Well hello again all you marshmallows welcome to another episode of Jesse Wilders guide to life. I'm Jesse. That's why we're here To get your life marshmallows. Do you like going?
What's what's going on what's going on in your world dude? Oh dude you know how it is? Cashing checks watching Shrek's Like all okay, so like all of them does the first two I only see the first four they're nine Yeah, you're not not cutting into that deep shit I think there's four of them for and they started getting called things like Shrek the fourth and shit like that right They also did like a person boots movie. There's kind of a Shrek Yes, you as we all the school yeah Yeah, I did see piss and boots and it was not good and also maybe it was because I don't remember even one thing that happened in it Sure.
Yeah, yeah, of course of course of course. Do you think people out get shrek? This is an important discussion because Shrek sort of every once in a while reenters the public yeah Sort of conscious. Do you notice that every once in a while?
There's like a little Shrek Renaissance for some reason the Shrek is because people really fucking love Shrek There are people that fuck with Shrek dude. Do you think what point is it irony? I don't know there's no way that they're turning it on like in the same way that I turn on like I don't know a movie that I Think is really they're not watching Shrek like I would watch there will be blood and damn that's good dude I get that is good filming like what's what is it? Do you think?
Well Say what are you doing just turning on there will be blood? I'm not just having a nice relaxing evening. Yeah I just had a free two hour 45 on my hands and I need to jump in I don't think anyone that talks about how much they love Shrek actually sits down and silently watches the film track Yeah, it's more just like it's what's called being a fucking poser and you know all you real ass Shrek heads hit us up Yeah, or Shrek is dude. Yeah, the Shrek is yeah, they're there.
They're big I'm actually look up there must be a Shrek con you do Shrek on 2020 boom family will not you? They're all just wearing the gross little green ears. Oh god damn I bet those people look exactly like Shrek. Yeah, they probably behave as such as well You think it first Shrek the name Shrek or the drawing of Shrek.
Oh, I think Some person at DreamWorks was like I just said the best word. Let's get some funding behind this I think it was no I think you're mistaken on both parts I think that the origin is Mike Myers, right? And that's how someone heard that voice one of his classic bits and characters and then they were like well We got a fire up a drawing that goes with that. What's this?
Oh, it's a Shrek I think that's the order of operations is like all creation it goes back to Mike Myers Big shout out for you to shout out to Mike Myers anyways, we should talk about topic right and not sure We'll save this for our other podcast Shrek words star galactica. Oh try again do one more I'll save this for our other podcast Shrek it till you wreck it. Okay. Should we try for third?
Yeah, we'll try this on our other podcast The Shrek up that was supposed to be catch up and it didn't work. Oh didn't work. What about Shrek it Ralph What do we think about that? Oh, but Shrek it till you wreck it is that equally about Wreck it Ralph?
It is it's the crossover. It's the it's a fan theory Podcast where they talk about how those two universes of the same universe and that's every fucking episode. It's a daily podcast. That's the wild part This episode's about backyard barbecues.
Yeah Yeah Oh, yeah, I know he wouldn't do he doesn't like people remember that no I don't I don't remember most of Shrek He doesn't like people do these like an onion his layers, but anyways onion. Yeah, so guest list where's Shrek land? Oh, they're not quite lit. Yeah, I don't want Shrek at my barbecue couple top couple categories of the dome guest list location menu activities What about amenities?
Okay, I like where your heads I don't know what I have in mind for that I want to just get our knobs. I got what actually I got an amenity gone You've ever been to a place with an outdoor TV like somebody's home. Yeah, it's medium to me very pretty good Yeah, yeah, but it is and it's on that TV, bro. You toss the tribe up there.
I'm leaving. Yeah, well chives Yeah, no good that one's no good, but I mean it's cool. That might be the reason for a barbecue the big game Right exactly so it's cool. It's like instead of all trying to squeeze onto my couch You know, we got this back patio.
We'll pop out some chairs. We'll put the big game on the outside TV It's not occasion Okay, I like that because there are there are different reasons I just don't know if there's gonna be any that are good You know, I'll give you funeral maybe no no because I'm gonna say the big game is a very pretty good Okay, I feel like almost always this is populated by people that may not give a fuck about the big game Yeah, that's why I want to pause it just get together Social get together as very quite lit. Yeah, I love that. I love that rules just right no schools and what day is this happening on?
Okay, do we want to put that in occasion the point I'm trying to make is Saturday's very quite lit everything else is very Not quite lit. I cannot be spending my Sunday amping up to only have to crash into the Sunday scary mountain. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That's fair I was gonna say Sunday's a very pretty good. I don't want to do this on a Sunday on a Lord's Day Okay, yeah, that's fair and then any other day also. Yeah, so I guess just Saturday and then any other day is the Well, okay.
No, no Sunday has to be very pretty good because a huge occasion for a back-of-barbecue is a three-day weekend Mmm very true and the superb owl is always on a Sunday. Yeah, that's well and that kind of sucks because then you're gonna get kind of bullshit, right? Yeah, it's stupid. It's stupid What are we doing with that and the wild thing is is that like there's two weeks in between the Super Bowl and the last regular Play-off game or whatever just put it on a Saturday you big dickhead get over yourself I think that it on a Saturday I think that's it was on Sunday because like some to account for the like six-day work week folks like Sundays They're only day off so that's football day, but that's people they don't exist anymore if they're working on Saturday They're working on Sunday, too, baby, but three-day weekend because you say that's a very quite lit I do love a three-day weekend bar.
Yeah, that's bonus points. Okay. Yeah again, sorry gang location very quite lit rich people's house It's gotta be yeah, I got one I got a location for you That's very not quite lit and this was this happens a lot in cities. I feel like hit me a backyard barbecue at a place where there's no backyard Well, so like in New York the one on your little your tiny little patio we had a barbecue on our roof Which was cool, but not it was very hot like there's no shade It's not designed to be on top of so there's just like this like a hot tar that you're basically standing on I think that's a very pretty good a roof is not a very not quite lit to me.
Okay, okay I'll do roof. I'm gonna keep no backyard as a one, but I'll give a roof as a two. Yeah Like really good in your fucking living rooms. No good Well, I've been to one where people have those balconies that are like you know like literally like a foot deep out of their home You know almost like what we had at Paris where it was like not a balcony It was like just a ledge and they have like a form and grill out there and I'm like what are you up to that sucks?
Don't invite me. Yeah, put that shit in the oven or something at list. Who's there? I don't want my family there Yeah, families of two I think families of two yeah, I'll find I don't mind my family to back up You mostly because they host backyard barbecues.
I got another very not quite lit your location your own house I don't want to host I don't clean up. Yeah, yeah, we're talking about this When we did that rooftop barbecue We had a way to haul the barbecue up five flights of stairs and then back down at the end of the night Yeah, I used to have super bowl parties every goddamn year and it was fun until it was me on a Sunday night drunk having to get ready for work I mean cleaning shit up. It's horrible. Oh my god, dude another that's another horrible thing which like you'll You've already experienced a little bit but the being on the east coast makes that little gambit 50 times worse because Super Bowl legit Ends it like midnight.
Yeah, it's horrible. Yeah, you can't like the one time I went to a Super Bowl party It was like 1130 in the game wasn't over and I was like I'm going I have to wake up at 5 a.m. Tomorrow I can't be here for the end of this game because it's so fucking late doctor NFL doctor John NFL I know we're listening get the Super Bowl on a Saturday. Don't let me say it again.
It's so easy. It would be so easy It's one day. I yeah, I don't get it. I mean I get maybe what time it happens in February So there's not even like other sports conflicts.
It's not like no NBA or MLB is going in February That's it's because I bet it's because it's the day that most families watch TV together. Yeah, it probably sure it's like a ratings thing But at this point goes back to the fucking corporate monkeys up there on Wall Street with their fucking suits and their pockets full of doubloons Huh, do you know what I bet is another benefit of it? This is just I was talking about shitty marketing people but mm-hmm It's a if you have it on a Sunday much like a game of Trones it becomes more more relevant water cooler fodder You know what I mean like big time if it's not a Saturday You have a whole day to like talk to your friends about it and then you're gonna work on my day And it's like I already talked to my friends about this water cooler fodder. Hey, you guys see The Super Bowl you guys watch the big game the big one that they okay location or I guess this is amenity a pool We talked about this two episodes ago would be the heat, but a pool is very quite late, right?
I guess so I don't love hanging out by a fucking pool all day long You can't even be near it like a no I could be near it I don't I don't a cute a person's pool is very not quite like a hotel pool is set because it's maintained It's it's got a weight staff. Yeah, but you're not maintaining I mean obviously when I say pool I don't mean some fucking above ground rotten ass pool I'm talking about your go to your like dad's house has a pool He does backyard barbecues and like I'm like are there little kids flapping their nasty feet up and down No, dude, and my dad and my dad's pool has like a little landing. It's not it's not a it's like a step But it's like it's like four feet long or something So it's more like a platform and the water there's only like three inches deep so you could get your feet your tootsies wet feel good about that Or if you're feeling extra froggy pop a little chair in there pop the umbrella Get cool by the pool each of you cute. I think a pool is pretty lit.
Yeah, I find because the worst case There is what you just don't go in it, but you did mention something where I mentioned guessless kids obviously said no go Yeah, cuz no fucking my barbecue you get carded at the door and you got to be 18 Yeah, no kids, but old folks. I think even you gotta be 25 I think old folks might be very quite lit. I do like an old person at a barbecue. We think about that Check it out there.
Maybe they're sitting in the sun fan themselves with the brim of their big hat I think that's kind of fun. You love that that answer this experience for you. I think so Yeah, I think like I like a little uncle Charlie's fanning himself with his hat. All right the next day You're gonna be like oh dude the barbecue so fun.
Uncle Charlie fan himself with his hat Alright dude, so it's up to and yes, it's water cooler fodder You guys should have seen my grandma's big hat and she kept saying sweet pea bring me an iced tea and she would fan herself with her big flop Yeah, okay, that's nothing but I'll allow it It was very quite lit for the guest list like I think you do need fun party like one guy got to be dr. Party, right? Oh, you I don't know if I agree dr. Party is such a dangerous game I know doctor party is an interesting character any because he is necessary like who if I'm day drinking in the Sun I cannot be off my game for even one minute because I'm going to slip into the land of slumber and I need right dr.
Party is help you need you need somebody to put you on edge and to put a fire under your ass I cannot let my guard down with dr. Party right right so Okay, so I guess he's a very pretty good. He's very pretty good. Yeah, because He really is a very you could swing either way quickly.
Okay, so here guest list I this is a little dangerous. I don't know how we feel about this but I Kind of like this one of the situations where I like to mix my friend groups But I'm not just fine with that. I'm talking about like you need I think you need it. I think it's just one friend group It's hardly a backyard barbecue.
