Well, hello again all you PlayStation ones and PlayStation 2's welcome to another episode of Jesse Wilder's Guide to Life I'm Jesse. That's Wilder and we have come here today to guide your life. That's correct. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah Quick notes. Yeah. Oh, this is We're doing a birthday episode. Obviously read the title.
It's not surprise We don't have to lead into it This is based around the fact that our birthday was this month and we're recording it pretty close to that and this may not be released Right right around the day that we're recording this so if there's like a big deal that we're not talking about that's why Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, honestly at this point and like if you just like beep the last two full calendar years We should just have a disclaimer. We're calling general.
Yeah before every episode. That's like hey guys We recorded this four days ago literally any bad thing could happen. I'm sorry. We didn't talk about it or I'm sorry We released an episode at all.
Yeah, so things were dicey today. I can't imagine what's gonna happen in two weeks, baby But yeah, it's gonna be fucking it's gonna be so chill Yeah, and it's all about a celebration of us and a celebration of you okay wait wait wait Well, I actually have to get to something I have to move later a little bit here Okay, you said we don't you know what the episode is we don't have to lead into it and yet we've done that For every episode of this thing we've recorded should we just stop are you are you should we stop like with the segue? Should we just jump right in like speed into it like we're now we're doing birthday now. It's time I just had to get it off my chest.
So I sort of I had to take it to it to it. Yeah, that's that's fair That's fair. Our birthday was good. You had it off of work.
No doubt. It is a national holiday correct. Thanks for those Pizza's won't get delivered by our request by nobody. It's pizza, but that's on our birthday Because we have all the pizza that's our tradition.
Yeah, we have it all okay So I so it's birthday and I have to make a quick clarification and I think I know the answer this is like How you? Spend your birth day not it's not like birthday party, right? No, but that could be that could be right something that happens So I actually think our first categories party. Yeah, because like you know what about day or what about like okay?
Okay, I like that no because that's the month what birth month Yeah, I have a couple more categories actually I would like to get into I just like get them on here while they're on my Noodle yeah, obviously your birthday suit has to be one of the options what you're wearing what you're peeping yes And then I don't you let me know if this one's too much your birthday wish Okay, sure I've never made a wish on my birthday You've had 33 opportunities to make a fucking wish and you've squandered every one of them saving them for the less fortunate Okay, that is very Tell like doing it and then telling somebody that so like they put the cake in front of you at Chuck E cheese You blow it out and they all start cheering and you put your hand out you say no no no no please I did not make a wish I'm saving mine for those that are less fortunate than I for the poor yes Okay, that's obviously portable and and is literally what you've been doing the whole time so you botched that with squads a category Yes, and then like just like can we just put like general activities is that too? I feel like that's activities to me is like some people like to wake up and do like a workout class on their birthday Yeah, that's obviously yeah, we'll pin that into a very But you know what I'm saying so like activities that you do outside of the party is what I mean Yeah, how about you got some else no and obviously activities work out workout Exercise I mean like not some exercise like I like I like to take a little hike on my birthday Yeah, but like a cool one So many are cool when I'm very pretty good. I'm okay. Well.
Yeah, okay. This is listen Chelsea her full friend group whispering She's just just outside the door They love a nice group workout to start the fucking day So like imagine if we were having like a good voice pop and they'll do it on vacation We're having a good boys pop we're we're over in where are we where we got Memphis? We're in Memphis It's us and a couple of homies and I'm like alright guys I booked a clattin 8 a.m. Saturday morning class for us We would stone you to death We can't talk about this anymore, but damn nothing sounds worse to me birthday suit you mentioned a party hat It's a two to me.
I think it's a little fun, but it's pretty overall. It's fairly stupid. Yeah. Yeah I think activities like you just said a pop with the boys is a very quite lit activity for your birthday For the boys or the girls or the persons, you know Not real as we know And doop-dicking Yeah, pop with the boys pop with the boys probably belongs on some merch.
It's that one might actually sell you should send one to that restaurant Oh, I did a very stupid thing on an activity both of us honestly did some dumb shit So here's one activity that you did on your birthday. That was bad. That was go to work Yeah, bad for meetings bro. Oh demerit meetings.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Wait.
I have a question now And I've never really had a job like this So I don't know but do you think there's any chance that someone would say going to work on your birthday is a two Because like if you like your workplace your coworkers Like absolutely absolutely so it's a two because then they also might like a Chelsea's old job It was like cool. We're gonna pay we're gonna buy you lunch. Yeah, I went to the DMV But when I was at the DMV this is very little to do with this when I was at the DMV The I was taking the motorcycle test and I had an issue and the guy went in and he was like there's an issue You can't do it. I was like come on I would let me do it and then he was like well You can go in and ask for a manager and I was like okay Which like if at the DMV asking for the manager you might as well ask them to shoot with the chess with the crossbow Like that is a death wish starless creature is gonna come out Yeah, and he tells me that and I'm like alright Well, where do I ask and he's like we'll just go in there and like ask anybody and I was like no no no That's a trap out of your mind sir.
