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Hey guys, Kiel from Horsoop here and I'm delivering this message both to the morbid and the horse soup feed simultaneously, so bear with me. But if you guys already know me, then you're fine, you're good. But if you don't know me, like I said a second ago, I'm from a podcast called Horsoop and I'm starting or I've already started a podcast called Scream, which is a horror movie podcast that I host with Elena from, well, you know where she's from. She's from here.
She's from morbid. She is from true crime and she's good at what she does. But now she's venturing into some other stuff and we're going to be talking about horror movies every single week on Sunday starting today. So if you want to listen to the show, you can go ahead and, well, first off, you can keep listening to this episode if you want to just listen to it here.
But if you want to go and listen to the other two episodes that are out right now, go and search Scream that is SCREAM with an exclamation point in your podcast player and you'll see a nice little colorful art piece, a little piece of art and it's going to be me and Elena right on top of that and that is our show. So go check it out right now. It's available everywhere. It's going to be coming out every single week from now on and really just we're really excited to be announcing this.
Our music is done by Ethan Hurt from Class of Newcomb High. That is the music creator of Class of Newcomb High to be specific and our artwork is done by Casey Booth, a really talented horror artist and Poults is great people. Really glad that this is happening and I hope that you guys enjoy the show as much as we do. So thank you.
If you enjoyed that song, those beautifully composed just for us by Ethan Hurt from Class of Newcomb High. What's going on? What are you doing here if you don't know Ethan Hurt? Get on it guys.
Get on it. Get with it. And in case you don't know and you probably don't, I'm Elena. And I guess that would make me Caleb.
I think I'm the other part to this. He is. He's the other half. Two halves to make a whole.
And this is our new podcast Scream and you have to say it like that because there's an exclamation point at the end. We're excitatory. We're excited. What's going on?
A lot is going on. That's what that exclamation point means. I like that. I like that.
So I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. That's what that exclamation point means. I like that.
I like that. So I think pretty much what we're doing here is that we are covering horror movies. Just all horror movies. I'm sure based off the music and the artwork you might think, oh, hey, it's horror movies podcast.
Yeah, no, it's fucking not. Get over it. We're moving on from that now because we're going week to week. So anal fissure is going to be covering a movie and narrating a movie one week.
It's going to be her pick entirely. And then the next week, the me, the canals, the canals of the anal cavity will be narrating and picking a movie the next week. And Elena kind of comes from a background of a very witchy 2000s movies. That's what I'm going to go and say.
Yeah, I love witchy 2000s movies. I'm very trash 80s like disgusting grotesque stuff, which I can definitely get down with, but you have such an array. You're going to expose me to things I'm sure I'm going to be very upset about being exposed to. Look, Elena, you're going to be upset emotionally physically sometimes.
You might need to vomit a few times depending on how far we get into this. And what I do is the thing is right off the bat, right off the fucking bat, Elena just drops the worst movie ever. First she tried to do the one. I'm not going to mention it because we'll probably do it later.
But she drops a movie that I was like, worried about, really worried about. And then it turned out to be really good. And I was like, oh, shit, I actually like this. And then all of a sudden she was like, oh, wait, hold on, let's change it to the worst piece of trash that you've ever seen in your life that you're never going to watch again, that you had a terrible time watching.
Yep. And I knew it. Like I knew it. That other movie we're definitely going to cover it because that other movie is like legendary.
But this one I was like, oh Caleb's going to hate this. And I do. You're very right. You weren't wrong about that.
I knew it. But there's a really weird thing is that first of all, other movie secret window from 2004 if you're wondering, Johnny Depp, terrible. The thing is, you are the only person in the world that likes it. I, you know what?
It's lonely on this island, but I feel okay about it. I know some people are going to message and be like, I loved it. And I'm going to be like, yeah, there you are. I knew you were in there.
Well, high five over the internet. Oh, I know. It's going to happen. I'm telling you, there's all these secret, secret window heads that are just going to come floating out of the atmosphere after this.
You know, this is based off of like a very short novella, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, I know. It's in that book.
He has a book. I think it's called Two Pass Midnight. I think it is Stephen King. I don't know what that is.
You're the reader here. We know that Stephen King adaptations, like, they're not killing it. They're not killing it. I think this is one of the better ones, though.
Is it? I feel like it is. No, even though. No, that was a rhetorical question.