Do you know what I mean sure? Do you want do you want this to be? Like okay, think about what a backyard barbecue looks like on an ABC family sitcom. Okay, stupid I'm picturing something very stupid go on right and I'll think about what that guy looks like the one we've done them Yeah, um what's the which one you want because they're both have their pros and cons yes I will say that the the Food at a real life backyard barbecue is either going to be stellar or pretty bad I don't know that there's like a lot of times It's just a big pile of like what was frozen patties and I feel like that is never the case in the sitcom barbecue It's always like they've been for some reason they're making steaks for this backyard barbecue and like incredible Yeah, Bob like a lot of kabob play I feel like in the sitcom world.
So that's yeah, oh bro location a Coca-Cola commercial Oh, very quite late sure. He looks so good all the time I think we could add to that a Coca-Cola or beer. I have a beverage commercial. Yeah commercial I mean pretty good in general but beverage commercial for sure they're immaculate and sometimes are beat does beach barbecue count as Backyard barbecue.
No got it. I got a I got a guest list for you going very not quite late guest list go on backyard Griller. Sorry backseat griller. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course You do need a backyard griller the problem with it.
I don't need John floating over my soldier be like oh Yeah, that stinks but I'll tell you what else stinks is going to a barbecue where the food is bad and you see a room for improvement and you just have to bite your tongue and you do have to you You must yeah You just have to suffer with the fact like I went to one where I had to fight so strongly because the guy had got frozen patties Which fine whatever and then didn't do anything to him didn't put salt pepper on him didn't put a little worcestershire Just put cheese directly on him and that was that and I just wanted to be like dude you could put you know what it's fine You do anything it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, so back to you Stinks here's here's something I People agree with me on this but I'm generally a fan of Pollock. Yeah, I like that.
I like that. That's menu I want a lot of options. I wanted to go who Linda made her famous Reddy only dip. I don't know what that is.
That sounds good to me. I would order it. I would order it for sure Have you only dip put it on the menu. Yeah, okay?
I will even though Only dip dog Dude, what you dipping like a chip in there? They're not quite lit. I hate I hate Jell-O dog. I hate Jell-O with things in it.
I okay, so your backyard thing It is and I'll tell you I like Jell-O, but it's a for this instance. It's to me. It's in the heat dog It's gonna. It's not good.
It's not gonna hold up. That's a bad. It's a bad hot treat That's not would you agree that burgers and dogs burgers and dogs whether they be beef or vegetarian or whatever are necessary Yeah, I need both and also don't fucking ask me you want a burger or a hot dog. Are you kidding me?
You fucking psycho you invite me here and I get one or the other it is crazy that if at a restaurant There was one hot dog on the menu I would order one hot dog or one burger on the menu and I would order one burger and at a backer barbecue where I've already eaten like Four cups of wrath the only dip and like my way in ruffles. I'm like bro hot dog and burger at least one of each I'll probably have a fucking other dog on my way out baby and I scold him in our fat ass's defense though They're much smaller than like a restaurant though. Also, I don't think I could ever sit down at a restaurant or one hot dog It's true. There's a hot dog place near me that kind of rips and it's very I get to every time I need at least two hot dogs, so I need I need a burger and a dog at least and I want the vegetarian option I want that portobello.
I want that big fat portobello. Yeah, too much food is very quite lit I you can't it says for this is about excess. No one should ever be hung like and host that chipball get an empty You drop what you're fucking doing and you refill it. Oh, I got one I think I don't know if it's a menu or menu, but speaking of what you just said, you gotta have ice the ice Something I've realized you gotta have it and don't fucking tell me to get it unless I ask what can I bring in which case I'm gonna tell you ice like that's fine if you don't you can hit me with I'm gonna bring my special brownies that I got From my grandmother.
I'm say great, but if you say what should I bring? I'm gonna tell you ice and you better come with two bags You better be double-fisting my god one bag of ice is nothing. That's one drink for me, bro I'll put that in one single drink. I think that's an amenity.
Maybe because I guess it's not a menu. I don't That's rough for amenities. I mean it's it's an amenity in that like think about when we I mean when we were having parties as College kids we nobody fucking care. I mean by an hour in everyone was just drinking Whatever fucking nasty jungle juice in a plastic cup with definitely no ice.
It was for sure. I'll tell you I'm meant to use Going ice is an amenity fucking outdoor fridge is an amenity a beer fridge Oh, you don't have to reach my hand in that freezing cold fucking water lose all sensation of an egg thumbs Yeah, outdoor fridge is very good. Let me tell you another amenity I went to one time I went to a backyard barbecue our good friend Schmeggma's girlfriend's house first time ever matter You know what she had as an amenity in her backyard what fucking bounce house. Okay.
Yeah, I mean that's an activity I would say not a amenity both. It was fantastic. Yeah. Yeah bounce house is as much like a pool If you don't like it just don't go you know just don't go in the bank like a bounce house I'm so sorry to hear that you're the most un-fun person that ever lived That must be so tough for you to be so fucking cool.
Yeah, it's true I mean I might I might pass just because damn boy. You think I sweat normal you catch me in a bounce-out Baby, I'm dripping activities garage games like you know, maybe like a food or a ping-pong or a garage games Yeah, yeah, is that a three in the garage for a country? We call it a three Garage games long games obviously a three your corn hole your ladder golf your fucking k&j or whatever the fuck all that shit is cool I got a two for activities. I think drinking games are a two for activities I mean I pretty much only dabble in flip-up.
