodyBattle #CoParentingHelp #NarcissistEx #DivorceCoach #BonnieButler #BeenThereGotOut

If your spouse owns a business — or if you co-own one together — your divorce just got significantly more complicated. The business isn't just a job. It's potentially a marital asset, a hidden income source, and a leverage point all at once. And if your ex controls the books? You may have no idea what it's actually worth.In this episode, we sit down with Sara Nanchanatt, a forensic accountant and founder of SN Forensics in New York City, to break down exactly what a business valuation is, why it matters so much in divorce, and what you can actually do — right now, and often for free — to start building your financial picture even when your ex isn't cooperating.About Sara Nanchanatt:Sara Nanchanatt is a forensic accountant and the founder of SN Forensics, a forensic accounting firm based in New York City that works remotely with clients across the United States. Sara and her team specialize in divorce-related financial analysis, including business valuations, income available for support calculations, and uncovering financial manipulation by business-owning spouses. Sara brings a practical, cost-conscious approach to forensic accounting — her firm offers multiple levels of service, from streamlined "indication of value" analyses used in mediation all the way to full court-ready expert reports. Her goal is always to make sure that whatever you spend on financial analysis actually makes sense given the value of what's at stake.TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Introduction: Business and divorce — why it's uniquely complicated01:20 - Sara introduces herself and SN Forensics02:05 - When one spouse doesn't have access to the business financials: what to do03:10 - The "check your mail" strategy for identifying unknown financial accounts03:45 - What IRS tax transcripts are, how to get them, and why they matter05:00 - What a business valuation is and why courts care about it05:50 - How forensic accountants identify income hidden in business expenses06:40 - "Instant poverty syndrome": when the business mysteriously loses money before divorce07:30 - What happens when tax fraud surfaces in a divorce proceeding08:20 - Using business valuations as leverage to push your ex toward settlement09:10 - Service businesses and the "discount for lack of marketability"09:50 - Free spousal labor in a business — and why it may not protect you in court11:00 - Types of valuation: back of the envelope, indication of value, and full expert report12:00 - How to find Sara Nanchanatt and SN ForensicsConnect with Sara Nanchanatt:🌐 Website: snforensics.com 📸 Instagram: @snforensics (brand new — reach out directly with questions)📸 Follow BTGO on Instagram: @been_there_got_out 📖Read our blog: BeenThereGotOut.com/blog#DivorceFinances #BusinessValuationDivorce #ForensicAccountant #HiddenAssets #HighConflictDivorce #DivorceStrategy #CoOwningBusinessDivorce #InstantPovertySyndrome #DivorceCoach #FinancialAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #DivorceAdvice #BeenThereGotOut

Sara Vandenburg brings a perspective you won't find anywhere else: she's both a highly credentialed therapist specializing in childhood sexual abuse AND a survivor who has done the deep healing work to talk about her own experience "like the weather." In this profoundly important conversation with Lisa Johnson, Sara shares insights that could literally save children's lives and transform families.Why Sara's voice matters: As someone who experienced incest by both biological parents over an eight-year period and has trained extensively in trauma therapy (LCSW Supervisor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Brain Spotting certified), Sara understands both the clinical realities and the lived experience of familial sexual abuse. Her ability to discuss her own trauma with complete peace demonstrates what's possible with proper therapeutic support.This interview offers guidance no other resource provides - the intersection of professional expertise, personal recovery, and practical strategies for parents navigating the most difficult situations imaginable in high-conflict custody cases.What You'll Learn:✅ How one in three girls and one in ten boys experience childhood sexual abuse✅ Why incest may occur in one in ten households (and why it's severely underreported)✅ The critical difference between sexual abuse by anyone vs. abuse within families✅ Sara's concept of the "elephant in the room" - why untreated trauma affects your children✅ How family secrets travel through generations even when children don't know the details✅ The neuroscience behind why stored trauma in your body creates vulnerability in your kids✅ A powerful story of three-generational disclosure and healing✅ How to create an environment where children feel safe telling you anything✅ Why your reaction to small disclosures determines whether children will share bigger concerns✅ What brain spotting therapy is and how it releases stored trauma from the body✅ How brain spotting differs from EMDR (both use bilateral brain stimulation)✅ The importance of finding therapists who understand your trauma doesn't define you✅ Age-appropriate language for teaching body safety to children as young as 4-5✅ Why pornography exposure at ages 8-9 means earlier conversations are essential✅ Documentation strategies when you notice behavioral changes in your child✅ How to distinguish between patterns and isolated incidents✅ Understanding healthy shame (humanity, humility, responsibility)✅ Understanding healthy guilt (values and amends)✅ What complete healing looks like - being able to discuss trauma matter-of-factly✅ Why waiting until children are 25+ is often best for certain disclosuresAbout Sara Vandenburg, LCSW-S: Sara Vandenburg is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor in Texas and Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Hawaii with specialized training in treating familial sexual abuse and trauma. Her credentials include:- Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor (Texas)- Licensed Clinical Social Worker (Hawaii)- Certified Sex Addiction Therapist- Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor- Certified in Brain Spotting (advanced somatic therapy)Sara's micro-niche is familial sexual abuse, and she offers counseling, coaching, and energy healing services through her practice. Her forthcoming book, "Choosing to Love Again: Overcoming the Kind of Betrayal That Nobody Talks About," provides 60% personal memoir and 40% clinical guidance with experiential exercises for healing from profound betrayal.📚 RESOURCES & CONTACT INFORMATION:Sara Vandenburg:Website: tonalliservices.comServices offered: Counseling, coaching, energy healingBook a free complimentary conversation to explore working togetherUpcoming book: "Choosing to Love Again: Overcoming the Kind of Betrayal That Nobody Talks About" (2026 release)