I'm gonna go to any window. They're gonna kill me on Sunday There's no way in there gonna be a big hot tub and you're gonna get in and they're gonna start cutting up carrots and onions Yeah, pop it up in there. Yeah, no fucking way am I just gonna go into the DMV go hey anybody over here manager? That's crazy.
Yeah, just shout for somebody. Yeah, please help What do we think about the traditional birthday suit the nude suit? That's a very not quite late. I don't very much like being nude Hmm what about though just to go to bed that night.
Oh, you have a little special make you sleep. What about it? Alright you have convinced me Do you like to get fancy on your birthday like how you look? Not really because I feel like everything I want to do is not fancy.
It's maybe dinner Right, so I think fancy is a two because I do like a fancy dress up sure like we've talked about we love to get fancy Yeah, our big cowboy boots. Yeah, boy has just a couple of urban Cowboys. What is the very not quite lit birthday suit? Is there not one I mean I think not because it's all about you, baby Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, I mean I guess this is not quite fancy. Maybe very quite lit in birthday suit is to stunt on them What do you think about that? Yeah, it's obviously And like rock just put cowboy boots get cowboy who boots. I'll put it on it's very quite lit But I but yeah, I think stunt on them.
Yeah, like a gold chain like gold. I think yeah, yeah pop off brother Where that bucket hat you've been to ashamed to wear let it fly. Mm-hmm two different crocs whatever, baby. Yeah, maybe bathing suit all day Doesn't matter to me in the water.
No that one stuff That is borderline a one show I just like steakhouse in your trunks in your bucket hat Trunks bucket hat I put it as a three. You know I'm a bucket boy I do know that about you remember in like third grade that you they'd have little birthday time again. How do you I'd rather be off? Bro school is still school.
No way dude because that I mean look it's the fuck I want all day I get to sleep in I get to fucking cruise down to seven a Lev grab a nest quick an egg salad sandwich and some snack wells Like I used to do a classic chef's tasting menu Stunt on them and they have a little party for you You're the king that day like as soon as it's your you are the reason that everyone's eating cupcakes like that's a school category for this I don't know I don't work Perhaps I think it might be okay a lot of categories this time around a what's very not quite lit and this is gonna go for other people Like this is only your birthday like can I talk about someone else's birthday like I don't want the birthday alert. Oh Like somebody coming around hey my birthday is on Friday. Yeah, I do hate that shit birthday alert But that's like merit that's an yeah to merit I think you and I both are similar that we use the birthday as a time to treat ourselves So it's like we go with the dinner or something Yeah, okay, yeah, and I think some people are like that but I think that Some people the actual more important thing about the birthday and I don't agree with this but like is getting lots of good attention Mm-hmm, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that It's not my cup but like if you if that's your deal like it is your special day like I don't know right But that is people that really want attention are not just saving it up for their one special day. That's true.
That is that's a fact Yeah, it does it is born of something much more sinister. Yes big time Yeah, what about wearing a fucking like crown or ti to work or school? Yeah, I mean that's birthday suit and I Mean it is in the work play like if you're going out whatever it's you know what I mean? It's like it's like it's far more appropriate.
I think I got something for wish that I have to share I can't believe you have not been making birthday wishes first of all. This is unbelievable to me for Since literally maybe the first time I can remember doing a birthday wish which was maybe like five years old until I was maybe 12 So like seven full wishes I made the same wish every time and the wish I did that because I thought okay I get that this is kind of mostly pretend But maybe if I really let them know that this is what I want and it is on my mind for so long so consistently Whoever is getting these wishes in the mailbox. We'll look at my absolute persistence and say okay Yes, we will and that was just to be able to fly. I just wanted to fly Not anything crazy.
I didn't want to be superman. That was part of my logic to I was like look I get that It's unrealistic, but they're all crazier things I could wish for I'm not asking the fucking world I feel strongly that I to wish to fly so that's a then that's a three I think a three is something is not something that we know is impossible Okay, wouldn't you agree? Yeah, I think so have a three wish it has to have a fucking chance in hell of coming true It's true. I also recall after that wishing to be a shark a couple of times that shit didn't happen either Oh, you look like a very sharp dude, so So wishing for something realistic you say is a three I guess that's cool because then it like once it has straight days Well, my right some fucking nerd shit like that.
Yeah, that's not that cool to me that's that's very good like a pat a poppy A gift wishing for a specific gift boy. That's a two because that's a that's a real game at your player This why don't wish You know cuz wishing as an adult sucks because everything you're wishing for you have to make happen Well, I use it now when you're a kid. It's out of your hands. I can't be like ooh I wish for a PlayStation right like I would have to go buy a PlayStation after that My birthday wish came true Not heard me birthday god heard me No, man, I use now.
I've been so so corny But I use my wish now as like a hopeful meditation on the field like like I'll wish like I you know Almost like fucking I'm sitting at the Thanksgiving table. I'll blow the candle I'll be like I wish for good health on my family like a fucking pilgrim or something. Yeah, that's all fine Oh, what am I supposed to knock at that a three? Yeah, I like to try buddy And actually don't be though Maybe the worst one is wishing for more wishes because you immediately know that oh Wishing for more wishes You have to be planning that for so long you would never just pop into your head spur of the moment You'd be like oh when they bring that fucking cake out.
