Hello there everybody This is Jesse McGrath and that's Wilder Shaw welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life Jeez I stroked out a little bit forgot how we open the show God we are killing it! You're a rough one in the lab today ladies and gentlemen, but we're here We are struggling in the lab here gang and I'm not really sure why It's just things are weird. It's yeah, you got the election going and you got I have moon is something I feel like there's gotta be something with the moon There is a thing the moon is we got a moon the moon is up to no good Sun is out moon is out too. Is that something?
It's nothing I'm on the left on the east coast and it's dark There's no Sun and there's hardly any moon. A lot of moon activity one of my favorite bars two or three blocks from my house Recently got shut down due to some Nazi activity and now it's called the moon room. Ooh coincidence Mmm don't think so that's pretty cool that they got shut down for Nazi stuff and then picked a famously white Different owners now I think yeah, well, there's a lot of Nazis around Just is the moon canceled 2020 moon is canceled. Oh, we got a canceled a moon big whitey in the sky Are you kidding me moon is out baby fucking honky in the sky?
I don't need that cracker looking down at me every night Oh my god made a cheese. So crackers and cheese. That's something. Well, that is good.
It's not something You're not something for this podcast or anything else It is I guess something Even the words something on that welcome to a very special episode of wine moms. We're we turned double digits. Oh, yeah, we're 10 We're old enough. We're 10 years old old enough to pee old enough for me.
You know what they say baby. I learned to pee I'm 10 I didn't learn to pee until probably three weeks ago. Okay, this is actually a perfect segue is it? Yes Yes, because wait to see how I learned just joke that he didn't learn to pee But actually wilder did not learn to pee in a conventional way Today's topic.
I'm gonna get into I'm steamed. I do not learn to pee. I was coerced right to pee incorrectly by none other than my father We'll come to the dad episode. Yes, this is the dad episode and the first thing we will be building out the perfect dad The first category is advice.
I need to say I feel like right off of the bat This is not about like what a male needs to teach people right like we got to get that out of the way. Oh, no for sure We're talking about just like the idea of a father. Oh daddy I do not really want to call this episode daddy call it daddy if it's if the episode's not called daddy send your fucking complaints to Wilder Damn it do it now. Yeah, you can't edit that out.
I'm building the perfect daddy here for you Yeah, it's like dad in the sense of like dad jokes like don't overthink guys. We're just all having fun here I think we're trying so hard not to do this wrong Which I think put that on our fucking podcast. Yeah for real. We're trying so hard not to fuck it up, please Nobody's perfect So back to it the first actually no hold on let's let's track it back before we get into this awesome advisor dad Give me just about it Can I just about off some categories that are just coming right off the bat wait wait wait wait do that I want to Break a little bit.
Okay, can you can we take up just pause for one second and introduce our fathers? I wish they were here in the rooms with us, but can we yeah, I think that's probably a good idea like give me It's coming off a little slice of your dad. Okay, my dad Richard Paul Shaw a.k.a. Rick Shaw his real name We're talking about a guy that prefers to pee sitting down A guy who likes to snap and when he does it makes the sound of dry leaves crackling We are talking about a guy who has a little yellow scootie.
Yes has said the phrase I fancy myself kind of a euro fellow more than once Fixes a euro Can I call someone a euro? Oh if we can't call people euro then I'm definitely canceling the moon 2020 That's beautiful. Let me give you another side of the dad coin maybe a fully opposite side We paint you a picture of Mike McGrath Michael McGrath husband formerly to Michael McGrath my mom a different episode Both Michael and they were like oh what should we name our kid well not Michael But we will give him the middle name Michael. Yeah sure just for fucking fun.
See onesies Oh, we get it guys you think Michael's a cool name for sure so cool in fact that my dad got a When he married my mom got a tattoo of the name Mikey Which is how she is called on his back and then when they got divorced he just had the wiver moved and so he just has his own name on It's back. No, that's the perfect that's the perfect significant other tattoo in case it doesn't work out correct Yes, look at that's like a fucking Nathan for you bit. Yeah. Yeah, so the next person I start dating I'm just gonna call them like wild arena Yeah, normal name like wild arena.