Making critical decisions in high-conflict divorce when you can barely trust your own judgment? This interview is essential viewing. After experiencing gaslighting, manipulation, and betrayal in a toxic relationship, many people struggle to trust their instincts—especially when the stakes are highest. Should you push for a custody evaluation? Is your ex really alienating the kids, or are you being paranoid? How do you read the Guardian ad Litem? What if you're wrong about everything? Strategic intuition expert Jock Brocas—who used intuitive intelligence to stay alive in military operations and high-risk security situations—shares practical techniques for cutting through fear and confusion to make sound decisions when everything is on the line. This conversation goes far beyond typical "trust your gut" advice. You'll learn pattern recognition techniques, box breathing for high-stakes court situations, and how to distinguish between fear-based panic and genuine intuitive warning signs. These are military-grade tools adapted for family court survival. Perfect for anyone facing custody evaluations, court hearings, mediation with a difficult ex, or any high-conflict situation where you need clarity but fear is clouding your judgment. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:✓ Strategic intuitive intelligence: Combining your experiences, training, and natural intuition✓ Why fear gives you the wrong signals exactly when you need accuracy most✓ Pattern recognition for identifying your ex's manipulation tactics✓ How to tell if it's genuine intuition or just anxiety/ego✓ Box breathing: Military technique for staying calm in court or evaluations✓ The power of "the pause" before responding to provocations✓ Simple practices that train your mind to recognize signals vs. noise✓ Why going silent is your superpower in high-conflict situations ABOUT JOCK BROCAS:Jock Brocas brings a unique combination of military intelligence, high-risk security experience, and spiritual research to the question of how we make critical decisions under pressure. With 25+ years as a professional medium and extensive work in executive protection and undercover operations, Jock now works with lawyers, scientists, and professionals on strategic intuition. He's completing a master's in psychology (PhD starting October) and founded Help4Lawyer to support legal professionals in high-stakes cases. Author of "Powers of the Sixth Sense." LIKE this video if it helped you see your situation more clearly. SUBSCRIBE for weekly expert guidance on high-conflict divorce. COMMENT: What decision are you facing right now where you need better intuition? #HighConflictDivorce #CustodyEvaluation #FamilyCourt #StrategicIntuition #DivorceStrategy #ToxicCoParent #CourtPreparation #GuardianAdLitem #CustodyBattle #IntuitiveIntelligence

"I'll never trust again."That's what Lisa thought after discovering the truth about her nearly 20-year marriage—the serial affairs, the unprotected sex that put her health at risk, the father-in-law who helped finance the betrayals while smiling at Sunday family dinners. For two years, she told only three friends, consumed by shame and terrified that if others knew the truth, she'd never have the chance to "fix" her family.Maybe you've thought those same words. Maybe you're living that same silence right now.In this deeply personal conversation, Lisa opens up about her own betrayal trauma journey while Dr. Debi Silber—who conducted a PhD study specifically on betrayal after experiencing it twice herself—explains why betrayal destroys us differently than any other loss, and more importantly, how to actually heal.If you're stuck in hypervigilance, unable to trust your own judgment, or wondering if you'll ever feel safe again, this conversation offers both validation and a clear roadmap forward.IN THIS CONVERSATION:- Why betrayal feels intentional in ways other trauma doesn't—and why that matters for your healing- The "Window of Willingness" that reveals instantly whether your partner is truly remorseful or just protecting themselves- The five stages everyone moves through after betrayal (and why being "fine" might actually mean you're stuck in Stage 3)- Why you can't trust others until you rebuild trust with yourself first—and exactly how to do that- How Lisa went from "I'll never trust again" to an 11-year relationship built on genuine safety- The critical difference between a betrayer who has potential to change and one who's just buying timeYOU'LL RELATE TO THIS IF:- You discovered your partner's affair and your entire reality feels like a lie- You're stuck replaying moments, wondering "how did I miss the signs?"- You've been told you're "too sensitive" or need to "just get over it"- You're covering for your ex because explaining the truth feels too shameful- You don't know who to trust anymore—including yourself- You're "fine" on the outside but completely numb on the inside- You're co-parenting with the person who betrayed you and it's destroying youDR. DEBI SILBER'S THREE GROUNDBREAKING DISCOVERIES:Discovery #1: Betrayal is fundamentally different from all other trauma because it shatters every aspect of self—your identity, your judgment, your ability to trust reality itself. Traditional grief models don't work because you're not just mourning a loss; you're rebuilding who you are from scratch.Discovery #2: Everyone moves through five predictable stages after betrayal, but most people get stuck in Stage 3—a deceptive phase that looks like healing but is actually just survival mode. This is why therapy often fails: therapists see you're "functioning" and think you're healed, but you're actually trapped behind walls of protection.Discovery #3: You cannot rebuild trust with others until you first rebuild three specific types of trust within yourself: trust in your judgment, trust in your perception of reality, and trust in your ability to make decisions. This is why "just trust again" advice fails—it's asking you to build the roof before you've laid the foundation.ABOUT DR. DEBI SILBER:Dr. Debi Silber is the founder and CEO of The Post Betrayal Transformation Institute. After experiencing betrayal first from her family and then from her husband, she enrolled in a PhD program to study betrayal—even though she "could barely breathe" at the time. Her research led to the three discoveries shared in this video and has transformed how thousands of people understand and heal from betrayal trauma. Her upcoming book "Unstuck" (launching March 22) helps practitioners better support clients dealing with betrayal.RESOURCES:Dr. Debi Silber: https://thepbtinstitute.co

Is your child struggling with your separation or divorce? Wondering if they need professional help? Licensed play therapist Jenny Hornby joins Lisa to discuss the critical signs that children need therapeutic support during high-conflict divorce - and why getting help for yourself might be even more important.In this essential conversation, you'll discover when therapy becomes necessary, what different therapeutic approaches can offer, and how to find the right mental health professional for your family's specific situation. Jenny shares expert insights on play therapy, EMDR for trauma processing, and why the "oxygen mask principle" applies to parents navigating custody battles.Whether you're just starting separation proceedings or deep into a custody battle, this conversation provides the guidance you need to support your child's emotional wellbeing while taking care of yourself too.🎯 WHO THIS IS FOR: Parents navigating high-conflict divorce or custody disputes who want to protect their children's mental health and get practical guidance on therapeutic support options.💡 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:00:00 - Introduction: Helping kids through parental conflict00:27 - How common is post-separation parental conflict?01:25 - Signs your child is experiencing trauma from divorce01:59 - Why "reorganization" matters for children02:54 - Should every child in divorce see a therapist?04:30 - What to look for: When professional help becomes necessary05:42 - Why parents need therapy as much as kids do07:23 - The airplane oxygen mask principle explained08:45 - How your emotional state impacts your children10:12 - Why kids can "see" more than you think11:48 - Your child's heightened sensitivity during conflict13:16 - What parentification means in divorce situations15:03 - How children fill emotional voids16:42 - Warning signs your child is becoming your support system18:28 - Why kids blame themselves for parental struggles20:15 - The danger of children taking on adult roles22:07 - Play therapy explained: What happens in sessions24:33 - Age-appropriate therapeutic approaches26:18 - Why play is the "language" of childhood28:45 - EMDR therapy for processing divorce trauma31:22 - How EMDR works: The science behind bilateral stimulation33:58 - Different EMDR techniques (eye movement, tapping, music)36:14 - When EMDR is most effective for children38:42 - How to locate qualified play therapists and EMDR specialists40:17 - The EMDRIA directory resource41:53 - Psychology Today as a search tool43:28 - The importance of therapeutic "fit"45:06 - The "three session rule" before making a decision47:22 - What to do when therapy isn't working after months49:11 - Lauren Barnett's therapist matchmaking approach51:38 - The "favorite teacher" technique for finding the right match53:55 - Why personality compatibility matters more than credentials alone55:42 - Jenny's children's book: "Made for This"57:18 - Using stories to start difficult conversations58:50 - Final advice: It really does start with you60:05 - Wrap-up and how to connect with Jenny📚 RESOURCES MENTIONED:EMDRIA (EMDR International Association) directory: emdria.orgPsychology Today therapist finderJenny Hornby's book "Made for This" (children's book about facing fears)Instagram: @MissJennyBooksWebsite: MissJennyBooks.com👥 ABOUT JENNY HORNBY:Jenny Hornby is a licensed counselor in Virginia, clinical supervisor, and specialist in both play therapy and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). She works with children ages 4 and up, providing individual therapy, family counseling, and parenting support. Jenny is also a children's book author, using narratives to help kids process difficult emotions and experiences.📖 RELATED RESOURCES FROM BEEN THERE GOT OUT:"Wh

