You've got all you talk to today's in hamburger Mondays. Welcome to another episode of Jesse Wilder's Guide to Life. I'm Jesse, that's Wilder. We're here to guide you.
Like, is hamburger gonna be a thing? It is now, baby. All you gotta do is speak it. And then it's true.
Oh, I love that. Yeah, God taught me that. I got a segment. Oh.
Yeah. It's a new one. Go on it. It's called Second Opinion.
And I'm hoping we can get this going on a reg basis. OK. And this is something you can spin it both ways. It goes either way.
The title's fine. It's no figure it out, man, but it's fine. I know. I know.
Well, you know what? Yeah, ground source meaning Jacob Griffin or the nation of bulk. So the premise behind Second Opinion is I have a bit of a social quandary in my life, a bit of a conundrum. And I need a little advice.
I need a second opinion. You've come to the master. Who's first opinion? The first opinion is me.
OK. Got it. You're just asking anyone a question at any time that is like a question. Yes, it's always the second opinion.
Yeah, dude. You ask someone like, what time is it? It's a second opinion. Got it.
Got it. So here's this. Let me set the scene for you. We got a big old bank of mail slots at my work where it's like everybody has their own little mailbox.
There's probably 100 or so of them, and everyone's got their name on them. And that's where they put your fucking whatever, your mail. You get it. So here we arrive at the issue.
Every once in a while, the student body will make these little packages for teachers. And they're just these little goody bag. And they put it in everyone's box. So it's like this time around, it was like, I know it's cheesy, but I think you're doing a great job.
It was a little note in, and it was some cheese hits, and a little candy, I think, like a bag of nemnemes was in mind. And I love that. That's a nice little treat. I like your stupid pun.
Great. Now, there are many teachers. They do not check their box very often. And them little treat baggies are staring me in the face.
And the question is, what I need a second opinion on is, what, how many days must I wait before I reach in to like Mr. Burnbaum, who is the auto shop teacher. And I've never even seen that motherfucker. I've worked at the school for six years.
He never comes to meetings. He's definitely not checking his mailbox, but maybe once a month. When can I? When you said you had a social question.
Yeah, what you mean is, can I steal? Yeah, but it's like stealing from the Commonwealth. It's not like his property. It was a gift, and he's not received it.
I don't think you should take someone else's food, bro. Why don't you ask Mr. Burnbaum if he wants it. Oh my god, what am I gonna send an email?
Hey Mr. Burnbaum, there's some fucking cheese hits in your box, but in there three weeks. Can I have them? Yes.
No, dude, an email? The punishment fits the crime. If you're gonna eat Mr. Burnbaum's cheese hits, you gotta ask him.
Are you being sincere? You're not snatching him out. There's no period of time in which you just go, you know what, fuck this is my no. Well, first of all, they're stale by now.
Oh, wait, they're sealed in the bag. Cheesus can't go stale if it's got the seal. I think you gotta ask him, dog. Okay, let me put a spin on it, because I've been thinking about this one too.
What if it's the last one in a box? So there's barely any chance I'll even get caught, because it's not, right now the issue is, he's gonna roll up, he's gonna see like six other boxes that haven't been claimed yet. Mr. Burnbaum, he's gonna go, what the fuck, what the fuck happened to my cheeses?
But if Mr. Burnbaum's is the last one. Well, now I'm confused, because I don't understand the last one. I thought you were saying that each person has an individual slot?
They do, they do, they do. What I'm saying is I'm looking at all the slots. I'm sitting there like the architect in the matrix, sitting in front of all my many TVs, but instead it's box full of chips. Sick fucking ref.
Sick ref. You can see him. So if I'm looking at all these boxes, what I'm saying is like, if I take just Burnbombs, he's gonna come in and see, oh, Mr. Jones has a fucking snack pack in his thing.
It's clearly from the student body. Where's my goddamn snack pack? Somebody stole my snack pack. But if Mr.
Burnbaum is the last box that has a snack pack in it, I could basically, as long as no one's in the room, I could stash it. And unless he fucking came and saw it and left it in his box, which honestly you don't appreciate it, you don't deserve it, nobody's gonna catch me, it's a perfect crime. You've come here to get my blessing to steal from Mr. Burnbaum.
I have. You don't have it. Damn it. I have lived with roommates that took my food for too long to stand by and let you steal from poor Mr.
Burnbaum. Oh, wow. That's fucking good. It all comes out, doesn't it?
I'm not fucking friends. We don't cohabitate. That motherfucking never checks his box. He's probably got important documents in there and needs to sign.
Far as long concern. He snoozes to see loses. But look, I came to the second opinion, I came to the worst and that's what I got. Push One in the chat.
You first- You first- The opinion says steal from Mr. Burnbaum. Maybe I'll click on the no steal. Maybe I'll click on that.
Maybe I'll just put up a Twitter poll and see if I should steal Mr. Burnbaum's Cheez-Its. Okay, well anyways, as you may have guessed, the topic today is camping. Oh yeah.
