Hello again all you virgins welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilders guide to life. I'm Jesse. That's Wilder We're here to guide your life. Yeah, dude.
Hell yeah, let him know I just want to start with a very powerful energy Good. I have I have something I really I meant to get into last episode and I meant to text you about and I done none of none such things So it's time to bring it out. Oh, bring it. I we have a topic the topic is cooking spoiler alert We're gonna get into it in a bit, but I think we need to take our many people have said when how can you take your podcast to the next level?
And I've said, what do you mean? We're already at the highest level? What could you possibly level when you're already at the top? It's like oh wait, do you go to LeBron James after basketball season say how do you make it better?
No, you can't We're the LeBron James of podcasting. So I did think of one thing every every sort of like international Sensation every like kind of cultural phenomena. They all got fun fan names, you know like Taylor Swift They're the Swift and and Beyonce. It's the Bay hive right BTS the BTS army, which is incredibly aggressive What are we what is our what are our fans identify themselves dude?
What's the deal? I mean unfortunately, I think that's just a question for our millions and millions of fans rather than for us Well, I okay, what about the Jabu walkies like the job? Yeah, dude fuck yeah Like what about like Jabu piece, you know, cuz it's kind of like groupie. Oh I'm gonna write some of these down.
We should put it in a poll, but let's brainstorm for a little bit Okay, so so far we are I gotta get it. We gotta write them down. Okay, so far we have Jabu Walkies, I'm gonna spell it how they spell it, but swap the the a for you is crazy And then what did you say Jabu piece Jabu piece is something like kind of a standard, but like Jabu nation What up Jabu nation always I mean we also don't like can we get out of job? We could just go boo, you know like fucking like oh the boobs dude.
What if we call them boobs, but like BU UBS But like the boo boos boos is something okay, and then And then what about like guide stuff like I thought about guide guys and guide gals But that's too gender binary, but like what about guide guide pals is that anything pals is good We could do like is it good or is it good or is it good or is it good or is still guides or you know It's something obviously a gold mine without crystal guides or is Cray all put it but that one is the biggest stinker crystal. The guide zers. I don't even know how to What about guide to lifers like somebody somebody sure I'm like it like in Jabu walkies the most I think yeah Sometimes you get it one I mean I had I did have some I knew I was coming in with this Obviously I was running some of these in my head ahead of time a job You got I know I've spilled all my beans it was job walkies. It was a job of nation and it was got the light Yeah, dude, of course Is there anything with rubrics because we do a rubric that is true we do technically do a rubric I mean like this, you know, I'm gonna say like rubed heads, but that just sounds like fans of friend of the guy Jacob Yeah, Jacob Ruben, which is great if you're a rubed head like shout out to you too rubric sandwich Okay, yeah, no bad ideas.
We're just brain Yeah Goldberg, okay, okay, we're big Goldberg Goldberg Goldberg is good because it also reminds me of the wrestler To the podcast would be Ruben noobs. Yeah, what's up all you ruben you fucking new fucking merge is Ruben you've been proud Yeah, dude. I love that shit. Okay.
What about we're the we're the dangerous boys Dude, what if they're the dangerous pals or like the car the house maybe like wine nation Wine We also got like don't forget that we're poked detected. Okay. Okay. Wait a minute We can't just do one we can't be one bit right like Taylor Swift isn't like they're not called like the shake it off He's right you can't do like the litties.
Okay Interesting because it is a really our word on its own kind of requires the other parts Okay, but what if it was like the very like very quite squad or like the very quite family or Very quite family. I don't hate actually Shout out to you and all you all you rubed moves out in combination I'm not sure that we're gonna top job walkies. Okay, we will put a poll together And I this one we say like we're gonna put stuff on social media and then like you guys know we know it's an insight joke We never do but this one I actually am going to because I'm universe. Oh my god.
Yeah I mean that's like the name of our wiki For all you ruben oops like Wabu is his nickname and my name is Jesse So job is a kind of a portmanteau of those two monikers in case you were like what the fuck are they say No one's listening Okay, job donation no way I already had job and we just a job universe That one got to have like an oomle out. I think over the you Well, but this on Twitter if you've got better ones fucking get at us, baby Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean we're gonna have to do we're we're gonna cut some of these down obviously, but we have one two three four five six We have 13 I think we could probably cut it to a tight 10 or eight We're being honest like maybe boobs and booboos What if what if okay, I have one more fans of the LeBron James of podcasts I don't I don't see how we top it to be honest. Yeah, okay great. So that one's solid to me.
That's good That's what this is your boys. This is your boys. Uh, Jabu Nope job is both of us dude. This is your boys.
Jabu. Oh your boys. Jabu. Yeah, dude.
We're talking about cooking Yeah, cooking uh, okay. I have a couple categories in mind. Can I just spit them out? Yeah, uh, why are you cooking?
Sure. Like the reasoning. I'm just gonna say reasoning. Um, and then I think for whom do you cook?
For whom for whom does the cook toll? I think um, yeah, I think that goes with reasoning, right? Or do you think that's the same? Um, I was trying to think about how to Honestly, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna push for it being its own category because I got some shit to say about that Or whom does what did I say the cook toll?