🎯 "What does a custody evaluator actually look for?"If you're terrified of your upcoming custody evaluation, attorney Tracy Galloway has the answer—and it might not be what you think.Tracy has been a Massachusetts child custody and divorce attorney for over 30 years. She started at the Department of Children and Families working child welfare and abuse/neglect cases before transitioning to private practice in 1998.And here's what makes her perspective unique: Tracy does custody evaluations herself."I need to see that the person in front of me is being proportionate about their experience, but also able to hold in their mind at the same time that a judge needs facts and what's going to be best for a child," Tracy explains. "That's a lot of plates to hold at the same time."This conversation demystifies the custody evaluation process, explains the different types of GALs and what they're actually looking for, and provides practical strategies for presenting yourself credibly—even when discussing domestic violence.What You'll Learn:✅ What custody evaluations are and when they're ordered✅ Category E GALs (clinicians) vs. Category F GALs (attorneys)—and why the difference matters✅ Does it matter who pays the GAL? (No—and here's why)✅ Substituted judgment GALs: When child's therapy privilege is at issue✅ How to talk about domestic violence: "It's not the what, it's the how"✅ What "proportionate communication" means to evaluators✅ Why credibility matters more than having all the answers✅ Does confirmation bias exist? (Should you meet the GAL first?)✅ What evaluators want to see: openness, cooperation, child-focus✅ The two things to do TODAY if evaluation is coming✅ How to prepare: Brief, informative, factual email✅ Why anger management and exercise are critical✅ "You met that person, you made a baby with that person—this is what you have to work with"✅ Tracy's passionate, direct approach to helping clients take responsibilityAbout Tracy Galloway:Attorney Tracy Galloway has been practicing Massachusetts child custody and divorce law for over 30 years. Her roots are in litigation for the Department of Children and Families, handling child welfare, abuse, and neglect cases. Since transitioning to private practice in 1998, she's honed her focus specifically to divorce—"Because it's a very, it's its own model and it ends up with the happy result at the end of a divorce." Tracy also conducts custody evaluations herself, giving her unique dual perspective as both advocate and evaluator. She's the founder of Divorce Bootcamp, an online coaching business born from frustration that there isn't more accessible information available in multiple formats (video, not just text) for people navigating divorce. She offers free and low-cost resources, coaching, and "fresh talk" to anyone who needs it—literally giving her cell phone number and offering 5 free minutes to anyone who texts.⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Introduction: Demystifying custody evaluations02:10 - What is a custody evaluation and when is it ordered?03:58 - Category E (clinician) vs. Category F (attorney) GALs05:47 - Tracy's background: DCF to private practice to Divorce Bootcamp07:06 - How to talk about domestic violence to evaluators07:58 - Proportionate communication: Holding multiple plates at once09:45 - Credibility is everything: They need to believe you12:30 - Does it matter who pays the GAL? (Bias concerns)15:20 - Substituted judgment: Child therapy privilege evaluation18:40 - Does confirmation bias exist in custody evaluations?21:15 - What evaluators look for: Openness, cooperation, child-focus24:50 - Documentation: When and how to provide materials28:35 - Preparing for home visits and child observations32:20 - The importance of routine and stability36:10 - How long do evaluations take?<

🎯 "Mediation? With a NARCISSIST? Are you crazy?"If that's your reaction, you're not alone. Most people in high-conflict divorce assume mediation is pointless when dealing with someone who has a personality disorder or active addiction.But according to Liz Merrill—who spent 20 years married to a narcissist scientist before becoming a divorce mediator herself—it's worth trying. And here's why:"A surprisingly high percentage of people who come with high conflict divorces get through the mediation process successfully without having to resort to litigation," Liz explains. "Because by the time they start mediating and working through and understanding what their options are, they kind of realize that they're not likely to get a better resolution by litigating."Even if mediation doesn't result in settlement, you gain something invaluable: information."Keep your mouth shut and listen to what they're having to say and encourage them to talk," Liz advises for that crucial first session. "You will learn a lot about what's important to them, what they are thinking about, what their strategy might be. And that's all information that you can use in the future, even if you're not using it right now. And that's worth a lot."This conversation reveals why mediation is always worth trying, how to prepare strategically, what you can realistically expect, and why sometimes the "difficult" partner actually comes to mediation thinking they're smarter than everyone else—which creates an opportunity.What You'll Learn:✅ Why high-conflict parties often come to mediation (thinking they can "bamboozle")✅ The role of a CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) in keeping things factual✅ How facts, law, and math create a limited range of outcomes regardless of process✅ Why it's "absolutely always worth trying" mediation (even if only costs a few thousand)✅ The first session strategy: Keep your mouth shut and gather information✅ What you can't mediate (hint: anything that happened in the past)✅ How to prepare for mediation: agenda, goals, realistic expectations✅ Why you shouldn't tell your mediator your "whole sad story"✅ Strategic approach: Easy wins first to build goodwill vs. tackle hard stuff✅ How to use what you learned in session one to inform session two✅ Avoiding "barstool counsel" (Facebook groups, well-meaning friends)✅ Second Saturday workshops: Free divorce education for women✅ Why emotions are "on fire" and how professionals help manage them✅ When Liz's daughters asked "Mom, can we get divorced?"About Liz Merrill:Liz Merrill, known as "the divorce whisperer," is a Colorado-based divorce mediator who spent 20 years in a marriage with a narcissist—a very successful research scientist considerably older than her. They had three daughters together and moved all over the world. "I thought I had to stay in this situation for my children and for my own safety and for my financial safety," Liz shares. When her daughters (all around mid-teens at the time) came to her and asked, "Mom, are we—can we get divorced? Why are we?" she realized she wasn't being brave by staying—she was scared. She filed that day. The divorce process was as horrible as she feared, requiring a loan to pay for it. She went from attorney to attorney trying to explain her situation, and "almost all of them were horrible to me. They were acting like I was the problem." This experience, combined with recognizing how badly the court system is set up for divorces (particularly for people in abusive marriages and domestic violence situations), caused her to shift careers midlife. She used her limited maintenance time to get mediation training and build her business. For seven years now, she's helped hundreds of couples navigate divorce, with her approach informed by lived experience of surviving high-conflict marriage. Her company is Open Space Mediat

