Buffet

Well Jesse welcome Yeah What's the energy like I what's the energy oh bro if you can see me I'm on some real I'm on some real business with beans Oh shit right now, bro, of course, yes where I am. Oh Not your desk. I guess correct is this are you in maybe your front room your living room wrong? Are you in your bedroom?

I'm in bed my dude. Are you fully laying down? I am not fully laying down, but I have done myself a little Jimmy rig a wabu rig if you will to get the mic stand off of my Nightstand mic stand is the name of my next album and I'm just fucking chilling. I got a cup of tea.

Don't die. I do What are you sick? What are you what's going on over there? Well, I think that the good podcast energy is to emulate as though you were sick interesting I make a full counter do we want to take a second and I can I can move over to the standing desk in my office And we could do sort of opposite energies where you're almost sort of like a horizontal Fun guy situation mm-hmm.

Well, just like power guy weak guy is what I would say loser guy Work guy saying they were both you it was a trick. Yeah, wait Damn it you fucking played yourself. This is gonna go great. You're already weak ass brain is cooked even more as you lay horizontal for Padded myself sitting upright with pillars and I am just fucking ready.

I hate to sit in bed. I hate it Speaking of beds. No, you know, you want to go to directly after our topic a bed. What a segue What a beautiful segue that always find a way life as they say Find a way we're talking about buffets the food of the food persuasion welcome to the program We're talking about buffets.

I have three categories. I want to throw it right away Okay, yeah, I was I had not a clue of what to do with categories also like we have talked about breakfast buffets Fairly frequently lately correct on the brunch episode. We did on the hotel episode We don't have to spend too much time on breakfast. No, so I have my three categories here desserts and sides obviously these are not the only things We'll get more into like what's kind of going on is This is where this is I think what a buffet hangs on I think it's even more important than the food would you agree?

I'll give you as important. I won't say more important because you and I regularly frequented a buffet where the food was just I I guess Value huh got to be a category because that's well That's what this is all about I think that value is maybe an ultimate bonus point here, right sure because that's the deal with the buffet is you're going in and you're saying I Am I am accepting your challenge. I am going to do is a challenge to be give you the currency that you have to Demand it for me to be here and I'm going to I'm going to come out net gain one one person I've never thought of it this way, but a buffet transaction customer. It's a dual.

Yes, correct One is a loser one can come out on top there can only be one buffets are highlander There can only be one winner But I think there can be two losers because like the buffet we should just talk about it We've definitely talked about before but the buffet that you and I most commonly frequented together was Kome Now Kome what's their status because we're thinking a bit of a sticky situation recently. Oh, yeah I mean, I think they were subverting many labor laws I do believe they've been shut down or like ownership changed hands But but that's one where like you can you can easily I think out eat the price I think that the value is there but you also punish your body in such a way that there is no winner It is to losers is permanently closed. Yeah, I do believe it's because they were like not paying employees enough Or not giving the benefits but for those new to the program that have not heard us talk about this It is an Asian buffet in dayless city or was rather Maybe what was it? 40,000 square feet?

It was like a fucking warehouse. Yeah It basically was like a Costco filled with very very mean families Kome I mean you want to go out the ultimate duel. There's also a third duel when you're at Kome because it's you versus everyone else at Kome Yes, correct. It is because they bring out those fucking crab legs dude.

It's a crime people are stabbing each other with the crab Yeah, it's blood. There's at least one body getting caught every single crab leg leg session I have I have this is such a weird place to start But I do have something about the vibe of Kome that I actually liked a lot You can talk about their nasty chandeliers. No, no, no the chandeliers At least 200 channel like Kome was like a big ballroom. It was like tons of crystal Shandal vibe chandeliers is very pretty good.

I think it's a two I think it's a two it has to be did like if it was like a dark room Kome would have been a very a much more unpleasant experience Okay, so I something about the the vibe though that I like and I don't even normally like it in a restaurant Because it's a distraction, but I kind of like that they had big-ass TVs everywhere had TVs in there Yeah, yeah, I did American television so like we often were going for like a lunch special So it's not like we were catching a playoff game or something, but which is like wait Yeah, let's fucking hit up the playoffs at Kome but but every once in a while I'd go in and be like oh fuck that's right There's a giant game on today and I'm gonna be there for minimum two hours So yeah, I'm gonna sit here and watch this whole giant game It's not my thing to worry you about how much time you could be in there Remember like you get there we pop in there like 11 30 noon early little lunch and they're like, okay There's your table you have to be out by 8 p.m. If you don't mind Which I guess is a problem that they had to address so buck But can you can you agree that that TV is at least a very pretty good maybe a very quite well? No, I don't like TVs and restaurants and bars because I won't talk to people it's all I hate it Oh, but bars is different you might be there to watch the TV Well, I'll be to watch some shit buff a bro. I know but that sucks But think about how long you're gonna be there anyways, and you're like waiting for some people are getting plates while others aren't I think it's like the one time that I'm okay with it.