I wasn't me asking you, like, is it? Go ahead and defend yourself. That was me saying no. It's not.
The answer to that question is no. It's one of the worst. But you know, it changes a lot of the novella. Because it's 15 minutes.
What are you going to, you have to just push a bunch of bullshit with this guy, David Kioper, Co-Ep, whatever. First of all, I hate. Is it Cap? Probably.
I hate every fucking bit of him. Yeah, David Cap is the director. And he has personally hurt Caleb in like a real way. People are going to fucking mention and be like, he worked on Jurassic Park.
He had ties with Spider-Man, blah, blah, blah. And yeah, I'll give you that to the good movie. I don't fucking care if you made the worst thing in the fucking world. Well, and the problem with this, and we'll get into it, I'm sure, is that he's, this is one I feel like he took the opportunity with this movie to like show off all his cool film, like film glass tricks that he worked in film school.
Like he was like, look at this neat shot I can shoot for no reason. But you know what, I don't know. He wrote Spider-Man, the original, tell me, or tell me about Spider-Man 2002, two years before this. Yeah, but it's like, you know what, wouldn't you think that like, you know, maybe he'd look at some things Sam Raimi doesn't go like, hey, that's a good director.
Maybe I'll use some of that. But no, he was like, I'm going to do my own thing, and it's going to be great. And Caleb is going to hate it. You know, the thing is, I think this guy might be a kind of decent writer in like some things, but if you look at the things he's directed, you don't care.
Yeah, it's true. You don't fucking care. It's really, you know what he directed? What did he direct?
He directed that fucking movie with Kevin Bacon and a man of Cyphery that I dropped for you. Oh, the new one. You should have left. That's him.
Oh shit, really? Uh oh. So I already know that I don't want to watch that now. I already knew I didn't want to watch it.
But this was 2004. So maybe he's grown. He's grown. I don't know, man.
By 2020. You're going to have to vet that for me, and I'm still not going to believe you after this. I'll vet it for you because I love Kevin Bacon. So I'll absolutely vet that for you just to watch Kevin Bacon.
Anyone wants to listen to my other show horse soup, you'll see immediately that I don't like Kevin Bacon. I'm going to have five different episodes where I express my hatred for Kevin Bacon and his wrinkly fucking body. So the fighting continues because I love Kevin Bacon. And you know what?
I have this ongoing argument that knowing things Kevin Bacon is attractive and I know you fall in that category of the three people that do. You know what it is? He's it was from like Apollo 13 days. He looks like a fucking reason.
Yeah, I could see that. It's from Apollo 13 days when like him and Tom Hanks and like who else was in that bill Paxton? And at the time watching it, I was like, what, like 10? And at the time, I was like, yeah, okay, why are they in this?
Like whatever, they're just astronauts. But now as like a 30 something year old, I looked at Apollo 13. And I was like, what babes in this movie? Oh, look at this beautiful, raisin bodied man with a pig face.
Oh, I'm saying Kevin Bacon footloose. That's all I'm saying. Loose. Get on it.
Get up your bacon nose. Oh, geez. Louise. And then no one knows the rest of that song.
So maybe we should talk about this $40 million movie that barely barely made any $92 million, which I know you might hear that be like, oh, it'd be $92 million. It's a $40 million movie. Yeah. I know.
Oh, you want to talk about the Columbia pictures thing? Oh, yes. Do you want to talk about that? Because I'm positive that when this came out and they saw how much this made, they were like, hey, so a key opera, cap, whatever your name is.
I don't even know your name because you're an idiot. You made a movie with Stephen King's name on it. Johnny Depp was the lead actor and you barely made double of the $40 million budget. You like barely got back what you said.
Yeah, you went a little over and who knows if advertising is a part of that budget. I really hope it is. I fucking hope it is. It has to be.
It truly has to be. So, Elena, this is your pick. You're going to be narrating this and I am going to stop you a good amount of times because I actually, I'm going to have my own notes, but I think I'm going to ignore those more than anything for my notes specifically on what David Kiyop says about this movie. You're going to be talking about scenes and I'm going to be breaking down what David, what he thinks is happening in the movie.
I kind of love that. I'm down for that. You're just going to break it in yell about David Kiyop, Cap, Koop, Kebop, who knows. Yeah.
