Jesse & Wilder's Guide to Life
by Wilder Shaw & Jesse McGrath
Join biggest idiots alive Wilder Shaw & Jesse McGrath as they construct rubrics for the perfect versions of everything in life, always on the hunt for the Very Quite Lit.
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Episodes
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Daddy 2
OUR FIRST EVER SEQUEL EPISODE drops right on time as always! Stay tuned for some fun stuff coming up that we actually intend to follow through on! "These episodes release like clockwork!" - NY Times "It's the only podcast I listen to!" - Barack Obama "I swear I don't listen!" - Wilder's mom THIS...
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2024
The obvious question: How did it take us so damn long to do this? The obvious answer: We are stupid. THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • We need a famous turtle • Roasty Rhode Island Road Dog Summer • #1 Dookie head • Costner: A hottie or a nottie ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler...
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New Year
Here we are, right on time! THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT IN TEN... NINE... EIGHT...: • The 6th Annual Bowley Moley • A man, a plan, a canal, Snoop Dogg • Kissies • The breadstick record ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler atcha boys on Twitter and check out our MERCH)
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Breakfast
SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY, but we back! We recorded this episode as Hurricane Helene was starting to hit Asheville, and Wabu is only recently back into the age of the internet. But now it's time to refresh and renew — as it always is in the aftermath of something terrible — with some breakfast. THIS...
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Human Body
McGrath's mic went rogue in this episode so please excuse him while he struggles with such advanced tech. Let's talk about our BEAUTIFUL BODIES, BABIES!! THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • People should be flat and made of metal • Organ ball • The thing that sucks about legs • Two brains, four arms ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Appliances
Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, am I right? Appliances be crazy. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Doing mischiefs • Wabu learns what a radiator is • All appliances should be see-through • The Jabu Hibachi Experience ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Olympics
We are BACK from our romantic beachside vacation and READY for more episodes because IT'S OLYMPICS TIME, MOTHER FRICKERS. U! S! A! U! S! A! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Germany is not landlocked • Olympic Who Can Build a House the Fastest • No...
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Public Transportation
95??? Jeez Louise. Who do we think we are? 95 episodes. Good grief. Anyways, here's an episode about the bus. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Quack Bus • Stop 'n Chat Bus • Wabu's Pod Bus • Three Story Building Bus ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Home Alone (The Movie)
We did (Not the Movie) so you know your boys had to do (The Movie). These traps and schemes all available to you, free of charge, babies. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Six Loko • Corn cobbers and cayenne • Would you like to be attacked by a wild...
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Delivery
What a wonderful, magical treat delivery is. You like 'sketti? You like sushi? Jabu does. This week we're talkin' delivery. THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Who's the most famous person we can get to call the voicemail? • Mall 'yaki • Where's Dr. Doom from? • Reba's Sweetheart Meal ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Drunk
Our special little beverage pairing this week is a new episode served with a brand new way of screwing up my audio! THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Operation is a very scary game • Light beers are back on the menu • Two drinks with your lunchy • Merlot at the house party ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Furniture
We know what you're thinking: "This podcast is toooooooo much fun. I wish they'd be more boring!" No problem! We got you! Here's the furniture ep. THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Orange chair • Deep couch • Handles are out • Is Ikea still allowed? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~...
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Secrets
Secrets ~ secrets are ~ no ~ fun unless it is ~ a Jabu one THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: No crying over spilt beans Should Jabu have the launch codes? Boojum Trunchbull Ted Talks ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler atcha boys on Twitter and check out our MERCH) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Farm
A day may come when the courage of men fails and you can hear Wabu's audio clearly— but it is not this day. This day we farm! THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: No boys allowed Strawberry Daryl Traps Milkin' ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler atcha boys on Twitter and check out our...
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Salad
Victorious veggies! Grandiose greens! Us boys love our salads and we don't care who knows it. Come into the garden with us, we won't bite... much ;) THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Clombules • Fruit in salad vs. fruit salad • King of the Mountain • Hug your beloved chains ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Podcast
Who better to tell you how to make a good podcast than the hosts of this bad podcast? THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Cold window meat • God Pod • Don't stop wishin' • Uncut Jabu nastiness ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler atcha boys on Twitter and check out our MERCH) ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Vegas
COME WITH US, down the strip for a spin, we're off on a journey, to the city of Sin, lose some money now, win it back maybe, have a whiskey soda, and a chocolate milk for the baby THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Milk rules • The hoovy dizz • Is the Dome invisible? • Bonesaw is ready ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Relaxing
Life's a beach, baby! The boys are kicking off the new year with some timely relaxation tips, none of which include going to Chipotle. Kick your feet up, Jabuwockeez, it's time to relaaaaaaaaax. THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • The Pop-Tart Bowl • Spa boyz • Staycation • Extra rice, extra beans, nothing...