Yeah, and it's just kind of I don't fuck. I hate hate your Yeah, I agree with you and flip-up is fine. I don't particularly love it I don't particularly love any like of the kind of standard party drinking games But but mostly at a party like a house party, right? This is to me a defining difference between these two things at a house party That is a vibe that makes sense to me like people shouting over flip-cups I think that if you have a backyard barbecue where people playing flip-cup now it has turned into just a house party where we're in the backyard Does that make sense kind of I agree?
Yeah, see I'd like to argue that I've had backyard barbecues that contain either a backyard or a barbecue How you feel about that? Like I think a Super Bowl party is vibes of backyard barbecue. Yeah, there was a potluck action There was food that I cooked and I don't operate a barbecue, right? Yeah I think maybe we I have been to maybe one of those even with you that there was a backyard But we only spent like half of our time back there.
That's fine. It's the same vibe for sure I don't know that I would I don't know how to do it still feels more like a Super Bowl party Which could be its own whole category? Yeah, I'll give you menu items since we talked about potluck menu item That's very pretty good to me like pre-made stuff. I think it's cool Like I'm not gonna turn down like a safe way cookie, but if we're doing potluck, baby Give me the give me the sauce dude.
Give me the good good. Yes, make your special new-nose fucking special dip recipe exactly You we all have that so recipe that we keep locked away This is what it's for. Oh, you got the dankest buffalo chicken dip and you got to use nine thousand pounds of blue cheese in it Right, right make that shit if not now when if not now when I mean that's like when we had the potluck For our creative writing class final and basically everyone bought just like here I bought some fucking crackers from Trader Joe's and we I brought a fucking crop pot full of chili Like a king fat so which by the way everyone fucking ate it of course And then the guy that the weird guy that we collaborated with sometimes he brought a whole fucking charcuterie board That he had like assembled himself and that is what you need from a potluck, baby Don't bring me your fucking Trader Joe's chips. I've entered your Joe's.
I know I want to also speaking of this and speaking something You said earlier about what should I bring? Here's how the what should I bring conversation should go? Ask what you should bring and when you are asked what someone should bring do not say to me. I don't know What ever you're gonna want either say nothing we're good or ice or chips and dip or just give me fucking something right Right, right.
I brought this one specialty cracker chicken a biscuit. Yeah, I think it's really good specialty cracker. I guess it's very quite lit Yeah, first it is unfortunately it just is Thing it is no sometimes throw out things like unfort okay, of course This is better homemade, but something I do like and I know it's nasty is sometimes I love that grocery store fucking seven layer dip. Oh boy.
That is rough. No, I know it's a All that is dark makes it like who's gonna make it? I was at a party literally last night and it wasn't a backup barbecue, but I'll tell you what somebody had I'm gonna put on the menu homemade lumpia. Do you fresh me up?
Yeah, of course homemade Just how that go it is good as whoa Cowboy caviar. Oh, yeah, that's my special little veggies. I want corn. Yeah, what can I say?
I need it? I must have it corn. Yep. I need um, I need cold salads I need like a tater salad a max salad that is where they're not quite that store-bought is for me Do fucking store-bought like slaw like a tater salad?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah store-bought slaw. It's so fucking nasty That's a thing that's an active aggression. Yeah, you're getting turned away.
You're getting turned away Yeah, I'm checking ideas and I'm checking what you brought and if you are fucking of age, but you brought store-bought slaw Oh, and God bless we talk about Costco all the time God bless it But like if you show up with the six gallon drum of fucking Costco slaw that looks like more fluid than it is solid I we're gonna be gonna have a serious Costco you roll up with a couple Costco rotisserie chickens welcome home, you know you come to the right place Oh, yeah, so you want to know my move? I think we talked about this before but I used to roll in I lived down the street shout out upon shout out to Dinas chicken in Glendale, California great little great little fried chicken shop It's been there forever. I would roll in with a bucket of chicken and it was a hit. Yeah, yeah This is the one exception store-bought and this is why it's very pretty good restaurant.
I think a restaurant specialty is a very Quietly oh, you know, I bought the donuts from that one place with the banging donuts right right right right We are move has been we brought donuts to a party recently from a great donut place in your ass But we when we lived in Brooklyn we lived by this place It's like the best fucking bean pies and all of Brooklyn and so we would just go hop down downstairs walk down the block pick up Just couple bean pies you bring them in it's great conversation people haven't had bean pie before so Oh damn, this is good. Like yeah, dude. It's good. Here's where it's at dude.
Damn dude We talk about this all the time maybe at least in real life But maybe on the podcast too. There's this fucking guy in college Yeah, none of us cared for him too much, but he would roll up with a Like 20 fucking Jack in the box tacos and it was a good move. Yeah, always it was like he knew that nobody that he had to earn There was a way that he was paying his dude, you know what? It was like he kept getting those invites because yeah, he really made his presence worthwhile with that entrance Oh, yeah, I would like to say that with dessert bringing dessert is a two everybody brings dessert and bringing chips Is it too like let's get creative if you're gonna bring something think about this for more than 10 seconds before you walk into the store Right, no dessert because I just think that they don't even get eaten unless it's like homemade.
It's just like whatever No, we have enough chips and then I like I don't this feels like very much a family thing and not anything that we would do but like Show like with like a two liter of soda or something. Oh my god It's not so there is so fucking lame. I mean that's fine. I mean it's so they're a one dude.
No, no That's look if you're if that's supplemental to something cool that you're bringing it's it's fine I don't give a shit. Don't just roll up your only offering to my barbecue is a fucking two-liter mellow yellow I'm yeah, you brought mellow yellow and do death with that shit. I was gonna say I'm spraying your eyes But the whole point of that shit is not carbonated. Oh my god.