Yeah, who does the cook toll you don't understand and while we're here very not quite late as yourself only It stinks to high head. Uh, okay. Yeah, uh, only your step wait. Okay.
Wait a minute. Why why it's oh, yeah I guess you're right because it's not fun. It doesn't it feels like a chore. It's expensive It's just not a good time.
Unless it's like you're doing like a cheeky little snack Mm. Maybe that goes up too because sometimes you get creative in the kitchen and you know I love to get creative, right? So like that's this is my thing is like when I'm when it's a boys weekend, right when my honey bear leaves the nest I yeah and the boys come in and the boys come in it's tuna mail season, baby, and I can't give it it is All right. Yeah, you're right.
You're actually right for yourself as a two because there's some upside also This is our indeed as far as I'm concerned. It's it's already. Oh, yeah. Yeah when you're by yourself.
You mean? Yeah, no no risk playing with flavors, baby. Yeah, of course. Yeah, like you're cooking up your little fish filet and you think maybe some brown sugar would do this, right?
And you don't exactly probably wrong of course. It's sure wrong. Um, okay wait wait Sucks because it's expensive as hell and it's Like a pain it can be a chore if it's just like, oh, we got to make some for dinner Right. Well, and the biggest downside to me is that portions never work out right?
So like you make a thing and you're like, oh, that was fine, but you no matter what you have like a lot more of that than you probably want Like you So expensive right right right okay for whom says category, uh, I think what are you cooking? What you cooking? I want to put in cool tricks as a sure or maybe not cool tricks maybe just little tricks Because sometimes very not quite late is not gonna be a cool trick right? It'll do that would just be A trick trick.
Okay. So a trick for me. Dude. Can you can you flip the fucking can you flip the omelet?
Okay? Got it right omelet flit is a It's an that's and maybe you're a fancy boy bartender and you're gonna whip up a couple cocktails start the evening and you got some funny little spins you can do Yes, yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes. So omelet Can we agree that like an egg the egg flip is a three right if you nail it that's a flip of anything a pancake egg Vegetables it's all the flip is it's honestly not even really a trick so much. It's like required in a regular one cook job, but at home It's a trick and it's great.
Yeah, well when I'm at home and I'm like flipping a regular pancake I'm I'm getting my spatula under there. I'm tilting the pan so I'm really not even doing a full flip You know, I'm just kind of like tossing it over I'm talking about you're fucking emerald in there and you're just working with a pan you fucking launch that some bitch You get a bunch of airtime and what lands right perfect. You know what I'm talking about what about think about Let's say I come home from my day job which I will reveal in one minute and I'm cooking up some I'm making like a little chicken teriyaki knife for everybody and then I start using one of my day job skills Which is surprise I work at any hana and I'm flipping little shrimp He's across my living room into my guests mouths obviously very quite lit Yeah, if you if you have hibachi grill skills obviously that it's incredibly So much fun for dinner dude. You gotta go over to fucking Ben's house, man He fucking he's a penny on a chef But like okay, but but that is very quite lit and I will say it because it's you're gonna stunt on so hard But dude like you're bringing your work home with me Like you just spent eight hours you fucking virgin flippin scrits.
I enjoy it Just say and dude. I don't want to bring that shit home with me for whomst What about like you're entertaining a group. That's a two see okay, but this is that's to me reasoning like you're cooking for like a party or something It's a two like it can be great, but I don't know about you I am a little baby and when I don't make perfect food. I sit there and get mad at myself Yeah, well, I don't I'm like I should have prefaced this like at the beginning before we even did the name thing I basically cook it.
I don't cook it all my wife went to culinary school I think I mentioned that before she does she insists on doing all the cooking this is not like a It's not like a husband who comes home and does nothing situation. He believes that the woman's license of occasion. Yeah You should see her when I am cooking it is uh, it's like if you were watching if you were like teaching your child how to paint Um and you were and you were looking over there shoulder making sure they didn't get any paint on your nice dining room table It's like that sort of uh, which is like, oh, okay. All right.
No, it's good. Look at a lot of that going on That's a probably a devariat a backseat Backseat, there's an expert in the room. I let the expert take it from me. I'm definitely a backseat chef Yeah, it's the worst thing I just know it's do but like at least your backseat chef what you culinary school as you mentioned Uh meat backseat chef.
No culinary school. Um, yeah, you're just like you ever think about popping a little scallop in there if we got some scallop But a scallop in there dang bro. You ever so you don't cook I cook I cook all the time. I really like to cook Okay, I have another maybe another category Like entertaining oh I think okay.
I think entertaining is a two. I think that at its best It's a three stressful, but it's very stressful and like you said you get mad when you make like spaghetti wrong or you cook your meat Bad and it's like you and your partner and you're like, I'm sorry. I think I did some if cook fucking up something Like that for like 10 people sucks, but I feel like the stuff you cook for parties is always so easy It's like dip for most people. I am a little dipshit who always tries to go above and beyond and it does not work for those I feel like not a lot of cooking right?
It's like you put together a little crudite a little tricadino's yeah little snakam snakam Rinos shout out to L.E.B. Probably the greatest entertainer that there is Come in. Yes, she claims not to listen and now she has to listen this compliment pretend that you hear it But she puts out snakarinos. There's like a rotation dude.
