Logan ladies and gentlemen welcome to another episode just in wilders guy to life. I'm Jesse. That's wilder here Guy July you know I'm always kind of you got that New York minute as they say don't say you got the New York minute Do I have not like a disease unfortunately? No, I've been diagnosed with on adult onset New York minute You guys know about how Joe is always early well.
He got the New York minute. He got the New York minute He's only got a couple more years to live because of his New York minute that he's got this is nothing Wilder. Do you have any New Year's Revolutions New Year's Revolutions No, man, well, I'm like I'm supposed to do something for the universe this year universe and do shit for me this year Well, okay, I see that you've missed a cue to set up the topic of the episode So I'll talk about my new year's resolution you stupid. I thought you were just asking bro Well, you could have still came up with some you understand how like I mean I get that we're not like no what they say about improv No, no, no is what they say yeah, it's always say no and that makes for good content.
Yes. You couldn't give me anything Okay, ask me again ask me again. Hey wilder. You got any New Year's resolutions up your sleeve.
Yeah flight. Okay Get in an airplane we already talked about this. No, no, no, no, no, no the power of flight. Uh-huh I mean, I'm into acquire.
What are you gonna do with that power? What's kind of you're what am I gonna do with that power, bro? Yeah, I'm gonna fly to places Can't believe you asked me what I'm gonna do with the power of flight. Well, but like what kind of I mean No matter where I skip in traffic you got some kind of a shark in the winter Yeah, I could do that.
I could fly over to 7-eleven grab myself a sparkling Martinelli's I could fly over to your house Smacking the face with tree branch to fly back here a little dance, maybe I'll do a little dance in the air How are you all this is so late you acted like it was so dumb that I asked you when the first thing you said was flying to 7-eleven You are a fucking idiot dude. I'm just thinking about a comedian it'll be. What do you mean you're committed bro? What do you fly around everywhere?
What am I gonna do? I could fly to my front yard? I could fly to my back yard? Yeah baby.
That's tight. I'm gonna be rich. I'm gonna be fucking rich as hell dude. That's my New Year's resolution.
I'm just gonna make crazy money. Yeah. How are you gonna pull that one off? Oh I mean you know I got lots of pots on the stove.
Number one I'm an oil man now buying lots of stocks and bonds. Yeah number two you have a gambling addiction. Number two my gambling addiction will become a healthy income and don't you worry I will be talking about that in this episode. Yeah I fucking bet you will.
This is a being rich episode baby. Yes this is how to be the best rich person. There will be no like being poor is very not quite good. That's not what we're doing here.
Yes yes yes yes. I've already got some money. But now when you say how to be the best of a rich person. You must know that we will not be doing that right?
Well okay. Like if I was really rich no one would describe my use of money as the best way to go about it. Sure but I think I mean look. One of my argue that the shit that's gonna come out of my mouth today is the worst.
I thought about this a lot though and I think that there are things that we could do that we could both agree on. That I mean it's it's look gang. As far as being in America and peeping all the rich folks the bar so very low. It is impossible to be worse than the current class of rich folk we have.
It is true. So like you know it's gonna be the basically the whole very not quite let the whole one on this rubric is just gonna be a description of the real life rich people that already exist more or less. Correct. Would you agree with that?
Yes. Okay so here's what I'm gonna start with the with an easy one. It's like everyone's first maybe first. House what yeah house okay or maybe because house is sort of like small-minded I'm gonna say dwellings.
Okay I like where you're at. I gotta tell you I got the very not quite let us one I think. Okay go on. Whatever it was Mike Jackson had the big nasty ranch with all the like carnival rides is nasty ranch.
Yeah it's for sure a very not quite let even even if not for all of all of his transgressions just a very bad look. Let me talk let me talk to you a very pretty good. I think I don't think you need a I think like a huge fucking mansion. Maybe not it because I don't want to give it a one but I understand why that'd be ridiculous.
But like the fucking we're both in our apartments and we're like no no. No bro it's two it's too goddamn big let me tell you when I went to that show Dan Bilzerian's house all I thought was no wonder this boy has parties every five minutes because if he was alone in this house it'd be like being alone in museum to goddamn big. Right yes agreed to that fully and I sort of want to toss into almost the same same idea here in terms of like maybe not as good as it seems like a big big city. I think the big big city penthouse is a medium to me too.
Why what do you have against the big city penthouse bro. So my issue with big city penthouse is number one you are in a building with other folk which is not very tight if I'm super rich I don't want to have to see like fucking Bobby Flair whoever else what other rich people live in that building in the elevator I don't want to see Bobby Flair every day. I kind of want to see Bobby Flair once I'll be able to see you would yeah you once in a while bro but my bigger thing is like you get no not that I need a ton of it but you get no outdoor space unless like I guess you're talking about a penthouse that has like roof. You're thinking small minded now yeah okay okay penthouse with roof top garden is a very quite lit then I'll give you that my big thing was I want like a backyard I don't want to just be locked inside the time I lived in a penthouse I had a pretty dank patio and I counted that as outdoor space.
Yeah it's true it's just like not a it's like you can't have a pool then if you want rich guy pool but I'll give it to buy the building bro what are you talking about what I have to do with a pool in Bobby Flair's house evict him get him out of his unit to cool in there you own the building bro. You have okay so you said evicted Bobby Flair and I do have an idea for category called come up. Unfortunately unfortunately if you do try with Vicks Bobby Flair you will have to throw down. You can very much end up evicted yourself because his track record is unbelievable.
