and welcome to another episode of Jesse Wilders, Guide to Life. I'm Jesse, that's Wilder, this is Jesse Wilders, Guide to Life. Have I always said, ladies and gentlemen? I think you have and guess what, baby, it's 2021.
Yeah, I got to mix it. It's become so muscle-nem-y. Yeah, well, you had that stint where you worked at the Disneyland as the announcer for when the fireworks show would happen. Correct, and I never shook that habit, just like my crystal meth habit.
So what do I say? Okay, I'm going to start it again. Yeah. No, I haven't said ladies and gentlemen.
I think I say hello, everyone. Mmm, left to check the tape. You know I won't. Let's get to Sakhakis, New York, to the replays, and what'd they do?
No, thank you. I can't deal with another time-out for this. Will this? Does Javi have, do you say about this?
No, don't call Steve anyone, but Steve is the most boring person in the universe for sure, right? Yeah, he's not even trying, but I do appreciate it because it's... Again, if you don't watch the NBA playoffs, something that happens frequently is that the reps will make a call. Everyone in the building and the commentators will say that is a bad call, and then they will cut over to the replay center.
It's Sakhakis, where Steve Javi, former ref, will say the referees made the right call. He always agrees with the refs. He's such a little fucking narc, bro. Yeah, he's a big narc, and it's funny because oftentimes, I think more than any other sport, and I'm really only speaking of that little toad Van Gundy, basketball commentators got a lot of character.
They're a colorful group a lot of times, and this dude comes in like a fucking glass of cold water to just be like, no, I don't think so. Puts you to fucking see. Yeah, he's like fucking Ben Stein. Very not quite lit, Steve Javi.
Well, you know I hate that Van Gundy, so actually I like him to have a heel. That's ideal for me. Oh sure. So this is a good part.
It's a good, okay, so 2021, we're back from our little summer hiatus. What are you going to say from now on? Googles and goblins? Oh, the two genders, googles and goblins.
Dang, bro. I will bet you $10 million someone will slide on in here and like, don't you know that googles are typically male? I know it's stuff. And that stuff, because what type of stuff.
I want to refer back to our last episode where we pretty much said everything there is to say. So if we didn't say it, it doesn't exist. Correct. Put that on another shirt while we're at it.
Hey, you all buy the merch that we made yet? Oh, yeah. We have to keep up with them orders. Dang.
Damn. I'm flipping and zipping all around my office, just trying to calculate all these orders we're getting. Yeah, and he is doing them by hand because it's calling only. You can only call in.
Yeah. They saw the infomercial. That's good. I mean, we can promote before we even begin the episode in proper.
You can go to guideemurch.com. Yeah, what you want? Hats? We don't got them.
We don't have hats. Why would you say that? We got t-shirts, we got tanks, we got crews, we got hoodies, we got sweatpants. We got all type of shit on there.
I would also like to open the floor to you guys and by guys, I mean, ghouls and goblins. Go on, thank you. What do you want us to make? Right in a review.
Just leave us a review, tell us what kind of merch you want to make and we'll do our best. Dive knives, I kind of want that. Oh, damn. What would it say on it though?
What kind of cool shit that we've said would it say? Hope detective. Hope detective on a dive knife, not bad. A little insane though.
Like imagine if your TSA is checking that. A little? Also, you brought your dive knife to TSA? Yeah, bro.
It's a pretty quick way to lose your dive knife. One time I brought a knife to an airport. I was given a beautiful swiss army knife for my 13th birthday and I forgot I had it and I went to the airport and they threw it in the garbage. Yeah, that's how they do.
I just recently, like last week, forgot that I had a big tube of sunblock in my bag and they confiscated that and then they walked it away to something like the lady left her post with only my sunblock in hand to put in their like confiscation room. Hey, just she's going to wear the sunblock. Just throw it away, dude. I mean, if you want to ask me, just she want to be like, you mind if I slug on this and then she takes a big slurp of it.
Yeah, you should have handed her a receipt. Right. Yeah. And now it's yours.
Now I give it's actually it's a trick to her. It's like a doggy thing. Oh, you freed her. Yes.
And I freed her from her TSA post and that's where she was going. Yes. I'm only free. Yeah, TSA bunch of house elves.
