Coffee Shop

You're welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life. I'm Jesse. That's Wilder. We're here to guide your life.

Yeah, Pokedots and Pokedots. You write me down first or you just let them fly? I just let them rip, baby. That's why someone ate good.

Damn, some of them. Come on. There's a crispness in the air. There's a, there's a, there's a, here in the Western North Carolina, the leaves are changing.

There's a crunchy crunch under my feet as I stroll. And where am I strolling? I guess we're not doing it. We're just going right to it.

Yeah. I mean, don't say you did that. Yeah. And then you were like, let me go and fly into it, but go.

It's a very fine. I'm going to the coffee shop. That's where we're going. Yeah, baby.

Welcome to it. It's fall. We did all the fall October stuff already. We did haunted house.

We did. Spooky season. Yeah. I mean, those are the only two.

I guess being hunted, but I don't know that that was in a season. No. And there was also, I feel like another one. Could have been.

Could have not been. Well, we're doing coffee shop because those cozy vibes. That's the fall vibes. Can we start with fit?

Oh, fit? Yeah. Like your coffee shop fit. Yeah.

Okay. I'm just, I'm having some categories that are coming to me. What about reason for being there? Yeah.

Purpose is great. Yeah. There's a guy at my local coffee shop who reads a book at the coffee shop all the time. And that's cool, but there's my little spidey sense is going off telling me that he's there to be seen reading a book.

You know what I mean? Oh, come on. Don't assume the worst. I always assume the worst.

And he has long hair. So what does that mean? You know what that means? He's reading, he's fucking performative book reading.

Yeah, bro. It's the day he's like, got the dictionary. He's posting a. No, no.

Give me an age range. He wears a scarf a lot, which is maybe you think of fit. And like, I don't love a scarf indoor on a boy. Oh, brother, I hate a scarf at all times, to be honest.

But. Okay. So scarf, I'm gonna say scarf's the one. They're uncomfortable.

You don't eat them in a coffee shop. Coffee shop already cozy and warm. Yeah. Okay.

But give me an age range on this performative book reader. I need to know how old this person is. 24. Okay.

So I don't, okay. The already is trash. It could be performative, but let me give you my theory on this person I've never seen that you also don't know anything about. I bet it's less performative and I could, I could see it being one of those things that he does because he thinks it's cool or smart or whatever.

And it's not even necessarily about the people at the coffee shop seeing him. It's more about being able to tell someone later, oh, this afternoon. Yeah. I went down to the big bean and read a couple pages of infinite jest.

You know, just my normal kind of Tuesday joint, which is similar to what you're saying. But I think it's, what the fuck is he impressing? Just sit in the corner reading a book. I just like, what do you, why'd you come to the coffee shop for a book?

I also should know that not always does he have a beverage. Bro, you have to go to the coffee shop, right? That is a red flag. Do not show, it's not a library, brother.

You have to get a bev. I think that, but okay, well, hold on. I want to push back on something. I think reading is at least a very good, pretty good purpose.

If not a very quite lit. Are there better places to read? I just don't really read in public. Yeah, that's because you can't read anywhere.

Right. I'm like, I'm like, I'm supposed to be one of them. Listen, let me give you the case and then we have to move past this. Coffee shops are nice to be in, right?

Mm hmm. Like by definition, they're cozy, the smells, oh heaven. So here, I guess we should kind of talk about the coffee shop itself, right? No drink is a demerit.

I'm putting reading as a three. Here, you're a three. What else? What are the other purposes?

For me, working at a coffee shop is a three. Not being employed by the coffee shop, but like taking your laptop to get some work done. As a freelancer of many years of my life, I was a little coffee shop rat. Do you hear yourself?

You want to give a three. I just want you to make sure you know what you're saying. Yeah, bro. I do.

Not the concept of work. I don't like working, but coffee shops are a good place to do it. Let me tell you what else. Okay.

A craft locally owned coffee shop is a very pretty good to me. Whoa, whoa. And here is why. And I love it.

I love the cast of characters. I love, I love the support. I have the job back. I love the support of the local.

But I'm going to let you go on this tangent. And then we're going to come back to the you sing work as a three. But go on. Well, it's expensive dog.

See, I lived at the coffee beam. That was the shit that had a rewards program. Refills were a dollar. It was easy.

I think that a chain kind of shines in this scenario, especially if you're going to be spending a long time there. So that's the thing. I would be there for like maybe four or five hours, you know, I can't be railing $6 cold brews all day long. Yeah, I get man, you're boy, I think we're going to disagree a lot on this.

That's crazy. Okay. So let me walk you back. I'm going to do a coffee shop.

Yeah, Jesus Christ. So let me walk you back a little bit. I working at a coffee shop is a two to me because I and I used to do it all the time too. And I would study to and I'm getting that's the same fucking thing as work as far as I'm concerned.

Yes. My issue with it. One, you got to bring all your dang supplies. So for you, it's just a laptop, maybe like a maybe a wireless mouse, but I doubt it.

