Bipolar mania as a celebration state of consciousness that doesn't last forever

you might be wondering why I'm dressed like this well this Halloween so I thought I would take a break from my regular costume of playing a mental patient in Cognito and be a cow and that's just for today and I'm still a little bit under the weather but I have an hour before I have to finish getting ready for work so I thought I would just talk feeling a tiny bit disconnected actually and and it's strange because this morning i was i was jumping on my trampoline and then I was dancing to music with my headphones in and then then I felt a bit disconnected and I feel like it's possibly because I go into this like celebration mode which is even less ego than my normal waking consciousness and even just sitting here and talking to myself on these videos there's some level of ego consciousness there but in that celebration state it's not really necessary and yet in that celebration state it's not really possible to stay in that state all the time so it's almost like going to a really good concert and when you're in the concert it's just so good and enjoying it and then when the concerts over you kind of have this little afterglow from the concert plus you have this but of sadness that it's over and I don't know if it's sadness that that states over as much as it just is a different state and there's this felt difference and it's almost like that bit of ego comes back in and it's felt as kind of like discomfort it's felt as like an intrusion almost because it was so absent for that period of time and so I just find it interesting because there was this other time that I was in total celebration mode and I found a song that I really liked and I was just so into it for like two hours and then the next day I was you know so called really depressed and I feel to it could be partly just the difference the difference in feeling of feeling nothing not feeling itself to having the self come back in and I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing it's just something to notice and be aware of and if I'm aware of it in that way maybe I won't pathologize myself and think oh like I'm I'm going to be going downhill but at the same time I do need to be aware because I've talked about in other videos how I want to avoid the psych ward at all costs because of my previous experience and so right now because I feel a little bit kind of like discontent or something it feels strange I'll be even more watchful because that strangeness invites a little bit of fear and the ego is fear often so it could just be the ego trying to re-establish a groove I know the thing with mania is like a person is in that constant celebration state and they can't turn it off and when it finally does turn off a person goes through something like a psychosis and to me I just went into sort of that mini celebration stay for a short period of time maybe like half an hour and so there's like this mini calm down this mini like a little feeling like oh just like coming off a drug you know and my body was making its own inner inner neurotransmitters and things to reflect that state of celebration and when those are withdrawn through not being in that mode anymore through kind of coming back to more of a regular consciousness there's a there's a sense that that is going away so in manic consciousness or mania it's like maybe somebody's in that state for a month or longer and so the calm down is absolutely astronomical and so I just felt that I think on a mini scale and it's not necessarily a sign of illness it's just it's just the body having a different sensation from that state of celebration and then coming back to regular consciousness and people do that even in a regular basis they they feel a bit better and then the field it worse just in regular consciousness and then they try to do something to make themselves feel better well I was just doing something that made myself feel really good jumping on my trampoline and dancing listening to music and then when I stopped that