Can We Talk About Bullying?

Ocean and I were swapping YouTube videos about bullying, and we decided to record a conversation. I'm a bit anxious about Ocean starting middle school next year. 'Bullies' are everywhere throughout life, so it is important to me that we keep an open dialogue.  Please note that we are NOT talking about any sort of physical abuse.  Brooks Gibbs has been on my radar for a while. In general his approach makes a lot of sense to me; way more sense than some of the traditional vilifying/shaming/victimizing strategies imposed top-down by school systems. Gibbs categorizes bullies as someone who either feels that they have been wronged, are power hungry, or they actually think they are being funny. He shares ways to defuse all three. I agree with Gibbs about not reacting to the mean words, or being extra kind. However, I don't agree with "Don't get upset."  Be aware of who it is safe to SHOW you're upset with.  Mindfulness can help us defer our reactions. We can postpone them, but eventually our feelings need somewhere to go.  I hope everyone, child and adult, has someone safe to talk with about any challenging feelings. Being tough isn't the special sauce here, it is staying calm even though you feel hurt. When you know who is safe to share your feelings with, it is easier to not react to teasing in the moment.  You can proactively role play with your kid, like we did. Then, you can remind your child that we all have hurt feelings. You can model naming your own hurt feelings, and describe how they feel in your body.  Your child can ask themselves, “What is happening now?” They might actually pause to notice what’s happening in their environment. Then, “Can I be with it, or is it too much?” If staying and talking to the bullying kid feels too painful, they need to be empowered to walk away. These are complex skills for anyone. I was nudging Ocean towards his own conclusions.  Ocean and I laugh a lot in this podcast, but bullying is no laughing matter. Laughter is a coping mechanism, and humor has always been one of his superpowers. I was intentionally being silly about it, not to belittle the topic, but to discharge any residual stress from suppressed memories.  After the chat with Ocean, I share some simple mindfulness tips and scripts, and my guiding light: the serenity prayer.  Brooks Gibbs video: https://youtu.be/7oKjW1OIjuw At the intersection of mindful parenting and neurodiversity, Atypical Kids Mindful Parents Blog is for parents of neurodivergent kids who want to feel more connected, calm and present. With community and support, we will feel less isolated and more empowered to positively impact our neurodiverse families. Through self-compassion and mindfulness, we can transform our relationships, and co-create a more inclusive world! Kate Lynch, a highly sensitive parent of an amazing kid with autism and ADHD, supports parents at the intersection of mindful parenting and neurodiversity with calming, grounding practices and relatable parenting stories. Grab your ⁠⁠⁠Mindful Meltdown Cheatsheet⁠⁠⁠ here: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.healthyhappyyoga.com/meltdown⁠ Read the transcript, watch the full youtube video, and subscribe for more connection and support: Atypical Kids, Mindful Parents Blog: ⁠https://katelynch.substack.com/ Mindfully Parenting Atypical Kids podcast helps parents feel less alone. Kate interviews parents and experts who share her mission to co-create a more inclusive future. Our podcast is a baby, and it needs your love to grow! If you appreciate the strategies, connection, and support here, help it reach other parents! Please go to Apple Podcasts and give it a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review.