I'm about to hit them with my Aladdin tactics Yeah, and then it not only is that always the rule that you can't do that But it's like what are the candles gonna re-light? What do you think's gonna happen? They just keep relighting this the fucking birthday party lasts a hundred years good. We're making good progress Do we talk about the party, please?
Yeah, how's party? Someone else's play. Oh, no, I hate surprise party hate them, right? I hate them both ends what's worse getting on or being a big apart here's the problem it is hard to So this weekend I was greeted with a surprise I was gonna say I was closest friends to it But my doorstep not McGrath I refuse it was a great time And also I was not mentally prepared for partying.
I was ready for a quiet I think I was like minutes before they knocked on the door I was like oh can't wait to not spend that much money this weekend And then I was about to start peeling a potato to make a simple dinner for two And like it was great of course but When you're not prepared for a party mindset, it can be challenging to switch into one is a better than a surprise party is like surprise drinks Yes, or surprise guest at the party. Yes. Yes, like don't please don't do the lights out surprise think guys Please never do that. That is a you are it's scary.
That's like your whole the whole reason you're turning off the lights and hiding is because you want to be scary It's a horror trick. Yeah birthday. I'm supposed to be scary guys No, thank you not unless I'm involved in the scaring Let me tell you a very quiet little birthday party that we've all experienced when your friends having a wedding and most of the people you know are at it Yes, yes, shout out to potato That was one of my favorite birthdays because that weekend I got to see everyone And then the next day I got to see everyone I know at Tato's wedding and it was paid for it was a lovely dinner full of endless drinks And having fun with all the people I know so that was like a pretty good job And don't forget the best part which is that we walked around all night and thank you. Yeah, something to our birthday All those Italian folks did not understand that yeah, or they did understand and they did not think it was very funny I got you a pretty very not quite late I think and it's another one we experienced because we orchestrated it remember we got really drunk and then went to a trampoline house We didn't even yarf dude.
No, we did not yarf, but I was boy. I was really It's unbelievable that I didn't have a legit heart attack like I was so sweaty The dog on some kids. Yeah, the kids got fucking dog The streets of Austin Very not quite lit. Yeah, I got another very quite lit party bar.
Yeah, I agree Someone else hosts the space and you can leave when you're done and no one has to come with you Yeah, so two would be like a friend's house. I mean I think we could just say one is your own house, right? Oh God fucking no It stinks one thing that we did one year is that which was smart is that it was we're gonna pregame at our house And then we're gonna go to a bar so the party itself wasn't at our house We still have friends over but it still sucks because then you wake up and the first thing you got to do is look at this nasty kitchen full of dirty Shock glasses. It sucks.
Yeah, I got another bad thing for your party It's when your friend buys you some delicious pies and then your other friend fucking ruins them Please don't ruin my pie food fight happened to us on our 22nd birthday I don't know and it was medium because it is a memory for sure How about last year's birthday for very not quite late activities being trapped in a hotel with no power in an ice storm in Texas with no food Yeah trapped is not sure For my birthday Please don't try. I got a very quite late activity party bus. I love it. I love a party bus bro fucking Oh party bus party bus.
Okay, fine. That's a three. That's fine. I'm like I feel Media about them, but it's more the vibe, but yeah, I'm talking you get like seven or eight people.
It's the squad It's gonna be good. What do you think about an event that's already happening? You're like, okay for my birthday this concert's happening where you're gonna do that or whatever it may be I think it's very pretty good. It's just such a lack of control on this Like what if it sucks right what if it sucks and like you know, there's certain thing like you go to like a music festival It's like well now yours almost feels like pop with the boys territory though, right?
Right, but you know what I mean like your sort of then sort of like you're making this event that might be fun for other things about You well not after cool about it No, right not if you're cool about it But like I don't know music that's a good one to me because it's like well am I allowed to go look at music acts that I want to see that I don't want to see you it should I like hang kind of hang with them the whole time like are they gonna be cool if I you know Mm-hmm. You had us at school and work and you haven't had anything to it. What's that? Okay, like I for me.
I don't want to anyone to know I like I didn't want a people that I didn't care about to know You know what I mean like a special little secret isn't it but okay, but here's the flip You know what I hate when my friends don't tell me because like I don't know friends is weird Yeah, I guess that's why I school and work are different for me. You want two separate categories, dude? No, but just I think I think Special little secret is a very quite lit. Okay for school and work.
I think for work specifically, but sure good special secret and like birthday announcement is obviously a Zero Birthday I kind of I guess so we talked about two hours and crowns and this is kind of that but in school I feel like a big thing is you you let people especially not really for me, but I feel like for other folks Yeah, what's going on in schools these days with birthdays? Well, I feel like a big thing is that you know everyone knows like a lot of times like it'll be like I will say this often happens with like girls I think but it's like they come in and they have a fucking balloon or they come in it's like they're in the Loon fucking Christ, but please don't give me a balloon or they come in and they've like, you know, they're nicest They looks much much nicer than they normally Can't I can't I can't with it singing. I don't want to sing I want to be some too. I want it well done Okay, that's can't be true because I feel like karaoke is not gonna be a one for you Okay, I mean singing happy birthday.