Is that real? That's so gross. So I called mellow you dude You drink that on frozen TV. Yeah, I think we paired it with one of our meals delicious.
Okay, I have an amenity that I think is Very quite late. It's kind of vague, but this again come from my dad any advanced outdoor cooking devices Oh, you know, I mean so like gadgets a smoker, but this is for the host only Yeah, well But it's an amenity for me cuz like I know that now it's like if you're giving me the choice of two barbecues one I'm gonna webber and one he is a fucking smoker. I'm gonna pick smoker 10 times out of 10 Oh, if that person's gonna come over early this is actually exactly speaking again He has a deep fryer and I he would get to work in the lab on that shit. Yeah, and that's speaking of that A very quiet menu thing to me is whatever bullshit you saw on a BuzzFeed recipe video.
Oh, this is this is what this is for now Yeah, like I made some you know top-down cooking video shit where I was making those grilled cheese tomato soup like deep-fried dumb Right, right and they're fucking good. I don't disagree with you because it's not for yourself at home that you can do it once But you can't just constantly be making like no this meatloaf fucking sandwich or whatever the fuck Honestly ravioli dip is the perfect example of what BuzzFeed freak shit is Meatloaf sando yeah, I would I would go a little I would be not big to not oppose to that. What you know, I almost ordered meatloaf in a restaurant on Friday night I came real close. Yeah, I love I'm having myself a little meatloaf Renaissance We've been making it at home just like little oh the loaf is on says Yeah, baby.
I've hi right on the heels of the other Shrek is yeah, the two are not unrelated as you could guess Many people have called Shrek the meatloaf of film Honestly, I bet someone has I mean I'd like to think that we came up with it just now But we definitely didn't and it's definitely true. Mm-hmm great. So Shrek is meatloaf I like a Bob. So we think about a kabob great right a grilled kabob It is always good I should say one last time someone that wasn't a restaurant made you a good kabob Well, I just think that I feel like I thought that shit up hard about it like you can make it good if you're not an idiot But yeah, I don't disagree with you.
It's a little high risk. I reward. I'll give it a two for that I like them picks and sticks, please what's up? Oh like things I would eat with a pick or a stick Oh, okay.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Check out this you take a look in the crockpot homemade homemade mini barbecue meatballs Mm-hmm take a look over on that table.
Oh, we're doing Ellen, you know feta mint lime skewers, right? Right, right? My stepdad specialty is he'll just while he's smoking whatever we're gonna have as the main course or grilling whatever we're having He'll cook up a little cup just a couple on the side a couple of brats sometimes like an Italian sausage or something that just Kind of up a quick bring out some toothpicks a little bit of mustard That's what's up. Well, I'm a bush as it were is there a situation where you can attend a backyard barbecue that is an event that you There's ticketed and you have paid for yeah, I think so I think that like is that a waste of your fucking time or what?
This is not what this is for. Yeah, I don't love ticketed. I don't know what that is. I guess occasion I think that's not good like if some hotels like oh, we're doing a memorial day barbecue, you know 50 bucks ahead.
Yeah, that stinks I don't like that. No, dude. I don't like that. That's such an uncut like what you do That's a music fest with no music like you're paying a bunch of money to just like what eat with a bunch of people you don't know I don't know.
I'm an obsessed. Oh boy. That's a whole other category the guest list if this is a small event where I might not know a lot of people You must disclose that to me. You must disclose that to me Yeah, I do not want to show up expecting to throw down and get there and there's like oh, this is uh my other friend Russell and that's it, right?
Yes, yes, you know what I mean? Okay, so disclose the guest list. Yeah in some fashion Remember back when Facebook events were the guiding principle of all events and remember when people started hiding the fucking guest list on them? Yeah, so wild so wild for what purpose?
Why what purpose? Fuck? Yeah, you fucking sleuthin around They have this club for me. You have to see the guest list and then you're not my friend also.
That's exactly correct. Yeah, it's that's right You've done it. That's correct. Give me some freaking heat it right now, dude I have a two for activities go on freeze me and and ball a toss and ball a ball to toss around all two toss around So like I'm saying like a football or I guess in a scenario where like in the street or whatever Well, I mean you're in a backyard So let's say there's a person's first be in the backyard or or football in the backyard where people are trying to hang out is very not Quickly to me.
Oh, so you're gonna give it a full one. Okay, done. Oh, if it's out like in the front then it's different story Well, I think it depends on the size of the backyard Right, like if it's your rich person backyard, there's plenty of room. You're not gonna be doing it around other people Yeah, right, right, but but the options are do it around other people and be of menace or Do away from other people and now you've isolated the party now.
You're just like I think it's no good. Okay. Yeah, oh, bro I'm an at least tiki bar in the backyard. Oh, yeah, a bar.
Yeah a living fucking cool that bar and then this kind of goes with gadgets But like you've been to a place that has like a fucking like a kitchen in the back like a little sink and maybe like a burner or something That's the fucking good good good That's like the one reason to move to the suburbs to me is just to have this fucking sick backyard and everything else about that would stink but that backyard is How about this too? I love this amenity very small but uh like Some shade dude like a fucking overhang or a pop-up tent or oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no I'll not be spending my day in the sun. Yeah, yeah, right and and best keep that fucking food out of the sun by bruv I will when I'm looking for my burger three hours after I had my first burger I cannot be coming over to this fly covered fucking mess. That's been just I'll take one look around see that my food has been sitting in the sun Especially that safe way brand potato salad and I will turn around and go home.