Yeah he's gonna crush you vis a vis the southwest and all of its sort of pallet flavors he's gonna torture. He's gonna throw some piqui opeppers at you. Oh my god you are gonna be fucking shredded he's gonna make mayonnaise like fresh mayonnaise for his like fucking pastrami southwest sandwich he's making and you're just gonna be fumbling around it's gonna be a fucking mess. Don't try to make Bobby Flair that's a one.
I also got a very not quite lit and this is this is you'll probably put it in two because it's just me in the fucking hills I don't like that shit. It's hard to drive to and from you cannot walk anywhere if you want to. Parking sucks nards. Yeah Hill House no good and it's haunted on top of it all.
Plus it's probably haunted that's the big well I actually don't associate Hill houses with being haunted even though there's that haunted. That's all I only reason I said it Hill houses to me are like one and you know this is a great great fear of mine that's like home invasion central. That's what I'm saying put it in a one. No I think you can't even I just like it's still tight to me.
I'm not sure of it for just privacy. Well you get a little privacy you might get fucking kink views. I'm private right now and I'm an apartment full of people. Well let me ask you a question if you're not talking about a big penthouse with a hotel what is a home house that is very quite lit to you.
Just like a normal size the average American house maybe on the larger side but not like a mansion. But that in the classic two-story house in the but that in the hills isn't better to you. I don't it's hard to get to Hill houses even in like the middle of a city when you live on a house that's all at the top of Hill. It's a pain in the arse.
But you're rich dude what are you doing you're parking your own car and you're rich. Well if I get back from the store who can park my car for me. No dude you got a garage or something like you're rich. If I have guests brother that's they give me a big part of this and they can't park.
I think it's a two I think it's a two there's no way I'm giving it a one. I have to say that our two regions of California have respectively yours much more so obviously but respectively famous Bougie Hills. Like you have yes it's not for me the Hollywood Hills I have the Oakland Hills though and the Oakland Hills are fucking tight dude. It's like you're in a hills bro.
Okay you love hills so much aren't you Mariam. Oh my god we got to stop taking the like this hill conversation is boring though. I don't know it's good content and I think you should marry the hills. What type of come up and you you delivery this day.
Oh bro. I mean I think the question is what type of come up is what I like to deliver now that money prohibits me from doing. Right well I'll give you all toss you up. I mean I want to just sack tap other rich people.
Okay yes correct okay so sack tapping the previously more rich than me because I don't want to. I mean they're just person in the world like are we no no no no we can't because then it's a whole different thing we're talking about like like ending world hunger. We're we're okay. We're enough to be rich and we know what we got bro.
How much money we got a bill. We got a bill. I can't do it. I can't even conceptualize how much money is rich.
Do we have a billie and dollars or no no no we don't have a billie. Come on give me a billie please. I feel like a billie is what poor ass people just say. If you let me ask you something while they're a billie obviously crazy rich at what point if we're moving down the scale to like okay 250 milli from that billie.
Yeah right we're still rich at what point are you like I'm not rich anymore. For me it's like a hundred grand. Yeah yeah I've thought about this a lot because think about the fact that on Shark Tank we got five sharks. The billie is for them all billies right.
Lori is dirt poor bro. She's a hundred and fifty million. She's destitute. She's starving.
Oh my god. Think about how much poorer that sounds though. You know what I'm saying. Correct.
She can barely put food on the table. I can't even try to be like like poor Lori Grenier but also also though the it's tough to say because there's no way that cubes got a billie in the bank. That's a billion assets right. You got a billie in each fucking toenal.
That way alright alright alright alright you convince me we got a billie. Yes yes boy. Wait what and then the category is like just like shit that you own you know what I mean. Yeah yeah yeah your assets your assets.
Professional sports team is a three right we go through that. Yes correct and this is why exactly what I maybe think of it. I would just love to see the wacky ass section of the Maverick Serena where cubes are selling all the little knickknacks from every single person invested in because he's always like I'm a stick that in the mounds arena. I know everything he says I'm just like bro if I went to a stadium it's all these fucking.
It's just like you know when you go to a concert and there's like a merch tent it's back but just with all kinds of fucking random like glasses holders and ice trays in the fucking Dallas Teresa. Yes it is. So obviously I would have one of those walls too with all my little investments. Yes yes yes.
And every business with Beanzog and funded that time I made my Billy by the way somebody invested in movie theater beds. Oh my god obviously I became a oh crap shot gambler 75 bets in a row. Cool yeah fucking bifton over here. Yeah big time.
I don't know who I want to come up in besides other rich piece that is that a three I feel like it's kind of a two I mean really wrong me. Yeah I mean they all wronged me but in such a vague way like me sack tab and bezos it's yeah I'm happy about it but it's not he does this category is just things we would do to bezos right how do we give bezos this come up in. Yeah bro I feel like this is a very very cliched one but it's still legit. Do you have any like bullies dude or like just like villains from your past.