Well, Rotten Tomatoes kind of agrees with you because it has a 46%. It has a 6.6 on IMDB, which I think is too high for IMDB. I think it should have like a three. I'm impressed by that, actually.
It's weird. I don't know. They're on some weird shifts sometimes. I'm actually surprised at the 46% because I thought it might be lower because I know a lot of people did not like this movie.
But like 46, that's, you know, we'll take it. Look, here's the weirdest thing. I'm telling you guys just watch the making of the director's thing on YouTube. It's like an hour is long.
You're going to hate it, but like Johnny Depp is in it for like five minutes. Everyone like fucking, I think, I think Hutton was in it for like two minutes. Yep. Like they're not in there really.
It's just this director just talking about what he thinks the movie is for an hour and I have this really strong theory in my eyes that he was just watching the movie on mute in front of him and he was just going scene by scene because he couldn't even remember the movie because nothing happened in it. It kind of makes sense. Nothing is much. He's like nothing happens.
I still love this movie. I don't know what I can't hate it. I can't hate it. I can't do it.
I want to hate it for you, but I can't. Well, I get a degree, but you know what riff and a lot I can go on forever just about how I hate this movie, but I guess let's get into the actual movie now. All right. We'll get into this.
So I think maybe one of the reasons why I love this movie is because it's I mean, it's what Stephen King does. It's he writes movies about writing like about writers writing in the process of writing. So I think seeing it and seeing Johnny Depp as Morton Rainey, this like super weird eccentric super ticky like super successful writer. Okay, I'm going to cut you off immediately.
What is it? Is it Morton Rainey? It's two things. It's two things that you just said.
Morton Johnny Depp does not know how to be a human, but he's not a person. He's not acting like a writer or anything like an eccentric writer. He's acting like Johnny Depp. Yeah.
He's acting like a fucking pirate. Yeah. He was still in Jack Sparrow mode. Yeah, he didn't know how to get out of that mode and he's just Jack Sparrow the whole fucking time but human version and then the fucking what did you say about the direction or something a second ago?
Oh, because Stephen King writes about like writing. Yeah. So Stephen King writes about writing David Keyop literally was like, Hey, so, you know, looking at a movie about a guy just writing that's boring, but I think we found a way to make it fun and exciting and no, he didn't. Okay.
Go on. That's what I just said. He made it a cinematic adventure is what he made it. So speaking of Pirates of the Caribbean, they released this movie a little early just to like ride off that Pirates of the Caribbean vibe.
Yeah. Because they knew Johnny Depp. Everybody was all about him at the time. They wanted a bank on that.
It doesn't sound like it worked really well, but you know, a forever guys you tried and it's another like isolation another isolation setting that Stephen King loves like, you know, the shining misery, but cemetery. Yeah, exactly. So the first scene and this kind of goes with what we were talking about earlier, the first scene is Johnny Depp as like we said, Morton Rainey and he's in a car. It's like snowing wildly and he's telling himself like turn the car around.
He's clearly upset and you're like, what the fuck's going on prominently displaying a wedding ring. So you know, shit's about to go down with a marriage. It's just like boom right in the camera, which I will give you that directional wise. That's just like, Hey, look, he's married.
Something's going to happen with his marriage immediately. David Keyop says something specifically about that in the making of yeah, he breaks down that scene and this is this is the breakdown of it. I didn't even see that and I knew it. I'm going to do it in his voice.
Please do. I wanted it to be snowing and windy and cold. I wanted it to snap on the screen. No cut in.
No pan. I wanted you to think, Oh, who's he? He seems upset. What is he doing?
Why is he in that car? Where is he going? Oh, why is he stopped now? I wanted it to say this is our guy.
This is him. Pay attention. I wanted to move you to snap onto the screen. I wanted to cut on not fade up just a guy's face and have him looking right into the camera and just wonder, Oh, who's he?
He seems upset. What's he doing? Why is he sitting in that car? He's going backwards.
Why is he doing that? Why are you in with a lot of questions? And me on my side, what the fuck are you talking about? What the?
Those are just things. Those are just I'm not thinking, Oh, who is this guy? What? What are you kidding?
He's in a car. He's looking at me. What's those thoughts on going through my head and I'm getting seen as this got a fucking moron. I don't I already know that you're my man.