But for me, it's like I might be bringing papers to grade. I might have to bring I'm going to bring my charger. I might have to bring a book like a swear to God. There was this guy that came to the coffee bean.

He brought his whole ass desktop. Yeah, dude. I've seen those before. Yeah.

I was barely big enough to fit on the table. Could barely hold it. Yes. And a monitor.

I see it every like there's a guy that goes up. Yeah, it's you out of your fucking mind. It's so nuts. But but work at coffee shop bad because you're hauling all your shit to one place.

Okay. Also for me, that's a buy a bunch of shit unless you're going to be a freeloader and sit there with one drink for four hours, which you're not. So now you're buying stuff regardless of it's a six dollar cold brew or your fucking coffee bean rewards program free dollar whatever doesn't matter. You're buying shit, right?

Other thing is that then you get into this little dance sometimes where it's like, oh, I need to plug in. Oh, I'm not by a charger. Am I not by an outlet. I don't working is not a three.

I cannot allow it. It can be if you get your spot. That's what that coffee was for me. Plenty of outlets, big patio, lot of space.

Never had to fight for a table. All right. I'm putting working as a two. I won't.

I won't. I won't buy. I don't know where this goes, but like I hate being asked if I can watch someone's laptop while they go to the bathroom. Oh my God.

Another penalty of working. I just didn't honestly I just didn't. I would assume that if someone watched a man run up and steal my laptop, they would have behaved the exact same way had I said, please don't let anyone steal this. Right.

But you they're not going to do anything. Yes. Yes. I'm going to leave this $1,500 electronic at this table in a public place for two plus minutes.

You know, I got up obviously what 18, 19 times a day when I'm working in a coffee shop. Of course. And I never I just I just didn't say a word. Am I computer?

I still got it. I'm looking at it right now. I know. But but you can't argue that it's a positive.

I mean it's a negative that you have to take a gamble there. I'm going to I guess I'm going to do characters because watch my laptop guy is a one. I get it. No, it's a two.

It's a two. No, it sucks. Even even the slightest position to prevent a theft of your stuff. I will give it my best.

I'm not going to like disarm intruder or it is like a baby on board sticker chasing down the street. I think there's an episode of curve with the following. I'm going to put book reading guy as a I mean a two. It's fine.

I don't you hate this guy. You have a coffee shop you want to shout out? I'm talking. I'm saying the praise of the most fearless coffee beans.

So what do you got? Hold on. Can I give you a can I give you a another can I can I say that bringing full monitor and computer guy is a two just because it's so fucking bonk that I kind of get a kick out of it. I don't get a kick out of it when I.

You don't get a single kick. I don't it's not. I mean, there's yeah, is it a thrill thinking maybe at any point I'll just secretly knock that thing right off. I love it.

It's like a little story for me. I'm just like, what is this person? What is this man always a man? What is this man doing that he had like was he playing fucking World of Warcraft over there?

Can you know what you would you agree that for in the 99 percentile women know how to act at a coffee shop and men fucking do not simply do not. Yeah, a man will gladly kick his shoes off in a coffee shop for no reason. Fucking keep him on. You like, well, you have a coffee shop in the shot up there?

Where you hanging boy? Unfortunately, you got one in the media? Yeah, we got we got a couple. I mean, look, I'm a snarby boy.

I like that starby. I'm here to tell you that's fine. So something I'm talking about, we have consumables. There is a coffee shop near us that's got some danky little pastries and oh, I need my pastries.

Oh, when do you get a pastry? Is it breakfast? Is it a snack? It's typically breakfast for me, but it depends, right?

What I love is when I'm with somebody that's game is we'll get this was a classic for Mike and I you go down to the bakery and you just get a little sample platter for yourself. Yeah, well, yes, the two of us will take a ham and cheese croissant. You got a curler back there. We'll have that curler.

Yes, we will. Oh, a cupcake. Man, why not? That's a pastry might as well be.

We'll get six or seven of them bitches, cut them up, have a little, you know, a little charcuterie with pastries. That's I love a pastry. I got to give another point to the chain coffee shops on this one. I didn't feel any sort of guilt whatsoever about bringing it outside food.

Yeah, but I don't. Okay, sure. Ideally, though, I don't need to, you know. I don't feel bad.

I don't feel bad. It's a coffee bean. If I do this at my local coffee shop and they sell sandwiches for $19, I'm going to feel bad. Yeah, sure.

Starbucks food is better than their drinks, I think. It's high variance. I would say, but yeah, it's not bad. It's just like it's all food that at best tastes like it did come out of a microwave, which is what happens.

I mean, you see them pop that shit in and out of the microwave. Yeah, but it's a very nice microwave. It's like that fucking back to the future too. It is.

It is a killer. I love that. I love that spinach egg white wrap, bro. You're cracking on that.

I've had it and word on the street is that is getting discontinued. No! Damn. I'll pop that out of three.

I love that shit. They just have a legit, a solid ham and cheese croissant, which I love. Coffee bean. Quite the opposite.