She's got the crudite coming at one spot Then she's got little meats coming at another spot. She got tea and she got the cheeses and she got the pickles baby It doesn't stop can I I would like this is not even appropriate to what we're talking about here This is uncooking related kind of but like let me tell you a little a low key fucking very quite lit for entertaining And I'm sure based on what you just said about L.E.B. That she's she's on to this dude having like actual serving dishes Yo, it's so if you're even considering entertaining get them just get them just get them It's so important. Yeah, like my it's crazy because like this is the most boring ass old guy This is like the the most 34 year olds our podcast has ever been but like It just like it hit different when the chips are in like a special little chip ball instead of your fucking metal mixing bowl Which is fine like that's sorry.
I would just serve more than one portion of food I would not have a tool to do it in this apartment. I have we have regular plates I don't know fucking serving tray. We got a couple of like long like rectangles charcuterie things like you know, right right? Same how am I to serve something?
I would use a if I made pasta salad, which I do I put a big glass bowl And then I use a regular size spoon, right? Yeah, and it's mostly just because like we're first like don't have room for that like we have fully have our own house And even then we're like we don't have fucking space. We don't have a garage like my mom keeps that shit like in the pantry in the garage Like I can't just be having a bowl. We use twice a year.
Sorry. I don't have the space for it How fucking sick is it when you have a friend that like entertains and does it all the time and they're good at it? Yeah, I mean, it's tight as fuck we're we're trying to we're trying to be those people we're trying to get that life going Dang bro. That's stressful.
It's stressful, but like Shut your stuff. No, that's fine. They touch away dude. I'll fucking I'll break a hand That's my my that's my job.
See what do they come in your house and then someone gets into your bed and go sleeping in This is like this is first of all they can fucking try it dude. I'd like to see him try this is my role Chelsea She's I just complained about backseat sheffing but here's the deal when we're entertaining She starts a fucking menu dude of at least a month in advance like of course she's like coming up Okay, I'm gonna make a homemade onion dip or I'm gonna make homemade hummus. I'm gonna put together this charcuterie. Here's what we're going here Me my job.
I'm running fucking defense and security and refills people trying to come into the bed. Sorry. You're getting yanked. There's no way Blows That's fine, but that's guess what I'm a role player dude.
I'm not the star of this team when that comes I'm handling I'm putting on the music here. Yes, dude. I'm putting on the music. I'm putting on this a whole different category We're in a whole different episode, but I'll put a little something on the tv but muted just so there's something to look at I think that's a Little good situation.
There's lots of stuff going on. I'm playing. I'm a role player dude. I'm not where we putting weeknight dinner.
Oh One dude one. I don't know. I kind of look forward to it frankly. Oh I just hate the like dishes after and the like I just like don't want to come over more This is different because you don't leave for work.
Maybe it's not different because that but is are you realistically using in a mug in regular weeknight? I mean, I know you got master chef in the kitchen right that's it right. It's like like I'll tell you right now last night We had and I don't I'm not gonna even front. I didn't do the dishes last night So this is me complaining about something I didn't even do we put them in the fucking dishwasher, but like last night we had Mashedly potato chicken and salad.
There was a lot of dishes. I mean, there's a lot of components I do not do is make more than one like a thing. Yeah, dude. That's right.
Are you out of your fucking mind? Dude? Sides gotta be a three though because like that's how it's how it's of course But yeah, obviously I'm always cooking like a when it's my time to cook it's we're having pasta. There will not be a side salad There will not be side breads.
It's crazy. Uh pasta actually is the only thing I always make a side salad for That's always but I like you you doing a little bag salad Uh, I honestly let me tell you this I'm gonna shame you because I stand by it pasta side salad easy peasy They'll chop our main a little a radicchio a little tomato radish. That's all you need a little balsamic perfectly Italian side salad I don't I don't please agree with that at all. I can I tell you signature dish My signature time and you're in the lab.
What's your signature dish? So this is it right because I think there's one more category we need and I think it's I think it's like tools Sure Because you know you've had my signature dish dude. It's the pork is probably my sippy Yeah, for sure and like that to have a to me a crock-bot is a three as far as tools go right like a slow cooker is cash money Tonight's dinner was crock-bot a little second over here We got chicken in the crock-bot right now as we speak I can smell it in the door baby. Let me tell you what you cooking Uh crock-bot dinner is a three.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so easy.
It's so easy, baby Especially working from home. Let me tell you crock-bot dinner is the simplest shit of my entire life. Yes, dude. Yes Uh other tool that I think is uh pretty boss is a uh smoker obviously because this is like where I get in it This is so for sure okay.
Let me tell you my so we're we decided on this a little bit because tongue skipping is coming up It's big cooking season uh we host Thanksgiving for my whole family in our house again This is a thing where Chelsea's been playing in the menu forever. We are turkey got delivered today, baby We're we are ahead of it. Uh how many people you got the number is Probably right at 10 somewhere. I think it's a space for that you have 10 chairs you have 10 chairs You gotta get some money.