You're not you know, you need to show me this guy just sitting here and go, Oh, yeah, I need you to think this is the main car. How are you fucking know that? He's the first person on screen and he's Johnny Depp. It's like he's not like we're not doing like a scream Drew Barrymore and then like killer Alfred away kind of thing.
No, no, you didn't look at it and go, this is our guy. That's what I did. I was like, Oh, this is our guy. That's immediately what I thought.
I don't know about you. God, I'll eat it. This is awesome. This is awesome.
I'm a break. Yeah. I was thinking at first that I was like, I can't show her these really fucked up movies. She's gonna quit.
She's gonna leave. I think I need to go there. We're doing a Serbian film next week. Oh shit.
I'm breaking. I'm done. We're doing a Serbian film. We're doing 120 days of Sodom.
Oh, no. Oh God. I had no idea that secret window would take me to these ways. You sent me a text.
Okay, guys, guys, Elaine sent me a text that was like, Oh, I didn't know that Johnny Depp was gonna break you. And you know what I said? I fucking did. I did.
If you told me that. If you told me at any time, Hey, what movie, what horror movie would break you? I would say a movie with Johnny Depp or Kevin Bacon. And I just didn't know that.
It's just that it was just Kismit. But it's not here we are. Here we are. Here we are.
Well, well, you know, our guy who we've established is both of our guys. Johnny Depp, Morton Rainey, the man himself, he's in the car. Like, you know, David Kibob said is all the snow's going everywhere. And Raimi Rainey, do you know what that's based off of?
Morton Salt, right? Because there is a girl with an umbrella on the fucking Morton. Or Rainey. And he also purchases Morton Salt later, just to be like a poop out.
At the store. It's one of like four things he purchases. He does. It's true.
Well, he ends up, he's in the car. He's in the car. He's selling himself to like turn around. He's clearly upset, you know, shit's about to go down.
And he squeals the car around. He's about to leave. He doesn't leave. He gets out of the car, goes in this like creepy motel and he just nobody's at the desk.
So he just grabs the keys off the wall. First of all, how do you know which keys you're supposed to get? But I guess maybe he like creeped and found it out. We've all done that.
That was one thing the director did right. He was like, maybe I don't need to show him getting these keys in real time. But then he screws out every other time in the movie. So, you know, it's fun.
So we'll take that. We'll take it. Well, he storms and he grabs it. He gets back in the car and he drives up to this room in the corner of the motel.
He like shines his headlights on the door. We watch from inside the car as he goes in the hotel room and he barges in and boom. There's his what we know now is his wife, Amy played by Maria Bello also in Coyote ugly, just saying. And she's in bed with a dude who is Timothy Hutton.
We later found out his name is Ted. Of course, his name is Ted. Everybody. Yeah, you have to have a Ted.
Well, and they have clearly fooked and this is clearly Morton Rainey's wife. So that's no good. And but one thing I did love was that they just have him scream in their faces. Like he just leans over and screams in their faces.
You want some on that? I do because I loved that because I was like, that's real. Like I would have done that. I would have just screamed in their faces.
You just ruined my whole point, but I'm still going to tell you what it was because I was going to argue against that. Oh, I was already on the other side of that. So this is amazing. Kabab is like, hey, so I have this big thing about Johnny Depp screaming scene.
He's like, yeah, it has to do with Mario Bello and Timothy Hutton or Maria. What was her name? Maria Bello. Maria Bello.
Maria Bello. She sucks. He's like, hey, you know, it's them in a dark room for 20 minutes waiting for Johnny to come inside and do the stupid fucking scream. And he's like, but you know what?
That wasn't me. That was Johnny's idea. He wanted to come in and he said, he said, quote unquote, I wanted to use my voice as a weapon. Oh, no, that's not what I want.
Oh, good. I didn't want that. I hated that. We do put a little bit extra with his screen to because that was Johnny's idea.
He wanted to. He understood I didn't want to hear any dialogue. And he said, I feel like I want to just go to the bin and scream at them, sort of like using voices weapon. And it seemed like a great idea.
So he did it. No, I didn't. That's once I hear that, I hate it because I was just thinking it as like I would just be so like, like I can understand being so insane that you're just like, I'm so angry right now. All I can do is just scream like animalistically at you.
He was fighting them with his. Ah, no, hate that. Hate that a lot. And they edited his scream to you.
You noticed that they like put like reverb and shit on it. It's like, it's like crazy. Yeah. And then we find out later that he actually didn't use his voice as a weapon.