Oh my god. You can see them when you're in line It's even it's worse than a one now. You tell me that I have to fucking stand behind Joe fat So I'm staring at the fucking TV and my crab legs are getting cold and I'm like, hey motherfuck Can you move up and take your fucking crab legs and go back to your fucking table? Oh?

I can't argue with you except that you know that everyone in at comus specifically Kome was a hunter and none of them were distracted by Television, but all right. I'll give you a TV one even though I think that it deserves at least a 1.5 something Okay, you had given a 1.5 then I'll let you figure that one out Should we turn this we're gonna do like a Venn diagram. Yeah, dude make it more more like a matrix where there's like an X and Y axis oh Sick love a matrix didn't someone call this a matrix was that Blair? Maybe had to be somewhat smarter than us.

Yeah for sure because I said that word it was just hoping that it wasn't wrong So Shanda Lear TV is good desserts I think the classic is the soft serve machine do we want to I think it's a two to me what possible reason could you have to knock it down From a three is what I want to know talking about health reasons because we got to toss that out the window I think because the whole deal with the buffet is you are punishing your body No, it's not health reasons and I think that it is it's very good I do think that those soft serve machines very pretty good But I think if we're talking about like the very quite latest buffet There's just better options than a soft serve machine and they and like you're talking about like hand scoop I'm talking about hand scooped. I'm talking about like maybe like a little mini pastries or something like that because there are other things that are better Soft serve is legit, especially if you got a swirl bro. Oh my god. Oh, here's a fucking buffet for you the SF State dining center Here's my other issue with it.

Yeah, that's true. That is the buffet that actually we've been to the most here's my other issue with soft serve And I realize it's not soft serve fault, but it's still a problem like often that soft serve area is a fucking nightmare Because that is that is true also You need some practice getting your swirl onto your cone less do you look like a little fucking wiener? Gotta get that swirl down I was it squirrel you have to and like if you're like a college like when that's when we were going to the dining center That's where there was always a fat line a lot of times like the shit had run out anyways Making myself root beer floats to go. Yeah, make you big big morons One you could have your you could have your two soft serve even out That's also where all the kids are like if you're like a fucking sweet tomatoes or whatever the fuck that place was called RIP.

Yeah, that's where like all the little baby child's are just dumping sprinkles lit low for desserts Yeah, yeah, it's I'm not gonna dessert. I'm not positive. What loaf is there's a thing at Komei. We love we called it loaf It was like a little loaf would you say it was fruit flavored?

Yeah, sweet it had to be so there what I do think that on one of the labels. It said loaf I don't even think we invented that bro labels know that part of Komei with all the steam baskets was the Wild West You couldn't even you couldn't even determine what was sweet and savory it was no Russian roulette over there And the does well I mean there were some desserts that were like very interestingly colored. Yeah, so I added to bonus points mystery items I think combing had a lot of that But that's one of the beauties of a buffet is you see something you're like there's how is there still food? I've never seen think about the nasty version of mystery item think about like meat loaf lump You know what I mean, right?

But that's it but that's the people of the big nasty buffets like hometown. Is that still exist? Yeah? Yeah, I have what's up with what's up with hometown there?

It's bad. It's bad. I mean the so I think that the key to bad buffet like a hometown like a golden corral is To just fuck with sides basically. Well that's two plantations whole thing.

Right. That's correct. Yes. Did they have pizza?

Is that we calling pizza side like little flatbreads, but they had it was soup and salad and like cornbread and That was pretty much it. Yeah, heaven on earth bro roll in your choice like 15 soups. Yeah, okay. Wait, so are we calling soups a side or a main?

Oh, we can't I know it's it's a tough nut we cannot I think it's honestly I think it's a side I can't have it just a whole bowl of soups never gonna cut it I think it's a side. I also think that a lot of times that a place like that won't even have a bowl and just be a cup Mm-hmm. So it's gonna be but it's obviously a three like cuz that's one where like they that came out of a bag They didn't even touch it like hometown did not put anything in the soup. They got it from somewhere It'll be fine.

Most certainly mac and cheese. I think it's a three almost universally, right like That's just one I've seen some I don't well this might just be a waboo situation. I don't like Like craft mac and cheese like shit with the sauce. I like a baked mac and cheese maybe two million times more Yeah, but I think I won't reach for the cheese sauce mac and cheese.

I won't reach for it But here's I won't ask you but here's my thing I don't think buffets ever have the craft style because I think it's easier for them to make the bake style because they have big fat Ovens rather than like there's not somebody stand over a big cauldron of craft I can't really remember what the what kind of buffet mac and cheese I've had but I'm fine look if you tell me it's not cheese sauce I'm in yeah I think it's almost universally the bake style and sometimes it's over baked and sometimes you get it sit under the heat lamp too much But you're at a buffets stupid. What did you think should we have a category for like certain chain buffets or like certain buffets? We've been to and just like rank those specific ones. Yeah, I feel like we got to do some shout outs here Okay, that's like not something we've ever done.