Let's see. Maybe I'm hold on. It's us two my little brother my mom Uh, I think maybe I'm maybe I think there's 10 invited but I think we'll actually end up having six How many chairs you got in that house? Well, uh we ask mama to bring chairs Uh from home.
She has folding chairs and our table dude. We have three inserts for our table our table goes up to like fucking 18 Tables it's uh, it's yeah Yeah, it is I mean we could make it so that it's like the tables they have in like the crown or like game of thrones where they're sitting at opposite ends and it's like 70 feet long Yeah, yeah silent contentious dinner. There's candles lit in the middle. We barely make eye contact.
No speaking Hell yeah, dude got to that's the only kind of dinner you can have at those big wall tables How do you like how do you like pass you couldn't pass the mass potatoes in that situation unless there's a conveyor belt? Oh, it's in table like that, but it has a little like revolving sushi I was gonna say you're talking about sushi boat at home Yeah, dude put it on the list at home sushi boat. It does sound like uh like a like a skymall product that you would you know? Where does it go dude?
Where does that I've yeah? The smoker dude the reason I brought up tunk's giving is because as much as I said, I don't cook I'm smoking the turkey this year big boy. Yes, that is out of it so much pressure. You understand the pressure I don't want to and I couldn't even yeah.
Have you done a practice run yet? No Boy, well, I got a story store get the shittiest turkey that they have plenty of freaky is trying Yeah, I'm proud of that's a good call. That's a good question between now. Thanksgiving.
I do dude. I do I'm gonna make time for it Uh, okay, okay, so holiday is kind of a three to me as much as I just said I'm dreading that because I kind of feel like everybody already in the good mood, right? Yeah, and the truth is it's an easy crowd. They don't care Yeah, like something is also like it's all about the sides so the turkey can still be a thing.
Well, yeah In our house, but I think in most houses, there's always like 10 fucking things So it's like okay, maybe the turkey sucks. Maybe the mashed potato sucked But the stuffing was slamming the mac and cheese was slamming like brother I got to know the menu you got I got to get a copy of that when it hits the fucking web dude Let me see I might have a shared note in my phone for the for that, but I will yeah either way I'll hit you with it to see the menu Is she gonna write it on like a chalkboard or something? No, no, but that would be that could be a job for me Yeah I'm gonna text her she'll get it to me right away first. She'll be like because we have the grocery list Oh, you don't even want to know the grocery list dude.
It's oh, I have Brother I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.
I got it. Oh grocery shopping dude. That's a demerit Right doing the shopping for cooking sucks. Oh, yeah horrible and like get it done early It's like strategy anything in cooking well, maybe that's a trick Is like this is just holiday cooking though.
We're just talking yeah Yeah, but but I think that plan ahead makes sense because how often have you I know the answer is a lot You're staring down the barrel and you go hmm. It's seven o'clock I'm pretty hungry and I haven't even figured out anything so What are we cooking and then you're digging through the pantry looking for your can of beans and your fucking scatios see I plan the menu for the week Oh, I that to me is an a plus trick Well, you know, I'm like menu for the land is a is a generous term But like I go to I go I get inspired by the local flavors aka trader joe's I also have like a five a five dish rotation that's kind of be like I'm gonna pick three of them and roll with it Yeah, no, that makes it. I mean that's what I did when I was single as I was treated Joe's and I would say okay, here's two pre-packaged pastas that'll be good Here's a bunch of stuff for sandwiches and I'll get some tuna and I'll have a tuna melt this week that'll be good Uh, bro put tuna melt on what to cook for three. Yeah, you're making it you're leaning into it and oof love to get nasty Yeah, that one is you talked about experimenting.
Oh my god, dude. I'm one of my little secrets that I do Yeah, what's your tuna not recipe brother dude first of all you you I'm a fucking artist. There's no recipe brother I'm I'm sorry Yes, dude, but a big thing for me instead of celery I feel like people put a lot of celery in a Nope, you know, but I do like the crunch. So what do I do instead?
I cut up a little pickle don't I but not dice same? Yes, I do Chose Cornichons and I slice them sons of bitches up. Mm-hmm. I like a dill spear But I'll say you know I'm never saying no to a cornish on my friend and you've got up there Getting that crunch getting that vinegar now let me tell you where wabu innovates because Wabu don't I don't mayo you know, I don't mayo sure get a little mustard in there Yeah, then if I don't have ranch dressing which I rarely do because all you to fast but Ranch dressing in that case.
It's amazing. But a little the TJ garlic spread. Oh, I like that idea right and a little musty Yes, so pickle Uh, if uh, if I'm feeling extra briny on that day, I'll get a little olive going I love it. I so I like all that.
I do go mayo, but I go about 50 50 mayo mustard because I like mustard You got it. Like what are we doing here? Um, and then I'm you can't put enough everything bagel seasoning in that I love it Yeah, I mean I hit it with a gallon of chili crisp. Yeah, same deal same deal hit with chili grit This is just this at this point this episode is trader Joe's tuna melt.