"I finally got out of that toxic relationship! I'm never doing that again!"Six months later: Same person, different body.If this pattern sounds familiar, you're not alone—and according to trauma therapist Sherry Gaba, it's not your fault. But it is something you need to understand if you ever want to break free."Love addicts are in love with love," Sherry explains. "And when they don't have a relationship, it feels like they are in the ethers of emptiness. So they will often settle for less because they feel so empty."That emptiness isn't weakness. It's not being "too needy" or "not strong enough." It's an attachment wound—often formed before you could even speak—that created a nervous system wired to associate chaos with love and safety with boredom.The good news? Once you understand how trauma bonds form, how intermittent reinforcement hijacks your dopamine system, and why your body literally becomes addicted to emotional chaos, you can finally start rewiring your patterns.What Makes This Conversation Essential:🎯 Names the exact cycle ("same person, different body")🎯 Explains WHY safe feels boring (nervous system conditioning)🎯 Reveals early attachment wounds most people don't know they have🎯 Shows how toxic partners "hook you in" from the beginning🎯 Unpacks intermittent reinforcement = slot machine addiction🎯 Provides daily practices for recognizing worth beyond people-pleasing🎯 Shares Sherry's personal recovery journey (love addict → trauma therapist)🎯 Explains different types of addiction (love vs. codependency vs. romance)🎯 Offers specific 12-step program recommendationsPerfect For:- Anyone who keeps attracting the same toxic partner- People whose ex had addiction issues or personality disorders- Those recovering from narcissistic abuse- Anyone who feels empty without a romantic relationship- People who find "stable" partners boring- Those dealing with shame about their "bad picker"- Anyone ready to understand the neuroscience of their patterns- People who need permission to choose safety over excitement- Those seeking community support that actually healsAbout Sherry Gaba:Sherry Gaba is living proof that understanding your patterns can transform your life. A psychotherapist and love addiction specialist, Sherry describes herself as "a love addict in recovery"—someone who experienced the emptiness, the people-pleasing, the turning herself "into a pretzel" to please unavailable partners. Her attachment wound? Being premature and spending her first three months in an incubator without maternal contact. "I was in an incubator. I did not get that first three months of attachment with my mom. So I had a lot of separation anxiety, attachment wounds." This early rupture, combined with an emotionally unavailable mother, set up lifelong patterns of seeking external validation. After being married to an alcoholic, Sherry shifted from working with addicts to working with families of addicts—recognizing her own codependency. Her specialty now encompasses love addiction, codependency, toxic relationships, and narcissistic abuse, using deep trauma therapy to help people connect internally rather than seeking external sources. Al-Anon literally changed the geography of her life—she moved from California to Florida because of connections made in recovery. Author of "Love Smacked," Sherry offers a free trauma quiz to help people understand the childhood roots of their relationship patterns.⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Introduction: Breaking the cycle of toxic relationships01:28 - The link between domestic violence and love addiction03:10 - Sherry's background: From addiction work to toxic relationships04:54 - The early attachment wound: Premature birth and incubator effects06:55 - Why you're attracted to what you know (even when it's harmful)08:31 - Love at fir

🎯 "If I don't get validation from my partner (or - yikes - my ex), I can't function. I'm a mess unless I get that feedback, that positive reinforcement."That's validation addiction, and according to Ralph Brewer, founder of Help for Men and author of five books including "The Dead Bedroom Fix" and "Rebuild: The Complete Guide," it's an epidemic affecting far more people than you'd think.Most people assume this compulsive need for external validation is a "female thing"—the anxious, preoccupied partner always seeking reassurance. But Ralph works with thousands of men who fit this exact profile: codependent, anxiously attached, desperate for their partner's approval, and willing to tolerate almost anything as long as they get occasional positive reinforcement.This conversation reveals the attachment dynamics behind toxic relationships, why men stay way too long hoping things will change, and what happens when men finally do show vulnerability—only to be punished for it.What You'll Learn:✅ What validation addiction actually is (and why it's different from just being "needy")✅ Anxious vs. avoidant attachment: The relationship dance that creates misery✅ Why most men seeking relationship help are codependent and anxiously attached✅ The "toxic hopefulness" pattern: Why men keep saying "I'd take her back"✅ How avoidant partners can appear almost narcissistic (but aren't quite)✅ Why men don't seek help or open up about relationship problems✅ The devastating pattern: Man shows vulnerability → Woman withdraws → Sex stops✅ Sex as the "barometer" for relationship health (male perspective)✅ What happens when a woman walks into a men's support group✅ Why gender-specific support works when mixed groups don't✅ The echo chamber problem: Getting validation instead of reality testing✅ How the Brotherhood creates safe space for 1,400+ menAbout Ralph Brewer:Ralph Brewer is the founder of Help for Men and author of five books, including "The Dead Bedroom Fix" (which has sold hundreds of thousands of copies and brought roughly 80% of his membership) and "Rebuild: The Complete Guide." He runs a private membership community called the Brotherhood with over 1,400 men, offering discussion forums, live Zoom meetings, over 1,400 hours of audio content, coaching, courses, and in-person conferences. The organization just held its sixth annual conference and brings together men recovering from divorce, overcoming abusive relationships, and rebuilding their lives. Ralph has been creating content under the handle "Dad Starting Over" for over a decade, with some videos reaching millions of views.⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Introduction: Validation addiction isn't just a female thing00:55 - Ralph's background: Help for Men, the Brotherhood, five books02:58 - Defining validation addiction: Compulsive need for external approval04:30 - Anxious vs. avoidant attachment styles in relationships05:59 - Why men in our community seem more hopeful than women07:48 - The "toxic hopefulness" pattern: "I'd take her back no matter what"09:53 - Why men don't seek help or talk about relationship problems11:40 - Society's message to men: You're weak if you can't handle her13:55 - The shame of being controlled by someone "so much smaller than you"16:22 - How abusive partners weaponize children to maintain control18:54 - "Who you gonna go get, mister?" The emasculation tactic19:52 - What happens when a woman walks into a men's group21:18 - Sex as the barometer for relationship health (male perspective)22:57 - The Dead Bedroom Fix: How Ralph's book built his community23:16 - 70% buy lifetime membership: What that says about community value24:00 - In-person conferences: Building real friendships beyond online support25:00 - How to find Help for Men and the BrotherhoodCONNECT WITH RALPH BREWER:🌐 W