Yes. The happy birthday song is a demeritize society. We have to get rid of it It's like does anyone that and saying was you after we sneez no need for that anymore Yeah, I've stopped saying I've stopped saying bless you because I'm not who my blessing whom I the pope no Yeah, do you see me in a gun them? No, I don't believe that shit Did I tell you that when I was talking to OJ about what topic you want to do and I suggested write a book And he was like have you guys written a book and I was like we're not been the pope, but that didn't stop us You must not listen to this program Yeah, the happy birthday song stinks on ice and I just don't know if you're like older than I get like if you're like six years old That's fine, but if you're an adult or even close to adult how much enjoyment comes from the birthday song both singing and hearing it like 10% enjoyment If that it's off.
I mean some people like to sing it they do I mean and I it does give you the perfect is a good queue up for the wish which is important. Yeah I'm just so I don't wish because I'm just so focused on everyone's like singing in the No, I'm thinking about what the fuck is that dessert that I'm being handed right? I will say and I there's no way we're gonna add more categories and I did not expect to get this much out of this topic But I do think and this goes into squats and where but I do think family birthday is a whole nother level If I'm with my family I actually don't mind if they sing happy birthday because like whatever we're in the living room It's like it's almost like nostalgic like I feel like a little baby. I don't like it in that moment I don't know what to do.
What are you fucking do? What are you doing? I do a little I close my eyes and do like a little like I'm enjoying the sound of their it's a comment You know you're closing your eyes because you can't bear to make eye contact of course It works what are you doing? Shutting your eyes because the idea of opening them is so what appealing?
What I'm saying is like I would so much rather prefer my family. I'll say my family I don't mind it but like oh my god in a public place Please guys or by the restaurant staff. Oh, so restaurant staff. I have to tell you about this restaurant here in Asheville Papa's in beer.
It's like a California style Mexican restaurant. It's great. We were there. We were there a while ago and I think Papa's in beer There's there's some ton of yeah, there's a bunch of locations Yeah, we were there a while ago and it was this girl's birthday and this guy was like It's a bunch of fucking college students.
This guy by the way said hey Let's get six shots of fireball and then unzipped a sweatshirt and then was wearing a fireball t-shirt And then he was like hey super He was so vests are still on yeah, and when he said that I noticed that the waiter looked pretty pumped and I was like huh And then he walked away He like spun his little tray up in the air and caught it with one hand I was like this guy's kind of jacked on this for some reason and then they also have a birthday and then they fucking pushed her face into the Cake She was not having it so anyways Obviously we went there for my birthday Just us and a few friends and I was like they're gonna dunk my face and I bet and they just held up It was like a piece of fried ice cream and it is held up a bite with whipped cream on it and just pushed it right into my So this place just got a weird little lawless birthday And we don't even have to listen because it goes into like food fight and Surprise oh my god. He's this imagine some of the rest of your face in the fucking food. They just brought out for you It's not like Dick's last resort. This is a regular restaurant I can't be dealing with that.
That's called violence. You're not allowed to just do that squad family is too I think but they get you the best gifts don't they yeah, and then partner your part your boyfriend girlfriend Yeah, how been is that a it's a three years out of two. I think it's a three I would you want a little solo time though for activities? Maybe not like something like in the morning I like first thing that's what I used to do is take a little hoyk mm-hmm up to the wisdom tree and just have like a Little few hours to myself.
Yeah, I mean I don't yeah, you know make sense to me. I want to see my I want to see the boys Yeah, the BFF's big one so partner three BFF's three. I mean like co-workers is over this fucking another zero Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say like people you're not friends with them obviously but people that are would not cross the category of right Right, but yes But they just happen to be there like or they got a weird like a they somehow heard you saying it and then you kind of Have to be obligated to be like oh, yeah, if you want so this is my co-worker And then they start talking about work at your fucking birthday. Oh my take them out back and be head them Yeah, sure at the very least I want to get back into friggin school and work.
Okay, the school birthday party I guess it's you didn't like it that much. Yeah, I just like I can't think of anything what the fuck did I do? I just felt like Like that you got a source of power because you were bringing down the cupcakes on the whole house They nobody was doing any work you were getting celebrated and the teacher knew so you didn't have to tell them, you know One time in high school this girl brought me some some muffins She made me some chocolate chip muffins and I said whole thank you so much for these chocolate chip muffins That's you're very nice and then the teacher who is the textbook definition of a funny daddy chemistry teacher game and Compostated the what you're not supposed to have like food or whatever he took him into his back room and obviously ate them all And she said oh those are special muffins. Oh beans So that dude had probably a lot of fun in the chemistry lab that night foof a bad time a bad time Boy, that's no good.