Oh, that's a tuna melt episode. Yeah, dude Oh, maybe the maybe name for our fans big tuners. What do we think about that? Yeah meltheads Okay, I got the menu you want the menu for yeah, of course I want the menu, okay, so obviously we're gonna have Jacoutery and some crudite and then little shrimp cocktail don't mind if I do Mashed haters gravy to hot honey brown butter roasted sweet potatoes.
Okay, uh green beans with garlic and butter brussel sprouts roasted with bacon Um wild rice stuffing which she makes every year. It's so fucking good Stuffing biscuits. I don't know what that is, but I'm obviously Lotted Kale salad with delicata squash and we caught that oh to the season isn't it? Mm-hmm a little cranberry sauce which she makes yeah, and then an apple crisp and homemade maple ice cream will also be going to Eat its pie shot as a e-spine Oakland They have their Thanksgiving delights up and I think we're gonna get a chocolate hazelnut like cream pie from there.
Okay You know I notice My signature Thanksgiving dish is not on that menu what you got? Do I need some sort of gourd based soup on Thanksgiving my dude? Oh a soup on tanks giving is yeah a little starter course Out of bounds to me. Yeah, I gotta get a little starter course of a little spicy virginic squish or like a pumpkin Okay, just a little like a little bit of squish with a little bit of sage little crispy sage Oh, yeah, you don't gotta tell me baby little parry pare sauce A soup is a three of what you're cooking right because that's basically a crop hot dinner.
It's like you put it all in there Yeah, you know it's gonna be good a lot Did you know cheap it is to make me so if you can just get like a thing of miso and add a little bit to actual water That's miso soup fucking big wow you pop in tofu in like little the little greeneries in there too I'm gonna make it my own renmin Damn this guy in the lab Holy shit Okay, TJ did a dupe of the of the David Chang expensive ass like insta ramen Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah A quarter of the price and it's fucking good That romp that David Chang ramen is good as fuck i've had it it's tasty as well But it's also like $13 for like a bag of four of them weird too I we have to tamper our bonus a little bit here because I feel like We're ventured into just like screaming about all the things we like a two for cooking or maybe even a one dude I hate cooking chicken. It's too dangerous. It feels like i gotta wash my hands I made chicken tonight didn't I well, yeah, you just dropped it in the cock-cockpot, but like It's a cock-pot or are you a fan of? That's like I wouldn't google that for a million dollars Not it but um chicken can we give it a two?
I kind of like it a one but like I mean for me so On the menu every week is for me is either salsa chicken or I make this barbecue chicken thing with like pineapple barbecue sauce and it's a hit But that's is that all crockpot stuff? Yeah, I wouldn't cook a chicken outside of a crockpot I'll give you that that's the also go back to tj. They thought those marinade those pre marinated chickens You can pop those in the oven 20 minutes or 25. It's fine.
Yeah, I'm gonna put chicken in two. It's a little dangerous to me I get it's good. I don't like it, but like I hate yeah I think all the main meats are gonna be a two because yeah, that's fair I don't like steak is hard to cook in my opinion. Everyone says it's easy.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong pork I'm gonna cooking but it's it's kind of hard Yeah, and I'm not fucking with like lamb or like other foul We tried to cook a dang we tried to cook a dang duck one time and I botched the hell out of that one That was part of shit. Um, and I'm including fish with me. I don't need to we don't need to separate That's not a conversation. I need to have uh, yeah sure I think pasta is a three.
It tastes good and it's easy as hell. Yeah, it makes you feel like a real fucking chef I'm in there just dropping my little garlic salt in there my little basil. I feel like fucking anything yeah anything's possible Behind yeah, but yeah, scrit to no one like I'm home alone. Um A little a little trick.
It's more of a goof than a trick but doing that doing the uh in a kitchen like to say yes chef It's a two. I think it's very overdone, but it does give me a little chuckle every time done. Oh bro I don't know where this goes. It's an it's a negative 10 million When it's like in the entertaining category when you're trying to cook And there's people in your kitchen.
There's people talking to you And they're oh, I can't yeah, that's just a demerit to me like the the because that's kind of axi chef But not even that's just like respect the craft dude get out of my zone My beloved got her dad a cutting board that says get the fuck out of my kitchen nice Okay for whom's I got one that's kind of bizarre and I think it's a probably a one dude Cooking for your co-workers. What do you think about that? I've never oh that's not true. I have done that before baking is fucking hot.
That's a one to me It's it's so easy to fuck up and if you fucking up, it's like not salvageable. You know what I mean? Okay, tools are very not quite like it's not really a tool It's like almost the absence of tools dude when you are in college and you have to cook but you only have the like Cheapest IKEA yes the cheapest IKEA utensil kit where it's like okay. We got the one spatula and it's hella melted From just years of punishment What was on the college menu because you know I was master chef and college.
Oh my god, dude Your shit was grosser than mine like you're you had your little bean and salsa treat your little hobo And little can of beans and a little can of rice a little bit of salsa Yucky it's cold being poor. I mean, I don't think I was utensils Jesus Um, I don't think I'm so a big thing for me in college. I did a lot of pasta I did get froggy with a lot of stir-fry because because it was basically wobbish and meal Which you have shocked that we've gotten 40 minutes in and we haven't talked about the But it was literally like all right. We have a rice cooker rice cooker as a tool.