He held a gun at them. So wait, he did. Yeah, later in the movie, is that like the reveal later? Yeah.
And we'll see like later, it's going to reveal. You see that he actually was pointing a gun at them. So okay. So he did not use his voice as a weapon.
Johnny. I do like the score of this movie though. I always love in a horror movie or like a thriller when there's that like wamp sound that comes. I always like a good like, yeah, I like the wamps and like that really like chaotic like cacophony of sounds just coming at you.
Yeah. And then we're never going to show up in the score. Exactly. It really should have.
Well, so then we just end there. You're just like whoop. And then it's this nice shot of like, you know, the opening titles, the secret window titles. And we go to a cabin on a lake and we pan into a secret window.
Crazy. Did I mention the tagline? No, you didn't. The tagline is some windows should never be opened.
That's just a statement. Sure is. It's not a tagline. Like, you know what?
Some windows are secret. No, that's ridiculous. We should call it secret window. I think that that was like their original title and they were like, we can't name it that.
Yeah, they were like, that's too long. So let's just let's use it as the tagline and really drop people in. Maybe you want to see it. I was like, really?
Did you watch this in theaters? I feel like you watched this in theaters. I did see this in theaters. You did?
I did. That's unfortunate. It really is. That would have been a movie that I asked for my money back on.
I would have left. I walked out of it and I was like, what? A masterpiece. I'm into it.
I would have left 15 minutes in. I would have been like, hey, this was the ending. Whoever I'm with, you can stay and watch it. Tell me if I'm right and they would have walked out.
They were like, yeah, you're right. I loved it. I was watching this movie with me. He did not remember one second of this movie.
So it would be quite an impact on him. As you can tell. He was like, no, I did not see this movie. I was like, you did.
Good. Thank God. Cool. Super glad it marked itself in your soul.
So we scan right through the secret window, which will become important later. Like a little secret window in this cabin on the lake. And we're going in. We got like the dog sleeping in the corner.
There's a desk with a laptop open and it's the beginning of a novel. So he's writing a novel in a cabin on a lake like we all do. And the novel says on the screen, you can see the beginning of it. It says four days after George had confirmed to his own satisfaction that his wife was cheating on him, he confronted her.
I have to talk to you, Abby. He said, I dot, dot, dot, and then nothing else. So as you can tell, he's definitely super creative and he's not drawing from his own experience at all. And then we pan down to Morton Rainey on the couch asleep downstairs wearing the most tattered fucking bathrobe you've ever seen in existence.
He likes a fucking hot mess and it says it's six months later. So immediately you're like, boom, six months later. Ooh, I couldn't figure that out. I couldn't figure out that some time had passed.
Some amount of time has passed. And this shot is interesting because this shot we see after the camera goes through a mirror, like you go through the mirror and you see him in the mirror sleeping and then you pass through the mirror and suddenly you're like in the shot. And apparently the director, Kebab there said that this was supposed to symbolize going into Mort's mind and now being super reliable. Like you have to rely on him now as the narrator.
And that's why you see the person that you see next. Look away now because we're in his mind now. I'm so glad that you mentioned that. I am.
I'm really glad because because all right. So because it's genius. Kebab really takes the role of Richard Kelly after Donnie Darko, but the only difference is that Donnie Darko is a good entertaining movie. I love Donnie Darko.
I will say that Richard Kelly is kind of ridiculous. My friend did point this out to me. He was like, hey, this guy's just explaining all this stuff after the fact to make his movie make sense. And I was like, you know what?
You're kind of right. But it's still a good movie. And even if it doesn't make sense, it's still a good movie. This however is not.
And this guy is doing the Richard Kelly and he's trying to explain everything after the fact. And there's no fucking way that when he did this mirror shot, he was thinking, oh yeah. Now you're in Mort's mind. But I kind of love it after the fact.
I don't. But then later, we'll see it later. You go through the mirror again and suddenly you're in reality. And that's why you can't see the things that you see before.
Yeah, I just love things that I would watch in a movie theater that would have no relevance to me by the time I left the movie theater. I love that stuff. Well, that's the other thing. It's like, yeah, totally cool.
Like not one person in the history of the world would ever look at that. I mean, you know what I bet that is? That's exactly that. So in that vein, that's very ineffective in that vein.