So let's write to it. Yeah, we're gonna talk about camping. We've already burned so much time, but go ahead. Hit me.
What's your overall? If you're just camping, very quiet, very quiet, very pretty good. Where are you putting it? It has to be very pretty good.
Yeah, cool. And I love it. I think that we're probably on opposite sides of this. I know you do not care for the great outdoors.
It's tough. I actually don't mind camping too much, but I don't want it. I want it to be easy. So it's like when we camped with Turbo 10, that was fun.
I had fun with that because it was easy. Yeah, I mean, we did have to cross a lake. We had to row, row, row our boat. But I mean, I'm not into, there's no part of me that's like, I wish I was into backpacking.
You know, like that, no way. It seems hard. I mean, so glamping is great. I'm sorry if that's like not cool, but it's great.
I like a glimp. So I think bonus points is glamping, right? Or is that- I think so I'm gonna put styles. Because like backpacking, very not quite lit.
So I think we're gonna go very not quite lit. I wanna do like a survival list. Like going into the woods with nothing but my knife. Suck my ass.
Foraging. I don't think you could forge these notes. Can we put backpacking as a one? Like there's no part of me that wants to do that.
How do it for two days? Right. But that's not what those freaks want. Nobody's like, I'm gonna backpack for a day and a half.
They're like, I'm gonna shit my shoe and start a fire with my ass or whatever. Yeah, I can't. This is the very nature of the great outdoors. Unparallel Beauty, Unparallel inconvenience.
Yes, correct. Yes. I don't like critters, row, the snakes, the flying winged beasts of every size. Get them away from me.
Yeah, critters. I used to, we used to camp all the time when I was a boy. Because it's what four people do for vacation. And because it's free.
And you just go and exist. And one time I came back to, I somebody came to school on Monday and he was like, we were camping and we turned out we had put our tent on top of a spider's nest and his leg was covered in spider bites. No thank you. And I was like, man, I don't think I'll ever camp again.
I don't think. No, that's a shame. Because that would stop me forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's like a kin to shark bite in as a surfer.
Like to me, I gave it my best. Now, every day. You can see his spider ruins my day. Yes, correct, correct.
So yeah, it's my good. Over with real quick friends and family. I will kill a bug. I'll kill every bug.
I don't have any problem with it. Just kill them all dead. I don't care. Fine, we need the bees, whatever.
I won't kill the bees but they're so freaking important. You're too sick and shit. You're not killing a bee anyways. Oh dude, I'll fucking punch that bee right?
It's dang nose. Like Lara Croft, punch it in a shark. Yeah, right, dude. I will kill all the speediders.
I will kill all the creepy crawlies, the worms, the moths, the grasshoppers, the mantises. Get them all dead. Fire. Get them extinct.
Mosquitoes. We've already talked about it enough. We've probably talked about it in every episode. But they are actual demons.
What do you consider glamping? Because I think everyone has a different definition of this. So I considered glamping. I think four sturdy walls in a roof.
What do you think about that? Yeah, so what we did in Carmel? Yeah, to me, I would say so. Nice bathrooms.
Right, right. But we weren't full. Our rooms didn't have electricity. And we didn't have any indoor plumbing in our camping area.
We had a door. We had a roof. We had a walk. A bed.
A window? Yeah. So that's glamping. I really like.
And you and I have struggled with this term, because I don't think we've shared, you don't know what this is. Or this is not how you called it, I should say. Car camping is a three to me. It is not sleeping in your car.
That's horrible. That's like when there's a tent on top of your car. No, not even necessarily. It's literally like you pull into a KOA, and you pitch your tent directly next to your car.
As opposed to hiking into the woods. Where are those cars that have tents on them? You can get a tent for any car. And the brother, I got to tell you, they are expensive.
We looked at them. It seems stupid. It seems dumb as hell. I don't, I truly don't.
Does it just pop on out like a little jack of the box? Or does a little jack of the box? Imagine you imagine this. I can't get over.
No one will give me a straight answer on this. We might have to toss this into a one. This is the top of the car, tent shit. Everybody I talk to you like, oh, yeah, sick.
You're not on the ground. No spiders, ness. Which is true. Great.
And then I'm like, OK, Eagles though. Do you think about Eagles? Piss boy. Wake up at 4 AM to do his night-night piss.
What do you do with that? What do I do? What do I do? Luckily for you, you can buy the business with beans, oh.
Waboutent. Waboutent got a little piss-piss hole. That's not your worst idea. It isn't good.
It was a little circular zipper. We were like, what about God? You just fucking. There's no way to convince somebody that's not a glory hole.
Yeah. Also, it would smell like you're going to create a pull up a graphie into the fence. So it's going to be a port-a-potty environment. For sure.
I got a three activity. You hit me. Cooking. I love to cook in the great outdoors.