I think it's a I think it's a two It kind of like doesn't and this is my opinion. I've only used one one time. It's exactly as effective as making rice in a pot dude Like it's not gonna be perfect. Right exactly.
Um, I've heard that you can pressure cook rice perfectly But I'm we have a pressure cooker. I'm afraid of them because they always explode on top chef, don't they? Dude a pressure cooker? How about a one dude?
I feel like they are everyone's like you gotta get an insta pot and then we fucking use it And it's crazy. Obviously air fryer is a three. Uh, you know what isn't underrated three is a fucking lemon squeezer. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Once you go squeeze or you don't go be easier God dude, that's new merch New merch is no wait. What did we just say was that? Oh pressure cooker too. Pressure cooker sucks Um, there is like a list that I think is all very pretty good And I we don't have to like bang out all of them But like there is a list of like things that are awesome if you use them with regularity and can use them well So like sure but we have people don't right but we have an ice cream maker in our house And my wife makes delicious walking homemade ice cream.
So like what that's it's a it's a three for me I you know, I got one. I love to make ice cream a fucking ice cream flip jam, dude You know what I have that's a two of a walk Yeah, dude. What do you mean that? I mean that's you want to talk about a rice cooker being the same as i'm making a pot You know walk it's like why don't you just cook it in a pan you fuck it?
Well, it's sick to like get it going. I mean, I don't have like an open flam electric stove So it's a lesson with effect, but right a sick food processor is the three We got a ninja brother. It's so loud. I feel it sounds like the fucking house is gonna explode.
We use that Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude I love ninjas dude. We had a we had an engine now. We have a vitamin exp blender, but yeah ninjas fucking rip There have been answers.
We also got I have someone the PR group was like you want an oil Enthuser and I was like I'll never use that and they're like we have to send them to people what you take one That's a one to me. Do you use in that thing? I know you use it one time. Um, I I tried to make lavender I tried to make spicy lavender olive oil and It was a good I did the right amount of lavender and I but it was the spiciest thing I've ever Oh, man.
Okay. I think oil and fuser is with it. I never haven't touched it again big one Fondue dude to me. We have one.
We desperately want to get into it. It feels like a one though Fondue don't okay. Do you got like a meat thermometer? Dude that is so fucking clutch.
I think it's a waste of time You're an idiot. What? No fucking meat thermometer. Are you joking me?
No, this is because you're only slow cooking your fucking chicken, dude We're out here baking chicken. Oh my god, dude. What? We haven't talked about so I was gonna say I'm putting me through all of this a three you fucking lunatic That's such a and it takes up no space.
It's god. It's so lame. We when we first moved here We were doing a lot of we have a meal subscription Yeah, yeah, same same subscription. We have talked about those that feels like a tool and I think it's a two I like I think it's a two also we got a lot of ethnic food out of it in this fucking goddamn desert It's called some basket.
It's actually pretty good food, but they cranked other prices So fucking much it's out of this world to even consider honestly, they're like seventeen or eighteen dollars of portion though I'll go to a restaurant. Are you joking? Yeah, that's no good obviously But that was a good time you get to learn new techniques you get to experiment with different ingredients Yeah, no, we I mean we stopped we were getting a hello fresh for a while But we also we did the whole you know you do the ring around the rosy where you go to all of them They're gonna give you a you know three months free But It was honestly not a joke so complicated. That's so funny We did we did hello for us the most and the big thing that we took away from it or that Chelsea took away from it mostly Is that she makes a lot of those dishes still like she just the thing a trick a cool trick dude is if you just like pictures of the recipes Yeah, well, we just have them in our cabinet, but yeah take pictures of them also But a cool thing you know how some people can just hear a song and play it on guitar Sure, Chelsea could do that with like food at a restaurant where she will try a Fuck a food and then be like I'm gonna try and make this at home And then like I would say more often than not can pretty much she can get very much in the ballpark or completely nail it most of the time Jesus Christ, so that's a fucking hella trick like just a fucking get it by ear like like reproduce restaurant meals Uh, it's crazy.
What about nice skills? They're annoying, but like the pretty fun cool Yeah, well and like they matter like I think as a college kid I was kind of like it's a knife it cuts. Why don't you do it better? But that now like I'll cut an onion and once I'll be so wonky and I'm like fucking it sucks Shout out to his holiness Richard blaze.
Yeah, you love to get blaze dude Dude dick blaze cracks me. Oh fucking blaze or um, okay for whom's to dude. I we only have very pretty goods Is there a very not quite lit or a very quiet one? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're beloved for sure That's that's the week that I did or something to it.
Mm-hmm. Probably I bet a number one dude I bet it's like customers if you are working in a kitchen. That's no fun Dude, I don't understand like anyone that likes cooking would be a chef at a restaurant. It seems bad I mean, that's just you can't just working catering.
Yeah, much better. Yeah, I make more money It's right easier. You get to do you know what I like when I'm cooking. I don't know where this goes since I don't work at a restaurant I can cut that onion as slow as I fucking right so tight.