That's what I was thinking of I don't honestly know I mean like I got all bosses that I don't care for. Okay yeah but I think that's legit. No no no I don't need I don't even come up in some I'm all about acquiring stuff bro and assets just about things the fucking lie of things can't buy you happiness take that to go I know I know things bro come on buy some stuff. You know who said that shit a poor ass fucking poor ass person like Lori Grenay is that who said it is a Grenier is a Grenier I don't know who you're talking oh Lori Lori Lori yeah the poor ass shark from Shark Tank yes you support yeah do you need like a sick fucking car I don't know if I do TVH I mean I do want a DeLorean pop that in there I've always wanted I've always thought like if I was rich I'd get a DeLorean just have it in the garage can I just say dream car and very pretty good everybody got a dream car I'm not talking about a warehouse full of cars like James Bend I'm but I mean I just like neither of us is particularly thrilled about car like here's my thing yeah I would take over a dream car yeah right like dream cars are to me because private jet is a is a throw bro houses across the earth hoes in different area codes you know I'm saying yeah dwellings like what do we think minimum for right if we got a Billy at least four homes for yeah for a lot but think about think about even though we spend you'll quarterly travel well I winter in Connecticut yeah dude well not just that first of all yeah yeah yeah yeah you schmuck but now I'm I'm I'm only just like it would be tight to have a getaway right like we you and I both really like it always but I would have I would have houses and like every mountain range though not to live in I did say not in the hills or the mountains but for like yeah you vacation vacation calves that's what I'm saying to me one everywhere every city and all the homies got keys for me yeah yeah yeah yeah it's not just like oh he's are my oh I have ten who's you're crew stopping by ice cube oh yeah cubes cubes is getting in all the cubes mark cubes ice cubes yeah Cuban Cuban getting junior uh Cuban Pete uh-huh yeah for sure Cupid Pete gada okay for that category like famous friends no that's like nothing right nothing that's maybe an asset I'm gonna give it to you yes if it's a two for sure because you don't want them getting in your fucking way dude I don't give my way I don't want to be like oh look at me I'm posting and like we're not I don't want to be famous yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I agree famous not what I want and I don't want to be I don't want to be like hanging out with Matthew McConaughey on my yacht and but if I want to be photographed with Matthew McConaughey on my yacht I'll make it happen right I would like to be like who's that guy that's also fucking Matthew McConaughey on his yacht right yes and I was the sports agent was that guy what you fucking yeah speaking of yacht it's almost a one for me I have zero interest in the yacht what do you think about that it's a lot of upkeep gotta be too bro you want yeah but like up keep you doing it yourself no obviously I was gonna do that for you you get yourself a lot yeah I was like a boat a boat is a three doesn't have to be a yacht but I'd like to like Dexter style be able to just like fuck off and zip around the lake you know I'm saying once the super round the lake yeah bro I'm just trying to have some yacht parties I don't know why you even dare put yacht anything less than three I just don't think it does it for me but I got I got it's fun you need a boat you can eat a boat I mean fun you know what else I want I want a guy for everything you know I mean I got a guy I got a guy for that that's an asset I think right yeah I got a suit guy I got a caviar guy damn I almost want to do outfit but we already did that episode we can we can go through it quickly I think it's a category yeah I okay I got I don't know I'm a kind of an understated rich person that sucks no bro what are you gonna be walking around with like a fucking feather cap and I was the first thing I can mind was a big gold grill what do we put big gold grill it's a one row oh my god bling in general is absolute trash I gotta put bling as a two you're gonna make me do it a road on us I even us right but if you got a Billy bro what you wouldn't like these us a little bit more if you showed up and just had a giant Jesus you have you could get ice on like one on one tooth what about a thumb ring not bad are you sure that was a trick thumb ring the worst now for me bling as a one you quoted it to you love bling so much you and bling in hills I just like a little bit of bling I would love a like a big gold watch I love a lot of gold to be honest do you have a vanity plate oh that just says bling or what no that's what I'm asking I don't know man rich like I don't know I don't know it's a Billy oh Billy the frame above it says this guy's got a sure and then underneath it says in the bank oh I gotta come up in going it's a specific one going I do hate that Elon Musk quite a bit I think that he's a villain and he wastes a bunch of money yeah I used to like him but he really sure has done everything in his power to prove me wrong about that huh yeah he sucks he sucks he sucks and it turns out that like most of that shit that is good that he's did it wasn't even him it was like his team which is you know that's a skill I guess but pretty so I wonder what here's what I want to do every time he announces some dumb shit idea I just want to immediately get a team together to build the better version of that you just want how to you on musk each time he has an idea I would like to yeah I would sort of like to just 360 windmill you know you can sue your ass every time though how's he gonna sue me when he's when he tweets like if we made all cars boats we would save $400 on emissions every minute talk about like when he's ripping J's on yes dude yes dude yeah never when those those those minors were stuck or whatever those kids were stuck and he was like I'm gonna build a one person submarine to save those kid he like concocted this insane idea and then they were just like oh no here's yeah while he was tweeting that they saved them they were like no dude we'll use the regular one I want to do that so when he's like I'm building this one person summary and I'm like well here's a two person summary I do Elon Musk's shitty Twitter thoughts yes and it's a three for me yeah I mean that's I have nothing for that but I'll give it to you fucking like helicopters and shit when you got this like a big Lamborghini in the living room or some bullshit like that toss toss that shit away from me you want me to write for that big Lamborghini yeah but Lambo in the living room it's bad and that is also the name of my children's book that will be out this summer Lambo in the living room all right oh bro home theater please home theater please oh yeah home theater please what that's our dwelling right yeah okay it's time to do some unlocking you know I love to unlock our brains and really fucking break free of the bounds which decides to do I want to break free baby what do we think about a fucking crazy big tree house what do we think about it yeah what's the question it's a three next it's a three big one tree house yeah what do we think about bat cave like under the house we do have a layer oh layer under the house layer under the house layer under the house give it to me three can't be a three to me why cannot be a three to me bro we don't go down there and do some stuff yeah don't tell me what you're doing down there and and have it sound creepy fucking Patriot Act shit uh-huh surveying people though it's gotta be it too it's gotta be it too bro what if you got a restaurant or listen you guys fucking staff of people that are trapped in your basement waiting to serve yeah listen listen to yourself dude it sounds bad everything about if you just explain the bat cave to someone who had never heard of Batman they would be like damn that dude sounds fucking nuts bro wait okay another category hobbies whoa blame a Billy that got a kind of a crazy hobby huh being a superhero that's dangerous he is a billionaire and like I when he's fighting the job boring billionaire bro you don't even have a cave and you don't even listen you're not even a superhero listen he's a billy you don't want to be a Billy for and sometimes he's fighting the mob or the joke or whatever right but there's just think put a picture in your head of Batman he just flies around and like these thugs probably don't have a lot of money maybe like addicted to drugs and instead of like helping them he's like I'm gonna break your spine I'm not saying be Batman specifically but what are you gonna do you want to spend your time farting around in the city like I don't have hours I can just do whatever I want it's like uber you flip on the app and you go be a superhero for a little bit and now you've created yourself a job mind you you're now you're okay uh hobbies for very not quite working yeah oh my god the whole point of being rich is not to do that anymore thank you oh you know what I would like to do about sources of income I'm gonna put uh sources of income is a good one and I got I got a very quiet for you hold on royalty's brother give me those royalties okay I like that I'll give that a three for half so freely it's a three I think about it all the time like this is this is the royalty season where I think about like how Catherine O'Hara for example damn she getting them shit as soon as like home alone season yeah she's getting the surviving Christmas checks yes yes as soon as krimbu as soon as the holidays roll around like oh genuinely Curtis in October yeah yeah she making that freaky Friday money I get fucking paid yeah you're getting it you're picking it up I see what you're doing yeah source of income inheritance I have to say it's got to be a one right yes I don't think anyone respects you if it's like I inherited this bill bro what about it what about it what are you talking about if you murder someone for their money oh you're killing someone for well it's got to be a two right because it might be got to be a two because it might be a shitty person yeah the rich is pretty gods are decent heist heist heist is a gotta be a three right I think it's a two it's a very dangerous bro oh you're afraid of danger now mr.
super hero they get a big case to be Batman I'm a superhero I'm gonna fucking do a heist no heist is a three inside man bro imagine you're at your meeting of your minds all your all your all your all your rich all your the billy's club yeah I got the demolitions expert and the fucking code no no no no no no no you're you're all disgusting this guy's like oh I inherited my billy and this other this ladies like I'm in politics I got my billy through the public donation and then this other the billy goes club and then the last billy goes to this lady and she's like a stool the queen's diamond and it's just like oh she wins that's tight but you know what she didn't think of I'm the queen and now it's off with her head it's too dangerous a heist I can't believe you're gonna put heist to you're you're a fucking coward what about invention gonna be a three right I guess that's royalties but think it's no I think it's a two because like if someone was like I'm an inventor they're like what did you invent and they're like I invented a cap for batteries or some shit like the shake weight and somehow made a billion dollars on the shake weight oh no that's a fucking penny probably but you see what I'm saying like some people might just invent okay okay but I agree like if you if you pull up and you're like I invented flubber oh you're rich off that flubber money bro you got that flubber I see I got it I got it that's why that should be a three how about how about just a flubber money a quick aside how about how in the like 90s it was just like a pretty normal thing for a plot in a movie to be oh my dad's an inventor yeah he got flubs yeah you got honey I shrunk the kids you sort of got back to the future obviously not as dad but like inventor I was a pretty impressive just busted out three movie inventors well I'm not even done holes isn't his dad an inventor and holes oh yeah maybe what about like insider trading dude just like stealing money from the people that are already rich I'm into that boring though it's boring sure but like if you if you're like I got my money from fucking stealing from Enron or whatever clicking around on a computer yeah I guess I'm tight with that what about how Biff Tam and got rich time travel yeah I heist I'm gonna write Biff as a as a three because if you're a time scammer I mean the chances are someone else gonna get their hands on time machine and take your money's away right but we're not worried about that right yeah it's just about being rich at the time yeah I mean right and you really can do anything wrong besides cheat and steal so it's like he stole this is the thing right you he made his own sports betting which I'm gonna we're gonna talk about gambling right literally right now after I talk about this but what do you steal from casinos who gives a shit yeah it's fine well casinos is everyone else's money all right go on tell me about your what you win at a casino it's not like they're like well while there's somebody won pay up I always give it back when I was given back cuz I feel so bad gambling is it would be a three to what about like a one time you walk into some fucking place and you're like I'm just gonna put it all on red and then you walk out with a billy that's what you do with a comment table this one common table not even the high one two hundred mill on one chip yeah well you have to be rich in order to pull this one off so here's my thing with gambling okay one but it is one incredible hot streak night in in stavina stood there's no downside to me gambling because one you have a great origin story where it's like yes I walked in I put a 250 milli chip down walked out of Billy that sucks dude that's such a shadys door you sound like such an asshole in that story yeah you do you already got these two and a million to play with you're on that no no the real one is like you're on the grind right you're in like backdoor poker games yes and I think the picture of a gambler a rich gambler is not what I actually am envisioning it's probably just some douchebag in a suit but I mean obviously if I made my money off gambling I'm wearing a cowboy like I'm Kenny Rogers I'm wearing a cowboy hat I just want to be Kenny I probably have a large ring because I knew when to fucking hold him and I knew when to fold him okay big cowboy hat on outfit what do you think it's a two it's a two okay best oh but I do not mind a big fucking belt buckle dude we're talking about just cowboy just maybe put cowboy outfit in the yeah because it's pretty good it's if you're at the Billy go club and you fucking show up with spurs on your boots baby that is tight you do need spurs in the way to enter the Billy go club yes but put put like rich people activity you know how fucking stupid Kevin over here he's always talking about his his fucking chevalliers the test of on yes it's like a secret society we need shit like what is that activities I guess well that's a hobby to me that's a rich person hobby hobby hobby right we have we have hobbies and I think secret society is society got you three you think a three I think oh yeah I think it's too weird to me it's a little weird you never know it's I mean the problem is sacrifice at one of those and you wouldn't know yeah dude that's gotta be what it's you you're the sacrifice okay I have to very not quite lit sources of income come on stock market oh my god I'm asleep right oil or like precious resource oh so boring I don't yeah yeah and like you know the Shkreli oh my god yeah pharmaceutical oh what do we think about selling out it's kind of goes along with invention but like gotta be very pretty good because yeah it's I mean I would I would put it out of three but you're probably gonna convince me otherwise that one's tough because it's not really a source of income because you have to be no I'm talking about I just came up with this sick ass new pickle jar and Walmart is like you want a Billy for that and I'm like you got yourself a deal Walmart I don't go talk about this jar I work them child laborers of the bone give me my Billy yeah it's the problem this is it right the problem is I know that the people I'm selling it to so your Amazon's your Walmart's or whatever is gonna do bad things with it but I don't care I don't care I do of me selling out as like a moral standpoint it's nothing to me but I think it's a two just from the standpoint of that where it's like well now I'm gonna let some company who's gonna use it how many days a week you want to work because we talked about working oh my god like no I think we got to work a little bit because then you really are just a true piece of shit okay we gotta work two days a week you know it's very quite hours days aren't even anything assets personal chef please assets personal if I'm building my own house with my Billy I got a sushi bar in one of the rooms it's like a quiet small little legit fucking sushi bar okay and I got a I got a little sushi chef working behind the counter ready to slice me some delicious when you say a little like that it make it's like Tinker Bell no he is the size of Tinker Bell and he stands in solitude in silence waiting for me to come down to the sushi bar for days at a time he never knows when I'm to come down but he will be ready or he will be fired that's a nightmare dude okay outfit suit sucks right are we suits sucks no it's a two because sometimes you can look pretty fucking fly in a suit yeah but why not just do it tuxedo oh why not do it tuxedo he says like we just talk about like a regular like if you're in your house any time no no because if I'm if I got a Billy I'm doing some cool shit I'm out in like I'm like out in the dirt in Wahaka checking out some mescale I'm doing some cool shit you know I'm saying I'm gonna see for that so you give you agree it's a one yeah yeah it's a one and you look at the bag when you're a suit unless you're at a formal function I'll give you another one for outfit the Steve Jobs bro you're a Billy stop wearing that same shirt start stop dressing like a fucking cartoon character what do you think about robe okay obviously that's a big way to do it to do it because you can't go out you can't go out your robe well unless it's a kimono okay no bro kimono is a one on us no we will not be wearing kimonos yeah honky honky's with a kimono isn't no good that's like some fucking quittin tarratino bullshit I got an asset I know that it's supposed to be a one just tell me bro where do we put exotic animals it's a one it's like it's like oh I know it sucks but like what about what it not like doesn't have to be like a tiger right what if it's like a fucking horse no first of all horses scary as hell and you know it yeah here's the deal here's the deal there's no I can't think of a single my favorite animal is polar bear can I be pretty exotic animal to have but I would feel horrible having it bro open your mind you have a whole room that is a tundra no dude I would still feel very bad I wouldn't feel bad because the weather I would feel bad because it's got the entire ecosystem of a tundra baby it's huge oh my god under the ground that's what's in your underground cave okay it's still a one but as far as dwellings a private ecosystem ecosystem pretty good I'm gonna give that a three are we good at that yes you gotta have some some cool pets like you're telling you got a billy and you don't have any other pets that you couldn't have today no dude I don't want it's my other thing is like no dude stupid that sucks because look I'm jet setting brother I have so many homes what I'm taking my koala with me no I can't do koala on a jet he loves to get on a jet it's such a one for me why not buy a zoo dude we bought a zoo okay wait buying a zoo no zoo suck I hate zoos they make me so yeah assets so we bought a zoo as a one it was a bad asset yeah damn dude that's okay I've hobbies any good outfits or hobbies no I have a good hobbling I think is a good hobby for being a good job yeah that's a good but here's a here's a maybe it's not a hobby I think it's a hobby though shout out to Shae Serrano who doesn't have a billy but who just regularly is like yeah I'm gonna give people money all the time I'm gonna give people money yeah I'm gonna give people money not an organization that's cool too great but I want to go to like fucking Frank and be like Frank what's up dude he's like damn dude I'm my student loans I'm like they're gone brother they're done I killed him yeah what else you got rent it's done bro I killed it give random peeps money please yeah but like Frank is a shithead is only problem is like shot to Shae of course but like what if Frank sucks dude well that's the beauty of this right if you give to an organization you might accidentally give to shit people but if you give if you convert the people yourself yeah like like for me all my friends I would do I would do a little sit down with Frank and I like Frank right hello exactly and then you figured out and you say Frank here's your I fucking pager mortgage dude's time I leave the room for like ten minutes and I come back and say Frank I have your results you suck and I kick them out yeah oh bro you check your seat you check your seat you check your seat don't let me say that anywhere is that anywhere where is anywhere assets dwellings outfit doesn't matter put it in there it's a three it's a free do you have cool home decor like what kind of shit is in your house it's tough because a lot of times rich people have just absolute dumb shit in their homes yeah but I but like that's sort of the thing it's like I would for sure have like a tight fucking katana over the fireplace that's sucks dude I know I know but I need it for invaders sucks dude when you want cool fucking sword or some shit sword is what you're thinking of yeah katana that's so wack you can have that dude they sell swords at the mall yeah but I'm not gonna buy that for my apartment like $40 I'll buy you a sword dude if you want to know bro I'm talking like museum quality shit it's a case give me some cool fucking weaponry around my hands with no guns as a two it's guns unless it's like an old fucking musket or some shit I would rather have that I would rather have like a cannon from the revolution in oh my god cannon inside your house bro that's the worst thing I've ever heard yeah baby where the fuck are you putting a cannon I have a dumb one bottom of the pool or what it's just moving around every day it's like elf on the shelf I just bought my cannon in different rooms Christ oh oh oh oh it's a three for sure a three for sure hidden rooms right we gotta have like a bookcase you got cool security in your house you got like blast doors I cannot tell you enough that I have a Supreme fear of home invasion especially if I got a billy on deck you have a Supreme fear of home invasion it's my number one fear hundred percent did not know that and you're telling you don't want to get on it you said over the fireplace you make it like a decoration dude if I'm having a guitar that's gonna be strapped to my back okay fuck it's your back then bro I don't care have I told you my my own invasion story no so I was like probably 10 or something I had to be older like 12 and I am very afraid of home invasion as I've said and I was home alone and I started to hear like the tick of rocks up against the my bedroom window and I was on the second floor of my mom's house and I like I hear shit hitting it and I could I heard somebody saying my name and I fucking lost my ass I called my mom who's at work called a ghost dude she works at police department I was like mom I know this sounds crazy I think someone's outside I they're saying my name she was like say no more I'm a son of police officer over she's a closure door you know the bed so close my door not even all the way on accident I like have the phone with me I'm terrified and I'm like it's I'm just inventing a baby and I hear the sliding glass door open in the back and I'm like oh fuck like this is a nightmare and I call my mom again I'm like mom they're in the house just like Jesse stay where you are the police are two minutes away they're like lights and sirens I can hear them in the distance I the person is walking up the stairs who's in the house open the door it's my dad he was coming to pick me up I forgot cool dude so I thought this was gonna be like this where was the end with and that is why I have a legitimate fear of home invasion turns out you have an illegitimate fear of home in there yeah dude that sucks so my question remains do you have a katana and do you have last doors I swear to God I'm gonna quit the podcast we don't put katana it's art I put sort it to and that's what's gonna stay dude sword you know you are your councilman jam from fucking parts and rec sword is so yes a Billy icon dude sort sucks blast doors you look like you if I want to someone a rich person's house who has a sword I'm my first thought is oh they became rich yesterday I didn't know what to buy they went but it's like blank check you idiot that would be all I had what are blast doors I always hear people say I'm what are they okay it's like sucks because like I want you starwars as a reference oh oh it's the shit yeah yeah yeah yeah I guess yeah blast doors you want to miss a three yeah brothers are tight especially they're nice and hidden all over your house right you know when your dad comes to pick you up and you freak out you can slam those things close chop them right in half blast doors I do I would like a panic room slash fallout shelter what do we think about that I don't think about that shitty hobby big game hunting oh yeah horrible including most dangerous game human hunting dwellings private island I think it's a two it's a little scary I've got a house in the Maldives where's the mall private island just seems like a disaster waiting to happen I guess I'm not talking about a home on island I'm talking about an island for yourself one that's prevent yeah no that's I guess I don't want that I like some batting cages what about oh sure holding alley put all the things in but the problem is you were like I don't want this be huge mention but we're building something that would only subterranean baby oh boy yeah you want your back gave the bowling alley do you are some kind of freak you know what if it's not that huge but it's like it's like just incredibly tall what are you saying it's like a hundred-story house you know I'm saying every floor something different what do you think about doing tiny tower bro what about tiny tower the iOS game what do you think about tiny tower I do feel like if you are I both individually we both got rich we got our Billy we would go into like making movies or TV because it's something that we talk about that we never oh yeah we had infinite time and capital on certainly I'm certainly would I just think it would suck probably right so is that a two that's probably a two for hobbies right yeah it is I'm gonna toss like for me personally like also video game like I would love to be like yes I own this video game studio now and then it would be like boy this just owning shit we think about investing that's gonna be a two yeah smart boy boring so boring I mean Billy's just a start once I get my gambling going you know I'm gonna turn that Billy into trace Billy's easy oh trace Billy's doesn't my freaking tequila when I'm a Billy trace Billy's Billy got gruff will be the name I tequila to alcohol bro we must have an alcohol see that's another hobby but I think it's a two well maybe it's a three no come on it's a three I need my lemon cello oh let me show it a dick it what what are alcohol be I think I think it's insane I think it's has to be rum to me yeah I think I think I think I want a bourbon Tbh or a gin or a gin which in all right I'll get yeah I'll get that not a lot of celebrity gins actually I hate to say but Ryan Reynolds is his celebrity gins very good yeah it's true yeah owning our own alcohol is a great one okay I got I got one for outfit every once in a while I do want to come out in some bucks shit you know I'm saying how rich people sometimes like models shit well at when you're at your at an event and you just show up in some bullshit yeah yeah yeah and they show up in there like why is Lady Gaga dressed as a robot or something and you're like oh that's I do like that a little bit I want like a pretty fucking sweet kitchen yeah give me like all the gadgets all the tools I never want to be like oh I don't have no I get you know about like a fucking personal farmers market shopper personal shoppers they're out getting me the fucking fresh rhubarb or whatever is fresh right now yeah that's first one shoppers an asset I think that's a big one oh infinity pool I think affinity pools are kind of we've talked