I like it actually it works here so like give me two and very quite lit right up the top club says and Suit plantation I can't even sizzler if you're not aware is in fact a buffet because even though it's like a steak house They do have you could add on salad bar and salad bar more than a fucking salad bar My friends bro Google Docs is trying to turn sloop souplandation into one word is that how it goes? It is one word you tell me hometown and golden corral our ones. Yeah hometown charash golden krail Trash where do we put the dining center? I'll tell you where everyone else puts it higher than us because we did a comedy show there once and we made fun of it And they were not having it and they didn't think it was funny.

It's like what do you I mean? The jokes were bad, but I don't know that was me It's a highly possible the jokes were bad, but like it seemed like they were not down to make fun of the dining center I think that okay So here's the deal with dining centers the context matter so much and like unless you are doing a comedy show two years later You are going to your college dining center as a college student in which case like I would say it's very pretty good Because you could just sit at your poor so you could sit there for four hours You can't hate that food though like I 1 million percent did not get the freshman 15 because that shit was nice. I lost weight 20 pounds home boy saw how the sausage was made because one time I got commune at ether bath And I had to go clean down down below right it was a fucking horror scape. Yeah, so can you imagine what those bus tubs look like?

Of all the people It was I almost yarfed in the middle of the fucking I bet it's stunk so bad to have it had a nasty stunk to it It had a horrible stunk you I mean I'm fine I'm one is bad is a one. I don't want to I don't want buffets stink. Yeah, that's a fucking fact I also like sometimes buffet will have like a wall where you put your trays It's like this thing where you put it in one end and then they pull out the other and you it's easy and nice I did not like that nasty could vey or bell at fucking the DC where it would you got to just watch your little milky cup fucking tip over And make a nasty mess on this big metal you you you so gross what do we think about those? I've also never been to these but like those fucking sort of like comb a but just those those like is Vegas Seafood buffet is that like a thing?

Yeah, but I've never I've been to big I've been to Vegas buffets But not a specifically advertised seafood one because they don't they ain't even close to a body of water That would have fish that I want to eat so I'm good on that Oh, I got to ask you the question go on here. It is 2021 the year of our Lord Buffets are at a bit of a challenging moment. Oh, oh wow Is this day or you want them gone do I sound do I hear the hot take alert? Yeah, yeah, I forgot to give you alert.

Yeah, please Jesus Christ next to catch me right off guard Are you asking if I want them gone? I don't I mean I think that I will enjoy them about as much as I I did previously as a 32 year Old which is to say like maybe once a year less I die at my sleep from eating so much yeah, but I do have another very quite little thing that just crept into my skull Three for me what is up with Brazilian? I don't have say oh, yeah, I mean that's that's a huge tough because that's basically sizzler. Oh fuck me Is this supposed to be like fucking fogger to chow because it's like you got the meats and then you got a dick salad bar Maybe there's no way right to scariya.

Yeah, that's Yeah, it's a good one far as I'm concerned But we're gonna ciao. I don't know what that is. It's like an expensive I'd like to put in mains whenever that fucking Brazilian meat is that they come up. Yeah, yeah That's a three a lock free right for sure.

Oh, you know what just crept into my brain There was a little buffet right next to call me wasn't there was there a little place? I like to call round table pizza. Okay, I had a little all you can eat salad in pizza situation Yes, and now all you can eat is different than buffet because this that could really drive us into a whole a whole nother world Right buffet. I think are you serving yourself or you're going up?

You're getting out of your seat for a buffet is that what we're doing here? Yeah, but but pizza place like how to garden weird is unlimited Soop salad and breadstick no no no no but that's different because a lot of times at a pizzazz place You are getting up like I know that like first of all salad bars was always technically a buffet right you fucking pile your Salibars are tight. Can we just agree to that fucking in the before times I Would oh bro grocery store like anti-pusty buffets little little mose-n-l's and little I don't think that counts. I don't think that counts dang it because that's all I I want my buff my buffet definition Right dude, you pay this price and then the world is yours.

Yeah, it's true. That's just like a part of the grocery store That looks like a buffet. Yeah, well, how about this you ever been to Mongolian barbecue brother? Don't you dare talk to me that way I fucking Love Mongolian barbecue.

Yeah, that counts right you pay a price you fill up your bowl with your Yes, they cook it up and put it back in your bowl I'm putting that as a main Mongolian barbecue. Yeah, that shit is so tight those like load them all up into a bowl places It kind of gives you sort of a superpower to be like would I have you know pineapple with this usually now? I can do it now. Yes, I am.

Yeah, toss it in Yeah, and that one's that one's especially bold because I mean look the nasty little dirty secret of a buffet is there's lots of times When you grab stuff and you're like I probably won't eat this but I want to give it a try or like I know I'm hungry enough for one half more plates. I'll get a gigantic plate of everything and we'll see where it goes Mongolian barbecue somebody has to make it so you can't it's it's a different vibe to be like Mmm. I didn't actually want these baby corns So let me dump this out and have the man make me another bowl Yes, yeah, I do love baby corns. I put a little another category in here.

I do appreciate that Yes, pop the category in here called strategy which I think is important in a buffet. Yeah, tell me about it What do you got? I mean, maybe it's obvious. Maybe it's not a rookie mistake You if you're here for one round only get fucked go somewhere else.

Yeah, that said Is a stroll see I'm in bed. I'm thinking about I'm thinking about things differently I know I could tell everyone can tell your advice a stroll take a take a little walk Maybe make maybe take a lap first. I think take a lap is a three I'll give you take a lap. I'll give you a lap You know think about it put something in the back of your mind say I'm gonna get that on the second round Don't load that plate up too much You look like a piece of shit and usually you get charged for that shit I got another strategy for you though.

I and this is kind of goes in line with take a lap but Make a plan and harmonize a little bit, you know, like there's nothing nothing says I'm gonna hit the sweets you hit the crab legs meet you back here in 10 right right and nothing nothing says You can't put your enchiladas next to your baked beans, but like maybe you should know there is something that says that me Yeah, maybe you should my wilders say that you cannot do that take a lot make up Land harmonize sounds like a fucking like fire escape plan that families learn If there's an emergency take a lap make a plan that harmonize like a fucking motivational poster that a college guidance counselor would have yeah I have a I have a two for mains for you. Okay. Now. Obviously we have the Brazilian steakhouse carb meat is a three I think other carved meat is a two So like sometimes you go to one and only because it can be so hit or miss like sometimes you go to buffet It's like oh, yeah, they've primed rib and it's like, you know if I did $15 to get in here you prime rib I just don't think so I just don't think that's gonna go well for anyone Yeah, but what about premium buffets like sometimes a nice restaurant and we talked about this with brunch shit Like oh Sunday right $60 buffet, okay, right hefty you know you get whatever the fuck you want baby I'm gonna put that in vibe as luxury buffet.

It's the cream of the crop right nothing better. Yeah, it's so timey The what's the what's the dankest buffet you've been to? There was one I mean honestly, it's gonna be phogodid a child right right sure sure sure There's there's one in the cosmopolitan which I maybe even mention this in the brunch But there's one in the cosmopolitan in Vegas called wicked spoon that's like $80 to get in but it's just like Then you're in and everything is so fucking good And something they do that like a lot of fancy buffets do that is I guess a main is like a Prepared dish rather than just a bunch of all the cart so like for example They had like shrimp and grits, you know I mean like it wasn't just oh we have shrimp Oh, here's like you can mix it with these grits or this rice like you would go in and they would have Something already but a small enough size that you didn't feel like oh well I'm eating shrimp and grits for $80, you know like it was like in a little in a little dish or whatever so I think I prepared Dish as opposed to it like everything all the cart is very quite lit to me I do like you ever get lunch action at an Indian restaurant going where they just got oh Buffet going oof. Yeah, that shit is so choice.

It is a heavy lunch is you are not going to feel great after this Yeah, can we put that into two just because is I feel like Indian buffet almost exclusively lunch too, right? We dabble in this in weddings, but what's where's a wedding buffet go? Is that vibe it's a vibe and I I kind of think it's got to be a two or three I think it's a two okay because I do think like a seated plated dinner is always a little bit more fun than The wedding buffet because you got a stain in line. That's the yeah fucking Joe fat So again in front of me he's like watching the bride and groom and I'm like move along so I can get these vegan crab cakes Please that's it.

That is the only thing that I hate is like all right table nine and I'm like are you fucking kidding me right now? This is unbelievable. I just have to watch everyone. I'm so sorry.

I know that weddings are expensive. I'm so sorry I am so sorry, but there's never enough I try to make round two and it's slim fucking pickens What are some other I see I have like now I have like hometown in my head and I'm thinking of like the sides They're always in a hometown slice me off some of the hometown menu because I don't know what the fuck's wrong It's it's a it's very like it's fried chicken as a main. It's maybe a one to me. Can we put fried chicken as a one?

Yeah, I mean it's never gonna be good right? It's never gonna be good It's sitting under heat lamp. So it's like the chicken is dry and the skin is gross It's also like very filling they have mac and cheese and jardie says good. They have mashed taters You know I don't really want that in a buffet.

I kind of want shit that I I don't get that often right so it's taters a two or one It's not a one. I mean like what you know put some match tater that's probably gonna be good right? Yeah, for sure for sure for sure and then there's probably a big sloppy gravy nearby that you could fuck with if you dare What was that is that bad of a pop quiz what I think it's pop quiz time Pop quiz Wow is this a segment? I'm going to name a buffet and you're gonna tell me where this place is like country or like state State country whatever you feel is a promo.

Okay. Cool. What did you just google buffets? Maybe let's start with chakarama You may have been here.

That's your hint. Can you spell it is a chalk or chuck chuck like see huck? Yeah, chakarama Is it okay? So chuck like beef chuck is what I'm assuming there and because you said I may have been there I'm gonna say Utah Bingo Utah Salt Lake City.

