Stephanie: What an Attorney for the Child Actually Does

In family court, almost everyone speaks for the child: each parent, each parent's lawyer, sometimes the judge. Stephanie's entire job is to make sure the child speaks for the child.Stephanie is an attorney in New York who represents children in family court as an Attorney for the Child. Before that, she spent years representing domestic-violence survivors at nonprofit organizations across the state. She moved into representing children after repeatedly watching their court-appointed lawyers arrive unprepared, not knowing their client's age, home, or wishes, and she shares much of what she has learned in plain terms with a large following online.In this conversation, Stephanie and Lisa work through what an AFC actually is and does. She lays out the differences between an Attorney for the Child and a guardian ad litem, from confidentiality to whether they can be called to testify, and how she handles the fear every parent raises: what if the child is being coached? She explains the "substitute judgment" the law requires when there is real proof of coaching, why she still advocates for what a child wants even when she would counsel otherwise, and why children are entitled to the same representation adults get.They also cover the parts parents get wrong: trying to tell the AFC what to ask, resisting the idea of a lawyer for their child at all, and assuming an AFC who is aligned with their child is therefore on their side (she is not, and what you tell her is not confidential). Stephanie talks through alienation and abuse by proxy, the therapeutic and supervised visits that can help a rejected parent even when they feel unfair, and the Lincoln hearing that lets a child speak to a judge privately. The part she keeps coming back to, she says, is getting to be the one who tells the court what a child actually wants.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhat an Attorney for the Child is, and how it differs from a guardian ad litemWhy an AFC keeps a child's disclosures confidential, and can't be made to testifyHow an AFC handles a child who may have been coached ("substituting judgment")Why the law has an AFC advocate for what the child wants, even when a parent disagreesWhy parents don't get to speak for their child's wishes, and where to put your concernsWhy "I'm an attorney, but not YOUR attorney" should change what you tell an AFCWhat a Lincoln hearing is, and how a child's voice can reach the judge privatelyHow therapeutic visits, though they can feel unfair, can help a rejected parent in court⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 From representing DV survivors to representing kids 3:00 AFC vs guardian ad litem: attorney, confidentiality, and who they serve 7:00 When a child is coached or lying, and "substituting judgment" 11:00 When a child wants something that isn't in their best interest 13:00 Fighting a 50/50 default, and how much weight an AFC carries 17:00 Why parents don't get to speak for their child's wishes 21:00 The parents who don't want an AFC talking to their kids 25:00 Building rapport, and asking about disparagement and the case 31:00 Misconceptions: not CPS, and not your attorney 37:00 Alienation, abuse by proxy, and therapeutic visits 47:00 Lincoln hearings, and being the voice for a kidKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Stephanie (@Steph_NY_Law) on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@steph_ny_law 🔗 Stephanie (@Steph_NY_Law) on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/steph_ny_law/🎧 More with Stephanie on this podcast Ep 35: When Family Court Won't Enforce Its Own Orders Ep 81: Why 'My Day in Court' Is a MythAbout Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.