I can start chopping that onion I could go in the other room and do something else I come back and talk about onion in a minute Oh, I have a trick and I think it's a two Uh You what you what you got going when you're cooking you put on a little music you put on a podcast What are you cooking with or you just go with silence dude? I'm a audiobook guy There you go. So I think putting a little something on a two for tricks My ideal entertaining scenario is that I'm in the kitchen away from everyone and there's like music going on in the house Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure But I mean like on the on like the week nights for example when I'm like putting together something I will I'll either blast a podcast or my move is that we have I'll put on like on my iPad I'll put on whatever because we have like cable and I have it on my iPad So I'll put on like whatever game, you know, like a warrior's game or a giant You have an iPad Yeah, dude Well, I'm rich like that so I have an iPad Yeah, wait And I'll put that I'll pop that bad boy on like a giant game or something And that's a nice I don't pay full attention, but it's like, you know keeps me company a little bit Yeah, very not quite lit because you got it, right? Fuck what do we do?
There's not that it's one of the worst feelings in the world It's like 10 p.m. Maybe even like you kind of like Then I got away from you Yeah, you're like oh no all the delivery places are closed We kick it pizza again. We had it last night. That's the only place open Fuck what do we have here?
Oh, that's absolute misery Like if you have to if you have to preheat the oven You're dead you might as well be fucking dead Uh, what do you cook? Dude, I got one that's a two that I think is needs to have a little bit more respect dude frozen food Just sometimes it's what it's what it you needed to be You know popping a little frozen pizza something like that Yeah, it's a two I think it it's like rare when frozen food like really hits unless it's like trader joes I agree, but it's so easy and it's like if you know what you're doing It's usually life. My lunches have been frozen food. Yeah, that sucks I mean I mean I frozen food like maybe once every three weeks like it's not a regular We have a lot of trader joes frozen in that section It's delicious I buy a lot frozen ingredients Yeah, that for sure that for sure Freezer all the time a lot of them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, do that elote from fucking traders the frozen elote So fucking good. I got a little trick. It's not really a trick This is like a move calling someone in to give it a little taste. I kind of like it It's a tune to me.
I kind of like it. Yeah, but like a little nerve-wracking Yeah, but but I think that you only really do that if it slams I don't think anyone's doing that and ask it my opinion, you know, they're always just like hey come on It's a little coy Hey, hey, hey, I actually don't really what do you think? Last time I was pulled up the pork When we made when I made that I did a little hey you want to uh tell me how this tastes like I can't change it It's not I'm pulling it, but like that's just a little it's kind of your stunt not a little bit We didn't I feels like we didn't talk about it as much as I thought we would because we got sidetracked so many times But I kind of can't put together what else it would be what else we would if you Jesse are left home alone And you must cook and there's like let's say you got the standard stuff in the what are you like? What are you probably gonna make?
I mean, I probably I'm probably not gonna cook I'm probably gonna make a sandwich to be honest like a dirty sandwich but sure sure sure um I mean truly it's like It's gonna be either a tuner or maybe a pousta or how to talk about tuna and pasta in this cooking episode Yeah, dude, I don't know what to tell you I don't do the fucking cooking and because of that I don't also have much of a say in the grocery shopping So it's like I'm gonna open the fridge and be like hmm. These ingredients might be for something else later I don't know if I'm allowed I don't know if I should actually use this but uh lunches boy. Yes. No, I make my sandwiches What's going to make a friend lunch eat a sandwich every day?
Yeah, you sing with it's most days. Yep A sandwich that you make most days. Yep. I mean I make it every day.
I never gets made for me. I'm a big boy I don't wear a dipi sure sure But I just make a little turkey cheddar the biggest flaw of the lunch sandwich is and it's not cooking first of all Obviously it's I can't put a pickle on it because it's because it'll give you too soggy And a pickle on the side is tough because if I put it in a ziploc or like a little tupperware Sometimes that pickle juice still leaks into my lunch bag and that I cannot stand So yeah, that's a that's a toughy. It stands pickle The other thing actually that I make that kicks ass but it's not super uh, I guess this is what what you're cooking dude I mean it's still a sandwich so I'm still fucking weak as hell but uh I make a tremendous breakfast sandwich and uh Take me through it. I mean it's not it's nothing special and that's the beauty of it It's like not overcomplicated but the key is for the longest time I would make a breakfast sandwich with fried eggs because that's like what I feel like people taught me that I should be having my eggs fried And I love a fried egg but for sandwich fuck, but that's not my favorite breakfast sandwich egg No, absolutely not.
So I just try and make them as close as I try and make them as close as possible to The bodega sandwiches. So I will like ideally it's American cheese It's like omelet style right like I whip them up a little bit first I toss a little bit of milk in there to get them a little bit extra fluffier and uh if I'm feeling extra funky I might throw a little bit of uh of that uh that sweet hot chili that onion crunch Oh, you must on the bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or like whatever like sriracha or whatever we got It's it's a very simple dish, but it's quite fucking good And then if we got like a bacon or a ham all grills some of that up and I'll toss it in there too But that's a that's a game time decision. I like a scramby egg at a breakfast sandwich Yeah, it's I mean the scruff thing about a scramby is that they're falling all out all loosey goose No, you can you can like not scramby them too hard?