Great drinks, nasty food. They do have a chocolate chip muffin and occasional coffee beans just have Chrissy cream available. It's wild. Also, coffee beans are in a Krispy Kreme sometime.

They must have hands in each other's pockets. Yeah, they're in bed together. I got another type that I don't like. It's a one to me.

I don't love, I'm going to shout out a specific chain, but then also ones like it. I don't love Dutch brothers partially because they're drinks. It's a fucking chain. It's not very good to me.

The drinks are like all, it's like, you know when people make fun of Starbucks drinks that are like super sweet, it's basically milkshake? That's bro's whole menu is that. They're all drive through. You know what I'm talking about when coffee shops are just those little huts?

That's a no for me. I don't care for that. I don't need to go to a coffee shop for that. That's what 7-Elevens were.

Right, right. Also, there's one. If I talk about who gets hot coffee at a gas station, I would rather do that than do a drive through expensive coffee. Yeah, and drive through only sucks because guess what?

There's a huge line. Starbucks and sometimes it's like, oh, there's two people in line, whatever. At Dutch bros, there is always like nine cars in line because that's the only option is to get in your car and get in line. So it's Snicks.

Dutch bros do better. You know what else can go straight to hell which I had for the first time during your wedding? Oh, hit it. Was.

Fucking blue bottle dude. Are you joking my ass? It's butt dude, I hate that. I hate that fucking place.

I swear, I might have even said this already on this show, but they made a waffle from scratch. Yeah, definitely. Shorter amount of time that it took them to pour me one coffee. Go to hell.

It also just doesn't taste good to me personally. It's very expensive. It is the very poster child of gentrification. Yeah, I got a middle between blue bottle and then the rest of them.

And this is very blasphemy right here. Fills dude. What is it doing? It's so overrated.

I don't understand. You better believe it. There's one of those in LA. It looks bad.

Is that supposed to be like a nice coffee place? Yeah, people love Phil's. They spelled it name wrong. That's how something fills with a Z and make it a nice coffee.

Can I give you a perfect comparison? It's like sandwiches. It's exactly like in that it is so it really like damn near is it's so hyped. It is just like I find there is nothing to write home about and much like I their signature things are very gimmicky.

So like the signature drink it fills is a mojito latte or some shit like that. Dude. It's like mint in it. Don't talk to me that way on this show.

Look, gross dude. I'm just telling you what kind of sins I've been looking at. I got to take a Google to this one. Yeah.

And people really fully fill a diaper with shit over how much they love Phil's coffee. And I do understand. I'm going to fill a diaper with their fucking decapitated heads. They keep talking like this.

Yeah, their websites do. But the first little pop up there comes a golly. What kind of coffee do you like to drink? How you take it?

I'm a well you better say you're a black man. I am a black man. You're decidedly not a black man. No, everyone else.

It's all mine. I'm a black man. But, uh, Jesus. But here is something that I want to put in consumables for a three.

And I think you'll be on board with this. Yeah. I drink coffee every single morning and I make it at home. Same.

And when I'm at home, it's black. And maybe if I'm feeling a little fruggy, I'll drop a little splash of milk in there if I have some in the fridge. But when I'm at a coffee shop, sometimes I mean a special little treat. I mean, what's your what's your, this is a thing that a lot of coffee shops like especially independent ones.

A little, you have a little special seasonal latte. What is that? Yeah, dog. I mean, it's a little early to be talking about our favorite thing.

But you know, we love a puppy moke. So I mean, I love the ice when it's at coffee bin, which are their version of frappuccinos. They taste very good. They got one that's a cookies and cream one with a little pieces of chocolate cookie and it's very good.

And it's a milkshake. Great. I love milkshakes. I love milkshakes getting juiced.

So that's my special little treat and peppy moke when the season strikes. I don't really have like a, I don't fucking care about pumpkin spice. So that's out. Well, I love the pump.

And like Starbucks gets you. Oh, yeah. And Starbucks gets dirty with a lot of nasty little holiday things. Yeah, I love that.

I love all the holiday treats. Basically all of them I'll take like the right now, a low key player in the game, you know, pumpkin spice gets all the shine, but sometimes those apple drinks drop, baby, like a little ooh, a little cinnamon apple brandy surprise. Don't mind if I do. So yeah, I like, I like all the little seasonal freaks.

Hey, bro, this isn't really really early for this one too, but I just got to know. Do you know I'm not a nogman really to be honest. I can't fuck with it is like a hurdle both mentally and physically. It is a hurdle.

I cannot nod, but but you put some boozy in it and I'll get there. I can get there. That's great. You know what else is good with booze?

Everything. I know it. I know it. I don't need to force a fucking whiskey into your milk.

It's so gross to me. You know fucking rich Jeff loves nog. That boy is a nog and goblin. If I ever seen one dude, I got nog dogs are not for me.

I am not a nog dog. Oh, man. So anyways, what are you wearing to this coffee shop? What's your fit?

Oh my God. Dude, I can't get it. Can I tell you a very not quite lit for fit. I don't care what season it is.