Dang, I was trying to figure out a better word than slave, but you've done it with house. Yeah, well, I use the word that's in the fiction. What's our topic? It's summertime in 11 ZZ.
What's that? Sublime lyric, Santa Ria, bro. No, no, but what's the lyric? Summertime in Santa Ria.
No, that's pretty sure that's the only lyric they ever wrote. Okay, continue. Sorry. It's summertime.
I'm going to look up this sublime lyric. Don't worry about it. I have a complicated relationship with summer. I don't like heat very much and I don't like being hot and I don't like humidity and those things happen in the summer.
But all the other good shit also does. Don't forget about skaters. Don't forget about everyone wanting to go to the beach. There's some other bad things about summer.
You're not thinking of all getting fucking invited to the stupid beach is not summer exclusive for me because most of my life I lived in Los Angeles. Right. So that was pretty much just like any weekend I was fighting off. February people are like drive to the beach.
Yeah, and then they get there and it's like only 72 and they're like, oh, today's ruined. I want it to be 112. Sounds like you need some new friends, dude. Yeah, bro.
You think I'd moved out of that place. So today we're talking about beating the heat because it's summer time and it's hot and shitty. And if you've been watching the news, it's incredibly dangerously hot. Shout out to the Pacific Northwest going through it right now.
But also in some places, not dangerously hot. In some places, dangerously wet like the storms, Danny fucking Danny. I know this is like a very happy piece of material, but what is with storm names? I know and it's tough for me personally to not call the storm Danny Ocean because I assume it's an ocean storm and of course it does seem like they're laying it right out there for me.
Like at least Daniel. No, you want formal? A little bit. This is my dad.
Her game to do. Daniel fucking roll in and not call itself Danny. Daniel Storm. And Storm, my least favorite.
Fantastic for that's uptight. Obviously this is a dub, but that's a sick ass weather person's name. It's me Daniel storm on the scene. That would not be sick.
Yeah, it would be such a fucking lame. Yeah, cheese dick. I have a bonus point to start. Do we say the topic?
I did. It's hot out. No, no, no, I said it. The heat.
I'm beating the heat. This is your summer guide. It's also important to note that some people some fucking people out there. You know who you are.
Don't want to beat the heat. I know it. Some of you fucking Farika's Oids want to just go and be in it when it's hot. I was recently told by someone that one of their favorite feelings in the world is getting into a car when it's been too hot.
Oh my God. Oh my God. What were you talking to Richard Ramirez, the serial killer? Yes.
I have been to Asana and that is nice. But you know, it's not nice. Asana when you're not expecting to be an Asana. That's not even.
Yeah, it's not even. It's not steam. It's just pure heat. You do that.
That's a nightmare. Ew. I mean, okay, first category is things to do outside. Very not quite like get in a car.
Just real quick beach. Yeah. Just one for sure. Yeah, sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
That said probably the best time to go to the beach is when it's very hot because then at least the cold, cold water feels good. Yeah. Well, and something because I'm dumb and I'm sure that you also probably grew up with this assumption. These these these couple of California boys and we got that.
Frigid Pacific. You know the Atlantic Ocean heats up in the summer. It does not get fucking cold. Yeah.
I mean, that's doesn't make me want to go anymore. No, no, me neither, but it doesn't. Ours doesn't do that. Ours doesn't like the beach a lot more when it's cold.
You do them San Francisco beaches. Well, yeah, that's it. But that's like not just because that's like because it's always moist to so the sand is sort of just a sidewalk. It's not so loose.
It's very nice. Feels nice. I'm like tozies. I have a bonus point.
Yeah. Because I don't think this is going to category and I just want to get it out of the way. If we're going to talk about tropical storms and we're going to talk about the famously cold Pacific Northwest literally like it's so hot that roads are buckling. I'm going to say a bonus point is acknowledge and act on climate change.
Because if you don't like that's a pretty good one, probably these are things that are connected, huh? That every every day gear it seems like it's the hottest year on record. That's got to be a connect. Maybe it's a good sense.
It was to say. Yeah, not us. Not us. Climate change.
I'll tell you. Steve Javi, let's flip it over to Steve. Steve, what do you think? I actually agree with climate change.