So that's the only school related Yeah, I think drug a teacher is probably a one whether it be accidental or intentional It's kind of funny though is a little funny like it happened to a funny teacher, right and on his own time So honestly teacher drug himself. He took them I like to think about her school birthday as a song and like people have to come I'm just thinking like little kids. They have to say something nice about you Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think you're all your stupid asshole friends I think it's different if you're like if you're not a little dipshit boy I feel like our stupid friends probably did the same thing which is like they say some like not sincere like I have a birthday dickhead or something like that, right? Which is literally what you and I still do and then I got a present from him today that said Huff my buns from your butt Damn got me got me me good one.
Yeah, and then I feel like some people are just very actually sincerely Oh my god. You look great. What do you know? Whatever I have an activity that I hate to receive and to ask oh is it a gift?
No, I love to receive a gift bro. No, not not like if you're at a bar or something and someone like gave you has a gift for you Okay, all right. It's a two. It's a two.
So I had a near disaster with that this weekend But it turned out to be a banger someone handed started handing me something and saying happy birthday I was like oh no, no, no, no, but it turned out to be a fresh Chabata that she baked that's tight and it was wrapped up It was great. We just put it against the booth and it was no biggie. Yeah, okay I think gift is a two in activities unless it's school or work to me then it's a one. I Don't want that.
I don't want to carry it around all day I don't I don't have to pretend to be like psyched about something from that all if I'm being fully honest. I Only want one gift for the rest of my life money cash Ola Yeah, give me the mula do not ask me do not ask me what I want. I want my knee here's the thing I love a thoughtful gift actually. I don't need money.
It's great. All it does is remind me how I don't do that Right. Yeah, well, you're a bad person But I like a thoughtful gift the problem is if we're not homies like that. It's cool if you just give me a gift card It's fine like oh you don't have to feel like I'm not gonna send you wilder money But I'll send you a little treat same as same as you did to me.
Well, of course, of course loves. This is mostly yeah Just for family don't yeah. Yeah, it's just yeah. What about more for party?
Okay. Go pizza there. Yeah pizza very quite late It's it's tied to birthday with me and if I'm being so bold I want it to be dominoes interesting I was just talking about this with someone and I know this is gonna sound like I'm doing a bit or whatever But I think that bite for bite to for me wilder the most enjoyable pizza in the world is that first bite of the first slice of dominoes I'm just I just want to be like quiet so we can preserve this in a clip like in perfect form This ridiculous thing you've just said I just the first hot I mean it dominoes tanks after that first slice so hard But the first cheesy melty one Oh Does and I'm actually removing it now with this behavior that you just said I do think it's great And I think that shitty pizza is solid. I like a Costco pizza.
I like a Chuck E Cheese pizza Give me a little C's dominoes all that shit. I think that you can still get good So like senior race the place that we certainly talked up for is a three I think yeah Well, but well, I'm good to leave it there But I will say that something like pizza so great because of its versatility, right? And you could just be like no we're getting three pizzas. That's it We don't have to talk about it at all because damn dude I hate the what are we gonna get discussion?
Especially when it's like eight people Your birthday you have to have that shit locked down. Yeah, yeah, you're holding no discussion guess what we're getting time from the place that I like We're getting right 11 dominoes, but what I'm saying is that was something like tie you still got to ask people like I'm not no, I'm not oh, you're just gonna order. It's my birthday. Everyone's gonna eat what you want them to eat correcto All right, well, that's that's that but I would be to get a tiring You just get to be like you you just get to be like we're getting pepperoni cheese and a combination donzo Here's the problem with pizza though.
I do have a little pee-pee a little pizza problem Do have a little pee-pee. Oh fuck. I Damn, that's good. My little pee-pee is that I Like a goat I will eat pizza until it is gone.
Yeah is unlimited thing for me like I finish the slice in you know two or three bites or whatever and Then and you another one and it's there. I'm just going to continue to eat pizza forever. I don't disagree I mean that's how I'm a popcorn like a pregame situation. No, no absolutely not But I won't move it from three it is the party.
It's the best party food Yeah, I think you also like your special little treat for activity like you're like for example like I love a coke And I don't I don't have them very often. Mm-hmm I want a little special treat if we have special little treat and special secret right Jeez a Work party is I've never had like a work party God bro. Let me tell you a nightmare tale. It sounds like dog shit So the last job I had they did this thing where they combined they took everyone's birthday Everyone's having a birthday that month they made it a 4 30 p.m.
Party This is starting up a bunch of bubbly's and a case full of like maybe 12 corona's the probably 50 people work here maybe and a bunch of ice cream cake that they would take out of the freezer to thaw at 4 30 and Then they would say it's all of their birthdays today, and that's what started at 4 30 p.m Oh my god, that was a time for me and Kate's birthday This was after one of our first dates ever was like our second date. Maybe we had gone to see music We had drunk heavily and we were very hungover at work And it was 90 million degrees in that place we could not wait to get the fuck out and we had to attend our birthday party It was a fucking nightmare. We I left probably before 4 30 god damn. Did you get to have any ice cream cake?
No, bro is frozen You think that was the trick is they were just it was the same ice cream cake every single time absolutely no to rate it Yeah, so work party is a fucking train wreck. Okay, let's leap in for activity. Oh, yeah Correct. No, I actually don't I don't like it at all at all no I kind of want the most out of the day if I'm not going to work for example This is like on a Saturday.