I don't know why. I'm going to flip flops into my goddamn coffee shop. No, come on. This is weather permitting, bro.

No, you're in the coffee shop. You're outside. Okay. Outside patio acceptable.

No. I say yes. I don't want to see your toes when there's a roof above me. No, no.

Okay. Fine. No, I'm not saying it's. I'll give it a two.

You can still put it out very not quite lit, but it's not like a demerit. You know what I'm saying? Fucking close. It's just here's the thing.

No, regardless of see and you have to understand I'm no one in California boy. So we don't really get like hot here. Obviously you were in coffee bean in fucking July. Like you're cruising in with your fucking 105 degrees.

I got to put the toses out. Yeah, but but when I'm in a coffee shop, I'm getting freaking cozy. What do I want? Big sweater.

That's a fit. That's a fucking three for me. Yeah. I mean, a big sweater just fall right into that thing, baby.

So my local coffee shop is very cool. It's annoyingly cool. It is cool, but sometimes like we get it, but there's lots of plants everywhere that are for sale obviously. Yeah, the fresh ash merch, which I think is a very quite lit.

Yeah, I'm going to put that actually under vibe because that's what I'm putting for like the physical elements of the coffee shop. See, the problem with merch in this town is that it's so small that it's like if you live in a bigger city, you can rep some coffee shop and someone might be like, oh, cool. What's that? Where is that?

Right. Here, it's like you're just, you love the coffee. That's where you live. You must live over by that one.

Yeah. Okay. So you mentioned something else that goes for five and I think it's a two or maybe a one and it's something a lot of independent coffee shops do. So I assume like whatever it works to bring revenue, but they love to sell little bonus gear and I think that's a two.

What's bonus? Oh, like like mugs and like kind of brew your own coffee, like a Starbucks merch. Well, well, yeah. Okay.

So sometimes the coffee stuff, but like also you said like the plants are for sale. A lot of times in a coffee shop, the art on the wall, it's like there's a little price tag under it. Yeah, that's fine. I'm always into like selling local art.

Sell some plants. I'm into that. Very quite lit. I think.

Very quite lit. It throws me off a little bit. What's wrong with it? It throws me off a little bit.

What you got about supporting local artisans? It's not about supporting them. I'm all fucking supportive. But if I wanted to support them, I'd go to the damn Christmas fair or the flea market or whatever.

I'll be into it. You have freaking screwed. I have a three consumable that for some reason is that two different places of New York in Brooklyn. So maybe just common.

And you know that I hate this gimmicky shit, but it feels so appropriate for a coffee shop. They have this thing called breakfast in a cup. And it's just like, of course that was from New York. Everything's in a fucking cup.

Right. But it's unlike fucking sushi in a cup which can eat my ass and my balls. This like made anything for sushi in a cup here. Oh, grooves.

This makes sense like it was like a bit, it was a grits cup. So it's like a cheesy grits with like a soft boiled egg in the middle of it and then like some like bacon, if soft boiled egg in a cup. Yeah, it's fucking rock dude. And it's great because there's no dishes.

You have your little, you can have it to go, but also sit with it. I love it. Seems hard to cut. It's like trying to cut up your ramen egg in the bowl of ramen.

Yeah, but that you do it, don't you? Yeah, but it's not fun. What do you do? How do you do it?

I just plow into that thing with my fucking, well, the difference with the grits cup is you have a spoon versus like. I impale the egg with one chopstick and then take a fork to it. Yeah. That makes sense.

That makes sense. But I think the breakfast cup is a revolution. I think everywhere should do it. Yeah, whatever.

Go on. See, I don't, I was getting like breakfast a lot on the way to work for my coffee shop. A breakfast sandwich is great. On the mornings when I've just grabbed a simple croissant, I'm fine.

Yeah, no, no, no, for sure. And that's like, that's what I want mostly from a coffee shop. Like every once in a while I get dirty with a little sandwich or something, but really I just want that. Like we have this joint near us, crispy and bakery, shout crispy and bakery.

And they, they have bang and coffee, but also man, they have the most fucking stellar ham and cheese croissant. It's got like everything bagel on top of it kind of like all different types of seats, like salts and pepperitions. All that ham here is country ham, which if you've ever had it is very salty. It's much different than your standard ham.

Yeah, and typically much. Mummy cheese. Thicker, I think, isn't it? Yeah.

It's like a little bit thin, but it's like fucking salt bum. Yeah, you're salty from my western palate. Um, western palate. Uh, okay, so I want to dig a little bit more into vibe.

I coffee shop kind of rails the Wilder shop playlist. You know what I'm saying? They really do. Yeah.

Hit with some of the national top of the list. I'll hear like Lord Huron in a coffee shop. Yeah. A lot of shit that I love.

Yeah, you might get one of the low key floors in the machine songs. Mm hmm. Oh, and Starbucks? I mean, they do the mixes.