It is changing. Sometimes it's cold. Sometimes it's hot. It changes every day.
Sometimes I'm more exciting than a typical Steve. We can't keep referencing this. Okay. So that's it.
Do your part to do climate change. And the real thing is to do your part. Hey, be easy on yourself. These are the climate change because there's only so much individual do instead direct all your hate and disdain at the like five companies that are basically responsible for like 90% of climate change.
That's their fault. And that's this part of the show's done. I just we got it. Yeah.
And check out our podcast on all of those companies platforms. Yeah, probably so probably so things to do outside. A pool is a very quite little. I think that's pretty much the gold standard.
I don't know. I guess like public pool that can go all the way to hell. Yeah. Public pool.
I'm not a little fucking sandlock kid. I am not going to the public pool. Okay. Try to kiss Wendy Pefricorn.
I have I have three pools for you and they're going to go in order from very is not like a category. Damn, I think pools don't category in it. There's there's a lot of ways that could go. Yeah.
Okay. Because because I like don't think that it's a university of three even if it's not a public pool because pool is a lot of the same shit going on to beach is going on to pool. Obviously it's less of a shitty look to me like your friends or your pool with a six or less is a very quite lit. Yeah.
I mean, okay. How about this? No. Okay.
That's fine. I think what's even better than that is it's not your friend's pool. It's like an Airbnb that you rented school because then there is just no I'm always. I'm always not yours.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But but yes, pool.
Well, no, you're the guest guest at the pool of the pool of the pool. The pool is that a guest of the pool of the next and I Jean Montenjoy public pool is one and then I have it. I have a two for you that I feel like you are not going to be on board with, but you said kiddie pool. No, kiddie pool is I don't know where to put kiddie pool that feels like a two.
I think it is. I've had fun at a kiddie pool like in the last two or three years. Yeah, you sent your little ass in that water. Put your tutsies in there.
The move is just think of your sitting around at a BBQ right? You're also in a little circle drinking. What if the floor was a kiddie pool on your toes? He's just flipping around right?
It doesn't do a whole lot for me and I do have to make my shoes and socks off, but I guess it keeps me cool. I am trying to be the heat. No, the very pretty good I was going to say is did you ever so when I was a little little grimey dirt bag, you can say above ground pool? No, you know, such a one I hate.
Yeah, I have a fun pool. It's tough because they can be decent. No, they can't. They can.
I've been to one that had a deck built around it and honestly I had a deck built around it and it's still I still had to walk up a ladder in Someone's fucking backyard in the valley to get into the stupid pool. Well, wait, they had a deck around it, but they still had a ladder. The deck I had had stairs. That was what was key about it.
It was like a whole platform in the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They built a huge deck and they were like boom. Pool, but I'll give you one.
It's hard. It's hard. That's like a rare exception. Come on, baby.
What me and my friends used to do is write our dumb little bikes around and find apartment complexes that had pools and then hop the fence and that is a two to me because. Oh, boy, bro. We already talked about this and something. I can't.
We've talked about sneaking into pools. I feel like well, it's a two to me because I love the danger. I too scared of the danger, bro. Oh my God.
I can't. I don't like breaking the rules. It's so scary to break the rules. Was it in there?
It is liberating. I would be absolutely on pins and meals. Are we freaking out at the first sight? Oh my God.
Yeah, when somebody comes in and they know like all of our dumb bikes are all lined up on the outside of the fence. Yeah, exactly. And then we always lie and they'd be like, you live here. But oh my God, it sounds like a good one.
If you're not a big fucking wiener like me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Now what I would never do breaking into someone's private like into a backyard. God, so scary. They used to the fences for the pools got really high at the apartment buildings near me.
And then the tops of them had like spikes and still kids, not me would get over them. And so then they started to grease the spikes. Imagine what a blight it must have been for them. Go for so much.
So dangerous. Imagine trying to climb the spikes and what you're impaled. Yeah. And like how many fucking kid carcasses were that thing lined with?
And how do you explain that on like the news? And they're like, well, this kid died. Why? Well, we built an incredibly powerful death trap.
Yeah, because it was too hot and he wanted to get wet and we didn't want to get wet. Because rules are rules. I got one for you that is a big, a big naughty rule break that I don't think either of us is going to be in on. Go on.