I want to get up early. Maybe take a little walk for me a hike in the morning is crucial I know you love it, dude. Shut up about it. Okay.
Well, okay. This is my problem though I wake up so fucking early all week long so sleeping in sleeping is subjective Yeah, so I think it's a two because sleep into me is like sure 8 a.m. If I slept till 8 a.m I would praise god like that's sure that's exactly the time I had in mind. Yeah, I think that's that's yeah That's not that's you know barely sleeping at all.
I mean we haven't talked about alcohol or drug acid I feel like alcohol is a three, right? Yeah, I'm sure because that's per usual hitting that too slot You know what's awkward when when someone tries to reserve you you know what I mean like hey I cannot can we take you out for dinner on your birthday? You know what I mean? It's like a misguided attempt to be nice.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah And it's tough because it's you know what I can have the best time and you could be the exact people I want to spend it with But it's my birthday in it. Yeah, I'm not I will not be on your time Yeah, I'd like to call my own shots today, please if what if you said that what if you said oh actually I'll be calling my own shots on my birthday Thank you very much. We'll definitely not be getting the similar invitation next year And then what if it's like a weeknight and then you know They're not really on the same vibe as you and you're like maybe want to drink a little bit But they're taking you out so you don't want to worry about what you want to order right?
Right, honestly, I don't really want to be treated to dinner if I'm being real I want to know no that's not unless it's like It's understood that I'm gonna let it rip. Yeah, I mean again like a lot of stuff I think it depends on who's taking you out right like weekend, bro We got the we got a fucking you're just like a whole bone in rib a we never I never got a large format steak for a table before It's pretty I mean I don't you know I don't like steak, but it is pretty wild they do that shit at Peter Lugers It's pretty it's tight. I'll tell you a move for someone else's birthday. Here's what's fucking clutch shout out to our illustrator Adam Faye we're sitting there the hostess pops over.
Hey, your friend Adam just called this last bottle of wine is on him Wow, that's awesome. Hey look of a move. That's incredible Like from from downtown, you know what I mean? What a gift that you're gonna be there for talking about fucking source of power Yeah, but maybe not even see us No, I just knowing dude.
Are you kidding me? That's like the fucking Nick Young turning Yeah, it's arms up like that's how I would feel if I hung up the phone and said I just bought a bottle of wine for some people It's empty makes me hours in the future. Yeah, so tight. We have any better wishes been good health.
What about your crush? Come on. It's a classic. Yeah, I'm fine with that.
What do you want to give it a three or two? I think it's a three I think it's a three. You're a little 11 year old 12 year old. Oh, I hope I hope you know Gwen of year likes me What about wishing a lot of your enemies?
Oh, it's not good I don't like because if it comes true that is some dark stuff. Oh, yeah, then it feels like you signed a pact or something, huh? Yeah, I would be and you would maybe try to wish again to see it. Yeah, that's a tough one That's a real that's like the dark version of the hit film Liar Liar, you know I'm gonna get back into like little kid stuff.
I got a couple of fire off for you activity Maybe this is party actually bouncy house. What do we think two three? It's a three. It's a three, right?
Yeah Like fucking I went to a single to my own party maybe three four years ago. There was a bouncy house there It was so much fun man when I was when I turned 18 my mom got a bound in inflatable boxing ring that came with big boxing gloves and And First what happened is Michael Ciani friend of the show Mike the bike was Yani beat the hell out of me His arms are so fucking long bro Guy is like an orangutan and he's just stomping me and he won point he came over overhead like a hammer on a nail I'm popping right on top of my head and then my dad lab got in there This is a really special 18 birthday and he fucking punched me so hard my lips are to bleed Let me tell you what a bad activity is your dad makes you punch you in the face it sucks bowling alley bro I think it's a three. Yeah, I I hooked it up The Jerry's deli bowling alley after my bar mitzvah, which was my birthday so you know my 13th We were ripping oh yeah, you're firing on so much. I guess what that one ages like a fine fucking wine I'll go to my that one in particular had an arcade.
Yeah, I think arcade is also a three Yeah, I know more of these types of places existed like the all-in-one There's a place shout out to Castle Park in Sherman Oaks, California Lots of birthdays for me and other people happen there because it was batting cages mini golf arcade dream Arcade for sure But like major arcade like David Buster style your winning tickets you're exchanging for prizes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes Well here we have Scandinavia. That's the big one out here. Mm-hmm. Love that shit.
Yeah Fucking toss it dude. It's a one. I think I see it's getting a little better, but like no Not even not even you're gonna apply me with sugar and then strap some blades to my feet Yeah, you're throat's gonna get cut. I hope you know that yeah, it's it's tough and it's like everyone's it's such a different level man Like I'm okay.
We're gonna go in circles all time. Yeah, it's sucked. It sucked So that one is yeah that one's a sticker A lot of people that used to go to a fucking like more or less adult one not like adult because they're both having sex But just like they were not only children at it's a orgy. Yeah, and it was just dry dude.