Hell yeah, tell me where you think the Mexican style buffet cheat cheese is Chee cheese sounds like Texas to me Chee cheese is in Belgium, Luxembourg, Austria You have to tell me if they're not in the our country idiot Can't believe you to know about that now tell me where you think moo moo is oh my god Like I'm here at a style restaurant. Can you at least tell me a fucking time zone? It's in or like I will not tell you the time zone it is famous For okay, we got a wiki peaks in here Moo is in Moscow. Okay said the restaurant is famous for its specialty meals inspired by Russian works of literature That's now in 2012 it attracted much controversy for its Seagull dish you bro.

I would not you cannot pay me to yes evil Yeah, you'd have to trick me and they probably would because I don't read Russian So fuck seagulls doesn't even get the honor of me eating it. Do you think it tastes more like a bird or more like a fish? Do I think a seagull tastes like a fish? Yes, no, I do not okay It's only one of us is thinking outside the bun Yeah, and that is concludes the segment cuz I'm gonna top that good there are a lot though wow Haas's steak and sea house hoss fucking come on guys I'm gonna put for sides.

I'm putting salad bars of three. Are we you're like hyped about that, right? Oh, yeah, and I it's easy to say like oh well What if the lettuce is bad or whatever like you're covering it in so much bullshit dude the fucking salad bar I feel like a lot of times salad bar though is by the pound you want to talk about some narc ass shit fucking weighing my food Get fucked that's I'm putting it in vibe. That's such a narc ass thing You know, it's a narc thing you ever go to a buffet and you're like you paid 20 bucks again in there And they're like here's this here's this here's this oh you want the premium beef 250?

Oh Sock my ass supplemental charge. Yeah, that's no good another oh This is sort of all buffets like they kind of sneak you with drinks right I kind of always forget that you do have to pay for drinks Yeah, I was just about to say it's always table service with drinks really I can have as many bowls of clam chowder as I want but this coke is gonna cost me 350 Yeah, that's crazy So in our world and I guess we'll just put this as a side a soda fountain is the very quite quite lit as correct Yes, you're paying the ones bro open bar is a buffet I Just think I just think a very bar certainly is well. Yeah, cuz I have more food Food's a very very bar, but if you've paid it's New Year's Eve. I'm at some shitty fucking club in Miami I pay two thousand dollars for my table and it's open bar am I at a buffet?

I don't think so I think about they is specifically food Interesting sides veggies just veggies in general is it too, correct? Yeah, they're always like steamed like those nasty care Oh my god, bro buffet like steamed veggies with carrot carrots. How do I explain what I'm talking about? I hate them.

Yeah steamed veggies is a one we don't have to because like there's part of me That's like well, but it'll help cut everything else but like that's not what I'm at a buffet for is for steam I'm never getting the steamed veggies rice. I think is a two-world one. What do you think? I think because like you can't you can't like not have rice at some of these places like I'm at my Indian lunch I need a little bit of rice.

It's right right right true true I just think that there are certain things that they want you to eat because it'll fill you up Hey fam, why don't you why don't you apply yourself a little bit something McGrath probably likes to say cuz the narcass teacher Apply yourself don't give me some ratty-ass boss. Money rice. Give me like some fucking kicked up a notch rice. Mmm.

What would kick it up a notch? You could like I don't know dump some fucking soft serve in there. Well, it's your rice. So idiot.

No absolutely not Vibe ooh, I got one for you and this one is especially bad for Kobe the one is Shared serving utensils like where I have to use a scoop to put something on my plate And then the person behind me uses the same scoop. Do you know I'm saying? Like yeah guys employ someone first of all we people do jobs employees I want to put this fucking food on my plate and it's not an entitled I don't want to do it It's like why are we all why are 4,000 people touching this fucking spoon covered in cheese and then putting it Oh when they put it back in the wrong one or you get there and it's like submerged in the mac and cheese You know it's like somebody just laid it down in there rice fuck that that happens a lot at times the whole thing falls into the ranch dressing Bro, yeah, it sucks That's why we shouldn't you cannot get trust the consumer that happens all the time at the fucking Whole Foods Hot Bar You'll go to like the fucking the chicken ravioli or whatever the hell and you're like where are the and then you realize like oh The tongs are just covered. They're fully in the Alfredo.

It's done there. It's a wrap Dang bro. They tried trusting the consumer. Look what happened the world literally ended.

Yes, you cannot you cannot trust the consumer I want to jump up to dessert because we have basically nothing here. I Do like and this is another trick I do like your your standard run of the mill baked goods your cookies your brownies etc But like is it a one because like that's just you guys went to Safeway and bought a fucking haul like it's softer On the table. Why am I eating like a chips a hoy? You know yeah?

I mean I'll never I'll never reach for a shitty buffet dessert, right? So we don't even want it then like I don't I don't Want it. I don't need I'm also not as you know a big cookie monster I'm not a big brownie monster I will sometimes reach for a lemon bar because I cannot resist those little morsels. Yeah, I So okay, I'm gonna say standard pastries is just gotta be like a one unless they're good unless you're a good player Yeah, it seems like it doesn't need to be said but right right right No, but it's but it's like again if they're soft serve if there's like if there's like pie or cobbler or cake It's like why am I so at the time?

