Stop Believing Every Thought You Have (Mette Reebirk)

Close your eyes for a second. Go ahead, really do it. Mette Reebirk asked me to try this live on the show, and within a breath there was a voice in my head going, "this is weird, I hope this doesn't last too long." Then a second voice: "come on, be positive, she has a plan." Then Mette asks the real question: who's the one watching those two voices argue? That's the whole episode in miniature. We have around 60,000 thoughts a day, she says, coming and going like clouds, and you do not have a single feeling, not anxiety, not shame, not anger, that wasn't created by a thought you believed to be true for a moment. Mette is an author and executive coach who's spent over two decades helping experienced leaders question their thoughts and free themselves from anxiety. Seven years ago, after decades in senior leadership (president of an investment-attraction organization, international director at a university, and director of corporate relations at another), she got fired, not for the first time in her career, and started her own consultancy from scratch, not entirely sure what she had to offer once the company logo was gone. What she found, working with laid-off executives who "on paper had everything" and still felt hollow, became the foundation for the thought-questioning work she teaches today. We get into why you're not actually meeting the person in front of you, you're meeting your own story about them, how that single insight can defuse a bad boss, a messy teenager's room, or a marriage fight, and why the only thing you ever really lose when you let go of a false belief is the story itself. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TjlwFusmYU In this episode Why you don't have a feeling or emotion that wasn't created by a thought, and how to catch the thought before it becomes a stress spiral The "who's watching the two voices" trick for noticing your own mental chatter instead of getting swept up in it Why meeting someone else is really meeting your own story about them, and how that reframes conflict with a difficult boss, spouse, or teenager How Mette got fired, not for the first time, and had to rebuild her entire sense of self once the corporate brand behind her name was gone Why letting go of blame doesn't mean tolerating bad leadership, it means dealing with one thing (the bad leader) instead of a whole story about them A simple body-based check ("can I be 100% sure that's true?") for questioning a belief the moment you feel it land in your stomach or your chest Timestamps (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet author and executive coach Mette Reebirk (01:53) Two decades in senior leadership, then getting fired, not for the first time (02:18) Starting a consultancy from scratch and traveling to China not knowing what she had to offer (04:28) What Mette saw headhunting laid-off executives: success on paper, insecurity underneath (08:36) The two-voices exercise: noticing the watcher behind your own thoughts (09:48) Why every feeling you have was created by a thought you believed (13:03) Why letting go of an old story can feel like losing the stone in your shoe (14:03) "You need to look behind": what keeps people blaming a bad boss instead of dealing with one (19:48) Meeting the story instead of the person, and what that means for diversity and difference (24:41) The clothes-on-the-floor experiment: what changed once she stopped calling it "disrespectful" (27:50) The body check: noticing a racing heart or a stomach knot as your cue to question a belief (34:12) Where to find Mette: her book and LinkedIn About Mette Reebirk Mette Reebirk is an author and executive coach based in Copenhagen, Denmark, who has spent more than two decades helping experienced leaders question their thoughts and free themselves from anxiety. Before starting her own consultancy, she held senior leadership roles including president of an organization set up to attract investment to Copenhagen, international director at a university, and director of corporate relations at another. She has a new book on questioning the thoughts we believe to be true. Connect with her on LinkedIn. Favorite quotes "You do not have a feeling or an emotion that has not been created by a thought. So whenever you feel anxious, afraid, angry, shameful, it's created by a thought you, in a very short moment, innocently believed to be true." —Mette Reebirk "When we meet the other person, we don't really meet the other person. We meet the story, our own story about the other person. That means that actually we meet ourself." —Mette Reebirk "The only thing that we can lose is a story. The only thing we can lose is the story." —Mette Reebirk Resources mentioned Mette Reebirk's new book on questioning our thoughts to find freedom from anxiety (exact title not stated clearly on air; see reviewer notes) Mette Reebirk on LinkedIn Related episodes The Power of Intuition in Personal Growth: Winnie Rodgers on listening to the body instead of the mind, a natural companion piece to Mette's work on questioning the mind's stories. "Sigh, See, Start": The ShouldStorm Antidote: another framework for catching and reframing the automatic thoughts that drive our stress. Your Logical vs. Subconscious Mind: Who's Really in Control?: more on the machinery behind the thoughts Mette teaches us to question. Subscribe & connect If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show. Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here. Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz