Thanks for tuning in. This is Allison Capra and this is how not to be a miserable cow podcast. I'm plug your microphone Anyways, yeah, sometimes so wow hi guys. We're behind Those that are fall those of you that are following with youtuber know that we got stranded so rough in Greece I mean it was just really really hard to spend an extra four days stranded there because we couldn't come home to the hurricane Right I was devastating But then it was seriously once we did come home it was pretty devastating and you've been spent the last 10 days pretty much just Cleaning up stuff and trying to save people's homes from water and mildew and things like that It's pretty well what we were not aware of I think when we were in Greece We kind of talked about a little bit and he said okay So depending on the damage level if we need to postpone our wedding We will if our areas just totally destroyed and we need to like help people like we'll try to push things back if we need to Like that sort of thing and then they said it was a category one and then we were like oh it'll be fine We won't be pushing it would have came through as a category for everything would have been completely level Everybody be dead yeah, not dead.
That's a drastic people to left, but it would have been leveled leveled if people say they'd be dead Maybe unless they were hiding But you know it was only every one the problem was is the water That's really where the issue came into play as the water kind of rose I mean so high there were dolphins in Wilmington something down the street Swimming down the road Roll right on uh, but nonetheless we got through those 10 11 days and then it was really it was really eye-opening for me to see Like how much devastation and like how much people don't understand about like Mold and mildew and like my dad's done that work like my whole life And so I always have known I've always had to like you get your carpet wet you rip it up You gotta let it dry people weren't aware of what they needed to do or house of your They thought that there's just a little water and then you rip out a wall and their entire Installation inside the sheet rock was you know mold is mold spores all the way to the ceiling already and it's like oh yeah It's a lot worse than it is, but we you know nonetheless We sweet did that and then we we took a time out from that and ran out to Vegas ran off to Vegas to get hitched So that's a done deal we got married in fever I don't have my favorite songs and It was great Johnny cash style totally. Yeah, it was great It was absolutely a wonderful time all our friends and family showed up was amazing Well, tell what you did first cuz I thought that was like the coolest batch party ever way better than a strip I guess it's the difference between you know when you're in your early 20s getting having a come on out Johnny come on out Yeah, don't be weird. Oh come on out So Yeah, I guess it's the difference between getting married in your early 20s or getting married in your late 30s There was no there was no clubbing there was no strippers no donkeys It was just a bunch of dudes in the desert and we went rock climbing smoking peyote and looking at stars You have a rock climb was it was it was it what's it's what's the term? Actually fear it was shot a machine gun on peyote or hash or I don't know I don't know I'm missing the joke Sorry, they were out like spirit walking into the desert and went climbing.
It was awesome. It wasn't a great It was fun Johnny heard himself He did you did climb though You got your first climb on and then afterwards you fell down walking home gracefully and not on not climbing I was like you fell off of the mountain So so we did that and she well we don't nobody really knows what the bachelor at party was it was rad We did a mom museum like girls night out Cover up you do a bachelorette party in on a Sunday night in your 30s and you're all in bed by one by one Yeah, okay, I'm a slumber to sleep for 12 minutes now. I gotta go to bed designated driver We wanted to do it like fun. That's their story and they're sticking to it I'm still waiting to get the receipt for thunder down under Why not for dreus walk strip did you see what they were all wearing do you have any idea of their outfits?
Yeah, hookers. They all look like hookers Anyways, so and apart from that I guess the reason why we're talking is Excommunicated warriors finally launched and that happened ironically The official launch was October 1st and I was sitting in the desert with Johnny and the guys with no service So I was supposed to launch my book today because there's no service and I can't I can't actually tell anybody that it was Damn it that it was actually for sale I was so happy when I text you and it didn't show up as like the postmark is like the liver and I was like that means He's got no service that means he's not gonna be working. He's actually doing nothing. There's nothing to do I you know how I get out in the wilderness take a minute, but you have to have no service once I get out there I just I go native real quick your feral your feral was bought I go real feral.
Yeah, but that's the thing That's part of it. That's that's a good stuff. So here's what I get my get my combat crocs on Well, so this kind of falls in line Just one more thing about our our circumstances in the wedding and everything because it kind of falls in line even with transition in your book All of this to say like we went and had a great time all of our friends We had about 30 friends come out here with us and we got a big Airbnb house We all stayed together just piled in air mattresses and sleeping bags and it was absolutely rad I couldn't have had a better big day. I feel like it was like the it was us It was totally us and it was totally rad But getting here was quite the process because we've been through a lot and this was like a huge transitional step forward for us So like we talk about transition and in your book You talk about transition and like letting go of your past and bring yourself up for your future in order to get here Even down to the like the wire of like okay We're gonna walk down the aisle tomorrow and I have to write my vows.
My past was like creeping up Creeping up behind me like You're stupid This is gonna suck you're gonna fail again like I was filling out our marriage She got cold feet. I was filling out our marriage application It's like how many times have you filled out a license for a marriage? But that how many times have you been married and divorced? I was like I Started freaking out and like it just your words from your book just kept ringing in my ears about moving forward and not letting your past Just foretell your future or hold you back from your future.
Yeah, that's what it's about. So explain that. Oh, man So which part like why why your past if you can how does it? I kind of spoke a little bit about in the speech after the the wedding was, you know, we all we all receive Actually, dr.
Jim Richards kind of said talked about it as well But we you know as we go through life and we experience different things we we take on you know baggage and weight and experiences and all these Experiences mold and shape our brains in the way that we think of things and how we react to things and then in the future We what we end up doing is we actually end up reacting to a situation based off of a prior event or a prior history type situation Do you know what that makes a trauma from your past? Yeah, it doesn't have to be trauma It can just be like it doesn't be something so dramatic But just a situation that happened and then the the fallout or the outcome of that situation whether it be negative Positive is going to affect your decision-making process in the future So if something happens or for instance a marriage you've had a bad marriage You've had or if you've had a couple bad that marriages you You know you start looking at a third or fourth and you're like and all the other stuff kind of creeps back up in your head And you're like why can't make this decision because this is what happened in the past So you allow you allow these of little this baggage and all these little events to dictate the your future or your your answer to a situation for instance say I know you and I get into a disagreement about something right well because of your past you will get superheated really fast When realistically it's not even that big of a deal, but you're just having a you know you're you're basing You're basing the now off something that happened to you a long time ago Which isn't even really relevant but we do that just because it's it's like in our blueprint now as we go along along life We just we kind of are writing a blueprint of who we are and we have to get you know If someone wants to live a like a happy life and give other give other people a chance You have to let that stuff go and you have to and it's easier said than done But that's kind of what the book is about is going through that and having to put the work in and a lot and obviously It's all my story about me having to do that and it's a pretty gnarly shit It is I'll say this I read your book, you know chapter by chapter because you'd written the first three chapters a while back I'd read though. I read them and it was very good, but it was like Oh, you also knew the story from this stuff that I already kind of knew as you moved into your you know four fifth six chapters stuff That I never even knew like started to surface and I'm like I was reading your fifth chapter I think I was in tears through the whole thing and you came in like hey Are you okay? Well, I mean that's the thing is like that's not something that you know if you're gonna write a book about how to make people Go through you know hard life changes and transition to something and how to do it I had to get really vulnerable and there's stuff that I haven't told anybody about ever and Yeah, it's pretty gnarly I'm interested to see the feedback when that comes out because there's some pretty open stuff in there I will say this This is the thing that impressed me probably the most with your book because I didn't even able to pull this off You went through and you shared some of the most deepest and darkest secrets of your life He talked about some of the heaviest things you've ever been through you established like a lot of connection with people in your Demographic people in your age group, but you didn't throw anybody under the bus You didn't like you talked about a divorce in a marriage that was like very hard and frustrated you never once said anything derogatory You didn't put like all these relationships with military members that you struggled with you didn't ever make put a bad light on anyone You really truly told the barrel story of your transition without Making anyone else the bad guy.