They get you the mix tape and that shit is clutch. Remember when they used to do that? Yeah, they definitely don't anymore. But yeah, they used to just cut you a fucking CD right at the counter.

Hey, this is how Starbucks get a hand in like whatever was like a hit in indie rock that week. They're making money off of it. Unbelievable. Yeah, they for sure sold many different CDs with shinsongs on them.

Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what, they're Christmas albums called Holidays Rule. It's a bunch of indie rock bands doing covers. I still listen to it all of the time.

Wow. Incredible. You get that internationally coming in, it's like FellaCootie or fucking something. Like they'll be pumping some like Afro, Cuban fucking jams.

And I love that shit. All coffee shop music is like, OK. Oh, you know what? Strong tea selection.

Want me to get? I'm a tea drinker. I'm a tea boy at heart. It's not as functional.

It doesn't give me as fucking jacked as coffee does. But I like I appreciate a good selection of tees. Yeah, I'm with you there. And also I will say that if you're planning on sitting there for the long haul, tea is nice after you've got your jacked.

Right? You had your latte or your black coffee or your cappuccano. But you want another bevy and you're not trying to like duke in your whole pants? Well, you're at the store what about when the fucking 5-0 rolls in that's obviously Happen you and there's like four of them and they all get their fucking dog does it ever happen?

Oh my god, it happens to everyone all the time because that's where those motherfucks live like I think It happens about the donut shop. Oh my god. I mean like it legit is highly prevalent Obviously, I don't want it I hate if I'm in line and I get three fucking thick necks behind me John at each other I hear fucking radio. Whoop Oh I hate it Hey, bro, what do you think about coffee shop that like for the music they play like fucking punk and they just like really lean into the caffeinated Like sort of sucks dude sucks dude sucks dude This play it's like a bunch of just like punk rock dude.

I hate fucking CBG coffee. No dude. I'm out on it No, thank you. Holy shit That place would bang you like that And it's just looking chaos and people are throwing things and puking and shitting the class up.

Oh nice Zuki my favorite reason to go to coffee shop is to catch up with an old friend What's about that? I would rather catch up with an old friend much like a first date over a drink Loosen yeah, I I get but I'm saying old friend over a conversation with someone you haven't seen in a long time is Not appealing to me Yeah, I guess I that's something some issues you need to work through I also just like am socially awkward and I die is a nightmare situation to me. I like it Okay, let me tell you why let me give you the benefit though with a with a drink It kind of feels like this night could go anywhere with a coffee. It's so finit It's like I'm we're gonna meet at 11 3 and that place closes at 2 so like the and we are not going us to a second location together So the most that can happen is an hour and a half of conversation over two drinks.

That's like what's gonna happen. Oh Gang when you're at a coffee shop don't speak on a phone, please Yeah, characters on your phone on the phone is a negative and if you turn on speaker phone I'm going to break your fingers over there and snap them off and put them in your little copy I I kind of wait there should be some sort of law for speaker phone I think there is a noise pollution or something But man people don't understand speaker phone is when for when you're at home and you're laying on the couch completely horizontal And you need a place to call and you put it on your chest and you put the speaker phone on and you're on hold or whatever That's what's for it's not for when you're on the fucking bus or you're walking around speaking on that shit in public You should I should be able to call the police. Yeah, I should just get that We should I mean truly I think what's honestly fair is we should get to Matumbo your phone And if you move or you or you like throw the elbow out or you box out good on you you won that one But at any moment I can fucking swat it Let me hit you with some characters that I experienced at my coffee shop And you can just pop them where you think they go because the Los Fills copy being had a rich cast of characters of recurring characters They were always there they were always there So first off we have to Russian slash Eastern European men, maybe Bulgarian that came all the time did not order anything Sat at a table and drink what I assume was water out of Snapple bottles with the label peeled off You know the shape of a Snapple bottle anywhere. Yeah, of course those guys they sat there and they chatted Which and they drink water out of Snapple bottles?

I do not think it was like a drink of alcohol because it was a full of us It was like a Snapple bottle. Yeah Russian sample bottle guys are two give me the next one There was a group of really fucking cool like 40 year olds like no They were like so cool though like they like worked in like I don't know about like you've heard of the entertainment industry But like this one guy was like in the industry and like they love to like talk about like their jaw I hated those fucking guys one guy was like a drummer and he was always dropping on the table So bad it was so bad and it was like I never obviously had a conversation with these people but over the years of sitting there I got to know them intimately there was a reality show producer who sat by herself But did and she didn't you speak your phone, but she did conduct work calls over? Like her headphones all day long Okay, so any industry people are all the one I've added that yeah, what's the next what's their next one? I already told you about guy who brought his entire desktop monitor.

