Becoming Securely Loved, Bev Mitelman

The hosts interview Bev Middleman, a relationship and attachment trauma practitioner and founder of Securely Loved, about how attachment styles shape self-esteem, self-trust, emotional regulation, and relationships with family, friends, coworkers, and romantic partners.Bev explains attachment as learned behavior formed in childhood patterns of giving and receiving love, and emphasizes it can be unlearned and relearned. She outlines two broad categories—secure vs. insecure attachment—then details the three insecure subtypes: anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and disorganized (fearful-avoidant).Secure attachment develops from predictable emotional attunement, helping children identify emotions, regulate the nervous system, and communicate needs with boundaries. Insecure attachment exists on a spectrum and is not gendered. Bev describes anxious-preoccupied attachment as driven by an abandonment wound, people-pleasing (fawn) then fighting in conflict, low self-worth, and difficulty with boundaries. Dismissive-avoidant attachment is linked to emotional neglect or stoic/high-demand environments, detachment from emotions, retreating to isolation to self-regulate, and fear of engulfment. Disorganized/fearful-avoidant attachment combines anxious and avoidant traits, is associated with chaotic or abusive upbringings, centers on betrayal wounds, and often shows hot-and-cold intimacy, anger, rage, and hypervigilance.The conversation connects attachment to stress physiology (fight/flight/fawn/freeze), cortisol, and health. Be sure to take her free quiz at securelyloved.com that provides primary and secondary attachment styles.Check out all of Bev Mitelman's offerings and follow her on social media!Learn more about us on our Skirts Up websiteVisit Samantha’s new mental health business, Sweet Soul Wellness