Broadening My Terrain

I polish the orb of spiritual devotion as a vocationMy belief in the Divine as All is ever-revealed the more softly I look, the more openly I feelEverything in life is singingWe are all humming alongCreating.Relating.Attention as currencyWe invest in what we valueOr what we’re compelled byIsn’t it beautiful when those two things are the same?When attention isn’t hijackedI’m still trying to slow down enough to discern the triggerThat moves my attention from polishing the orb of my appreciationTo inadvertently pushing it down a slippery slope to a well of despair/dread/insecurityThis is the conundrum with which I began this journeyHow can so much of my life be so repleteAnd this existential insecurity sometimes take overThe polarity is alive within my life as peace interspersed by panic at varying intervals and intensitiesAnd even while peace has the bulk of the real estateIt doesn’t take long for a tornado to tear up a townI was just reading about the triumphs of community after disastersHow the swell of need brings a focal point for our natural care, love, service, compassion, connectionWe want to make a difference in each others’ livesWe just often don’t know howCare is a currentI feel like I look into it as if it were double dutch ropesWaiting for my opportunity, tripping with my attemptsBut I know what it feels like to jump in rhythmI know what it feels like to be in community where those who temporarily have more can fill the gaps for those who temporarily have lessBut I also live in a world with a freshly minted trillionaireAs the world burnsSo, living with the full spectrum of what’s happeningPerhaps it makes sense I’d vacillate between connected wonder and abject horrorHere’s what I want:I don’t want the orb of wonder on a pedestal it can fall fromI want to quit wearing smooth the incline of insecurity that allows attention to fallLike a marble through a vertical maze each time the world seems unacceptable or unacceptingI want to cultivate a rich loamy soilTerrain my wonder can traverseAnd be shaped by.Meditation and somatic practice open and clear my relational channels within and withoutBut the nuance I’m going for hereAs I look at how I want to treat myself and move through the worldIs entirely relationalWhere my inner first responder can care for my lamenting victim without either part feeling shameReceiving care as well as giving it, and giving it freelyLetting it be part of the community of me in the vastness of ongoing creationRecognizing that wonder, grief, outrage, tenderness, helplessness, and service are not competing realitiesBut movements within the same field.This field.The field we share.Humming along. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com