Yeah, I too for sure there was a woman who is not Angeline But might as well be Angeline Angeline do you know who Angeline is that might be she's a la celebrity they made a show about her No, we will Angeline Angeline. Why it's with a why we may have literally done this on this podcast before and I did not What if you saw a guy, okay? You're at a coffee shop this guy comes in he orders a coffee He sits down in a chair. He does not look at a phone He does not look at a tablet or a screen of any kind he looks straight ahead or looks around and looks at things and drinks coffee And then gets up and leave yeah, yeah, I mean that person's crazy, but guess what that's crazy But guess what that's everything now at this point if I see someone that is not and it's very sad Whatever, I don't fucking care if I see a person that is not engaging with content whether it be book or or iPad or phone I assume them to be a madman and that's not fair to them because that's what they're doing as normal behavior They went to a coffee shop and just like enjoyed their experience and like but it's but that's psychopathic It is it is all I could think about is like you're the guy from you or whatever you're serious But like that's you know what I don't know that's like how can how can we possibly say that to that person?

What are you enjoying yourself? Fuck you? Yeah, what are some bad consumables? So like I don't love The Starbucks and the chains they got too much food.

Do you agree? Yeah, and nothing is quite great like even that feta spinach wrap It's fine, but like the breakfast sandwiches. I'm okay to stay I want to toss lunch sandwiches from them unless they're being made fresh sometimes like a local shop and they are making the sandwiches But like prepackaged lunch sandwiches toss them. I agree with that the charcuterie plate with those fucking grapes.

Oh, it was great I cracked one of those baby last week. I can't talk you along those grapes. They were fine to me. No, dude They're soft.

They're so soft. I'm gonna put snack box into two It's it only because of its utility it is so useful to me in a pinch like if we're trying to get time on a road trip And it's like I don't want to stop it fucking in and out. It's gonna make you feel like shit It's gonna take forever, please. Let's just get a coffee.

It is good, but like I would just I would opt for a pastry in that situation Yeah, but maybe I want it for later. It's like I know that we're gonna be hungry in an hour I don't want like a cold breakfast sandwich. I'd rather have this little Yeah, I get it Starbucks can't get over this thing where they have this huge bono for cake pops You can toss them a cake pop is nothing so gross. It's absolutely nothing and you've been talking about the Chocolate muffins.

Yeah, I mean that's pastry, but I fuck so that's a good one a muffin. It's so good revolutionary I don't I tell you what sometimes a coffee shop fucking around be open to like six and they'll have like dinner offerings No, thank you. No, I don't want your fucking fish and chips daily grind or whatever the fuck you go fish and shit Yeah, I don't want anything sometimes you go to a coffee shop and there is the the fridge I don't want anything out of that fridge. I don't know that it's a one.

It's probably a two but like, you know It's like I'm not here to drink a spurt coffee me a lot of time Martin Elie's apple juice. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, dude Obviously shout out to mark. No, I you know what a character is a good character for me is you look at the menu, dude Do not ask you ask a single question.

Oh God you are out goes for it That goes for ordering anywhere ever at any time. I hate questions I agree, but at least like if you're at a sandwich place, right? Unless a question is like this good Like I know fuck you but if the question is like, you know, what's in the what's in your special sauce fine? Yeah, you could ask away.

That's that's two separate times in a row at a chain sandwich shop I have been asked questions by the person standing next to me regarding what it is that I've ordered This has happened I was at I was at fucking subway and I got this sandwich they have it had a cola and like they have fresh mozzarella now It's a way which is insane in a conversation for another time The guy next to me went what is that circle stuff? Now it's just about 40% of subways menu by the way. Yeah, she's throwing the tomatoes on there and the pickles I was like the mozzarella and he looked at me like oh no mozzarella And he was talking about the meat he was like is it good? Yeah, no, dude, I ordered his things not a week or two later about a fucking Jersey mics and I'm getting the cherry pepper relish And this woman next to me was like what is that and I was like it's cherry pepper relish is it good?

Yes, I just asked him specifically to put it on of course. I think it's good is it good fucking sucks, dude I hate is it good? Yeah, don't ask a single question is correct. Have you're honestly have your money with the exact change in your hand Please yeah, your card should be out your card should be much like an airplane I want to touch ship my my stepmom is a big is it good person?

And I love her very much but her move which is honestly devastating for every every single party involved she'll ask someone is it good and Legitimately regardless of what they say she almost always order something else and it is insane to witness on more Where she will say like are the waffles good and this person will honestly like we've had more than one occasion Where's it like it is my absolute favorite thing on the menu honestly my favorite waffles in the world of the waffles my grandma makes and these are better than those And she'll be like I think I want the biscuits and they're like okay Thank you, I'm sure the servers like oh those are really good, too. Yeah, yeah another great choice. Oh God absolutely crippling that fucking interaction. What are my dad is just like closing his eyes?

I'll say I'll tell you what coffee beans got which is a three consumable for me is the crushed ice the pellet ice Okay, I yeah, so there's one thing that I feel like we need to capture a little bit here Because you mentioned that you don't like the Joe Shmo coffee shop as much as like a chain I'd push back on that I just not I wouldn't say I don't like as much I would say not as good for spending time in for spending like a lot of Time and I would I would no say through that but when I'm coffee shopping on Vibin and I need the vibe So can we talk about what make the vibes tight? I'm gonna give you some and you could just chime in So I'm gonna make the vibes tight. I need that warm lighting. Yeah, I need that good lighting That is something that you want it you want the fucking friends said no I don't think so that that place first of all has table service that goonthers walk around filling up cups again I've seen that show oh yeah, well and there's two the couch situation is tough to me That's like a lot how do they always lock down do they're always in the same spot?