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Neighbors
We can't all live on a farm with no neighbors, so here we are. Neighbs, baby! Like 'em love 'em gotta have em!! THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Handsome raccoons • Cop-o supreme • Merit Badge Wabu • Fence Hole ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler atcha boys on Twitter and check…
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Sleepy
It's getting coooooozy out there! The sky's gettin' dark! The rain's comin' down! For all you nappy folks out there, grab your Ebenezer Scrooge hat, slippers, and lantern, cause it's time to get SLEEPY. • To hell with the top sheet • A chill in my bones • Red wine, the great tranquilizer •…
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Cooking
OUI CHEF! These Dangerous Boys are in the kitchen today and we've got all the tuna melt episodes you could ever ask for. TODAY'S CHIT CHAT: • What are our fans called? • Stay out of other people's beds • Sushi boat at home • Fill it up ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler...
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Ghosts
HAPPY HALLOWEEN you precious ghosts 'n ghouls! We're back, the season is spooky, and the ghosts are piping hot so let's get into it! Piece of cake, piece of crumb cake!! THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • No pervs • The spookiest items • Spirit of the West • Witch is not a ghost ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Secret Lair
THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • The Great Molasses Flood of 1919 • Zap them up • Tunnels • The loudest lights ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler atcha boys on Twitter and check out our MERCH) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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Bach Party
You've seen 'em. You've been to 'em. You made even had 'em. This week, we're talkin' bach parties (read: mostly just the Property Brothers). THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Drew Scott's bachelor party • Just GO ALONG with it • Sick Lidz • Saltwater Sac Town ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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A Little Festival
SORRY AGAIN, sorry again, we're back now. We took a lil break. Been doing FUN SHIT all summer, mostly at little festivals. Let's talk about them! THIS WEEK'S CHIT-CHAT: • Ed Helms will skin you alive • The freak tent • Racing for pinks • Midsommer vibes ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Waiting...
SMELLEBRATE INDEPENDENCE DAY the best possible way: by listening to our podcast about WAITING, which is not the Dane Cook movie. • Rule Boyz • Mahjong with your friends • Beloveds can never be on time • Heartbreak feels good in a place like this ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~...
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College
We went to college together. Can't believe it took us this long to do this one. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • Your dining hall was better than ours • Shower shoes • Fight any teacher that tells you to buy their own book • Donate money to your school if you feel like being a huge a dork…
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Work Trip
You getting froggy nasty in Sedona? Tryna sleep through a day of conferences in Baltimore? Hangin' it and wangin' it in NOLA? Your boys are back, and we're talking work conferences. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • Don't do any work • Don't let the company tab slip • Don't share a room…
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Masterpiece
WELCOME TO THE MASTERCLASS, BABIES. Here's another sick episode that we're qualified as hell to lead. "And it will be... my masterpiece." - you, one day, if you're lucky POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • Shrek 4D • Ton of wieners • The Chet Hanks Animoroph • Fish man powers ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Grocery Store
Do you put up with Trader Joe's? Are you a little ALDI rat? Can you afford Gelson's? (If so, buy our merch, you rich ass.) It's the grocery store episode! POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • What's it cost, TEN dollars? • Gumlord Millionaire • Soup clip • The Grocery Outlet Bargain Market...
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Teens with Jobs
There are simply so many jobs for teens with no experience in this world of ours, and obviously that's a nightmare. The critters are EVERYWHERE and there's nothing we can do. You begged us for this topic, over and over, every day, so here it is. Don't no one say we never did nothin' for nobody....
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Going to the Game
Take us out to the ballgame, babies! Buy us peanuts, but no Crackerjacks. And we would like to get back at some point. Root for your home team of course, and if they don't win, just drink a million ten cent beers and rush the field. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • Did you know Oracle made...
