D-Day Survival Guide: Teri’s List – Surviving Betrayal, Season 2, Episode 7

If you’ve just had the "Discovery Day" (D-Day) talk - that moment where the person you love tells you they’ve been living a double life - you are likely reeling, numb, or quivering with rage. I’ve been exactly where you are. In this episode, I’m sharing the list of things I wish someone had handed me the day my world was blown to bits. From why you need a notepad and a snow shovel to a "cold-blooded" informal financial audit that actually gives you peace of mind, these are the 12 best practices that helped me regain my footing. You won't be the same person a year from now, but I promise you, it can be better.When the "Professor" walked down the stairs and told me he was a sex addict, I had no roadmap. I didn't know about "best practices" for trauma; I just knew I was falling. Today, I’m looping back to that moment to help those of you who are just starting this journey."D-Day" Best Practices:Breathe: Don't react or throw things. Keep your powder dry; you'll need that energy for the long haul.The Notepad: Write everything down immediately. Trauma makes your memory unreliable, and you'll want an accurate record of what was actually said.Vigorous Exercise: I hate to exercise, but shoveling snow protected me from uncontrollable rage. Find a way to release your physical energy.Find the Right Help: Do not just call any counselor. Go to APSATS.org to find someone trained in partner trauma. Don't be blamed for their choices by a well-meaning (or otherwise) therapist.Define Your Safety: Physical, emotional, and spiritual. If they need to sleep in another room or move out, insist on it.Find a Group: Check out PureDesire.org for a Betrayal and Beyond group. Isolation is the enemy of healing.Partner Groups: Request they get into a group like Seven Pillars right away.An Informal Financial Assessment: It sounds cold, but you need to know where you stand financially AND if you can make it on your own. Knowing the numbers gives you a position of strength from which to negotiate.Accept the Change: You will never be the same person you were before this day. Grieve that loss, but don't rush the stages of grief.Invest in Yourself: Pedicures, haircuts, or seek new interests. Do it for you, not to prove a point.Journal: Write it down so that a year from now, you can see how far you've come.New Reality over Restoration: Sometimes there is nothing in the "old" marriage worth restoring. It's okay to want a completely new reality instead.Links Mentioned:APSATS.org (To find trauma-specialized coaches and therapists)PureDesire.org (For local and online support groups)Our Website: https://wheretofindbread.usPlease share these podcast episodes with all your friends - you never know who might be hurting in silence - and subscribe at https://wheretofindbread.us.  Thank you for listening!