What do you think about a skinny dip? It's a two. Okay. I myself have solo.
Just a little lone wolf dip. I like it. Sometimes you just got it done in a public pool at night that I broke into popped a quickie. Can we agree that a basically universally a night swim is better than a day swim?
Oh, it's good. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I mean, this is we're just basically talking about pools now and not really beat the heat. So anything at night doesn't count, but I mean, it counts. It's hot at night, dude.
This is true. How does it when it rains and you're in the pool? Oh, yeah. I mean, fucking choice.
I love that shit. Yeah, it's great. I was at a lake. Oh, bro, very quite lit to me is like, yeah, day of the lake is a thing to do outside to be the heat that is very powerful spent day at the lake.
Pontoon boat. We had like fucking lobster rolls and cigars. We were is a very extra group of people I was with and jumped off some rocks and shit. I flailed like a little bitch, smacked the water, hurt my arms, got her sunburned on my thighs, forgot a spot.
It was great. And also drinking on a boat is so much power. I can't and day the lake is tough because you're still subjecting yourself to sunburn, which I'm both of us are susceptible to. Yes, you are.
I just had it, but dang, you should see these thighs in mine. Yeah, I'm I have one line that I missed. So I have one little red strip on one of my thighs. Yeah, I did tubing, bro.
Fuck me up. That is shit is so fun. Yeah, it's very good. I'm gonna say water sports.
Yeah, about a little over 10 years ago, I was in North Carolina doing Lake shit and there was like wakeboarding and wake surfing, which is very hard and very fun. Very not quite lit. Something that you and I did not necessarily beat the heat, but the heat did beat us. You graduate on a hot day.
It sucks. It's a bad way to beat the heat. I was see I was just to fill with too much power from the realization that I was in fact graduating. So I know it was we got duped if we haven't told the story before, which I feel like we must have while they're not graduating on the same day.
We sat next to each other graduation. We were very excited. It was one of the seven hot days that San Francisco gets every year horribly, horribly sunburnt because we were sitting in the sun for many hours listening to. Uh, mayor, Ed Lee.
Deliver our most boring commencement speech. Yeah, so graduating bad. No good. So I'm confused.
These are all things. These are not things we're doing to beat the heat. This is basically just shit that's happens in heat, right? Uh, kind of.
Yeah, because like sports to me when it's hot. Oh man, I can't. It's not fun. We're out.
It's too hot. Yeah, it's not a good way to beat the heat. That's for sure. That said, well, we said we're sports, but that includes pool games.
Like I do love me some pool volleyball. I will get fucker all over that thing. Yeah, pool games. I'll give a three.
No problem. Oh, baseball game. I love a baseball game, but it is not a particularly great way. You sit there and you fuck up.
I don't know if I could give that a two sitting for a long time. Baseball games are longer than your standard sporting event. They only feel longer. They're not actually longer, but I feel like they're five hours long in the sun.
That's where you are, I guess. Here's why it's a two because if you have a seat in the shade and you're like guzzling that $10 beer and you are like, you know, maybe you're at your, uh, the parking safe, just go now oracle park. You're having yourself a gear deli sundi to beat that. Excuse me.
That place is called oracle park. Yeah, kind of sucks. 18 to you felt more iconic. And then I realized that I'm it's a brand.
So it gives a shit. I guess I'm going to put ice cream as a two. Do you agree with that? I am.
I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I think it's a one. Yeah, bro. It's just it melts. It gets all over my thingies.
Only if you eat it inside, but you know what I mean? I guess it's a two because if you get inside, it's a three. If you get outside, it's a one. I cannot have ice cream spilled upon my fingertips.
It's unacceptable. What are you? It sounds like you're just talking about a cone. Just get it in a cup and doesn't spill.
It gets melting and it gets melting and soupy. I cannot have that. I cannot have that. I cannot have that.
Have you ever seen the stock photos or people who told me that ice cream is driving over their hands? That is a fucking nightmare. It gives me a panic attack. Yeah, but I just I just doesn't have it.
I eat my ice cream in my cup and I just eat it fast enough. It doesn't get all melt 100 degree day. That's going to be soup before you know it. It's a two.