If you have to explain it later in a making up to get people to understand it, then it's really not a good way to do it. No, it's not. I'll concede on that one. Okay.
So let's get into a John Shooter. Yes. So now we get John Shooter and he's played by John Toutoro and I think he's great in this movie. I will say that John Toutoro is pretty fucking awesome.
He is. He's a great fucking actor. I think this is the worst role in the world and I'm so upset that he had to be on this. I think he just saw Johnny DeTout's name and he was like, oh, yeah, sure, cool.
He was like, let's do this. Yeah, let's do that. And I think he got fucked over. Do that hat that they put on him and they say it's like so much time picking the hat there like it has to look good, like kind of unreal, but not too unreal.
It's like, dude, that looked unreal the whole time. The first time I saw this guy, I'm going to spoil the movie right now. Nothing that happens in this movie is real. I don't fucking care about any of this.
And immediately when I see him when I see fucking Shooter, I go, this guy's not real. No one is around and this guy's here. No one's seeing him except for Johnny DeTout. It is in his head.
I predicted this movie 10 minutes in. Just because of the hat. I'm not kidding. Oh, wait, I'm not liking you.
This is not a bit. This is not me saying like, oh, this is so ridiculous. I was just like, oh, there you go. No, legitimately.
I saw that hat and I said, this is not a real guy. There's no way that this is real. No one saw that man walked out of the street. He told me this guy's just riding around and shit and no one knows where he is.
And everyone's saying like, this guy doesn't exist. So yeah, he doesn't fucking exist. I never second guessed it. The hat is a huge part of things too.
It is. They really focus on that hat. It's not like they put that hat there and we're like, yeah, that's fine. You can forget about that hat.
No, they were like, bitch, don't forget about this hat. And at one point, he's like, I want my hat. Like he says it again. Like he wears his hat and it's like, bring me back to my hat.
Well, when he shows up initially, he wakes Mort up from his slumber on the couch and he's like, you stole my story. Like that's like one of the first things he says. And then the Lord's like, um, excuse me what? Like, I don't know who you are.
What? And he insists that he had written a story and that Mort and he stole it. They go back and forth and he tries to hand him this like thick ass manuscript and he's like, here you go, read my manuscript. And he's like, no, no, I'm not touching that shit.
Yeah, just throws it away. Yeah. And the guy's like, we're going to settle this shit. And he's like, yeah, no, okay, it's settled by.
And he just shuts the door. And then you, you hear some shit happening on the porch. And what he did was his name's John Shooter and he left the manuscript under this rock on the porch and the fucking maid gets it. And he's so mean to his housekeeper.
He's so shitty this maid. He's literally just like, oh, yeah, fuck you. Are you doing this and that and blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, because he tosses the manuscript in the trash and then just goes and like has a nap again.
Well, she's also really weird because she's a little strange. She's digging in the trash and she's like, oh, yeah, I saw this thing that you wrote that's in the trash. Like, okay, if it was his and he threw it away, he probably doesn't fucking want it. He probably threw it away for a reason.
You know, just accidentally throw away an entire script. Well, that's the thing. Cause he goes, he goes and has a nap. He like tries to write again.
He like plays with Slinky, um, his hair is like super upsetting. And then he walks downstairs and the manuscript is on the table. He didn't move past that Slinky thing casually. He was just sitting in front of you.
That's what you do when you write this block. You sit in front of your laptop and you just slinky. You just use the slinky. That's all you do.
That's what I do. Whenever I write, I pull out my slinky and just slink back and forth. Just do it. It gets creative.
She's just flowing. Is that why you like this movie? He just goes to slinky? That's it.
I felt very connected to it. I was like, we are one. He understands me. Well, he goes downstairs after slinking a little bit.
And the manuscript is on the table. And like we said, he had thrown it away. So his housekeeper is like, oh, hey, I found that in the trash. I thought it was one of yours.
And again, I agree. Oh, and he's so pissed. He's like, my name is not John Shooter. Do you think my fucking name is John Shooter?
Do I look like a shooter? And by the way, she's like a sweet elderly woman. Like it was like, you need to calm down. And then she's like, oh, I thought you were using one of those, like, you know, pseudonyms or pen names.
And he's like, no, I never have. I've never done that. And she's like, okay, like chill. And he mimes shooting her in the head when she gets around.