Center as a state before it went healthy. They used to have a huge dessert bar and the beauty there is like you would walk out and grab a fucking John chip cookie crab in your face as you're walking at the door Oh my god, I forgot that they have the desserts by the door. Yeah, like you're tempting it You're just like I'm afraid that that's gonna get people to stay too long. Yeah, oh brand dude I didn't study for that Tesla's I got to caught up eating brownies at the Catch me under the fluorescent lights if you Watching like season four of the Simpsons right night or whatever the fuck they always had on the TV in there Bro, were you there the time they did like jousting like jousting what the fuck is it called where you're standing over a pit?

You got the big sticks trying to knock each other. Oh, yeah, I don't think I was there I feel like I revived battle. I would love to see a bad so vibing you would like a battle or yeah I mean that's sort of what we've talked about this whole time is a buffet is a battle. It's you versus somebody Mm-hmm times.

It's your friends over a ball pit sometimes it's you versus other families trying to get the crab legs Sometimes it's you versus the restaurant which is trying to kill you I so so when I was driving up that was that every once in a while they at the DC little stay on where they have cookies and brownies They used to have every once in a little fucking like a cobbler. Do you remember that at the edge like a hot You scoop like a fucking berry cobbler into a bowl or whatever. Do not okay? Well cobbler is a very it's a three to me.

I love that What how many how many trips is ideal this can go on your strategy? Are we really maximize it and feel a sort of acceptable because you're at a buffet after all I think I want to say three That's exactly what I was gonna say. Yeah, because that is a lot and that is silly for anywhere else But yeah, two is I guess two is a two we got three two one just like how it goes well two trips or More than four I'll even I'll give you a fourth sometimes. There's a fourth like oh, you know what they just put out my favorite little nugget I'm just gonna go grab I'm just gonna go grab one more.

Oh, I've been oh the loaf the loaf broke get the loaf Yeah, the loaf for trip for oh, I thought I was gonna three they split the loaf out the fresh loaf if trip for is about a specific That you want you get one thing if you go back for another round of chow me on trip for you got to do something about your mental health There are those some people who like they do really embrace the challenge aspect one time I dad and I went to Mongolian barbecue with his buddy who had never heard of such a thing and he was like I'm gonna I'm gonna eat like six bowls of this and we were like, yeah, yeah, that's what everyone says Then you eat like two and you're so fully like right? Yeah, no, I'm gonna I think I'll eat probably like five or six where they told him he had to stop oh nice that is really embarrassing Also seems like kind of not the rules right? Yeah, yeah rules. That's a nightmare I'm only barbecue a little different.

That's a they're losing money by the second when this guy walks to the door But yeah, he's straight up drinking that homemade sauce right out of the bin I got a I got a one for you only eating like one thing like what if I went to a buffet? Oh my god round one Bullage on main round two bullet show main round three bullet show main. Yeah, that's that's coming things minimum Do you have to have five it depends where I'm out then yeah? I do I do what like four or more different slaves and that's not even including a nice round five Okay, and I have one for strategy that I think is a three, but maybe you'll argue it to one nasty little experiment Absolutely, I don't know if I could give that a very quite little because it never works out So what I do I do want to do it But I can't remember a time that my nasty experiment was well served except for loaf below it's not that nasty Yeah, what we mean by one nasty single experiment is like take one little take a one little chicky chance at least right Like if you see a little mystery thing and you're like what is that?

I mean coming it was like 50% of what we were doing What's fucking mystery like you would get to the sushi area and things would be there that were currently not what they were labeled And you would be like okay, I guess I'll try to tune a roll and it's like that of soup that you don't know what it is We have not talked about I assume this is everywhere, but certainly in the San Gabriel Valley in LA There's a lot of one pay one price dim sum restaurants That is carts a little technical, but I I want to give dim sum it to because I don't love flagging people down They don't want to talk to me. They don't want me in there. Yeah, the dim sum car monkey I was in there. Yeah, it's true carding them down is tough And then a lot of times those places the menu is not in the language I understand So I'm just like pork and they're like, uh-huh and they say something and I'm like you are fucking so mad I'm here, and I don't blame you.

I'm sorry. So we talked about a bunch on the brunch episode But like Maine's I do love a breakfast buffet don't make me talk about all my stations again Well, okay, so actually that's something I wanted to mention is stations. I think are a two right Because you want to talk about dipshits holding up the line I don't mind I don't mind the stasis Let's give them a two station another one I think is very appealing to kids and the kid you get a kid rolling up to like a Sunday station And it's like well, this is we're dead. Oh, make me say it bro get kids away from my bio Filth monsters scooped ice cream is that it is that a three for dessert?

Yeah, if it's like I just feel like a lot of these places The ice cream is drush and it's fucking soggy and yeah, but that's I mean yeah, I mean I give it I'll give it if we're thinking it's perfect form. I love ice cream. You know I love ice cream man make my ice cream these days Out here in North Carolina just make an ice cream. Well, we should fucking sick dude Lane and bed mm-hmm.