I'll give you two. Yeah, it's a two. You fucking dingus malingus ice cold water is literally impossible to be. How about OK, this is not the same as ice cream, but I think it's better than ice cream.
What about a like a fucking like an ice pop? Popsicle. Yeah, popsicle. I feel like a three.
Shout the fuck out bonus points, organics brand lime fruit bars. They're out of this world. OK, highly recommend you pick up six, seven dozen boxes of those things. Is that now?
Let me just be sure because I want to get this right. Organics 365. I do not think so because I've gotten I used to get it at a Vons. OK, yeah, no, definitely not.
I do love a soda. Think is it too? Sodor is it too. Where do we put like an ice cold beer?
I was going to say it's a two because honestly that first one hits just right. Yes. Yes. Yes.
I'm tired. Yeah, it's devastating. Hold one beer. I think one ice cold beer is a three.
It's like you have to do ice cold beers is a three or more. Is it too? That's it. You have to give it to know who you are as a person.
Are you not us, for example? Because I think there's a bell curve because I think one is so perfect. And then like two or three is a nightmare. And then once you if it's like Fourth of July and you hit beer number seven, your cruise and at that point, that's fuel.
But let me let me let me hit you with this. Oh, oh, this is what means I slide right in here. No. What if there was a beer that every single sip was crisp and cold is the first?
Yeah. And for course. Yeah. But I don't think they do every sip.
Right. I mean, advertise how cold you are allowed to have the Rockies. So what do you want? Are you going to invent koozie?
Magic beer that stays cold every set. Like a willy wonka thing where it's made with sort of like a magic magic. Magic waboos magic beer cold every sip. That's what it says on the bottle.
Cold every sip. You put in the microwave, cook it up. So cold that waboo brewing also tell me some of the best fucking name you've ever heard. A brewery fat waboo brewing is something.
Correct. I like it. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I think an ice cream bar is small enough to not melt and I can fuck with it. Like a be it your spongebob, be it your hagandaz almond crunch one. Oh, bro.
A fucking Nestle Toll House cookie sandwich on a hot day. Oh, baby. Fucking grandslam. Oh, baby.
Okay. So we talked about beer, but how about just in general something that people do to be the heat a lot that I think is ill advised is day drinking. Yeah, it's it's a Herculean feet to drink all day in the sun. Yeah.
And it's it's not worth. I mean, it's certainly not worth it. Only reason I have ever survived a single day of cat no counselors, which often happens in Los Angeles, September, which is a hot time to be doing things and playing sports and drinking all day. Yes.
Help a little magic substance called at all. Yeah. So consumables drew goes out. All is a three for a beep the heat.
Uh huh. Addy. Uh, and then I think maybe we could do our kind of standard drew goes as a two. Yeah.
Yeah. But I can't really think of any that would be a three besides. Addy. Right.
That's kind of the balance is that you're either a one or two or that one little golden nugget. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Uh, so day. Inside for you.
Wait. God damn it. Go on then. Can I quit day drinking at one?
Oh, but it's so fun, but you are not beating the heat. You're not actually beating you. Yeah, it's a one. It's like that sucks.
Yeah. I mean, it's just not beating the heat. It's allowing the heat to be you and you are just like, yes, may I have another but it's a long hold on. It's a two though because think about this.
I'm going to paint a picture for you. The temperature is a hundred, but guess where you are, baby on a rooftop of a hotel with a shaded roof drinking tea drinks still outside all day long by people. Is that a delight or is that a delight? It's I mean, it like if you can't rate.
That very specific scenario is a one certainly, but it's just like there are situations where it could work. If you're in the shade outside of your umbrella umbrella is a bonus point. Oh my God. There I've seen you roll it through the town with a little parasol.
Oh, I would. I wish I was made enough to watch my style icon, Peach and Daisy taught me you just fucking cruise around with a parasol. Yeah, that's a that's a big fact. I think milk has made famous by the Ron Burgundy person.
Yeah, yeah, very bad one. I milk shake on a hot day is very hard for me. I used to use that as a tool to defeat to beat the heat, but shake not I'm no longer the boss of milkshake. Yeah, it is the boss of me these days.