🎯 **"90% of families with special needs children end up divorcing. And when they do, those children become incredibly vulnerable to gatekeeping behaviors that can lead to parental alienation."**Ashish Joshi—one of our most frequently cited experts and a leading attorney specializing in family violence, parental alienation, and neurodivergent family cases—returns to explain the critical intersection between special needs children and custody battles.If you have a child with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or other neurodivergent conditions, this conversation could change how you approach your custody case and protect your relationship with your child.**What You'll Learn:**✅ Why special needs cases are exploding in family courts (and what's driving the increase)✅ The 3 types of gatekeeping: Facilitative vs. Protective vs. Restrictive✅ When "protecting" your special needs child crosses the line into alienation✅ Implicit bias against neurodivergent parents in family court (and how to counter it)✅ Why having ADHD or autism doesn't make you an unfit parent✅ How your ex weaponizes your child's special needs against you✅ The perfect storm: Over-involved parent + under-involved parent + autistic child✅ Why family systems therapy is crucial for neurodivergent family cases✅ What to do when therapy sessions keep getting canceled (consequences that actually work)✅ Pre-alienation warning signs and early intervention strategies✅ Why one judge managing your entire case makes all the difference✅ The "Welcome Home Pluto" approach to psychoeducation for parents**About Ashish Joshi:**Ashish Joshi is an attorney whose practice focuses on cases involving family violence—including domestic violence, intimate partner violence, emotional abuse, coercive control, and parental alienation (which he describes as gatekeeping behaviors). His earlier background in criminal defense and family law led him into alienation work through issues of child suggestibility and forensic interviewing in child abuse cases. Over time, he's become a leading expert in cases involving neurodivergence—whether it's a parent on the autism spectrum, a child with severe ADHD, or other special needs situations. Ashish is frequently cited in our books and has become part of what we call the "dream team" of professionals who truly understand the most extreme divorce, separation, and custody situations.⏱️ **TIMESTAMPS:**00:00 - Introduction: The special needs + alienation connection01:40 - Why 90% of special needs families divorce04:43 - Ashish's niche: Family violence, alienation & neurodivergence07:04 - Implicit bias: When courts assume neurodivergent parents are unfit09:19 - The 3 types of gatekeeping (facilitative, protective, restrictive)12:18 - Red flags of restrictive gatekeeping behavior16:30 - The "perfect storm" in special needs custody cases20:15 - Why family systems therapy is essential24:50 - Enforcing therapy when the alienating parent won't comply28:40 - Court orders without consequences = meaningless paper33:34 - Creative solutions when teens refuse therapy36:48 - Pre-alienation warning signs and early intervention38:08 - The importance of psychoeducation (Welcome Home Pluto)**⚠️ This Interview Is Critical If:**- Your child has autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or other special needs- Your ex is saying "the child only responds well to me"- You've been accused of being unfit because of your own ADHD or neurodivergence- Your ex is weaponizing your child's special needs in court- You're the highly attuned parent worried about crossing into restrictive gatekeeping- Therapy sessions keep getting canceled with no consequences- You're seeing early warning signs of alienation but parents are still together- You have court orders that aren't being followed**Key Concepts Explained:**

🎯 "Just pretend they are dead."That's what a psychiatrist told Steven Eichenblatt's biological father—advice he followed when he dropped seven-year-old Steven and his twin sister off one day and never came back.Steven is now an attorney with 37 years of experience, a guardian ad litem who represents children pro bono in custody cases, and the author of "Pretend They Are Dead"—a riveting memoir about what it's actually like to be the alienated child.This conversation offers a perspective rarely heard in discussions about parental alienation: what happens to that child decades later? What are the long-term effects? How do you survive and build a life after that kind of abandonment?What You'll Learn:✅ What it's like when your father disappears and you come home to a stranger who's now your "new dad"✅ The Brady Bunch from Hell: Being thrown into a blended family with zero preparation✅ How compartmentalizing helps kids survive—and haunts adults later✅ Why Steven describes his emotional state as "the feeling of no feeling"✅ The journey to reuniting with his biological father (spoiler: there's no fairy tale ending)✅ What Steven sees as a guardian ad litem that parents don't understand✅ Why anger in custody disputes makes everything worse for your kids✅ The critical importance of not bad-mouthing the other parent (from someone who lived it)✅ How to present yourself to a GAL if one is appointed in your case✅ Why therapy and exercise are non-negotiable for parents in high-conflict divorceAbout Steven Eichenblatt:Steven Eichenblatt is a personal injury attorney in Orlando, Florida with 37 years of legal experience. He represents children pro bono as a guardian ad litem in custody cases—work he's passionate about because of his own childhood experience with family disruption and parental abandonment. He's been married three times, is a father of five, and openly discusses how his childhood alienation affected his ability to form intimate emotional connections in his adult relationships. His book "Pretend They Are Dead" chronicles his experience being abandoned by his biological father, adopted by an abusive stepfather, and his later journey to reconnect with the father who left.⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Introduction: Adult alienated child + attorney + guardian ad litem01:57 - "Pretend they are dead": The title's devastating origin03:05 - Steven's background: 37 years as attorney, guardian ad litem work03:26 - What happened: Father disappeared, new man moved in overnight05:11 - The Brady Bunch from Hell: Seven kids, no counseling, punitive rules07:25 - Major disruptions all at once: New father, siblings, name change, move09:21 - Compartmentalizing to survive: "The feeling of no feeling"12:15 - Difference in impact between Steven and his twin sister15:40 - The journey to finding his biological father (no fairy tale)18:22 - Learning his father's side of the story (complex, no villains)21:35 - Long-term effects: Struggles with intimacy and emotional connection24:10 - What he sees as a guardian ad litem27:45 - How to present to a GAL: Don't be angry, be organized30:18 - The critical mistake parents make: Bad-mouthing the other parent33:50 - Why the "victim role" doesn't serve you or your kids37:24 - Practical advice: Therapy, exercise, managing anger40:21 - Where to find Steven and his bookREAD STEVEN'S BOOK:📚 "Pretend They Are Dead" - Available on Amazon🌐 Website: www.stevenscottiechenblatt.com📧 Available for questions and lawyer referrals in FloridaBEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES:📚 Parental Alienation Course (Launching March 2026)💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog#ParentalAlienation #AdultAlienatedChild #GuardianAdLitem #ChildhoodTrauma #