Yeah or wob wob wob wis. Oh Yes, yes, yes Honestly, I don't know why you don't Um, so my dad has his own name tattoo on his back. That's maybe his fourth worst tattoo. We can get into that later Maybe he's big conspiracy theory guy always quick with a joke and he loves sleeveless teas Not like a not like a work not like a like an undershirt You know like what do we call those there's an offensive term for him and then there's an auto an offensive term for him You're talking about a shirt that he's ripped the arms off pretty much Perfect it so he can show off his fucking tats.
What kind of tats with big Mike rockin? Okay? I can't go through all of them. I'll just give you some of the fucking hits bro.
He's got his own name tattoo on his back That's a big number one sure. He's got like a prison tattoo He didn't go to jail, but he got like a home like from a home. He tells people he did Story well, it's a fucking spider on the ball of his ankle. You've heard of some more freak show shit than that like yo We got the same one And then the the piss that is his song his crown jewel is he has a full bicep tattoo And he has some big biceps full bicep tattoo of a really poorly drawn leprechaun in full color throwing a pair of dice That is money.
That's our dad's now hit me with some of them topics. We were talking about we have advice so far What else you got for me well category? I like special skills right of course yes attributes Yes, and now maybe this could go in special skills, but I think it's ever category niche areas of expertise. Oh my god Yes, how do we just do interests?
Yeah? Well, I think areas of expertise and interests are gonna have a lot of no no No, I don't I don't agree. Okay, all right. I am interested in basketball.
Unfortunately, we're not calling myself an expert at playing basketball Okay, sure sure sure okay. I'm gonna put jokes and bits in there. Okay jokes and bits. Okay great Okay, I'm too goddamn excited.
All right, let's put some stuff in here advice your dad's advice you to peace sitting down Where do we put that very pretty good? It's obviously very not quite lit Why does he do it does he have a reason? I like say he prefers it. Does he say why I mean I guess it's relaxing It's easier for sure not in public does he does he use a urinal in public like I really go to the bathroom at the same time He once said the sentence I tried to get you boys to sit Special skills I gotta go very quite lit.
I'm sorry my daddy cuts my hair And it plays into a couple of things that I like number one, but don't like spending money. Okay number two I hate hate hate hate making small talk with a barber. Okay, one of my least favorite things in this whole universe number three It comes with dinner. Do you want to fix you up like a spaghetti?
I don't like eat it while he's cutting It's one long noodle that I'm slurping the whole time. It's that sort of a time thing I say about it. I'm done with this noodle. You better be done.
Okay cuts hair. I guess Like a okay. Yeah, sure. Well, yeah, okay special skill cuts hair got it my dad special skill my dad's a car dad He got he got lots of a car knowledge.
Oh car dad. Yeah, sure. We're gonna put knowing a lot about history Yeah, that's pretty pretty good right cuz sometimes there's enough already Jesus. It's like that already happened Hello.
Yeah, war dad a little boring poor dad. I think is a different thing than I'm saying I might understand war dad means he's just obsessed with war well every your dad doesn't have knows about all the wars No, so I a lot of dads have a preferred war that they are weirdly obsessed with not that they fought in necessarily but like Mike McGrath is a is a Vietnam war daddy. Oh, so just one more He's like he has this like collection of books about the Vietnam War and used to have these fucking like weirdo Paintings about the Vietnam War just framed in our house like so so many people out there are word daddies Can you imagine being really into a war not in my life? Oh boring and so exhausting?
Holy shit except for the emu war I have my war already. It's the emu war and I've already that's my party everything else is hashtag not my war I people that really like history also make me feel bad about myself. I agree like don't you feel like a big fucking idiot when you talk to These people I agree, but not but not a dad. Let me tell you what's worse than a dad loving history I'll give you true life example shout out to my old roommate and friend Sam's a fanic This motherfucker had a timeline of entire history going around the edges of his bedroom and he would just fill it in himself He was just making a world history timeline and he made me feel so dumb Yeah, that's annoying but dad's into this because he's like successful now and that's better things to do but damn dude I think that's you in your own head dude.