Oh, I'll bar first and I'll go home So yeah, I need I simply must have the shade it has to come some way whether it be tree or a pop-up tent My dad has like an installed sort of uh overhang like above like a table that they had out there Which is great and in that another amenity that is a too because I don't think it does anything But because I think it's cool. He's an outdoor ceiling fan bro The fuck is that like a ceiling fan but it's in but it's on his little overhang his little patio overhang And it doesn't do nothing like you can feel it but it doesn't I mean it's not you're like oh we're unrefreshing out So cool. We just talked about this and beat the heat but mister. Oh, yeah, a mister is obviously a fucking three That's no doubt about it.
Let's pop through some quick occasions birthday I think it's a two. Yeah, because part of me is like do I have to bring gifts if I bring my world famous tater salad Is that also a gift or should I bring like a bottle of wine for my friend or is that weird if I bring a gift? It's too much it's too much for me. Yeah, you know what is very quite lit to me I think maybe just in general holiday is gonna get this but non-traditional To barbecue on like I've had a couple because like in LA, you know winter so like a couple christmas barbecue You know what I mean?
Oh sure. Yeah, yeah, off season I just holidays in general, but especially like yeah, the off season. I think that's in July. I get so hyped on not christmas in july It is exactly what I meant.
That's a thing. But what does that mean? It's not july's December I'm saying people do christmas in july parties sometime. We'll be like celebrating christmas in middle july Why?
I don't know. I think that's maybe that might just be like a southern california thing because there's no winter But a lot of bars will do like christmas in july like month or like on earth Yeah, they just like they just like do christmas shit all throughout the middle of the summer. I'm fine to that I don't know if I need that it's so I don't need two christmas to be honest, but that's fine I appreciate that obviously the presence or anything. It's mostly just like a decoration situation right what you're talking about is Boredry so oh my god, you're um, um, I'm so close to saint of con so I don't know what sort of point you're trying to make What you're describing is very much say it's a con there's no presence, but it's all the christmas decor and you're just Dreaming let me give you a very not quite lit activity someone takes her guitar out.
Okay. Yeah Sing along this how about let me just kind of generalize it anyone sharing a talent I don't mean Well, maybe if it's like you're sectioned off in the corner and like all of a sudden you take a look and you see mark You know, he's over there talking to joe and he's doing some close-up magic and you're like I'm gonna go pop over to mark saying real quick because what the fuck I guess I guess dude I just like think of i'm the host and mark starts doing close-up magic i'm like bro who's go home with that shit Yeah, this is well if you're the host that's so disrespectful. I'm supposed to be doing the close-up magic with how good my fucking burgers are Yeah, dude, like don't what's the game dealing my tent? Yeah, okay?
What's up? There has to be some more very not quite many items other than jello you sure? I mean, I'm so people brain that you're gonna pass over because there's shit on that table that you are gonna You know, I don't need and I know it sounds nice on a hot day and maybe if it's kept in a cool place But still don't eat it fresh fruit salad, bro. Yeah fruit salad This is not one this is not when I want this I love a fresh fruit salad.
I'm here to be a sloppy much like right now Much like everything we talked about on the show it seems like we are only ever big nasty sloppy boys But I'm here to be a big nasty boy. Well, no, no, I do like a nice light Thing just not that like I was saying a little watermelon skimmer sounds lovely Maybe like a nice beautiful garden salad, but right now I don't need that pusson soaked pineapple Oh store-bought fruit salad. Yeah, it's absolutely positively no good. What about Drinking okay, so I think this goes on menu, right?
I think it's very quite lit. I don't oh you're talking about okay I don't want to attend a dry backyard barbecue right okay So drinking is drinking is a is a three I mean I'd argue it's a two because like of course like always you can overdo it Yeah, and it is D-drinking is the hardest thing that human being can do so Easy peasy breezy take it one stride at a time and yes, I do want there to be shots involved But that is when the sun goes down okay, so I was gonna say no shots I'm gonna put shots as a one you want to put that higher than that I want to put it as a two why is that what because I because as we've talked about a shot is such a source of power Okay, so a late night shot okay the camaraderie and the pageantry of a shot is very important Okay, I have a I have something we need to grab it with here a true dilemma of the backyard barbecue Whether you can host or guest uh-huh dude. How does it end bro? How does it end?
So here's a very quite lit ending to me if you are not the host diversion now we're going to a bar Okay, I feel get everyone out and then if you are I mean it's not great if you're the host because you're leaving a messy house behind You're gonna have to come right there right if you are the host though it is a benefit of You don't have to bring anyone back now. You brought them in the world You've released them these people are no longer your problem Right and you could at any point you're like oh I'm tired. I gotta go yes And especially if it was not if you're not the host The world is your oyster. You've had a delicious barbecue all day.
You have nothing to clean up right everything's at your fingertips Okay, so that's to me the ending Okay, that's not bad. I just it's just hard because I Moving from one place to another with a group of like 10 plus people is so challenging like it is it worked for me When I used to do it, that's how I got people out of my house with a fucking Super Bowl But I also had a bar two blocks for me right walk there. It's very easy That's what we didn't New York any time we had a house party is would there was just so many bars next to us that we were We would tell everyone cool get her around like six and then at 10 we're gonna go out like that Oh, wait, bro. If you're a host get out of my fucking room.
Excuse me. Oh my god. Yes. What do you think you're doing right now?