Oh, he does. Yeah, he does. And I was like, whoa, more. Like calm down.
He's like a theme through this movie. He mimes killing people a lot. Look, when you're Johnny Depp, everyone around you is a fucking cunt and you just have to mimic shooting all of them. Apparently he, that was seer.
I was like, she did not warrant that kind of free action. So he was just trying to help you out, bro. Like more chill. And he does it later, too.
And then he starts like reading it because of course, and he's looking at it. And he's like, oh, this sounds like really familiar. And it's like, yeah, you plagiarized motherfucker. Yeah.
Know it. And he goes and gets the book out of his shelf because he has all his books on his shelf. Of course. I mean, I would do if I was published, but whatever.
That was just going to be dick about it. He looks ridiculous. I don't remember it. It's so fake.
Like looking at it, I was like, that's so fake. I don't even know if that's Johnny Depp. It could be someone else. I'm not even sure.
But it's like a collection of short stories. I'll, uh, Stephen King. Yeah. It's really not hard to be a Johnny Depp double.
I could be a Johnny Depp double if I tried a little bit. Especially you really could, especially in this movie too, if you could like make your hair crazy like that. Oh, cause he refused to cut his fucking hair for this movie. He did.
Yeah. I kind of love that though. Cause his hair gets really aggressive at one point. It assaults you at one point, and I kind of love that.
He finds the, he finds the story is called Secret Window, you know, about a boot. And it's story, I think it was story number eight. He goes through it. He's comparing it line by line and it's exactly the same.
Like it's, there's maybe like one or two words that are different. It's just the ending that's different. Cause that's the only thing. So he's pissed off because he fucked up the ending.
He's like, this is my story. This is my, this is my ending. And you fucked up my ending and now I'm going to kill you. I'm going to shoot you.
You have three days to find a magazine. I'll give you three days. You call your ex and get her to send you to magazine with your story in it. If there is such a magazine.
I love his accent so much. Well, in this story, weirdly enough is about a woman loving her garden more than she loved this man in the story and he's planning to kill her and bury her in her secret garden. So he's comparing the stories and as he's doing that, there's like this flashback. There's like this flashback and it's him in that cabin and it's his wife, now ex wife, Amy.
And she's up there with him and she like moves and she's wearing the robe, the robe that he's wearing, it was her robe. Now you're like, oh, there's that. Wearing it all the time. And he wears it all the fucking time in this movie.
I hate that robe so much. Like I understand because we all have a robe like that, but like stop. Just stop. Don't wear it all the time.
It's ripped. I sold my robe. You sold your robe? Sold it.
He's giving away. You sold it. Sold it. 13 bucks.
Sold that shit. He should have, he could have given this robe away. He should have sold his status as an actor after this movie. Wow.
Shots fired. Shots fired. Don't get you're not invited on the show. No matter what it says.
Oh man. Oh no. I need to say. Cuts.
Well, either way, he's in this fucking robe, but she, it's her robe and we're seeing it in the flashback and she's moving shit and she's like, oh look, and she goes a secret window over a secret garden and she's looking out that little secret window that we came in through. Whatever. And so already you're like, you're going to die and end up in that garden honey. Yeah.
Already. Already. I was like, well, that's going to happen. So spoiler alert.
But so he sees that the story is the same and he's like, oh shit. So at this point he starts, this is when we start seeing him like take out cigarettes and like smoke them, but then he tells everybody he doesn't smoke. Another huge tell because the first time you see John Shooter smoking, he pulls out the same thing. Almost.
No, no, not the same cigarette. It's the same pack. Oh, you're right. It is the same exact brand of cigarettes.
Not only that, it has the top ripped off and there's one cigarette in it. It is the same exact pack of cigarettes. Oh, you're correct. I didn't even think of that.
Yeah. That's another big tell. I was like, dude, it's his box. It's the one that we've already seen his like three times and he's like, hey, you want the cigarette?
And then that's it. Yeah, it is fucking his. It is. You're right.
I didn't even think of that. You texted me. You fucking texted me too. When I first started it because 20 minutes in I was like, I hate this.
This is stupid. And you were like, oh no, there's a real big twist in there. I really believed that. You did.
In my heart of hearts. I believed that. I still believe it. Never.
Never. Never. I did. I believe it now.
That was after I had re-watched it. I was like, just wait for that twist, man. It's going to blow your socks. Very cool.