Yeah, I just don't think that there's you know I don't think there's a necessity for that I mean there's nothing I get to be in this whole the whole purpose of this book is to share the share my story and it really is Not even about anybody. It's not about my ex-wife. It's not about the people I used to work with the screw me over It's about me, you know, so I didn't want I didn't want that story to be highlighted on them You know like yeah, I paint a picture that yet that I screwed over a couple times sure But like who hasn't been screwed over that's that's the point but the focus is me the focus was on my story and what I had to do to Overcome and persevere through some things and I don't think that that shedding a light in a negative way on another human being Is really gonna assist in that process. Yeah, yeah Well, so explain exactly who you feel like this book was kind of written for and towards that's yeah So I originally thought that you know when we first developed when I first developed this like the seven-stage of transition I really thought that it was I really thought that it was about Veterans and it is don't get me wrong It is it's about military and service members But the more the people that read my that listen to my speech and heard me talk as I went around the more I realized that this is not a veteran it's not a veteran problem.
It's a human being problem like everybody in their life is gonna Go through some sort of Cataclysmic event that's gonna change make a life altering change, right? It could be getting fired from a job like a month before your retirement when you're getting your pension It could be a death in the family it could be an end of a crew of a sports career could be a divorce You could be having a kid I mean there's a million things that could happen That is that can change your the course your life forever and what happens when that happens is you go through this identity crisis Because everything that you know up to a certain point is truth, right? I am this is what I do. This is my family This is my unit This is you know if I'm a NFL star that I'm an NFL star and then all of a sudden the rugs pull out from underneath you and your whole life Turned upside down well, it's just same as getting out of military So initially I thought that it was it was for veterans and now I really I really truly believe that it's really for any human being anywhere ever That's gonna potentially has gone through a life altering change or or an event that has occurred or that will well I truly believe like I was reading it and with my own transition in mind just because it's totally different than anything you guys Have ever gone through but just going through divorce raising step kids and their whole life And then being separated from them like in their teen years through the divorce and it was like Absolutely completely different transition obviously like it's not anything close to what you faced with the military But just walking that out and everyday feeling like that disconnect from the people that you miss your tribe, right?
Yeah, the ball of bad emotions and then you got to go through the work I identified each stage of the transition that I went through Yeah, I'm just with that so I can say from somebody who's never been in the military just going through family changes and stuff like that Huge yeah huge and you identify three main things to help people to really get on the other side of whether it's depression or frustration or anger Just feeling isolated. Can you touch on what those three things are super simple So the the last chapter of the book is the three steps to happiness Which is like totally cliche and you know, it's got a number in it It's talks about happiness. All you do is do is three easy things and you'll be happy for your life Which is pretty easy. It's a sleep get fit and or get healthy and then find your passion super easy, right?
However, what's funny is that chapter? I think is the longest chapter in the book because I talked about each one very in depth and what I had to go through and And they're not easy and it's easy to say but there's a lot that goes into each one of those things and it's and it can take that that itself is a journey of Overcoming, you know an identity crisis or overcoming, you know big life changes Kind of re-getting back on that azimuth of where you need to be even when you don't know where that is I love what you say in there that you kind of talk about it becoming your new mission So you lived mission to mission in military like what's next where we headed where we go and retraining for and you take that away And you're just kind of lost. Yeah, but you can make your relationships You can make your brain health you can make your sleep cycle anything your workout regimen your new mission Yeah, and I love what you say with that because for anyone with dealing with anything like I kind of talk about it in Relationship articles and stuff I write like if you are focused on your belt Like if you're looking down and you're focused on yourself and you're introspective like in your staring at your belly button all day You are not going to be able to move forward take a step forward see anything going on around you You're gonna miss everything So it's like becoming aware of the place that you need to be and what it's gonna take to get you there with setting a goal of just Getting sleep getting to bed at night not drinking yourself to sleep not like yeah And I say that and the thing is like yeah, yeah step one might be step one might be You know get some sleep, but that step one that might be your whole mission of life Like you might wake up in the morning and then plan your whole day around getting the bed at a reasonable hour and making sure that you can Your routine is set up to where you actually can go to sleep, you know unmedicated I think the thing that I love about it the most is because I read this whole thing and just looking back at our experiences and all the stuff That we've been through I've gotten to watch your transition I've got an experience you yeah, cuz I was when we met I was not fully I mean I was probably what a year Year and a half almost to no I was almost two years in it's your transition to be a two years in and I really hadn't I mean But at the same time, you know, they really scratched the surface You're divorced so then that's like a whole nother animal like in the middle of your military transition you went through divorce and then you're at after yeah, so All that to say Reading this book and getting to this place of just like transition and change How do you feel like that process of writing that affected your personal life and where you're at? Honestly, I was it was funny because I was reading it and writing it and then reading it and I realized I was like man It was kind of a reaffirming reaffirming in a way that I like man I need to of where I've slack off you know what I mean like okay Well, I've these are the areas that I slucked off That I really need to like tune back up because you know just to practice what I preach and a lot of it I do but when you really dive into it It's like there's a lot of little things that I could be doing myself to make myself even better you met her all the time Okay So my last question because this is just my personal question and your life so I have to answer it at what point?