It didn't have a bar obviously Yeah, I mean yeah, I guess like that makes sense It's like a 27th and 28th birthdays that these things would be happening for I got a stupid game for the roller skating rink. Yeah, yeah, you're that's a nightmare I'm gonna lose all my teeth like I'm gonna bust my ass harder than ever I got a stupid one that we have talked about at all. What have you share a birthday with a friend? Oh, I so I like it me again for 10 days apart.
We just did that I love it Yeah, I don't mind at all You and Kate and not you and I that have the same fucking birthday. We're not I mean we're not oh you mean like sharing the actual day Yeah, no, I mean like yeah, I'm talking about the thing that we have in common. Oh, yeah, it's fine It doesn't it's fine to be honest. I think okay, so here's my thought I think that it's a 2 because the dope thing is it allows us I feel like the the nasty little devil on your shoulder on your birthday where it's like yeah get the extra drink that guy boy The two of ours are sucks.
They get on each other shoulders and they're like you have to get your Austin dude You spend all your money who gives a shit. Yeah, yeah, wake up at 4 a.m. To go wait in line for barbecue What's the issue? Right?
So once was go and spend like two hundred and fifty dollars on lunch for just myself at a sushi bar Right and so that's like if you get was gone, right? So if you get me and you both into that biz that's it gets a little dangerous I like it place where it has an option to buy the entire restaurant a sake bomb and we obviously do it Yeah, you have to if you have the same birthday as your friend and you're both sitting there That's like what that part of the menu is for whatever. It's fine. Yeah, it's fine cooler If you live in the same place which we only done for like two of the years.
We've known each other. Well, yes Yes, nothing else. This is pretty good. I think we you know we I'm gonna give us a little bit of credit here We talked about fucking food far less than we ever have yeah, you want to put Ceviche on bonus points I won't say no Oh, so V.
J. We also didn't talk about how like pies are preferred over cake times a million. Yeah We've talked about that bunch and also like you just talk about like do you like to start your day? You'd like to do your fucking big lame hike, but then What are you doing for breakfast?
Are you treat? I'm treating myself every step of the way? I'm going to all my spots. I'm not eating my fucking cereal horse Okay, I will say I can imagine a situation where like maybe we did a boys pop we're gonna air B&B and maybe part a little bit too hard last night Maybe we got the ingredients in the fridge.
Maybe I'm gonna make everyone a big fucking breakfast sure sure sure I mean in that exact scenario It's like I also don't mind like yo We're gonna mob down to fucking Jack the box just get 600 breakfast Jackson eat them in the parking lot But yes, I see I think I want like a little creasy spoon diner situation That sounds like a good way to start this off. Yeah, I like that ham and eggs baby all the way you know my ham guy Yeah, I mean we must have talked about this but him is elite obviously there's no I love I mean I look I love bacon breakfast sausage it can get tossed nine times out of ten, but I'm caring less about bacon. Yeah, of course of course. Do you know why like I get it like obviously we all cared about bacon We was all Yeah, we had to get it Baby ring the fucking bell but um the thing about bacon that is so important to us It's the reason we like hate fucking blueberries for example is that it's just wildly inconsistent Yeah, you never know what you're gonna get like it could be super crispy It could be super thin and gross like like fast food bacon.
What's that? What's the quote? Life is like bacon. You never know what you're gonna get.
That's what they say. That's what forum scump said And he was right about that bacon shit. All right, that is what's for the sandwich obviously right chicken farm. Yeah, yes Yes, yes sandwich.
Well, yeah, sandwich Well honestly in and out. I'm not opposed that counts as sandwich. Yeah, I agree It does count the sandwich and I agree that that's what I'm getting. I mean it's Yeah, I also I don't hate depending on what's on the on the shed for like the evening I don't hate something a little bit heavier than I normally would I don't spoil my dinner But like normally because there might be some walking if this is my good birthday I'm walking involved.
We'll walk it off right so like maybe I want to do it Oh, and I don't I would hardly ever at this point in my life wish that sort of death upon me Like if I eat a burrito at noon, you are not gonna catch me awake after 4 p.m. What on my birthday? Yeah, give me that extra power Yeah, I'll slam a little red bull. We'll walk it off.
No, no red bull Not my favorite. I do think it's a two for activities. Oh, I look I like wait. I love to slam a red bull I do it's become such a part of my life like me and Schmagma.
Oh boy We would we used to drink a lot of red bull in our day, but okay? I'm can I have a game for slam a red bull is a three I? Sure, this sucks. I don't care dude.
You're talking to sleepy poopy I cannot see red bull is and still how much better it is than every other energy drink I've ever tasted It's wild. It's wild. I also love that it's still the only I mean red bull carved out its own little corner And nobody really came for it. It's also the only one that's still you can buy those little like eight or six out cans I don't want to walk around the fucking tall boy on bow ones are insanity Cheese Louise this thing that someone's throwed out and the ones that have like a cap on them like they look like a fucking smoke grenade or something Like what's going on?