We haven't even talked about the thing that we actually went to combate for which is sushi It's a two rights gotta be a two. Yeah, I mean look if there was such a place as And all you can eat sushi that has good sushi. I would never go anywhere else Mm-hmm. I mean I went to combate for medium sushi simply because of the value yeah the value of the challenge Please respect the challenge and the challenge and the challenge of course the thank you.

Thank you Okay, where's some other mains? We have a lot of like very specific thing like you walk into fucking soup plantate well No, you put it you says all sides you walk into like I don't know your Vegas buffet or whatever I've I said fried chicken. We've got pre-made burgers and Strollin off seems like something they got at all these things. That's a barf.

That's a big barf to me Cream based things are not it. I feel like probably like like barbecue probably shows up a lot pulled pork ribs Yeah, I feel like a Mexican food gets like I see a lot of enchiladas where we go enchiladas that too Yeah, oh Like a toast build your own toast out of situation. Yeah, well, you know I never see exclusively Mexican But I know that like a lot like I think a golden corral and maybe hometown but golden krail for sure has a whole like south of the border Section that has a spice Oh god damn Spanish right you see sometimes rice don't you take away my Spanish rice fuck? Let's be nice rice.

Yeah, it's great I mean the only problem with with a lot of Mexican food is that it's that's another one we're like you're gonna if that's Trip one or two the next trip is going to be punishing like that's an enchilada is incredibly filling Oh, yeah, I'm gonna swing back for another round of burritos who wants one? Yeah I think Italian food often that's a two right like pasta yeah, pescetti and I don't want something like lasagna though that I have to Cut I mean they assume they're cutting it for you. Yeah, I think that they're cutting it for you But I just it's hard to get from the thing to my plate right and I don't think that I think that pasta is almost all way I think it's similar to like I Don't know it feels like it's similar to like almost like mashed potatoes We're like I never expected to be incredible, but I'm I know that it's gonna be Fine like you know, it's like jarred sauce and noodles. What could you how could you fuck this up?

Bread can I put bread all bread it to I don't need it. Oh don't need it a full Tasty curd bread though. You don't even fuck with that. Oh, no, I need corn bread obviously any corn bread Yeah, so a bread is a two to me because even the cornbread there It's a siren song they know what they're doing that cornbread first of all is not going to be that good And then I'm gonna fucking eat it and be full so they've got me and they will get me every time cuz I cannot say no to a cornbread No, look at these idiotic sides soup mac and cheese salad bar and soda fell Oh, what about French fries that's a two side right?

I feel like they're always bad They're always bad and and like quickly the window closes on how good those fries are gonna be fries already you have to eat them immediately Yeah, fries almost you should only get them when you see them dumping and like tenders right that's almost a one I can't remember time. I had good tenders at a buffet. Yeah, that's a main to I think that that's like Mm-hmm. They try and pass that off, but yeah, I mean we put fried chicken as a one tenders definitely same situation dry fucking not very good You know what I like this is sides kind of but I like a place with a lot of Sauce and dressing options Yeah, sure sure see plantation brother.

We put pot roast. That's kind of carved meat. No, or is that different? I guess not I'm just looking at the golden corral menu right you dude.

You dude. I think a roast is a two for me for all the reasons I said car I just think it's like the ceiling is so cool. Love even talk. I mean, I know you hate them But like I have to I have to give them at least a big potatoes brother.

Yeah, and that is that is the place potato It is it's where you get you load them up with your chives and you're sour cream and you're making your cheese And that you're guaranteeing that that tater alone is is out of buffet his absolute nightmare shit. It's scorched It's been sitting it already was fucking overcooked and now it's been sitting under a heat lamp the skin is all wrinkly you But you're gonna just sucks in a breakfast buffet is a fucking like fruit fresh fruit I put fruit is a one for desserts dessert is an interesting spot for that Oh, I feel like that's that is what they replaced the SF State dining center dessert bar with just a damn fruit sand You remember how they had those like tubs of peanut butter and they were just floating in in ice water. Yes, you know better at cream cheese, dude That's a three though. I love three bro.

I love cream cheese. Yeah, but like what do you so like a big side? That's not a no. We can you just want loose cream cheese bagel buffet is tight though dog.

Come on the other thing is remember that sometimes I don't you recall this sometimes you went over there and they had like proper metal serving utensils for that for that hard fucking cream cheese and that Hard fucking peanut butter. I kept it on ice water. That's not how you make cream cheese spreadable And sometimes you go over there was a plastic fork like good Everyone's knuckles were in that fucking cream cheese trying to gash it out. What a nightmare rice you ever you ever you know What I like I don't know if this because we're gonna break a territory But I liked and SF State how they had the the little rolling toaster that you got to do you ever put a cookie in there bro?

Cookie in the toaster is a maybe a bonus boy And there was like a couple microwaves in there, right? Oh, I think so. Yeah, that's nasty. What are you freaks microwaving in there?