🎯 "Loss is loss. And we lose not only loved ones, but we lose a lot of different aspects in our life. Losing a child through disconnection... that is a really serious aspect of grief."Jock Brocas—spiritual medium, psychologist researcher, ex-military, and grief expert—explains the unique grief of alienated parents during what he calls the "Bermuda Triangle" of holidays (Thanksgiving through New Year).This conversation addresses the grief no one talks about: when your child is alive but you've lost them. When they've rejected you or been turned against you. When you're experiencing what Jock calls "living bereavement."What You'll Learn:✅ Why grief isn't the five stages you learned (and what it actually is)✅ The "golden thread" that runs through every type of loss✅ Why disconnection—not death—is at the heart of all grief✅ The first grief people don't recognize: disconnection from yourself✅ Why holidays amplify grief for parents separated from children✅ How anger serves a purpose (and what to do with it)✅ The power of journaling—written, video, or audio✅ Why gratitude needs to go deeper than surface level✅ How to know yourself when you've lost your center✅ Practical tools for processing grief without closureAbout Jock Brocas:Jock Brocas is a spiritual medium, psychologist researcher (finishing Masters in Transformational Psychology), founding chief editor of Paranormal Daily News, and author of multiple internationally published books. With backgrounds in military service and monastery training, Jock brings unique perspective to grief work—combining spiritual wisdom with psychological research. He's spent over 25 years helping people process all types of loss, from battlefield deaths to relationship disconnection to parental alienation.⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Introduction: Grief expert meets Been There Got Out02:42 - What makes this grief different from death or divorce04:48 - Jock's background: Medium, psychologist, military09:01 - Why the "stages of grief" are wrong15:30 - The Bermuda Triangle: Holidays and alienated parents20:45 - Disconnection as the heart of all grief27:15 - Anger's purpose and how to channel it33:40 - Journaling as cathartic practice38:20 - Video and audio journaling techniques42:35 - The first grief: Disconnection from yourself44:07 - Understanding gratitude beyond surface level47:18 - Jock's upcoming grief course48:40 - Final thoughts on transformationCONNECT WITH JOCK BROCAS:🌐 Website: https://JockBrocas.com📱 Instagram: @jockbrocas📰 Paranormal Daily News (Founding Chief Editor)📚 Multiple Published Books on Spirituality & GriefBEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES:📚 Parental Alienation Course (March 2026): [Link]💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog#Grief #ParentalAlienation #AmbiguousLoss #LivingBereavement #HolidayGrief #Disconnection #GriefTherapy #SpiritualMedium #ChildRejection #HolidaysWithoutKids

🎯 "I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. It was all because of what I was doing—what we were doing—to my kids."If that sounds familiar, this conversation is for you.Jill Barnett Kaufman is a licensed therapist, divorce coach, certified mediator, and co-parenting expert who's been helping parents since the 90s. But she's also been exactly where you are—terrified that divorce would ruin her children's lives.Now, years later, with thriving adult children (including a middle child who recently told her she finally understands what a healthy relationship looks like), Jill shares what actually protects kids during high-conflict divorce—and why your fear that they'll be ruined is probably wrong.What You'll Learn:✅ Signs your child is struggling vs. normal adjustment to divorce✅ Why anxiety and depression in kids look different than you'd expect✅ What regression actually means (it's not just bedwetting)✅ Why your ex will treat your child differently than they treated you✅ How to respond when your ex badmouths you to the kids✅ The power children have that spouses don't (and why this matters)✅ Parallel parenting vs. co-parenting: When to accept reality✅ Communication strategies when every notification triggers your PTSD✅ Why using ChatGPT for emails usually backfires (and what to do instead)✅ The one truth that changed Jill's perspective: Staying in an unhealthy marriage teaches kids THAT is what relationships look likeAbout Jill Barnett Kaufman: Jill is a licensed therapist, divorce coach, and certified mediator who's specialized in parenting and co-parenting since the 1990s. She runs a large Facebook community for people going through separation and divorce and offers group coaching, one-on-one support, an online course, and a book. Most importantly, she's lived it—she went through her own high-conflict divorce when her son was 12, experiencing the same terror about her children's futures that she now helps other parents navigate.⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Introduction: Will my kids be okay?01:44 - Signs your child is struggling with divorce stress03:10 - What regression looks like (beyond bedwetting)04:47 - Anxiety and depression in children: What to watch for06:16 - When temporary symptoms become concerning08:39 - Why your ex will treat your child differently than you09:52 - The power kids have that you didn't as a spouse11:15 - How to respond when your ex badmouths you13:40 - Teaching kids to set boundaries (without coaching them)15:20 - The importance of listening more than talking17:36 - Why parents shouldn't script kids' responses19:00 - Parallel parenting vs. co-parenting reality19:58 - Communication when every notification triggers PTSD20:45 - Common communication mistakes (even with ChatGPT)22:35 - The truth about staying "for the kids"24:25 - Why kids feel responsible when you're struggling25:27 - How to find Jill and her communityCONNECT WITH JILL BARNETT KAUFMAN:🌐 Website: https://DivorceCoachJill.com📧 Email: [email protected]👥 Facebook: Separation and Divorce Support Community📚 Book, Online Course, and Group Coaching availableBEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES:📚 Strategic Communication Course: https://programs.beentheregotout.com/strategic-communication💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog#KidsAndDivorce #HighConflictDivorce #ParallelParenting #DivorceCoach #HealthyParent #CoParenting #AnxiousKids #DivorceAdvice #ParentingAfterDivorce