about other scary because we don't know how they work I think they're scary and I don't I don't see a benefit of them to a regular pool no I don't either I've never been it almost feels like a fancy restaurant where like I know it's gonna be good and it looks really swim up our swim up our swim up now we're talking dude no oh lazy river bro pop it in there as well okay yeah we're just talking about I do love a lazy river unfortunately they're always still the piss piss but yeah that's well that's the benefit of having one at home it's doesn't have the piss in it yes in your dwellings what if we think about a no kids allowed rule is it to I mean what if you have a family oh it's not if I'm rich baby I'm trying to step money is mine agree nobody gonna send to my money except for fucking friend I don't hate when somebody's like oh that thing that who's the quade what's the bad and oh that thing Randy quades that I would just love to just pop up on Instagram like oh Randy quade yeah that sucks major shit oh you just want to show up and dunk on people I just I just like you have a platform use it for something cool like dunking on Randy quade you know yeah dunk on Randy quade maybe a bonus point okay bro what do you think about I know we said like a huge mansion is bad but what if we had a castle no it's too just like on the side just like you're off you're often fucking Prague and you're like oh do you see that one over there that one's mine right it's a two me it's fine but you're not gonna spend longer than like three days because it's drafty there's no electricity dude it's bad I mean castles are not that cool you're gonna make fun of me from having a cannon in my house but you want sleep on a castle dude no way I don't sleep there it's freaking spookies hobbies dude outdoor shit is no for me even when I'm you said but that's because you suck I'm gonna put it as a I'll put it as a to out of respect for you and some other people but oh my god it's just like I'm so rich why am I sleeping at a tent I have a Billy dude a Billy and I'm sleeping under the stars no I'll build a fucking house with a glass roof if I want to look at the stars glass roof is pretty cool yeah oh shit your house is a moonroop dude oh what about what if your house has a fucking what do you what's the an observatory like a fucking with a big telome scope yeah yeah oh telome scope is three yeah sick there's another lame oh hobby but I love to I love to give to the arts you know yeah okay what you bring about it we think minimum three jacuzzis why would you want more than one jacuzzi in every bathroom guy oh you want like a jacuzzi tub you're saying yeah yeah yeah yeah jacuzzi tub is a duck I mean we can't just keep us like three of them right next to each other on the deck that look pretty good yeah wind up so we can all have our own yeah Ronie times okay here's we talked a lot about this is we got to get out of just a house because we're spending a lot of time there that's all people think about when they think about being rich though you think about the cool wacky shit I know it's like your house in your car and that's what I'm saying we got to dip out of there but I will say if you must have a big mansion or a ranch or something you got to get a little golf cart to drive around your your property I love that you love that I do enjoy it I think it's a two though cuz you look like a fucking asshole you what you drive around in and it's a one a segue no segway's in your house please you're a deer at that man segue hoverboard all that shit is I would like a room oh we're gonna keep talking about it doesn't even have to it doesn't even have to like be something I really care about but just like give me one of those rooms where there's something like a ring or a diamond and it's on a little cushion in the middle the room and there's like a means everywhere okay I like that I like now you're thinking about you want a museum room with the fucking Queen's diamond that was previously stolen you recovered yeah oh that's the source of my fortune is them yes is the Queen's diamond that you have there even though I guess it's still in the house but I mean money from it doesn't really make a lot of sense oh yeah the rest of this does that's for sure it seems everywhere yes you're inviting a heist essentially at the more security I'm sorry I got more house stuff oh my god you would gotta stop at the house shark tank opens up for my enemies beneath them is this in the museum rooms is a different you're talking about you're trying someone comes and they're holding court with me and they say something I don't like guess what I flip a switch the floor opens up there's someone with the fishes so literally just with the fishes I guess dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movie yes correct you want to be Dr. Evil I'm going to write many means I know good though Wilder Shaw is dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies for sure I'm not gonna put shark tank where my enemies in my layer go you why don't you want to be a villain it's like why did you say superhero when you wanted to be fucking like a Lutheran yeah see that's the real thing of it oh it's like a little monorail around your house you want such a mansion it's unbelievable you said a hundred things in favor of a mansion you want a tiny sushi room and a private chef with your kitchen I know bro but okay what if all the homies know I hate when rich people do that when it's like we put this mansion together I feel like that's a thing for like that like youtubers do now where it's like me and all my homies yeah it's okay I do want this mansion but it's for a weekend you know I'm saying we go there for a weekend we hit the sushi room we hit the bowling alley we ride the monorail I just bathed in three separate jacuzzi's right next to each other if we wanted to do a mansion episode should just on a mansion episode we have to get out of dwellings right now no I disagree come on what are you talking about fine talk more about your outfit then no we have outfit I think lot personal stylist the three cowboys borderline I give it a 2 and a half cowboy with look at the two cowboy is bling and broke put it all together get buck wild once in a while which is what that is is the most those three things together is buck wild oh throwing sick fucking parties obviously oh dude we're so dumb source of income three very treasure treasure hunter so tight yeah that's a big hobby to treasure hunter oh yeah very cool national treasure you see we had to get out of home to really I'm fucking unlocks on this deck shit you find fucking DB Cooper's treasure mm-hmm and then you fucking turn that into a career as a treasure hunter yes hey yes so when it comes to treasure hunting is that allowed if like are you allowed to just sell buried treasure or does that belong to somebody so belong to the state I think that the respected are all the respected ones we know such as Indiana Jones they call themselves like anthropologists or whatever and they sell it to museums okay so but he's still making a pretty penny off that museum I bet yeah and he does it from it I have to be honest with you there's a case to be made that Indiana Jones is sort of a bad guy not the bad guy because he is going against the Nazis but