Yeah, I'll agree with you there. Even the last time when we did almost set a whole dang fire. But yes. You know, I'll let you know wrap up a corn and some foil.
Do foil is a very quite legit gadget. OK. Yeah, sure. I love to use foil in lots of ways.
You throw a little foil, especially when you got just a simple little outdoor grill. You pop a little egg, crack an egg on some foil, cook it up. Yeah. That is what almost started the fire.
But we were doing bacon, which was insane. I got a very not quite lit activity. And look, this is me. Hey, it's opinion time.
Yeah. This one. I think fishing sucks. Yeah, it's not fun.
It's not fun. You know what the fun part of fishing is? Where you are. Are you want a cool speedboat?
Cool. Fun. You stop for fishing. That sucks.
Get back to the speedboat part. No, it's just cool. Eating that fish. That's fun.
I like to read. That's objectively boring. Damn, fishing on another level, isn't it? Yeah, I just don't.
I don't want everyone's like, drink a beer and you go fishing. That's the life. It's not. It's not my life.
And you know what? That's a gateway. They get you. Fishing people are insane.
So they get you one time. Like, oh, yeah, you're like, oh, yeah, that's pretty cool. And they're like, cool. Next time we go, you cool.
Yeah, you want to go? Yeah, we go. We leave at sunrise. No, thank you.
We're not looking at 4 AM with the critters to go out on a dengboat. Yeah, that stinks. I'm with you there. OK, I got a very pretty good for the great outdoors or styles or activities or anywhere you want to put it.
Early to bed, early to rise. I like it. I like it. I don't like it.
I like the activity. But I do like it. Can I put it as a two? Yeah, that's what I want to do.
Because I think when you're, I think that makes sense. But when you're glamping, you're up on the sunset. I'm going to stay up late. I'm trying to get a little toasty dude.
Activities, getting a little boozed. Is it a two or is it a three? I can't get a three, but I can seize it. Absolutely a three.
OK, good, good, good. OK, outdoors. Squatch. Oh, the squatch is a trace for me.
That's a big three, Berg. If you nab yourself a squatch, please. Is he dangerous, dog? I don't know if he wants.
Only one way to find out, big dog. Yeah, that's true. Put some little BG's headphones on him. Like the goo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo.
He's going to love that shit. Big time, dude. Teach him the fucking perfect cast. Who gives a frick?
What about? Very quite lit. The great outdoors is just like, nature's wonder. Nature's splendor, baby.
I am. Nature's sometimes so good at its job. Yeah, that's a three, obviously, great outdoors. Nature's splendor.
What's the most amazing outdoor place you ever been? Well, I can nail a specific moment. Like Yosemite is awesome. Like it's fucking tight as hell.
To see how it falls, it's special. It's got a magic to it. But the most tremendous thing I ever saw is I was in Zion National Park in Utah. And they got them big red cliffs.
And we were just driving through the park. What you could do with lots of national parks. Because it was like fucking pouring rain. So we couldn't even get out, which was a bummer.
But we could still see stuff. And we pull up the- It's not going to start a horror movie. I've ever heard of it. Right.
Well, just wait, brother. We pull up the little Vista. And we're sitting there. And the rain is beating down on this car.
It's kind of awesome, right? We turn the radio off. We're just sitting there. You get the fucking rain hitting the windshield and the roof.
And we're all just kind of sitting there and like, wow, this is incredible. We're whispering for no reason. You know? Like, oh man, just see that.
And then we witness lightning strike a tree that is growing out of the side of one of these red cliffs. And it fucking sets it ablaze to my dog. I never got closer to believing in our Lord and Savior, just stepping right out of the clouds and shaking my hand. How much shit did you do in your britches on that one?
Man. Well luckily it was like far away. But yeah, it was less of a shit. And more, all of us were like, I've never been in a place where like five people triple take it one time.
We were all like, is that just a crime? Was it? Yeah, I fuck it almost did, dude. Especially as someone who hates nature.
It was like being faced with fucking impossible truth. Wow. Yeah. What you got?
What you got? What you got struck by lightning though. So lightning got to be a very pretty good cool spot to witness. That's a cool thing.
That's a pretty good spot. That's a very pretty good. What you got for your splendor? I mean, yeah.
Sequoia National Park, Pretty Lucky Magic Call. I will give a shout out to this here, this here in North Carolina Mountains for leaf season is bananas around here. Yeah, the seasons. All of the colors of the rain.
I'm going to put on here. Oh, bro, styles, snow camping. It's not a good time. I'm just going to say, I hope you don't say anything other than a one.
OK. No, you can go to do your fun sports on the snow. That's cool. Don't sleep in the snow game.
Yeah, you put me inside after that. I'm going to wear that. Please, in Tancu. That might be, is that green out?
Doors actually into the styles. Unclear. It matters a lot. I do like snow.
I don't want to sleep in the dang thing. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. OK, so I think also the classic style camping would be very pretty good.
What do you tell me? What is it? Take a picture. You drive to the park.
You go to the camp site, like at a camp site, you're probably not far from a bunch of other people's tents. OK, and we're calling that a two or three. I think that's a two. Yeah.
Because you don't have privacy. And there are critters. And you're probably going to be around a bunch of families who are not going to like it when you're using bad, bad words and drinking all kinds of alcoholic substances. Oh my god, dude.
There's nothing. There's always a narco-roney neighbors. Oh my god, dude. Always.
Like, why did you come out here with your two- Go to your old kid. To fuck and to be a baby. Oh my god, don't marry a dude. Kid's bager.
Yeah. Kids, I'll give you this is where this goes, actually. But maybe it's activities or styles. When you bring your dog camping as somebody who's now done this several times, it's a two.
It's a for sure, too. I bet. The worst thing about all pets is when you have to attend to them. Pick up its do-do.
Like, trifik is in the tent, dog. No, he would never. Never in our fucking life. My biggest, honestly, the biggest issue to me is I don't want a freaking bobcat or a freaking coyote or a freaking moose to come out and attack my ding-dong dog moose.
A moose has got to be a two, right? If you saw one- Yeah, I've never seen a moose I'd love to. Oh my god, but they look scary, bro. What are they, like, 75 feet tall?
At least probably a million pounds. They go antlers, the size of a toy. Every moose is as big as the Statue of Liberty. And you can't convince me otherwise.
You just said it. You just said hiking. It's very, pretty good. OK, well, thank god.
I'll give you that. It's hard and not that fun, but it's so rewarding. I suppose, not to me, but- Hey, that pig, that pig, maybe that's always a good time. I guess.
If you're camping also, like, what the fuck else are you doing? Of course you got a hike. I don't love- I'm a big- We talked about so many times. I hate the fucking like, we live in San Francisco.
Let's go to, like, let's hike up, I don't know, Mount Diablo and Concord. Like, I don't know, thank you. That's nothing. I wouldn't even do the Maraga Steps, bro.
I'm not doing that. Mountain for right outdoors. Three? I'll be three, right?
Yeah. High up in there. Yeah, it's cool to look at from the bottom. It's cool to look down from the top.
I love it. I got some activities just to throw out here real quick. Me? Fris.
Love it. I love to play a little cards. Mmm. That's a good time.
Little beer. Here's- So shout out Lake Casitas, a little north of LA. That's our go-to camping spot. They got an incredible amenity, which is a three activity, which is boat rental.
I think boat in general. So fucking sick. They could just- What kind of- They could just give us these tiny little motorboats and we can just pop them suns and bitches out there. Oh my god.
Oh my god. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.
Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.
Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.
Oh, man. I think we have a little Right, but I still think that that's so I think okay, so we're talking about a couple things obviously beach camping is a one That may be the worst thing I've ever heard people love that It has an undeniable benefit, which is that the it'll be easier to sleep on the ground Yeah, but that benefit boy does not even come close to it is one of the worst things about normal camping though It's the hard hard ground that doesn't bother me. I like a hard ground That's I prefer the hard ground. Oh, yeah, you like to sleep in your fucking khakis on the bunch of planks Ooh, I got one dude.
Mm-hmm such a good one especially from two city boys the fucking night sky Yeah, it's good, huh? It's so good dude another really cool fucking place We went to was I believe it's called Borago Springs in California It is a dark sky community which means that there are no fucking man-made lights anywhere for miles so that night sky A trip and a half I lay on the ground. I listen to the interstellar soundtrack. It's a great time boy.
That's tight I really want to someday I'm gonna do that I feel like people go camping out by like Joe Shewitry like that high desert camping I I love you loved I love just you a tree put that in a very quiet lip. Yeah, sure great outdoors Desert sky love that fucking desert skin those rocks, bro. Yeah horny as hell for rocks Where we put rocks rocks is a two actually and it's in its tickle in a three big rock I think it's a three because they could be big they could be small. What else you need gadgets.
Let's fill out some gadgets Yes, but rivers are three to me. Yeah dive knife as you know, it's three three. They're not quite lit that little fucking portable toy Yeah, any portable yeah, no the bag. Here's the deal.
Here's here's my thing with camping I have one I have but one requirement you need a toy. I need a toy. I don't be good. No nice or good a poor body is fine Wilder and I have definitely told a story but we went on this camping trip where we were I think the villains of the trip Which is tough to do where no we Mr.
Hammock was the villain of that trip. Oh, that's right. I forgot there was a proper villain activities hammock is a two What's that what's not a three about it? Well?
I just think you got you really gonna have perfect It's like you bring your hammock praying to Christ that you'll be able to set that thing up between two beautiful big Well, you're you're you reap what you sow baby. If you want to quick you better be able to put it up Yeah, but so you want hammock is a three it's great you ever been in one yeah, it's even got not a nightmare dude Big one what I'm done my servants cut from the tree and they carry me to the car I'm a gazot too, and I bet you said all you need to say humbuk. You love it. You love a headlamp I don't it's dumb as hell, but I don't hate it.
Are we putting headlamp is a boy you fucking love my headlamp dog? Yeah, you do you look like a big bozo, but it's incredibly practical What about stumbling into a cult like we did when we went camping? Yeah, it's not great is it? I have my activities and it's gonna be a one that place was absolutely a cult that was bought bizarre I I mostly I mostly had a nice time, but a lot of it I was like are we getting told on are we being indoctrinated?
Are we gonna wake up with someone sleeping in the bed with us staring directly at us? I don't that child and she was like pissed at me for it. I haven't gadget dude Those like a wagon like a little like a little wagon to cart your stuff around Wagon baby loves his wagon. Well think about it brother if you got something to wagon camping well I people have those which I don't I'm just jealous of them people have those like canvas ones that fold up So it's like it doesn't take up that much car space And they're not particularly heavy But then when you're toting all your shit from your car to your cabin or your campsite or whatever instead of like Bumbling around with a like a fucking handful of shit.
You're you load up your little wagon and you towed it down over I like it fine. Why is fine? You fucking marry wagon. You look at your wagon so much.
Damn. I do maybe I will Jay it what other gadgets we got? I just think dive knife slash bladed weapons in general I do love to just have a bit jetty, you know what? I'm a jetty just chop away the vines in the ground have to have a much a day I think I'm like safety supplies is it too.
You should have them. They're very important, but so lame so lame Incredibly if someone's like oh fuck I got my hand. You're like, oh, I don't get the first aid box. I can oh my god Loser abandoned.
Thank you. I'll take it but geez what a virgin What do you think about like going camping with someone that like is really good at camping? I mean I did it has to be a to it's yeah, what do we even call that activities? I guess styles maybe camping with a pro is a Two it's it a two is it a one no cuz they're useful.
They have undeniable merit. Yes, but aren't they going to aren't they there's my issue because camping people No, they can't are they going to be so fucking lame about it. Yes, they are not just lame dude Are they going to push you to camp a way that you don't want to camp like even if they're super useful if we're backpacking into the woods for A day to get to our campsite because they were camping pro doesn't that suck? Yes, it does When a pack of wolves come who's gonna know how to make the right knot for that scenario, right?
Yeah, the knots are key the knots are huge undeniably I think we all admit that the knots are an important part of it Yeah, right. Yeah, right. No, that's getting the pros of two Okay What's what's other gadgets? Oh gadgets turbo tent very quickly turbo tent obviously So just on this trip that we were went on let me just give it later I didn't finish that scene or I left it incomplete turbo tent is a tent that my mother had purchased It is like a seven person tent.
It's from Costco Praces person tent. Did we share it? No, yeah, we share with each other baby It had like a you could fully stand up and I could probably gone a while or shoulders and I still would not have touched the top It was like a little cathedral wrote nobody can ever trust the top It was like a city hall the sky was recalling that city hall. There was a porch that had like a little awning area There was like a hangover awning and we were living in the life So turbo tent three big on if you're 10 doesn't have a deck What are you here for?
Yeah, get out get out. Oh my god great outdoors Dude, maybe the biggest one honestly almost bigger than beach to me dude I feel like on a lot of occasions I go camping and it fucking rains what? Yeah, that is a negative a million and I like rain but like not in this situation Oh my god, and then you track it into the tent you track it into the cabin and you're wet clothes like I didn't bring enough Clothes to have fucking wet clothes all day. I got wet socks my boots are wet mm-hmm must have dried beets I got for you go on bug.
Oh my god. Yeah, bugging tent. That's definitely a well I think that's a great outdoors more than a activity But yeah bug in the tent also tent the worst place in the world to have to do a little piss piss Yeah, dude. It's in the middle of the night.
It's inevitable because I'm out. I'm drinking you know I've had like several beverages before bed Yeah, it sucks. You got to get up. There's a double zipper at least minimum There's a double zipper where you're like damn it green.
You're definitely waking people up. You can't find your fucking shoes You thought they were right outside the tent oh my god activities Or maybe just bonus one or this one goes game zip zip your tent up all the way every time oh my god Are people at zipping their tents up? No, I just I don't know. I just want to make sure yeah That's a huge fear of mine.
It's a snake in there's a snake out there guys. I'm gonna snake activities ghost stories That's a three-way very quiet lit camp songs. There's a three or is it two? I've gotta be think about this going sing along is a two because there's like I'm thinking like you know riffraff over there has to bring his guitar You know riffraff.
He's got to do a little couple of sing along with us We gotta do some things. Oh, yeah, I hate I don't want that at all. I don't mind it so much I guess if they're like if they rip I don't like an it's not like an original I don't hear the riffraff original I want him to play fucking country roads or some bullshit right exactly exactly I also don't it has to be the problem with that is that you we got to be bivin that way You know if we're like already we're gonna kind of a ruckus mood don't nobody wants to hear you do Let it be dude. That's gonna bring the party Well that definitely goes without saying this is a mutual agreement by the group.
Yeah. Hey hey Frank grab the grab your ukulele and play us a little song Yes, go on a little one and then that's it alright a lot of this stuff is coming during a time That is maybe my one of my favorite parts of camping is sitting around the fire dude my great activity freeze more is what we stupid? Yeah, s'mores sitting around the fire. Hold on.
Go on. Let me ask you something. Hey is s'mores or three Now you're getting spicy that's what I'm gonna You'll spice you with it cuz I've always had a little beef with s'mores and here's what it is to get a really good s'more Yeah, you have to take some time Yeah, you have to put the chocolate on the gram by the fire for a little bit so the chocolate gets melty I do not fucking hand me a toasty marshmallow and piece of rock hard Hershey chocolate. I want the crunch from the chocolate.
Do you agree? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean look I will don't they don't hand me I will have it but I'm gonna scale from from one to five one being stay puffed five being anakin Skywalker burning to a crisp How do you like your marshmallow? I like a little I like a little bit of the char on the outside I want you know what I like you go on 3.5 I think I'm going 3.5 leaning to four people get obsessed with this golden brown shit like fine dude fine My brother hit me with a six and baby burn it to hell. I love it.
Yes. I want the crispy It doesn't taste burnt. It just tastes like yummy shit. It's like burnt and then on the inside There's yummy goo and then it's all the goo makes it taste good goo very quite live Yes, and I think people get real in their freaking bridges about like Oh, you have to get it close to fire not too close because you want to burn it You want to send a fire?
So I don't even like you do you shove it into the fire. Yes, you let it catch fire and you blow it out when you're ready blazing Yes, I think it's on fucking torching, but I Wouldn't hate it if we put some words in it too. I'm not gonna speak I gotta put it in it too also because like guess what you definitely forgot the skewers Which means you're looking for sticks stick stick stick Sticks to fucking Kate sticks very not quite lit gadget stick What about okay making fire has to be a two because yeah what an accomplishment? That's where very not fun That's where you're camping with the pro comes in because there's not even a hesitation Yeah, there are people who camp in trees that go up above the ground probably a one to me That's a big no, you know what I call those people birds crazy people Good as you as you should we didn't actually put desert on the great outdoors I you know, I'm a desert boy, baby.
Can we can we chalk it to a two? I just think that the nature itself is not great to look at but yeah But like you get that big sky you get the like you get that big flat I mean, there's something impressive about just like damn that's flat as hell and then talk about RV I kind of count that as glam. What other than RV, but RV is a style and that's a three to me Give me an RV of course. I'm feeling I suppose but I'll toss it Oh my god, bro negative two million backyard camping come on you fucking lame.
Oh, it's not okay You're not camping okay But as a kid I don't I've one is the last time you did that bro because I did it when I was like never done that I'm like my dad He did it for me when I was like frickin six years old ripped look who grew up with a back Sorry, baby. We have those big green pastures in Penola California. Okay. I'll put back your camping as a one But I think that like it's for kids only and kids are gonna have a fun time with it You ever I feel like the answer to this is no But dude you ever go camping and you have access to like a fucking dirt bike or like a quad dude.
That's just it. Oh fucking hit at ATV Yeah, dude. Yeah, go across the sands catch me a sand worm. I'm into that an ATV is fucking nasty I love it.
Here's something I did and this can be hard with camping unless your spot has a spout I love a word or balloon. You know, it's just a second week in a row. No, maybe we missed one week You love word or balloons. Yeah, I do love a word or balloon I'm gonna that is like a borderline one to me.
I'll give you a two for order to loom It's not very fun and when you're camping you're like doing a lot of littering When you do a word or balloon nice is I'm getting back to my tent with my honey and we're just having our little pillow Talking I go Jesus great. You see all the fucking balloons while they're left over the nature like that's gonna kill minimum for birds Yeah, bro. That's what I'm here to do is to kill birds. Um, you also I do like pillows do you like a pillow talk I love a little snug at the end of the night.
Yeah, yeah, even it's me you in the turbo Blowin each other kisses. What do we eat? Oh, we had those case of dillias. We make a case of dillias little peeb Why don't you tell them about the case of dillias because they were not case honestly don't remember like so you tell me I thought we had case of dillias.
Yeah, no, dude. We brought oh no. Oh, wait wait. It was PB and J case of dillias Yes, I just mean PB and J on tortillas.
Yeah rolled into a little burrito fucking if anything And we didn't bring any utensils so I spread it with the dive knife that like washed my leg That's gotta be no good right a one is a Beater Goddamn it sucks that we really are as stupid as I think we are Yeah, never like the show that shows stupid, but then we really are yes, I'm a bit that part's not a bit What about seeing a wild animal that's gotta be a two. Yeah, because for like all the reason you know, it's it's like seeing a celebrity Oh a raccoon. Yeah raccoon. You could see in the city pick a better animal try again.
Oh a fox. Yeah, cool better Then sometimes it's like a bear right a bear is absolutely no good as much as I love my sweet bears You can't be kind of a two in and of itself. So let me ask you we kind of talk about this at the beginning But let me ask you now that I'm a couple of glasses of wine deep is your ideal like more or less what we did in in Carmel Where we just like we sat around we drank we cooked we played card games We've shot the shit a minus like the cult and stuff like right take that out of it But like as far as activities go that's that's like probably my ideal we did like we did archer I guess we could toss that in that I didn't know that was more like a place because of all the staff you ever see just like Fucking Instagram ass glamping sites that are like a beautiful tent with like a bed in there, but you're also in the middle woods Yeah, that and then you give me a bathroom that works. That's my ideal damn dude Yeah, I think that's the same and just hanging out I don't really need as much as we listed like a bunch of fun activities Like I don't really need any because even like boats for example boats are sick as fuck We got it Yeah But the thing with the boat is that it comes with some responsibility correct somebody get that boat back to land and with the pontoon boat You got you got a spot in the dock You can't just like forward out of the beach and you're gonna make sure it's fueled like I I just want to roll up pop the tent right next to the car set up our little folding table drinks nummies have a fire Hang out.
Yeah, that's let me toss one in I haven't done it yet People you could go in stay in fire watch towers that seems like a three to me But I don't think there's a bathroom is the problem well There's that and then also because of you I play the game fire watch and now it sounds really scary right because there is an implied Responsibility, so maybe a fire watch tower is it too? But dumbling upon a mystery that come on if that's not it's too what? Uncovering a mystery has a lot of potential. What's the downside, baby?
You discover a murder your hero come on some Spook to that who I love we open now. I feel like we were running out of steam and you said uncovering a mystery What kind of mystery you trying to uncover then you love mystery so much? I just okay, so something we can talk about great outdoors Okay, and this is not even my style because I'm talking about saying your shit We want to bathroom all that stuff but getting one little getting a little bit lost I that's so corny to say like wonder loves oh my god What so like okay? That's not to do with camping but does have to do with nature great behind my mom's house even my mom's house I think yes behind my mom's house.
There's a big big woods There's a bunch of trees and when I was boy I went up into them woods a couple different times and then woods boy Yeah, and so I would get a little bit lost because like whatever I could I had a general direction of which way was home Like I'd still in the Bay Area like it's not like I was gonna get fucking stranded or some shit I sell so much but there was a thing where people would steal cars and abandon them in those woods So you you come up on a little abandoned vehicle. What's this the glove box open? There's still some stuff in there dare I dare I take a little bit. I don't want to know what's in that glove compartment.
Oh You you're not even a little tech we come up on a curious, but I it's not leaving were good You're not are you get are you let's say let's let's play it out the window the passenger side window is smashed the glove box is open They're like oh look what am I gonna look you gotta look maybe you stick in your hand in there? I might try the handle of the door first, but what if you could easily reach it to the window bust it out not even You know I just want to cut your seat right now. We're we're the Sun it's four o'clock the Sun is in the sky But it's it's not far from being down Damn yes, it's a tough spot you put me in but what am I supposed to say damn you know yeah 100% I have to tell you a lot of times we do these and I'm like whatever I forget about the episode Soo's we obviously soon we stop recording. I fucking entirely space it out.
I have to tell you this one got me I got the itch a little bit. Yeah, I want to get out there in the damn wild fucking do it Maybe nature's at your doorstep We got a forest in our backyard here. Yeah, no this topic You got a lot of this is maybe the first one that are not complained about North Carolina. Yeah, yeah This is the yeah one thing they can do right and it's looking beautiful as hell.
I bet there's mystery in them woods, too Huh, you know there's mystery in these woods those fucking smokey mountains dude. Come on why they so smokey tell me that oh my god Wait, wait, wait, wait, I have a demerit and it's like a like a like a like a deliverance hillbilly dude. Oh, that's not good I mean, okay, there are lots of bad like like a serial killer is prominent Yeah, it's scary on home court over here. Did you yeah?
I feel the ghost stories are fun I like the ghost stories, but but also there is yeah, where it's like oh, yeah, you guys didn't hear about how they yeah This they found it like at least two bodies a year in these woods and it's like why did you tell me that? Why did you I'm scared now another demerit real quick Blair witch none of that is good right? You don't want to get killed in the hoods dog I saw this one way it was called like the ritual or some shit and my what a ritual it was big critter and it ate them all Spoiler alert Yeah, I can't be getting killed in the woods. Oh, I just a noise in the night Great outdoors.
That's the one noise in the night. Yeah, I noise in the night is obviously a fucking horrifying. Oh my god Just a twig oh my god. What about quick a quick little quick to dip your toes He's in maybe a two yeah, I love it right just I can't get over how we turned it into scary time and we're and it's when this comes out It'll be damn your spooky season I'm just thinking about when you're Caringify with your bud you're having a great time playing your games and drinking and making your s'mores hooting and hollering and then Everyone gets quite there's always that time and actually that's like a three to me You're sitting on the fire and the energy dies a little bit But not in a way where people are going to bet but away where people just like staring at the fire You know I mean they're feeling themselves there in them and vibe and it's really really nice that little self-reflection and then we're little Twig snaps off in the distance now my whole body turns into a shrivel prune running for the 10 Especially because I just told the ghost story about the guy that starts out by making little crunching sounds in the night Oh, go story coming true very not quite lit.
Oh my god No, okay go story come true, but I do want to pop in the like moment of quiet I don't know what else to call that but when that happens. I love to okay You know I love my little sad boy with the guitar music to me as as the twilight rises. There is no better time Okay, so you what are you advocating here? I'm just basically talking about the music I like yeah You want activities put on the national and the Sun starts to go.
I want sad or more quiet than that I want a little Gregory on Isaac up I want a little radical face I want a little something to reflect on what the meaning of all this is sad boy while there's Sad boy music that's fine. We didn't actually a gadget dude a Bluetooth speaker is a three you must have a I got it. Do not put your fucking phone into a solo cup. Hey, hey dog What do we think about put the phone away?
Oh, it's a two because I think it's a snap some pics of getting goofy It's a two it's a two it is nice to like you get up you go somewhere You're like oh phones in the tent who gives a fuck right I'm a mountain time I am a little obsessive compulsive about like where my phone where my keys where is it? But that's because you have nor I think that's good. I think we did a good camping. Yeah, we did a good camping There's probably a lot of gadgets.
We could have covered like camp stove coffee maker whatever you get it all that shit is like It's good. You need it. You don't even need it You don't even need all that shit. It's fun.
Just like if they have this shitty grill that they've given you and you see what you can make out of it I agree with that But what I won't have is cooking over the open fire with the exception being of like you are a person who who can do like that's again Like pro camper comes in right or like when that dude we were with shout out But they cook the corn right on the fucking hot coals of the fire awesome Otherwise like don't don't give me a weenie to put on a stick and roast over the fire But I do I don't mind just like a simple great over that fire fine. Yeah, even that's fine. Hey, bro You ever made like two sticks at the pot over blame No, you mean like how every video game does when you're like crafting a meal in the wild. No, I never did that I don't think anyone's ever did that you doing that no, it's impossible, right?
No, it's impossible It's impossible. You know what's funny. You ever get this is underly. It's partially really you ever get those videos I feel like they pop up on my like fucking the algorithm gets me all the time with them of people doing like cooking videos out in the wild No, it's kind of it's kind of me because it's like you see cool nature behind them And they're like dog They're like huskies like laying in the background and they're like making some wild-ass flank steak But it's also like I don't want to bring they're like chopping up like garlic and like spread like cut like putting butter in a pan Like you brought a pan and butter.
This is bad I don't want to bring all that if you don't get in the ice chest It don't it ain't coming. Oh my god gadgets the ice chest dude. The ice chest mandatory bro capital the ice chest You must have an ice chest. That's well, that's an honest.
I think it's good important to end on ice chest Yeah, I think that's pretty that's pretty much all I got all right. Well guess what go camping. It's still time There's there's fun. Yeah, it's like maybe you're maybe you're someone is like a little worried about COVID Maybe got people that are sensitive.
It's a great way to socially distance That's like damn you're all I did to hang out my friends during the pandemic. Yeah, what about jump off a rock jump off a big rock Jump off a big freaking rock do a rope swing into the lake, baby. Do it all yeah, do a magic trick Do you want the woods? Yeah, dude call your grandma tell you lover time is finished.
It's the last time you're gonna talk to her Mm-hmm camping Sick that's all I got yeah, thanks. It's the fourth time we said that's all I've got for it good Thank you so much to bad Todd. Thank you so much to Adam Faye for the art and for the music in that order I call him last time bad time Todd. No, you weren't even close.
I don't even know what you said. I can't even recall it We got who's on who's on the fucking leaderboard. Tell us city your state. I don't care Well if you want state California State Texas number two come we got some down in Florida and then a little New York and little bit of our nation's capital DC Florida And Texas where you at yeah, and then still raging downloads in Italy It's gotta be a fluke and Bulgaria walking down number three step it up old yeah number three what the hell you do shame on your country That's great.
It's great. If I were you I wouldn't get treated like that by Florida. They're stepping up dude. Mm-hmm for me strip away Actually All right put him away put him to bed send him away and if you didn't bring the sapling oh It didn't rhyme the way I thought of my dog Try again if you're done with all your vamping we should all go glamping there you go.
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