I don't know where to put that but stay I guess location huh my room get away from my room get don't even look at the door Honestly, you shouldn't be inside bro. It's back yard barbecue. Not inside barbecue. Stay the fuck out of my house Yeah, oh, you know what very quite lit amenity um Like a outdoor porta potty, but like like you know, there's maybe like a pool house bathroom Oh my god, dude, amenity a pool house.
Very not quite lit catered very not quite lit I just don't know what you've taken all of the charm out of this this backyard barbecue is about cooking I think or potluck Which is kind of about cooking or potluck. Yeah, but you know, those are all cooked things. Huh, okay I don't I don't disagree with you. I mean it's tough right because I've been to like I went to a barbecue where it was catered It was like someone's like 40th birthday or some shit and it was catered by like a taco truck So they were fucking whipping up delicious tacos, but you're not wrong.
I didn't feel I wouldn't call that a backyard right? Yeah, it felt more like just a birthday party everyone go to a taco truck Oh my god, bro menu a fucking someone's out there with a ploncho making tacos. Oh, very quite lit. Holy shit taco bar Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we don't have a lot of very not quite lit things and you know I think that's telling us Love a backyard barbecue, bro.
Yeah, they are excellent I mean there it's it's great. I I got one for you. I'm just gonna steal from a commercial There's a a cool commercial. I believe speeding silver train very not quite late at my brother.
That's bad. That's bad. That's bad Uh where they have like a big inflatable Screen with a projector to put the game on so not an outdoor tv. Yeah, like a fucking projector situation to me as an activity is great Um you put on Shrek.
I'm gonna let it just ride in the background So you need but then no one's gonna talk so everyone's gonna be so wrapped up and so and for all Yeah, they'll be doing it word for word like karaoke but the whole you all the written dialogue and shrek and the music I got a I got a very quite lit menu item a signature cocktail We think about that Signature drink shot to my good friends proprietors of the stubborn nail in Los angeles They have a lot of this going on they have bar in their backyard But like actual bar that they built they've got signature drinks because the proprietor of that bar is a literal award-winning cocktail maker They are hitting all these marks. Well, there you go. Shut up. Oh, bro dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs are three right?
Yeah, there's not it cannot be too many we're outside. Yeah, yeah, dogs is very good That's I guess in a minute. Well, that tramp you get in the tramp. I'm not hitting the tramp.
I would mind hitting the tramp after a couple hundred burgers Oh interesting you're trying to barf. Yeah, I think tramp is I think it's a one But I'll have you I'll have you a two the problem with the tramp is that it takes up a lot of fucking space not a rich person's house Right, right. Okay. We'll give it a tramp.
It's easy. I fucking hate getting on a tramp dude. I don't think that I honestly I don't think I want any strangers. I want this to be my pack.
Yeah, yeah stranger danger is no good I mean somebody's like, you know significant other you've never met or whatever's fine. No fuck them. Oh interesting No, they can bring their fucking music. Yeah, and someone who has kind of be cool though Better be fucking cool.
You're gonna bring down my barbecue with your lame new boyfriend. What about Like here's what I would like to do in a barbecue ideally This is hard because I'm not capable of it But I would like to have the menu designed to such that I am at all times nibbling on a little something but I'm never too full Oh, yeah, yeah, you're talking about the dream and it's I want a sustained nibble. Yeah, I want little inklings of snacks all along And then oh, it's burger time. No, let's take let's take 30 have a little thing and now oh it's not time I want to I want always to have a little nibble in my mouth.
Yeah, you want to yeah, I get it. Nemanems are crucial Oh, nemanems. Yeah, I find them them them. I can't I must be tossing grapes into someone's mouth Oh, yeah, so you don't want to freestyle, but you just want grips.
Yeah, I do I'm gonna get rid of the game to then food. They're an amenity to be honest Grace. Yeah, huh, okay. Here's your purpose.
Sure. I don't want to talk about work Oh, no talking about work. Yeah, small talk in general has it is a onesie That's like goes along with the no strangers thing is like I don't want to and you're gonna have to is the problem I don't think I've ever been to a backyard barbecue There wasn't at least a little bit of like oh dude. It's been a while.
What's up with you? How's the new place or whatever like I know I hate that shit. What about okay menu item fondue? That's like a two or is it a one-dude?
Bro, fun. I fuck fondue Fondue is so fucking lame. There's a fondue restaurant opening an ash bill and I just want to go up to them and say nobody cares Oh, man. Come on.
I love fondue. I think it's fucking good. Love fondue. Yeah, dude You don't like meats and cheeses you don't like bread and cheese, but the cheese is nasty.
No, it isn't you liar You're not having a good fondue. I have only had fondue one time and I did not care for it Go and they make you a nice beer cheese dude. You dip a pretzel into it Get the fuck out of here. Oh hi, and mighty I do think they're bad at a backyard barbecue And I was actually mostly thinking for backyard barbecue.
I feel like I got soft pretzels You just said soft pretzels but imagine like little pretzel knots soft fresh baked pretzel knots Yeah, that would be something else huh? Uh, yeah, what about it for activities word or fight? I think it's a what is it like a with guns? Yeah, little squirty guns, but yeah, we're gonna lose I if you want to get my three, I wouldn't argue I just think it's tough because that's when we're like if not everyone opts in you know like if you get even one or two little people are like no I don't really want to get wet I just watch my hair or whatever It stinks because then you've got two people sit at the table while you run around and throw water balloons in each other like fucking lunatics I don't want to have to worry about the neighbors.
Oh my god. Nothing. I don't want to have to invite them first of all And I also don't want to have to worry about being too loud. Oh my god.