Yeah, but but how you get that spot in this big-ass coffee shop you got what no no idea Shout out to happy endings a show where every time they go to the same bar they always go to they're in different parts of the bar Yeah, good. I got a very not quite lit for vibe too big. I I can't have it too big I don't think I've ever experienced a coffee shop. I would say is too big I just give it's too big it loses it feels like what I'm in a Walmart or something I'm not there's no vibes available to me.

Yeah, certainly don't want it to feel like a Walmart I can agree with that. Thank you. Jesus. I can give it I can give it to because of there's like a utility to it But I don't I'll hit you with a very not quite little every not quite lit.

There's this coffee shop and so they're like it's dead now Thank God. I hate that place a lot of people loved it and it's like Honestly why they had a little sign on the on each table. You know this little sign said it Oh, hey, we don't have Wi-Fi because this is a place for connecting and not being glued to our phones And guess what you went out of business motherfuckers Not that shit off. I hate it.

It's okay. Here's what here So it sucks because I've been a place like this too and it's unfortunate. I get the idea a lot Right, it's like having a no-phone sign at your bar Which is to say I like the idea and I think in a world it makes sense And then also I think that there's no possible way you could deliver that message to me And I am not going to be offended pissed off and correct going to actively I'll bring a hotspot. I'll bring my own fucking hotspot to your coffee shop and I'll vibe however the fuck I want I'll loudly watch Netflix with no headphones in I did not come to this place to be told how to live.

Yeah, right? so the the vibe of I don't want the coffee shop to think it's better than me which a lot of them do I'm giving it a two because I get I like the idea of no Wi-Fi But it's never been executed in a way that I felt authentic to me. It's just inconvenient It's not convenient. I will tell you that there was a place that we went in Brooklyn and it was I think this is the best way to do it Every Sunday they turned the Wi-Fi off and so it's like fine.

We're vibed on the weekend. Yeah, it's where we're being clean We're cleansing our body. We're eating a country. Yeah.

I mean it's also like people can just still go on the internet Obviously with Wi-Fi, right correct correct. Well, no actually at this place There was a no laptops on Sunday was the actual designation fine. I mean honestly I'm into it. Yeah Yeah, yeah special We all get a special little day I get six special days when I can be on my laptop and you get one special day when you think you're cooler than you are A character we have talked about that's an obvious one is the pretentious barista obvious.

Yeah, yeah Yeah, you know, it's funny because like I like coffee and like I had to give it up by you upset But I'll drink bad coffee. I'll drink good coffee. I don't care dude. What is tastes like coffee.

Yeah, it's got the beans You got the beans in there with the bean the juice from the beans then I'm good make make those beans into coffee. Yeah, then that's it Yeah, I don't have it. What's your um, so we just black coffee what if you're getting a specialty? You're getting a specialty.

That's not a black coffee. It's not a tea. The only situation I would do that is a seasonal so it I never get you know, I did do recently at this fucking coffee shop here They had and it sounded good and like I know I'm stupid I shouldn't order this but it was like a cold brew with a blueberry Seltzer. Oh my god.

That's a dunk in just so you know that is Duncan's signature for a while was a blueberry coffee I've never really been to don't I've been a couple times at Duncan's Okay, but anyways, tell me about this horrible thing you had God is so bad And then they had like later for another season. They had another thing like that. It was like a blueberry. That was a problem Yeah, of course.

No, it's still bad. Oh And it's crazy because I like Cold brew tonic which which I had a calorie was good as fuck. I don't know if that's maybe it's just not anywhere I've lived maybe that is in the US somewhere. That's a banger for me If I saw that on menu, I get it all the time.

What's it called something tonic? It's cold brew and tonic. Oh, that's kind of fun It's good. It's really good.

Um, shout out to Calgary. Okay. I have I have one thing that I think is a two in one category And or maybe even a one and then a three in another category. You ready?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, a date Now, I think a date for a perp my purposes. It's a one. I don't really love a coffee shop date. Correct.

Okay, but For characters, I do yes like to see it going down into the into the Especially since a lot of times it's teens because they can't go anywhere else. You know, it's like oh, we went to the bowling alley last time So and we saw a movie the time before that. So now it's the coffee shop date. Oh, yeah, too early for Apple bees I I do like a mismatched furniture.

I'm a sucker for I don't know what to tell you I like it. My bars I like my coffee shops Yeah, I Don't love that vibe. What is it but okay? I don't care.

I don't hate it. It's a two for me So you like the you like the big concrete benches or whatever you like concrete and like maybe you know those things They put on top of lights so pigeons don't stand on them. Yeah, dude. I want to see those on them Yeah, cool.