Yes, and it's a shame. Unfortunately, milkshakes incredibly young man's game and there's nothing we can do about it. I can't believe how anyone could finish a milkshake, but I used to I mean, I would eat drink. I don't know have two or three a month probably in my youth.
I would say I Jesus Christ. It was very regular for me to just have a milkshake in high school as like my lunch. I would like go to Jack in the box and be like, yes, I'll have a milkshake. It's a curly fries and that was my goal started on the Jack in the box.
Oreo milkshakes. Oh my God. Jack in the box is so very far away from me now. Yeah, that's true.
So sorry. Yeah, milk shake got to be one. It sucks, especially the way you spelled it. It's very punishing and it is not worth the payoff.
Yeah. Oh my God, bro. I don't know. It's not a mystery.
I don't know. I mean, I can see a little bit. Misters. Oh, yeah.
That's a great shit of my whole fucking life. Yeah, that's an outside. I think I would sit under a mister for three weeks straight. If I could.
Yeah, the only fucking don't pass thing about Vegas is that everybody, both residents and businesses, everybody got misters. You cannot have it's like having windows over there. You must have them. That is demanded by law and it is so very fine.
They're incredible. Yeah, it's so wild how well they work better to be to be than a pool. Like I would rather stand under that sweet mist. It's like what if someone could slowly dump a bottle of water on your head all day long?
Yeah, but you wouldn't be that wet. Yeah, you really be a little wett missed. Oh God, it's an incredible creation. Yeah, I love my bed.
Thank God every damn day for misters. Mm hmm. I have a thing to do inside that is stupid, but I think is a three. Hit me.
You ever just sit as fucking close as you candy or air conditioner? Yeah, I love that shit. What do you think about that? Oh, so yes, especially if you don't have central air and you just got one.
Yes, you said your face right into that shit. I used to do that all the goddamn time. Let me give you another three for beating the heat. And this is a very classic Los Angeles one.
It's sort of like the most iconic thing to do to be the heat movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's we did that in Austin. It's it's a perfect one.
Yes, correct. I got I think a two I think I have two two is for things to do inside number one is draw the shades. I feel like it doesn't actually help, but you just do it when so oppressively hot. It's such a bummer though.
It's so depressing. It's so depressing and it doesn't super. I mean, it works a little. I also got a weird to for you when I used to do this every now and then.
Do you ever just lay on the fucking ground and take it? Yeah, dude. I already loved it so much. If you get to this point or mentally, you're like, I cannot defeat the heat.
It is I'm defeated. What do I do? I'm going to lay on the ground and be sweaty and do nothing but stare at the ceiling. It's not horrible.
Yeah, I you've accepted your fate. Oh my God. What I have things to do inside, bro, New York subway station is a very not quite lit hell on earth that shit and like the subway train is maybe a three single best part of the train. It's so ice cold in there.
I love fucking meat locker. The only problem with it is that it's so drastically different and it's like you're already in New York during the summer. So you're wearing like, you know, some booty shorts and like a fishnet tank top and then you get on this goddamn meat locker after standing on the platform that's maybe hotter than anything has ever been in all of existence. And you just there's it's almost like you go into shock because it's so fucking cold on there.
I used to just knock it off at my stop because I was like, I can't leave this place. Also speaking of meat locker, if you've ever worked in a restaurant when I was a little stupid teenager and I worked at a restaurant and it was hot. I love to just go stand in that walk in fridge. Holy shit.
It feels good. Yeah, that's going to be when you're in the hot kitchen. That must be a three. It's fantastic.
When I got my community service at our prestigious school, I had to go into the walk in there and it was so cold. They gave me a parka. Oh Lord, like it was the fucking ice station in the garment issue. What'd you got?
Things to do inside it too. I'm just going to put a screen door. Sometimes you don't have an AC. What's wild to me and this door barely to agree, but imagine not having it.
Yeah, but it's it's almost not better than anything because you're still in that hot, hot heat from outside in. I mean, I block the boogas. Yeah, well, yes, but but it's it blocks the books. That's why it's a two things to do outside mosquitoes.
I mean, that's not a thing to do outside and not a way to be. You just want to talk shit about mosquitoes. They just come in the heat, bro. And I must I must have the mixed thing.
I know. I know. So screen doors are to me. I like a screen door and the same reason I'm going to put fan as a two, right?