Give me my little 6.8 ounces of fucking yucky juice that I can buy and then drink as soon as I step outside of the Game of the dog But I tried the word or melon and that was a fucking disaster. Oh my god through my tongue I can't even pretend her what is it for me sushi or a Little bit of this little bit of that little bit of it give me a little pappas Yeah, I mean I to me actually it's actually wide open the thing that I'm eating is less important than the quality Like I'm just trying to fall upon some of my me. Yes. I'm going to drop the wallet I'm going to eat some rich decadent some just some fucking stank-ass dank It doesn't matter if it's sushi or maybe it's like barbecue, which is like actually my favorite food or maybe it's fucking Mediterranean I don't have a fuck as long as it is the finest quality and I like ideal situation I need this table to be jacked on the food Me say more like I can't just have People at this table who aren't fucking vibing on this food.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I have someone who's like is there for me But they're not really a big eater right? Oh my god. Oh, oh, no not an eater That's a fucking one for squat not a big eater or not a big drinker.
I need you I need you out You're I'm sure you're great, but right now. This is my special birthday You're tossed you go back to the fucking Mormon temple from whence you came or whatever. I don't give a shit. Yeah, get out of here Go on get Yeah, I can't deal with that the other thing because you said like I don't you reminded me like I it doesn't even necessarily have to be Toppas but guys on my birthday what we're doing we're gonna order Too much food.
That's number one. Yeah, number two all of it's for everyone. I will not be having one on trade Don't don't come at me like I'm gonna. I'm gonna order raviolis and the only thing I'm gonna get ravioli Dukes on your birthday you idiot.
No, no, no, but this is what I'm saying. We're at the Italian place I don't want I want to try one ravioli, but I'm not gonna fucking order it in my special game. We've already talked about this I know that bruv, but if it's my birthday, here's what we're doing you get 10 orders ravioli then No, I'm gonna go ravioli for the table. Maybe I want to cut you up in that one enough for the table But that's fine.
It's my fucking birthday dude. I'll eat one or all five of those raviolis and then won't fucking matter I'll leave the fucking scraps for the little vultures that came with me. Yeah, great. Yeah, and I'm ordering all 10 ordering every pasta on the menu I'm ordering every fucking app a teaser.
They have we're getting the peppers. We're getting the fried pickles. We're getting the fucking blue Onion we're getting all of it. Oh stick you're going out back Good brown bread Stomachache sauce that comes with you.
Oh, yeah, wait wait wait wait you get in dessert. Of course. I'm getting dessert You gotta get in your special day the ice cream baby simple. Yeah, little little ice cream never hurt.
No, you know what I want Go on hogging does coffee ice cream come on this fucking hogging dogs boy. I love I love the does You said that's me recently. I thought you were joking. I specifically the coffee flavor I don't think I can't think of another flavor.
I've had Yarf Chelsea got me ice cream cake for birthday actually for Valentine's Day, but you know go and go go go Damn dude. I haven't had ice cream cake in a minute. It was so fresh the shit was creamy I don't normally even love it. I feel like the biggest fat zone in the world.
It's man. It was dank. It was so good I Like ice cream. I also love I mean it goes exactly what I was just saying about having ever ordering everything on the menu I want a little sampler baby.
Give me like I want like one like one this place that they have a little fried donuts I'll have one of those who they also have a little this other little pastry. No, no, no, no, no I will say which I love in general, but oh man, especially my birthday I this is such it. I never understood this when my parents did it, but man a cup of coffee after a meal in dessert Yeah, no, no, no, not yeah sure that shit just absolutely is Perfect to me. It is unbelievable.
How good it is. Yeah, I mean if you need energy for the coming just the energy It has the same effect to me, but over a slogan as a as an indubic. It's like a just beef Yeah, that's fine. It is a dee dee dee dee because it's going to make you shit you punch.
Yeah, good The very special ending for a big meal is a bunch of fucking coffee very special ending to my very special day a big Shitter especially into this very special episode which I'm ending now. Okay. Well, we gotta do shout out still Yeah, do them shout out in favor the art honest. Okay.
Wait actually out of a we shout about every episode We talked about it, but like watch the fucking cuphead show on Netflix. Yeah watch cuphead Yeah, he worked on it. He a very good boy. Yeah, he's good like that I think it's a bad talk to the music we have nothing to perform for bad talk once again bad Todd has brought nothing to the table except for the music for our Except for the funky funky beat.
Yes. Thank you to you guessed it Rhode Island Okay, shout out to my roadies. Yeah, well the problem is shot to Warwick. Shout out to fucking Newport Shout out to your your stuffies and your keyhogs.
Yeah co-hogs keyhogs. Jesus Christ. That's how you say it in oil I forgot you're from the aisles. You're supposed to say it.
Oh, you're Lind Bring me a kid. I'm just doing Michael K He's in K hooks. Hey, Jim. Okay, we're going get out about a thousand keyhogs Um Well, thank you, Rhode Island.
All right. Well, that's it. That's it. Tell him.
Good night. And good luck. No, that's not it We got the munch bring don't bring the freak. Let me try again If you ain't got the munch don't give me the crunch