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Buying a House
Episode 69, nice POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • McGrath bought a house, like an idiot • Literal window shopping • You are the law • Homeowners rool, landlords drool ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler atcha boys on Twitter and check out our MERCH) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Pizza
"Mama mia!!!!! You need-a da slice-a pizzeria?????" -- Ancient Italian proverb THE GENTS ARE TALKING PIZZA, so hunker down with an internet-less McGrath and an overserved Wabu. The Pineapple Boyz are here to tell their truth. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • Da toppings-a • Da cheese-a •…
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Liquid Food
SOUPS! CURRIES! DRESSINGS! We don't know the meaning of any of these words, but we gave it our best. The Sons of Soup are here to talk Liquid Food so let's POWDER OUT with our CHOWDER OUT. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • Sardine candy canes • Dip slamming • The whitest meal • Sloppy Joe…
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Making Friends
How many friends you got? How'd you make them? Just kidding, don't tell us, keep your weird details to yourself. Join us this week for a couplea Prom Kings like ourselves dishing out advice on how to MAKE FRIENDS as though we know anything about it. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • British...
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Power Outage
Halloween might be over but things can still get SPOOKY SCARY when the lights go out, ya know? Do you turn into a pair of cartoon eyes in that situation, just blinking in the dark? Or do you build a pillow fort? This copy is absolutely nothing. Hope you're happy, SEO. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK...
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Coffee Shop
Time to cozy up for those FALL VIBES, BABY! Order your caffeinated milkshake, grab a huge armchair, take a nap, we don't give a shit. The Coffee Shop rubric is here! POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • Nog dogs • The round stuff • We will not watch your laptop • How do all the Friends always...
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Trick or Treating
The big day is COMING UP y'all, and we gonna be out here TRICKIN and TREATIN. You got your 'stume ready? You got your squad assembled? You believe we got this episode out in time to be even a little bit relevant? POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • Prey on the rich • Prey on the weak • No…
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Camping
PACK UP THE GEAR AND GET IN THE CAR WE GOIN CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMPING! Won't you join us? POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • Second Opinion • Turbo Tent • Goo • Must Love Rocks ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Holler atcha boys on Twitter and check out our MERCH) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~…
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Movie Theater
HOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYWOOD, WHERE THE STREETS ARE PAVED WITH GOLD! We love movies, you love movies, Hollywood loves movies, and there is only one bestest place to see them: a fuhreakin' MOVIE THEATER, eh? Jabu's got the scoop for ya on how to do the movies right, so pop some kernels and zip your…
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Alien Invasion
WATCH THE SKIES for the truth is out there. You'd be a big dumb dummy to think we're alone in this crazy ole' mixed up universe of ours, so here's your foolproof guide to defend you from an #ALIUM #INVASION. And if you're Randy Quiad, frick off dude. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • JABU...
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Convenience Store
They say CONVENIENCE IS NEXT TO GODLINESS, so let's talk about our favorite type of store, be it bodegas, liquor stores, or our one true king 7-Eleven. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS WEEK INCLUDE: • You should eat Subway while you drive • 7-Eleven eggy sal • Grab the bull by the horns • The disaster…
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The Internet
THERE WILL BE A TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE THAT WE ARE BACK TO A NORMAL POSTING SCHEDULE, but it is not this day. It's time for just about the broadest of topics and that's THE INTERNET. The good, the bad, the early 2000s. Stay for the Newgrounds talk, leave for part where we say we miss Facebook...
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Home Alone (Not the Movie)
you, wrong: "They did fruit, they did desk, they must be completely out of ideas by now" us: "We did a Home Alone (not the movie) episode" SO AS YOU CAN SEE WE'RE BACK and wow writing these descriptions is becoming quite a chore. How do successful podcasters come up with this shit. Point is…
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Desk
How did we follow the EDGE-OF-YOUR-SEAT THRILLS of the Fruit episode, you ask? DESK, babies. We have desk, you have desk, everybody have desk and we don't know what it's like to have opinions and not share them with the internet. You doing some online desk shopping? The boyz have your back.…
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Fruit
WE TOOK A BIG BREAK BUT WE'RE BACK NOW and we (Wabu) promise (feel good about) new episodes on a regular schedule. They say not to compare apples and oranges but THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE DOING because the fruit episode has landed and we've got aaaaaaaaaaa-plenty to say. POINTS OF INTEREST THIS...
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Summer Camp (w/ Johnny Stanton)
OOPSIE POOPSIE, we took a little break but we're back in biz now, babies! This week we've got one of our absolute favorite human beans Johnny Stanton on the horn and the CAMP VIBES ARE ALIVE! We're talkin' Summer Camp, we're talkin' Adult Camp, and we're certainly talkin' bout fake-ass Space…
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Theme Park (w/ Jacob Rubin)
WE'RE BACK, we're pumped, and we got a guest, so ~please keep your arms and legs inside the carts ~ for this one cause it's gonna be a ~ bumpy ~ ride! Jacob Rubin's on the horn this week and the boy is a bona fide Disneyland expert, once again proving that Jabu really doesn't bring much to the...