Yeah, what could you possibly you brought something from home? Oh God fuck that place. Geez, that's gross. Um, this feels only like it would be a college dining center buffet, but a buffet with a special It's pretty buck wild, huh?

I think that's a two for me like it's not always the same thing like oh, yeah Mondays We have potros Tuesday special who knows what it's gonna be. Oh, this is steamed fish You Remember the nasty fucking burrito station the DC put together and they just like oh managed to make it about that that section of a Buffet a little order form right sort of like the omelet thing, but for breeds I mean so in order form and a station are different to me because they also had the order form around by the soda machine So you remember that yeah that is Too I don't really love putting it in a stranger's hands because the person working at this buffet is not who I want making my burrito one Time at fucking the SF State burrito shit. They did it they made it like like vertically Do you know what I'm talking about? They put all the toppings in such a way You took a bite you got a layer of stuff so like oh this might as all beans all yeah No, no, thank you fucking go back in there and hook it in their face I also think that Everything that I can see it above a with my very eyes is already pretty nasty.

What are you doing in that space? Where I can't even see what's going on? I do not want my eyes off of what's going on? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, it's like imagine if you went into a subway and you're like here's what I want Okay, would you go waiting room for a minute?

Yeah, no, I will not I'm putting a strategy a three stick to what you can see Yeah, great call. Yeah, I'm sure okay. So what other sides what they got a golden corral you freak? Did you know going crowd that switches it out for each meal that is more than I would have expected meatloaf obviously seems like a buffet thing Oh meatloaf is a two I think I don't want to like just simpleton food like fucking fish sticks and Only okay, it's a large one to me.

What if I told you not a buffet What if I told you I am a fish stick man? I would believe you because you're an idiot. So that's Joe's fish sticks, bro Get fucked you wait going for all got some interesting desserts do they I've only been once dipped marshmallow skewers, okay? Excuse me golden crow chocolate.

You have to rice crispy treats skewers excuse me Girl, okay, so chocolate dipped fresh strawberries excuse me golden crap wait Is it isn't a fondue situation though because that is Un- Right option and you're satisfied like I am a chicken parm man, and I feel like that pops up in a lot of buffets And it's always dog shit you bro. I'm looking at pictures of hometown buffet. Holy shit. This looks bad Yeah, it's a night.

It's truly a nightmare. Can I put chicken parm is a two or do you want that as a full one? I think it's a two bro. I'm so hungry from this episode.

I'm drifting to dream land from this bed We gotta wrap it up idiot I did not expect to get this much mileage out of buffet but a couple of that's like ourselves I suppose yeah and none of it none of it Particularly interesting or funny, but we did talk about it We did listen things you can eat and both feel the time and gang that's all we look to do is to feel the time It's true wait. I do have another I'm sorry going I think alcohol is a one We talked about this already no no no no yours you you said you said open bar which is not what I'm referring to at Komeh in order of beer Sometimes we get a little I would be tempted by a little plum wine or a little like a little fucking Sapporo. It's stupid It's filling it's foolish. Well beer.

I think is a one but like you telling me I could just throw some four dollar gin and tonics on top of this Yes boy, what about some what yeah wine is very funny to drink it up Oh, what would you recommend? My hometown potrope at Komeh I often would order a little cup of plum wine excuse me as the chef what goes well with loaf Oh, what's loaf it's a term we invented for your food because we don't know what it is Which champagne would go best with it. Yes, okay, but you think you think a cocktail What is your house brute a cocktail would do you would do you I mean? I guess you could you could pass the threshold right like cuz it's gonna beer is a one liquors it to it's gonna It's gonna fill you up a little bit, but then you're gonna hit the point when like you're getting the drunchies and it's like oh, I'm invincible I'm gonna I yeah, bro.

That's that's the dream though right like this one you want to be yeah, no What about what about intermission is get fucked up? Though I think honestly the real move is get fucked up first and then you go yeah I think so well hold on though because then it becomes harder to stick to the plan So I would actually advocate that coming in sober doing some good some good work and then no I don't see I would rather go I'd like to go hog wild afterwards I'd go real old dogs wild hogs on the situation after I've had I get a plate of nothing but green beans, okay? I'm chilling throw back 18 19 gin and tonics. Let me add them baby.

I'm gonna eat everything in that fucking golden crow But right that's what I'm saying what about drugs what about drugs no drugs drugs is to is always gotta be yeah Again because you have to you have to have a plan there You have to strategize and if you add drugs or alcohol, it's going to make it a challenge to stick to the plan correct Well, thank you everyone shout out to bad Todd for the music shot to Adam Faye shout out to the Emerald City See your toll. I love it there, and I love you. Thanks for listening We love you very much go to a buffet when it's when you're vaccinated. It feels like still a very we didn't really talk about it It still feels incredibly unsafe, but like oh, yeah, well, I'll let you know if I live yeah It sounds like wilders gonna go to one right now, so I wish I truly wish okay, that's enough