Back Talk for Your 16-Year-Old

Back Talk Now Is the Right Time!As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an important role in your teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-teen relationship and growing your teen’s skills to communicate respectfully provides a perfect opportunity.  Conflict happens in families -- between spouses, among siblings, and between parents and teens. Arguing in family life is typical. “Back talk” can be defined as “argumentative replies.”^1 Teens can respond in anger, hurt, and frustration, using hurtful tones or words. But back talk also represents a power imbalance teens are trying to rectify. Power, after all, is a basic human need. Teens and young adults ages 15-19 are growing their listening, empathy, assertive communication, and problem-solving skills. Growing your teen’s skills to respond assertively but non-aggressively is essential to their success.Anyone may face challenges with back talk. “You can’t tell me what to do!” your teen may exclaim in anger and frustration when you say “No” to an unsupervised party where peers may be drinking. Your teen’s responses can make you angry and upset. As your teen develops, they must test their limits and rules to internalize them. This can lead to arguments between you and your teen. They will also have evolving emotional needs and may lack the communication skills necessary to ask for what they need. Using the steps below can help navigate this challenge with skill. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to prepare you.Why Back Talk?Whether it’s your fifteen-year-old screaming, “I hate you!” in a fight, your junior in high school shouting, “No, I won’t stop!” when screen time is over, or your nineteen-year-old crying, “It’s all your fault,” when they get rejected by their college of choice, establishing healthy ways of responding to life’s most challenging moments is a vital skill your teen needs to thrive. Today, in the short term, teaching skills to respond to disagreements in healthy ways can create●      greater opportunities for connection, cooperation, and enjoyment ●      trust in each other, and●      a sense of well-being and motivation  Tomorrow, in the long term, teaching your teen effective ways to communicate their feelings and needs●      develops a sense of safety, security, and self-belief●      grows skills in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision-making, and●      deepens family trust and intimacyFive Steps for Managing Back TalkThis five-step process helps you and your teen communicate during your toughest, most emotional moments in ways that do not harm. It also grows essential critical life skills. The same process can also address other parenting issues (learn more about the process[1] ).Tip: These steps are done best when you and your teen are not tired or in a rush. Tip: Intentional communication[2]  and healthy parenting relationships[3]  will support these steps.Step 1. Get Your Teen Thinking by Getting Their InputYou can get your teen thinking about healthy ways to communicate by asking them open-ended questions. You’ll help prompt your teen’s thinking. You’ll also better understand their thoughts, feelings, and challenges related to how they feel when confronting them so that you...