sort of a bad guy because he stands on this moral high ground up on to the room but like they're gonna pay you dude handsomely what do we think about Adventurers Garb for an outfit like oh adventure is like a web and a cool hat like a brown leather jacket it's a two oh bro you know you can do if you're rich you could just be hot oh yeah that's a sick hobby dude I'll be so fucking hot if I was rich yeah be hot I'm gonna say so three but I'll tell you what a two is and it's like get yoked I hate rich people were like cut I don't need you to be no rich carrot top no and sure oh yeah sorry sorry kumail but that sucks dude can we learn how to dunk if we're rich no you know that you could buy enough I don't think money buys dunking unless you get like calf implants or some shit it's launching you go and just hire okay we should maybe talk about being a cyber physical body modifications where do we put being a cyborg it's gotta be a two it's gotta be a two that's a hobby right oh oh my god just put it in assets if it can't be in my house it's my own private basketball court but you know we can fuck with the gravity in there so I can dunk that's this there we go I need to figure it out you big idiot yeah yeah it is a thing in a house I don't you like try to trick me into putting it into assets you're you're zero gravity room yeah I had to phrase it that way because you were too afraid to add more shit to our house we didn't really talk about I mean I guess we talked about famous friends but it would be I mean hobbies I would like to pop up you know sometimes famous people are just like in music videos sure we're just like why is Jonah Hill in this video huh I want to be in music videos that's a hobby of mine okay but then you're not famous though right I'm not saying I want to be you just want to be in a music video you want to be on set yeah I just want to like be I just want to be like I want to call Drake and be like Drake what's your next single dropping it's dropping in two months I'll give you a hundred thousand dollars and I'll give you a little I'll let you sleep in my castle for the weekend but here's the deal you I got to get 30 seconds in the video you have to say my name you don't talk to me I just come up and Drake get him off the fucking court when he's at a Raptors game okay yes oh I would love my arena if yes own the fucking Raptors I would have this little sensor in the ground that's designed to understand Drake's footprint it gives him a little shock every time he gets on the fucking court how about how about I guess celebs is kind of the only one it works for me but like just the idea of of like someone acting a fool in a bar and then being like you gotta go and they're like I don't have to go in here like actually I just bought this bar so that I could kick you out I'm gonna sell it back to the people bribes yeah not even bribes real it's not a bride I would be bribing people to do things constantly I would like I walk to a guy like a hundred bucks if you eat that thing on the ground it's not a bride dude you know what bribes are what it's a bribe I walk to someone who's dirt poor like for example Lori Grenier and I say eat this clump of dirt Lori Grenier I'll give you ten dollars and she'll have to she needs it I don't think that counts as private I just think it doesn't count but I'll put it on the you want to put it let me get this clear making people eat dirt parentheses I'm making anyone do anything I'm simply offering them money to do it that's a bribe by that logic do something for me I'm gonna give you money and that what bribing is and for me I want you to eat that penny I just don't think that I'm not doing someone to eat a penny it's so gross dude I'll give you a hundred grand if someone told me that give me a hundred grand you know I would swallow it all no problem I'm hundred grand are you rich already do something hundred dollars depending on you do it not you know penny from the ground for a hundred dollars no thank you what's the minimum now we're just gonna do a fucking would you rather what the minimum I would eat a penny from the ground yes $1,000 a thousand so 500 bucks for 500 bucks there we go now you're like I'm just afraid I would choke on it oh like not it's not gross it's a dime a dime I mean I could swallow a dime so you're not only if you're not doing it for you're you're have to pay you at least five dollars you won't even do a penny you have to do a dime you're a little fucking baby smaller that's why you're not gonna be rich dude I'm gonna give you a hundred bucks and really at the end of the day you're getting a hundred bucks and ten cents I would do it I would do I think if someone said $75 I would eat a penny off the ground that's your own problem dude I don't know what to tell you for that oh this is not a rich person thing but like I could I could buy this but I do want one a little a little rumbo it's just like it's like what is it like 300 bucks I'm never gonna buy one unless I'm making that cheddar but I would love one dude this is so tight this is the first thing and last thing on this list that you said that I own I'm a rich person I have a room cool you got a fucking room buddy yeah baby we call them our child and then we get these little updates on our phone that's like our child is full empty dude that's gross that we should end this yeah well end on a really great rich person thing Roomba so you just I just actually want to make something clearer before we end this you have a private chef you have a sushi chef that sits in silence for days of time but you don't have a cleaning person you do just have like that dude that's a humiliating job to do for money but I would pay them pretty well right I don't think it's you think it's you guess if you're not paying you're not making a lot of money but it's humiliating I'm paying well I do no but I also just kind of what the fucking room is is it around yeah you're a my movie so fast dude oh you want the fast one I put the noss on that shit charger yeah dude fucking tight listen I want to give some shout outs do it to bedtime champ who said we're two good boys making good content thank you thank you so much but I want to give a shout out to shame us who says his life is guided beautiful I want to give a shout out to spam girl fan girl who a year late discovered our previous series backwards circle actica said I got her to finish watching the show and I want to give a shout out to Charles OJ Patterson he says he loves these guys and these guys love you Charles OJ Patterson they sure do damn they do also shout out to you bad talk to music shout out to Adam Fay for the art shout out to you guys for making it through the objectively worst year that any of us have ever lived through I think mm-hmm shouts to Miami Florida shout to Chicago shout to Seattle where was that last one was on sea or told mmm where's that your tool Washington oh see hurdle got it shouts to Singapore obviously shouts to Australia and Canada course our international crew is major major we seem to have scared off our listener in Kuwait mmm they just get them laid over there we'll go pop up more new more Kuwait downloads their 2000 in collate you know I'm saying yeah oh on that note we hope your life was guided and we hope we fill it with love and laughter