I think breakfast though cooking is a three right it feels like that's I love Fucking and this is like cooking is a loose definition on this one, but I love to fuck up a charcuterie board Yeah For sure for sure for sure I got the bloobs. I got the almonds. I got little uh little marinated arctic oaks I got all the goodies the wine Multiple crackers all the dips. Oh, huh?
Huh? Oh, I got a trick. I actually I have a trick that might be a one Dude, I think I and I do it I definitely do it, but I think drinking while you cook is not as good as we want it to be, huh? It's nothing to me because I don't do it.
I open a drink and then I just forget that it's there and I leave it sitting on the counter Oh, see I do then I that's not me I'll be pouring some wine and then I'll be like waiting for something to heat I'll wait for the water to boil and I'm like well shit, I already finished this glass. Let me just uh Um But I but it never works out good because it's either like you see me. Yeah, okay Yeah, I think this is pretty I don't say I don't know what else to say. That's pretty good.
Cooking's fun. It's fun to eat. It's fun to cook. It's fun to chop stuff You gotta get the good tools like obviously for tools like get a good knife.
Honestly, you deserve it Go out and get yourself a good knife. Good knives also aren't extensive gang I'll tell you what at the one Asian grocery store in this in these North Carolina mountains I got myself a 20 dollar knife have a bunch of Asian characters on the side It is as far as I'm concerned. No fucking santoku. It is amazing.
Yeah fucking the tori hanzo you got over there Get yourself something good chop up your vegetables with it get yourself a cutting board that has the little indentation so juices don't leak out Yes, do you know squeeze your tofu down with a cook before you cook it makes you look hot. You know the stuff I mean, yeah, I agree to all that uh, I'll toss in there if we're just throwing shout outs to cool to cool shit dude Get yourself a proper like I feel like I used to measure dry and wet ingredients with the same measuring You could get get yourself one of the glass ones for your liquids and one of the little metal ones are plastic ones for your dry ingredients It's all right. You could be good. You could store those Dry ingredients in the wet ingredient ones.
It doesn't even take up more space, buddy Uh, you know what else you can do when you got time you can prepare yourself a little you can prepare individual components for one dish Know what I'm saying? I know I'm so bad at that, but you're right. You definitely can Oh, I thought of another Reasoning and I think it's bad my meal prepping dude. Like it's cool.
I hate it. I'm just okay I can't have the same thing every day. I just can't see I can for sure but it's more like when when Chelsea is meal prep before I mean she also can't so she's meal prepping like different meal I mean she'll make like three or four different meals that we'll eat throughout the week Uh, and it's like again. She's making sides and stuff dude It's not like one thing so it's like meatloaf with green beans and that's one night and then like maybe I'll take that for lunch Sure, while we were talking about tools dude You know what when I kind of it's a two to me because I think it's not entirely necessary But like if you get yourself like a little mandolin dude, I love those things you get those So scared of them.
Yeah, well you gotta get the little you got the gift. You don't have one of the grips dude You gotta get a great can't it'll fall off It's gonna find a destination. Oh my god My cheese grater has a little like a side of it has a little mandolin on it. Oh sure Oh, she's greater also hugely clutch.
You gotta have a cheese Oh my god, if you're cooking a pasta for someone hit it with a little freshly grated jaws Are you are you fucking fresh grating? Chas for just pasta? I'm not doing that usually know but like if I was hosting I would okay Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure sure sure sure sure sure um Yeah, dude, I agree I'll you can't have I think that like we have everyone has the kitchen tools that they don't use that much But as far as tools go like you can't it's hard to say that that's too many like we have so many and I'm just like yeah But I love you got the space fill it up fill it up dude. That's what Marie Kondo says fill every fucking hole dude And that's all I got for this big time Thank you.
I gotta get back to my puzzle gang. I've been doing this puzzle of a car code. Oh, holy shit It's all I could think about that's crazy. What do you got?
$80% of it laughter what at least yeah, well, thank you to Adam Fay for the art Thank you to bad talk for the music. Thank you to the job walkies or job oonation or guide to lifers or rubric Goldberg's or Very quite family. Whatever like the pro lifers. Yeah, dude Fucking yikes, dude.
No, I think that was fun. We're gonna nail this one. Thank you to Texas Thank you to Florida. Thank you to Illinois.
Thank you to Louisiana. That's what I'd like to see yeah That's a diverse crew. That's pretty solid. You know, it's fucking gone In good riddance frankly, Bulgaria.
Oh dude good. Yeah, it was well lasted, but right now each shit I'll tell you who occupies my heart a little couple countries like to call Canada, Japan, Italy of Netherlands. Oh big in Japan Hey, speaking of Canada go listen to a friend of the guy at Annie Clark's got her own podcast now called doll space go listen to it What the fuck I didn't know that yeah, that's great. Congrats to her cheers She's probably like the hmm She's probably like the she the Michael Jordan of podcast.
I mean if we're the LeBron James, maybe she's the Michael Jordan I guess the jury's out the new generation. So she's like the yonnes of podcast. Okay. Yes Go cook.
Let us know what you're cooking and fucking You know, let us know in the comments what you're cooking just a five-star review that says fucking like got you Epepe You know dude, uh, and if you especially don't