🎯 If divorce paperwork makes you want to crawl under your desk and never come out, you're not alone—and you're not broken.Jorie Houlihan, a certified life coach specializing in ADHD (and diagnosed herself at age 49), explains why so many people in high-conflict divorce situations struggle with the organizational demands—and what actually helps.Even if you don't have an ADHD diagnosis, the strategies Jorie shares work for anyone dealing with overwhelm, decision fatigue, and the paralyzing stress of legal deadlines!What You'll Learn:✅ Why ADHD diagnoses are surging (especially for women) and what it actually looks like✅ The subtle signs of ADHD that get dismissed as "character flaws"✅ Why divorce paperwork triggers paralysis and decision fatigue✅ How to break overwhelming tasks into manageable chunks (the "3 questions at a time" method)✅ Body doubling: The weird productivity hack that actually works✅ Why analog tools (paper lists, physical timers) outperform digital for many people✅ Time blindness and how to work with it (not against it)✅ Celebrating small wins when you don't have a natural sense of accomplishment✅ Why "I did my best" isn't always enough—and what to do insteadAbout Jorie Houlihan:Jorie is a certified life coach who specializes in working with women diagnosed later in life with ADHD. After being diagnosed herself at age 49—30 years after first trying to talk to a doctor about it—Jorie now helps clients understand how their brains work, put guardrails around struggles, and recognize their strengths. She calls herself "your guide for the dopamine deprived" and hosts the podcast "ADHD and... with Jorie Houlihan."⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Introduction: ADHD and the shame cycle02:25 - Why ADHD diagnoses are increasing (it's not what you think)04:49 - The three presentations of ADHD and subtle signs07:19 - ADHD in divorce: Paralysis with paperwork and deadlines10:38 - The "3 questions at a time" method for overwhelming tasks13:25 - Externalizing thoughts: Why writing everything down matters16:42 - Decision fatigue and simplifying choices19:50 - Breaking tasks into tiny steps (and why that's not "cheating")23:15 - The dopamine crisis and shame cycle26:40 - Body doubling: The productivity hack that sounds weird but works29:30 - Analog vs. digital: Why paper lists and physical clocks help33:12 - Celebrating wins when accomplishment doesn't come naturally35:31 - ADHD strengths: Creativity, pattern recognition, empathy37:57 - How to find Jorie HoulihanCONNECT WITH JORIE HOULIHAN:🌐 Website: https://joriehoulihan.com📱 Instagram: @joriehoulihan💼 LinkedIn: Jorie Houlihan🎙️ Podcast: "ADHD and... with Jorie Houlihan" (available everywhere)BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES:📚 Strategic Communication Course: https://programs.beentheregotout.com/strategic-communication💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog

🎯 If your child is drowning in anxiety from family stress and you're tired of adding more therapy appointments, this conversation will open new possibilities. Brian Barry, Program Manager at Clay Art Center in Port Chester, NY, explains why anxious kids don't need fancy tools or expensive art supplies—they just need curiosity, enthusiasm, and a chance to get their hands messy. Lisa visits the Clay Art Center to explore how creative activities help children process stress without the pressure to talk about their feelings—perfect for kids dealing with divorce, custody transitions, or family conflict. What You'll Learn: ✅ Why anxious kids benefit from creative outlets (not more talk therapy) ✅ How clay's messy nature forces kids off their phones and into the present ✅ The misconception that art requires talent or expensive supplies ✅ Why "working with your hands" helps process emotions kids can't verbalize ✅ How failure in ceramics teaches resilience (things explode, break, or don't turn out—and that's okay) ✅ The importance of NOT forcing kids to talk about feelings during creative activities ✅ How digging wild clay teaches science, math, and perseverance ✅ Why parents should work alongside their kids (without pressuring performance) ✅ Alternatives if you don't have a local art center (air-dried clay, local schools, community programs) About Brian Barry:Brian Barry is the Program Manager at Clay Art Center in Port Chester, NY, where he coordinates community arts programs for children and adults. Before joining Clay Art Center, Brian worked at an educational nonprofit providing free tutoring for students in grades 2-12. Despite having zero ceramics experience when he started, Brian has learned firsthand how accessible and transformative working with clay can be—no prior experience or fancy tools required. ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:00:00 - Introduction: Art activities for anxious children 00:27 - Brian introduces himself and Clay Art Center 02:06 - Misconceptions about art and who it's "for" 04:07 - You don't need experience, skills, or expensive supplies 04:58 - Digging wild clay: Kids learn from start to finish 06:09 - The science behind clay (testing, absorption rates, shrinkage) 07:38 - Math, science, and art working together 09:15 - How clay helps anxious kids process emotions 10:30 - Technology addiction and why clay forces presence 11:53 - Learning resilience through failure (things explode and break) 13:16 - Student transformation stories: Confidence and growth 14:52 - Getting kids out of virtual worlds and into creative spaces 16:46 - The importance of joy (not performance or pressure) 18:03 - Why forcing kids to talk about feelings can backfire 19:00 - Alternatives if you don't have a local art center CLAY ART CENTER:📍 Port Chester, NY 🌐 Website: [Clay Art Center website] 📱 Instagram: [Clay Art Center Instagram] BEEN THERE GOT OUT RESOURCES:📚 Strategic Communication Course: https://programs.beentheregotout.com/strategic-communication 💬 Instagram: @been_there_got_out 🌐 Blog: https://beentheregotout.com/blog

When a child is turned against a loving parent, it can feel permanent, especially once that child is grown. Filmmaker Ginger Gentile, who exposed this in her documentary Erasing Family, joins Lisa with a message a lot of alienated parents have stopped letting themselves believe: it is not too late.After making the film, Ginger started helping families reunite directly. What she's learned is often the opposite of what the court fight teaches you. The instinct is to prove your case and win the big victory. The thing that works is quieter: keep the door open, keep encouraging your child, and stop making reconnection about who was right. She and Lisa talk through what reunification actually looks like, why it happens fast for some and slowly for others, and how to stay steady in the waiting.✅ WHAT YOU'LL LEARN ✅ Why reconnection is possible even after years of estrangement ✅ What the parents who actually reunited did differently ✅ Why "winning the argument" tends to push an alienated child further away ✅ How to keep the door open without pressuring your child ✅ What real reunification looks like, start to finish ✅ Why some families reconnect fast and others take much longer ✅ The "one big victory" trap, and what to aim for instead ✅ How to stay steady while you wait for a child to come back⏱️ TIMESTAMPS (+1:00 for the bumper) 0:00 Intro 1:00 From "Erasing Family" to reversing alienation 6:28 What the film taught her about reunification 11:30 The first alienation cases she worked 16:30 Blessing your child instead of fighting 21:30 What reunification actually looks like 26:31 Why some kids come back fast, others slowly 36:34 The "one big victory" trap 41:36 Where to find GingerCTA (spoken): Trying to reconnect with a child who's been turned against you? Book a free discovery call at beentheregotout.com. Books: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Out-Against/dp/1967674183 · Been There Got Out — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Relationships-Circumstances/dp/194627495X/ Tags: parental alienation, reversing parental alienation, ginger gentile, erasing family, reunification, estrangement, alienated parent, high conflict divorce