Oh my god. Oh that no neighbor Wait, I don't know. I'm gonna put neighbors as very quite like amenity Is the gusts how many people I kind of want a little smaller to be honest? I would love 10 max Uh, I think I might go a little bit like the squad.
I want a dozen. How's it doesn't suit you? I'll give you a dozen. Okay, I'll take a baker's dozen please Hey, bro, speaking of baker speaking of dozen menu very quite lit creepy cream a little bit clean A couple hundred pretty creams, please.
Yeah, if you had them. I wouldn't turn them down not even one time Yeah, you roll them with a creepy cream. You're a good guy. I'm gonna give you a two Then I think does happen and it's one of a few times.
It's the two do pizza. I it doesn't last it doesn't last and this isn't a pizza party It's a backyard barbecue. Yeah, I mean look if you're making pizzas right also great I'm not gonna say no to that, but please fire up some dogs for me. I do need a dog pizza has a you know Pizza really has a short window to be enjoyed at its best I would say that no matter how fast you eat that first slice the second is never really as good Nothing in this world like the first slice of a domino's.
Oh my god, baby last last night of the party had me a little brotheau's pizza Oh shit loser A little bit of that ranch on top. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I okay, I have an activity because we talked about going out after which all except Pre-gaming is no right you don't want to pre-game. I mean, I'm not trying to like pre-game hard I might have like a drink or two. Yeah, I wouldn't call that pre-game a little uh if there's some strangers at this party I'm gonna need to pre-game a little bit.
Okay, so pre-game is it too. I just think that it's like you're already gonna be day drinking Let's say that it's you know your it's foods good. He served it to you're getting there at one to wake up and then like at 11 Be like let me crack a beer. Let me get a couple shots going like I don't that's I don't know think what if I'm rolling in I don't know that many people is me and me and you we're going to someone's party.
They get there's a bar in your body We got like an hour to kill before we're supposed to be there sure that okay, so that's why it's a two I think it's a tough to yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Damn. I think we smash this thing freaking dick in and the fact is there's not that many very Not quite let's because shit is so good.
How about barbecue? It is yeah, you invite the right people you put on a little shrek and you're talking about one of the things I miss the most from the Before times yeah, and I mean it became kind of the only thing we could do so I do feel like there's a small amount of like Law maybe lost appreciation right I know for me personally like I do love back our barbecue But certainly there has been a period since sort of lockdown stuff came down where I was just like cool I don't want to I don't want to hang out in a backyard because I've been in that I've been doing that for like nine years now So I'm ready to fucking be on the inside place But yeah, I mean in fact one for fourth of July. Oh, there's a good ending fireworks And we would like walk somewhere to go watch fireworks. That's another way to get people to fuck out of your house.
Yeah, yeah, that's true Yeah, all right. I'm gonna put fireworks in two I kind of I think I've done the fireworks bro. I had to tell you There are horrible for dogs dude like how many fucking fires do they stay just feels crazy that they have it? Yeah, it's not it's not particularly worth it Um, but it's all good fireworks too, but it is a great way to evacuate your home for sure I don't got a damn other thing to say.
Yeah, I could probably sit here and even punch a shit that I want to eat in a barbecue Yeah, but we've done that so many times. I mean about barbecue. Yeah, we didn't really say barbecue. Did we?
You did talk about smoking meats, but like barbecue itself. Yeah, not we're not talking about a chick barbecue burgers We're talking about like ribs and yes. Yeah pork brisket. Yeah, the goods I gotta really quick mention quick mention quick mention a no a no shoes household because then I feel and I know this is you love a no shoes household But then I don't know what to do when I go to the potty because we're in the backyard and I have my shoes Oh my god.
Yeah, so that's a fucking big one dude. Are you kidding me? I have? I'm gonna piss I gotta piss I had 10 beers.
Oh, bro And now I have to take off my freaking high tops and this is a you problem No, dude, it is not a me problem the bathroom before you've had 10 beers and just give yourself a little time to be able to take your shoes Okay, let's say it's not a big rush now. I wear my high top chucks Why do you wear your high top chucks to a no shoes household? That is a fucking nightmare because I wanted to I want to look fresh Shit. No, no shoes households.
I hate them all for it for all occasions, but this is a bad one to me No, no fucking turn on the floor. You have dirt on the floor. That's a problem. Oh my god I bet your fucking floors are still dirty.
You're moron because I know you ain't washing them with your snake ass Okay, anyways, this has been a really special episode of Jesse Wilders got to life. Thank you so much Special I have some fucking barbecues. Do it. Yeah.
Yeah, the most fun at the barbecue the residents of Philly Oh, because you all are just smashing that's tight. I had no explanation for that much respect much respect Much respect and also shout out to the seven people in Bulgaria that are listening. Oh, that is not made up That is tight. Yeah, they love us over there.
We're huge and bold. Yeah, the big bold dude. Yeah, big nasty And they get you go go pop guy to merch We've had a couple we've had some purchases. Have we?
Yeah, Johnny Stan. Yeah, shout out to Johnny Stan Oh, we already talked about that one. Uh, yeah, I think that's probably I haven't checked it, but yeah, it's almost definitely yeah Good boy. Yeah, uh and shout out to anyone else that buys the merch if you buy the merch you get a shout out.
It's guaranteed It's fucking guaranteed and that money goes to a good place which is our pockets Um, that's you know, that's a good place, but yeah, there's lots of room in there so they could be cozy in the pockets And that's it. So see you later and enjoy your barbecue and leave me alone. Yeah, see you get out of my swamp get it