That's awesome. Okay, so miss mass verdicts are all put is it if there could be a big Mario flomp that would be good Well, I think this is good We didn't talk about a couple of things but I think that this is a good We didn't you know what actually we should bounce up to fit your fucking first category where we did nothing I see a lot of people roll in in their jammies. I get it. It's gotta be a two right?

I don't love the jamming What do you mean jamming like someone shows up in like their flannel pajamas like I'm popping into get my coffee and then I'm gonna Drop in the kids off at school. I don't super mind it. They're popping in. They're not staying.

I'm fine with it You can pop in on your jammy's popping where the fuck you want. Yeah, I'm fine. You're jammy's I swear to god you better not stay in those fucking flannels baby. No, no No, you're gonna sit next to the computer tower guy wearing your jam dams.

No, no, no, no What do you what do you do? So we got big sweater and then like what pants? Yeah, you must have pants You can't be shorts, right? It depends on the weather.

I mean if I like we're going with this like sort of fall vibe Yeah, maybe some cats Dude now you're getting that so the same cack is your word home Just be comfy dude. Just get that comfy. This is your living room. Yeah, kind of though like don't show up in your jammies, you know Yes, you're living in the worst shoes too.

This is great. Shout out some you shout coffee being out about 65,000 Yeah, a little um, yeah, shot farewell coffee here Go to black elephant and at water village. They donate a lot of their shit to wildlife Preservation and they got good pre-made sandos See like those those places have the good food the little local spots. Yes, but yeah for sure what you got to shout out Well shout out to the spots that I loved in New York corner grind also had a grits cup for some reason God New York and they're fucking cups, dude.

Yeah, I know it's what we gotta go go go We get it. Got it. You can't stop for even a second. You're die like that movie prank.

Yeah, that's what they call a New York minute Yes, Jason state. I'm just running Also, there was a spot the daily press and a little back patio that place was very quite fresh and they always had a Snazzy little latte especially like a lavender give it to me to marick sure why not little honey to muric Lofta give it to me very good for you to muric. Yeah, I know that's why I was drinking it. Um, that's why you're drinking it Yeah, because for health purposes and then hearing hearing alamied.

We got I think so the local And it's good and we're always lazy and there's a there's a pizza and Starbucks closer That's a tough break for the local, but the local do got the goods. It's got the good vibes. They do a what's the what's the tea? What's a fog lifter?

No, what's it called? You know I'm talking about when it's like an Earl Grey and like a steamed milk What the fuck is that called? I don't know it's not for me, dude. Oh, man, it rips So that they got that good business going on Yeah, I just go to them.

You know what I love too is a coffee shop in Like a library or like even in like a bookshop. I don't mind it. It just amplifies those vibes pretty good Mm-hmm. You know oh and shit.

Hey, how about this even though it's early a coffee shop. I wouldn't say shout to fucking cafe Rosso Come on So we're calling that a coffee shop which it's not but it is a cafe which is similar I guess damn some of those banging food you could get at a coffee shop in the world, maybe yeah I was fucking muffins Wraps and sandwiches what you need pen a pasta with pesto Yeah, yeah, fucking Cajun black and chicken dog. I got you cafe Rosso. No miss What do you want a green smoothie and some french fries bingo we got let me get a Chinese chicken salad aside of an SI Evil a couple muffins to go God, I'll have a green smoothie a fresh squeezed orange juice a latte and a nine different drinks Oh, okay, I'll take one you pour that into my latte fucking cafe Rosso menu about the size of the cheesecake factory I have to roll through cafe Rosso this weekend just drive out as a state Oh I could learn from this place man getting rolling it so that was like a beautiful okay I will say this is goes nowhere on the river But a nighttime coffee shop like when when the mood strikes for a night coffee Fuck that's good like the cafe Rosso was never better for me Then when we had those stupid ass creative writing classes that were three hours long and started at 7 p.m.

Or whatever and I would like an hour and I'm like I'm gonna go down this very slow elevator Oh, I walk over to this coffee shop and I'm gonna order a tea and a muffin I'm gonna sit outside and eat that tea or eat that muffin and bring the tea back in and that's gonna be about 30 minutes of my class today And they're gonna be talking about stuff and I just could not care any less because it's cafe Rosso You ever get someone bring that Chinese chicken salad into class Thank God that whole class with that Chinese chicken salad smell making jealous. That sounds like you think no I am respectful. We know this from our movie theaters episode when I ate my hot dog in the lobby like a gentleman We gotta get out of here before just talk about cafe raw cat just on our next podcast Which is a cafe Rosso? Maemorian podcast fucking love fest dude.

We're gonna do it live from cafe Rosso from those horrible metal tables and chairs they had out there Bike locks to a pole dude get the ones they fucking rip out from under you if you're still eating at 4.59 p.m They will fucking smash one of those heavy metal chairs over your skull if you dare try and stay there a second longer Oh, okay. Well, thank you to Adam Fae for the art. Thank you bad talk for the music. Thank you the listener.