Danny Karon calls it legal wellness: the upkeep that keeps a small legal problem from turning into a large one. He frames it as the neglected third bucket alongside emotional and financial wellness, and argues that when your legal health falls apart, it takes your peace of mind and your bank account with it.Danny Karon is a consumer-protection and class-action attorney based in Cleveland, Ohio, who has taught complex litigation at the law-school level and wrote a guide to legal wellness for people who never thought the law was for them. This is a general access-to-justice conversation rather than a family-law episode, so his stories come from small claims and consumer cases, and Lisa connects them to the family-court audience.In this episode, Karon and Lisa cover why leaning on AI for legal work is dangerous, given the hallucinated citations that have gotten lawyers fined, and what it actually takes to represent yourself: knowing what to file, how to serve the other side, and when to lean on the clerk of courts for help with the mechanics. He talks about dressing and behaving in a way the court takes seriously, reading the room, and letting go of the dramatic-courtroom fantasy that sets people up to be disappointed.He closes on legal wellness as prevention: read your contracts, notice the arbitration clauses and liability waivers you cannot change, and adjust your behavior around them. The message he keeps returning to is empowerment through education, doing what you can for yourself and hiring a lawyer only when you truly need one.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy outsourcing legal work to AI is risky: invented case citations, and lawyers being sanctionedRepresenting yourself means being held to the same rules of procedure and evidence as any attorneyGetting the mechanics right: what to file, how to style it, and how to serve the other sideWhy the clerk of courts can be a real ally, especially in small claimsWhy dress and demeanor matter: look the part, because the judge doesReading the room: watch the judge, and know when to stop talkingLegal wellness as prevention: read your contracts, arbitration clauses, and waivers before signingThe through-line: empowerment through education, and hiring a lawyer only when you must⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 When the system meant to help makes things worse 3:00 Meet Danny Karon: Cleveland lawyer and professor 5:00 Why AI is a bad idea in law 7:00 Representing yourself: same rules apply 8:00 Getting your filings and service right 9:30 The small-claims story: preparation shows 11:00 What to wear, and looking the part 15:00 No Perry Mason moments: courtroom reality 18:00 Read the rules, and make the clerk your ally 21:00 Legal wellness: reading the contracts you signKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Danny Karon at Your Lovable Lawyer: https://yourlovablelawyer.com/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.

What if the child who seems to have it all together is actually struggling the most? Join us as we sit down with Colorado therapist Stacy Schaffer, who offers her expertise on the hidden emotional battles children face during parental conflict and divorce. We examine the façade of the "shiny kid," outwardly thriving yet internally wrestling with feelings of guilt and responsibility. Stacy shares strategies to empower these young ones by focusing on their ability to control their emotions and reactions, providing them with a much-needed sense of agency and resilience.We also explore the creation of "comfort kits," a resourceful way to help children engage their five senses to navigate challenging situations. Discover how to fill these kits with comforting sensory items, such as personalized notes and soothing scents, to offer solace and connection wherever they are. Additionally, we discuss the potential future of counseling services beyond Colorado and Texas, as changes in professional licensing could soon make mental health support more accessible. Tune in for practical strategies and insights that promise to support children in managing their emotions and to stay informed on the evolving landscape of mental health services.

Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky, a distinguished psychologist and marriage and family therapist, returns to share her invaluable insights on one of the most challenging issues faced by military couples: infidelity. With infidelity rates climbing by 22% during deployments, Dr. Polinsky unveils the seven distinct types of affairs that can arise, offering a clearer understanding of the underlying motivations. The conversation delves into the immense stress and separation distress that deployments can impose, often leading to emotional disconnection and conflict that may drive individuals to seek solace elsewhere. Her expertise helps listeners navigate the murky waters of self-blame and relationship challenges.As technology bridges the distance between separated partners, it also introduces new dynamics that can inadvertently fuel infidelity. Our discussion touches on how tools like Wi-Fi on military ships enable frequent communication but also open doors for missteps. Dr. Polinsky categorizes affairs into three main types—protest or revenge, "come and get me," and burnout exit—each with its unique emotional drivers. With her guidance, we unravel the complex emotions at play and the potential pitfalls for long-distance and military relationships, offering a roadmap to understanding and addressing these issues.In our final segment, we tackle the intricate psychological factors that often underpin affairs, especially in those with trauma histories or in hyper-masculine professions. We explore the role of compulsive sexual behavior as an escape from emotional pain, drawing connections to childhood experiences that stunt emotional growth. Dr. Polinsky underscores the importance of understanding and patience, highlighting the potential for healing and growth despite the challenges. Through her insights, we aim to inspire hope and foster long-term commitment to change, providing a beacon of hope for those navigating the complexities of infidelity.

Comedian and relationship coach Paul Roseberry joins us for a candid chat about the transformative power of confidence in relationships. Discover the "security method," a fresh perspective on understanding personal worth and the courage to walk away from toxic dynamics. Through Paul's blend of humor and wisdom, we address the all-too-common fear that keeps people stuck in need-based relationships and unlock the potential of interest-based connections.Journey with us as we reflect on the profound impact of past relationships on our self-esteem and the art of building a solid foundation before diving into partnerships. With sharp insights and personal anecdotes, we critique the romanticized notions perpetuated by pop culture, encouraging listeners to create intentional relationship goals. This episode is your guide to forming authentic partnerships rooted in mutual respect, with a focus on building self-awareness and a strategic plan for personal growth.Drawing from his personal experiences and challenges, Paul shares stories of resilience, from overcoming poverty and stuttering to thriving as a vegetarian in the 80s. This is a narrative of perseverance, urging listeners to learn from past mistakes and minimize negative thought patterns. In an episode that balances life's struggles with its joys, we leave you with a sense of gratitude, a commitment to personal growth, and a reminder that even amidst technical hiccups, the journey to self-discovery is a rewarding one.