Because much like a screen door to me at a certain heat, it does something and then it hits a critical mass and it's just either way, it's blowing hot air. It sucks. I have a horrible a very, very not quite thing to do outside. Walk anywhere.
Oh my God. It's so bad walking when it's hot out. I would literally rather run because I'm going to say it's almost better to jog. It is.
It literally is walking around in like jeans. Oh fuck. It's terrible. I think I am going to make an category.
I think accessories got to be one. Oh my God. Yeah. Sunblock and accessories.
I'm going to put it as a two because I hate to apply it and it gets napped. You know, it doesn't rub it all the way sometimes and sometimes it doesn't work all the way. Someone gets in your eyes, whatever. But here's one that I use a lot that I think is very quite late.
Go big sun hat, dude. You're from the big sun hat. I certainly do not. Oh, brother.
You got to like wake up. It's the best. I bet you look. I bet you Jesse McGrath look so fucking racist in a big sun hat.
Well, I already told you I'm transitioning to bucket hats. Which that's fine. I don't mind a bucket hat at all. I personally cannot pull a bucket hat off, but I say live your best bucket hat life everybody.
Now can I give you it? In my opinion, this is a two. Everyone else in the world is going to tell me to get fucked. Sun glasses are annoying when you wear glasses already unless you have transitions, but then everyone bullies you about them.
Shamedly go to Warpeaker and get normal ones. You have brought up the fact that you were bullied into not using transition lenses no less than four times on this podcast. I still think about it. And I think next round I'm getting them back motherfucker.
Good. My life was so much easier with them. I mean, okay, so here's the argument for transition lenses and for big sun hats and bucket hats. Go on.
When the heat comes. Yeah, what are you worried about looking good? Yeah, you have to just I'm already sweating my nuts off. You have to just let it rip.
Like I don't like that. That's a bonus point. Accept it. Yeah.
That was the secret for me when I spent that summer in New York. I was in New York for like the hottest months of New York and eventually I fought it for the first month. I was trying to freshen up all the time and then eventually you just not let it go. Yeah.
I mean, we've we've certainly talked about this, but and I stand by it part of the reason I do not mind humidity is because everyone's humid at the same time. Yes. That's sucks. We're all on the level playing field.
Everybody's sweating. But I'll give you sunglasses too. That's because I'll tell you what else is about sunglasses is at least 15% of the time I forget them. I either forget them in a bar or I forget them.
Yeah, it's a hassle to carry around. Yeah. So. They'll go into what you're already wearing.
Yeah, I'll give you that. I'll fully give you that tank tops a one or two that cannot be a three. So what do you give me one or two? I mean, like I will never wear a tank top of my life, but isn't this the same principle as the bucket hat looks like it works like heaven?
So I just don't think it works that much better. You're cutting off, I don't know, 20% of your shirt. A tank top tan is an abysmal thing. Yes.
So this is my thought is that you're losing a small amount of fabric, but what you have done is highly increase the area of your- Yeah, just give yourself a short sleeve, like a pretty high up short sleeve t-shirt. I agree. Give it a two. Give it a two.
Just add respect to the freaks that are out there wearing tank tops. Yeah, I mean, like for example, women's look good at tank tops quite often. Us freaks, though, it's do not. Well, and if you're somebody, I mean, not just like if you're LeBron James, you look good at a tank top.
Well, but for me again, it's not necessarily looking good. Also, just some people who don't aren't always being threatened by the burn of the sun, like I am. I just cannot be putting more of my body at risk. Yeah, I was up to you.
You'd be walking around a fucking hazmat suit for- I would and here is in that same vein. Here is something I'd like to posit. Okay. And I don't think that you're going to like it.
What? A second layer. You're a fucking mad man. I'm going to call the fucking police.
Yeah, do it, do it. I'll fight everyone. What do you mean? Like a long sleeve under your t-shirt, like you're in college?
No, no, no. No. I mean, and I'm only specifically talking about one thing and I always get shit for it and I always have to explain it. Long johns?
No. This is mostly a, it's if you're wearing a button shirt, which is a nice, a nice way to beat the heat kind of. There are oftentimes there are a little bit of a lighter material than your coffee t-shirt and they look fresh. I must have an undershirt.