Did you feel like you were ready and you had changed your mind and you wanted to move forward with our relationship and you asked me to marry you that is so not fair well that trick fuck kind of shit is this I Don't know I mean I just I got to a place that Well, I mean, you know, there's a lot of things that happened You know what we were putting the finishing touches on this book and everything and you know You and I've been going strong for some time now and building the Empire together and and then you know There's a couple significant events that that that happen, you know, they're kind of negative They're very sad and negative and you know, I always had I started to have a thought I was like, you know, I would be cool like if it's at our 10-year mark We got married like we've been rolling together for a decade and then we just made it official And then you know, we lost a friend to suicide and and I watched that whole thing come together And that was really the moment I was like, you know what tomorrow is not promised you get to live every day to the fullest and You know if something means something to you then what's what are you waiting on? You know if this is gonna Have you plan on doing this in the future or why not do it now? If you plan on starting a business in the future Why not just pull a trigger now and get it building like if you know why not take your relationship to the next step if you're ready You know, I'm not saying that everybody should just jump in but you and I have been together for years and you know There was no reason not to move forward at that point other than just because we said we wanted to be together for 10 years I said, you know a decade before we actually tied the knot So yeah, that was it. That's really it So that's what I want to challenge everybody with today Who's listening the biggest thing that I've taken away from his book and his transition that I've watched just because he dealt with about 12 years of trauma and baggage in about three and a half four years Yeah, and I watched it take place and I can say this the only reason that happened is because he said why what am I waiting for?
This is gonna be my mission. This is what I'm gonna work on every single day and made decisions every single day to get and stay healthy if You are having any kind of issues with Change transition a divorce a huge life-altering event somebody dying suicide getting out of the military whatever it is Why wait to get yourself whole why wait to get yourself better this book is or ready But it's not that easy you have to put the work in I mean you have to be right I'm saying this tool is now available for them to get a hold of and read why wait Yeah, I mean I definitely if you read this it would definitely inspired jump you'll light a fire under your ass I guarantee it to like I'm ready to make these three steps towards making myself better Why what why what I not yeah, but you have to want to you have to want to so I would challenge you to get a hold of book It's available for pre sale right now until November 1st. Yeah, so we're doing I think we agreed was So if you buy a paperback in the month of October We're gonna give you a complimentary book version as well Which is rad because then if you're running around or you're like us traveling and you just want to read it on your phone or on your Candler on your whatever people do I don't even know my book you can do that I I'm telling you it's one of the best books. I've ever read my life, and I'm not just saying that because I like you So well done so how do you thank you?
Thank you? Thank you. I'm pushing feelings. Yeah, so x warrior calm x warrior calm And the book is called x communicated warrior seven stages of transition by Nick cumulazzo's I'm so funny.
I'm helping I think that's it we're we're out of here. We're in Vegas right now. We're out of here We're gonna get try to get caught back up check in with the hurricane relief and see what's going on there And how we can jump back into that and then it's a lot of catch up a lot of catch up We got a lot of videos going on ahead of the bed Expo. Yeah, and then the 25th Yeah, so if you're in the Dallas Fort Worth area, you're in anywhere check out vet Expo It's VET XBO calm and I'm gonna be speaking there with a lot of other influential Veterans and business it is a paid event But if you have you need a scholarship to come you're welcome to come and we'll get you like under our scholarship program to do that For free cool that's really cool.
They did that and yeah, I'll have to take 50 copies there. Yeah, we will have 50 copies at the Authors nook of the vet Expo. Yeah, I'll take 50 copies there signed you guys can come hang out with me coming out with me It'd be cool be rad. All right, that's it.
All right, you guys know the deal never quit never surrender always forward We'll see you guys next time