Being a little bit bit fearful of going down the path of bipolar pathology again

today after I made a couple videos in the morning I went out to starbucks I wanted to go for a walk and sit in the park when I got to the park the whole playground I've been ripped up and there was some kind of big machine digging so I thought oh man now I can't sit in the park so i sat in starbucks and i was editing my videos and I was definitely experiencing some body pain that sometimes happens when I get into those other states of consciousness I had a bunch of strange perceptions as well then I ended up sitting outside and talking to a friend of mine same friend that talked me through my last psych ward experience and talked with me almost every day it was super helpful who talked for over an hour and it was really helpful as well seems we're both a little bit fearful of going down the path of pathology again and so we're both very aware of becoming too stressed out to the point where then we might be perceived as needing to be pathologized and then I finish watching the interview of Katie motormen dr. David Liu cough and he was saying that a lot of his work is around helping people to avoid being pathologized and he was saying how a mystical experience has an overlap with psychotic features and how if a person ends up in the psych ward they're going to be moved towards the psychotic features whereas if somebody manages to avoid the psych ward and and is able to get support in a different way that isn't pathologizing then it might be more of a mystical experience so it seems that whatever paradigm a person is viewed by is sort of what collapses the wave function of what it is that the person ends up being interpreted as so in that way I feel it's important to do everything I can to avoid being pathologized I want to go home I thought to put this on on my wrist and it's a zap strap and sort of reminding me that I can anchor myself somewhere and I won't keep it on all the time but I feel that right now just in the state that I'm in this is almost a reminder that I can keep myself safe and I also thought of it today where it's handy to have that one around like this so then when I find a place I want to keep myself then I just go like this with the actual item and then put in and then I'm stuck to the item whereas if I just have this part like this I might be able to slip my hand out when I actually fasten myself to something so this really keeps me stuck somewhere and this is almost like my version of the semicolon tattoo this is like I want to live I don't want to die and I don't want to be pathologized either so if I can keep myself safe where I am maybe I won't be led to the psych ward I also have my little DNA tangler which gives my hand something to do a little bit and I also found a bunch of crystals that I might carry around so I'm feeling like I need to protect myself as what the theme seems to be and I also have this hat that sometimes I wear it's not very attractive but it has the material the blocks EMF sometimes when I'm feeling super sensitive I feel like I need to protect my brain signals maybe be better to protect my heart and I remember reading one time that what goes wrong with our car is sort of congruent to our life and I remember one time that I left my lights on for like two hours and I came back and my car started I thought I can leave my lights on like I can leave my lights on i can I can light things up in a way and my energy is not going to die and then yesterday my car started and it started really rough and it was shaking when it was idling at the lights and I'm thinking to myself my car is trembling too just like my nervous system is sort of trembling and fearful my car is trembling too at the same time so i need to get my brother to look at my car and I made some more notes when I was editing videos and walking around and I was thinking about what we've been programmed to make salient which is fear and the ego and whatever our dopamine circuits ask for and I'd really like to make laughter mor