I if I saw that I'd be like what are you fucking 12? Oh my god, but like imagine if someone like just walk around reading a dictionary It's something cool like that you know the dictionary. It's not history right while they're it's got the word history in it I just met like oh you get it. We got it.
You love so many words history buff. I'm gonna put medium and I'm gonna move past you grappling with your Insecurities about dictionaries and history skills is like a barbecue dad Which obviously very quite like barbecue dad, right? But like we say only barbecue what about like just iron chef? I think those are different things, but I but like both obviously both very quite little Very pretty good only makes one thing dad.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Been going through a phase for about the last 25 years No My graph is a nasty boy in the kitchen. He'll cook up a prime rib. He has a fucking outdoor flat top Oh, where do we put like he's a moonshine moonshine I mean shiny to yeah, where do we put like tools and gadgets? Is that a dad thing or that yeah?
Yeah gadgets just like the utility belt what about that? Okay, I love that yeah all cooking cooking gadgets are very quite lit Yes, any and all cooking gadgets. Yeah, dad's always have like a mama for no reason my dad's like oh, I have a pizza oven I'm like why I'll tell you what's very not quite late is a fucking moonshine still I kind of like it No, it's cool in concept But then you go and it's in your backyard and it's obviously homemade because it's fucking illegal and you're just like dad What is that and it makes the house smell when you're making it? No good Quarks, you know what I mean?
I think that's jokes and bits Right no, no like for example. I suspect my dad is a hoarder Right, okay, okay. Where does that go interest? Well be interest hoarding very not quite lit all right All right, all right, all right, here we go.
I'm gonna put I'm gonna take I'm gonna say special skills not the same as attributes And I'm gonna say interest slash attributes, right? Yeah, your dad is interesting and hoarding Does your dad collect anything? I guess it's a hoarder. He must be collecting things.
Yes, don't make like collectible my dad Like yeah, you're a coin dad. What do you think about coin dad to me? It's nothing absolutely nothing. It's jeez It's not going dad cuz it's not even like my dad has a couple of bad interests I'll raise your coin dad.
You're ready. I see your coin dad. I raise you Gun to dad you ever heard of something spookier than that? Cun dad scary, but can we put him very pretty good and here's why oh last line defense between you and like perhaps a zombie okay Perhaps you are a girl and you got the critters coming at you.
You know what I mean? Oh, you're talking about like a critters as in like the critters like the dudes that go to your high Yeah, yeah, okay, I want to go gun dad Gotta be very pretty good. Okay interest in attributes. I'm gonna put just to pick it back off of that The overprotective dad is a very pretty good to me.
Yeah. Yeah, so like taken we're talking Liam Neeson Yeah, it's like obviously it's pretty tight, but also like jeez let her live her life. She wants to be good That jeez is cries. Can we put just like a very quite lit?
Okay, yeah, okay good a very particular set of skills. Yes Obviously I got one that's obviously very not quite I guess it goes into interests and attributes maybe area of expertise I Religious dad is there something worse than one? To me religious dad I'm just thinking of like allen to get arrested. That's exactly what I was thinking like so boring so awkward Yeah, that's gonna be yeah religious dad.
No, I think that's area of expertise right if you're fully in on religion That's your expertise like you're like a preacher you're a friar your friar dad Utility belt tools right literal tools like I like it when I dug out all the tools We're just sensitive dad go cuz I like I like a sensitive dad dad dad I kind of like I want to give it a three because I like it when so rickshaw Oh, we'll cry in every movie every single movie. That's great. That's great. It's fun for me.
Yeah, so where do we put that? Is that interested? I'm trying to think I can't think of like a bad thing about sensitive dad I mean, maybe you're gonna hurt his feelings, but also that's not my problem I think sensitive dad a great one. I think that's a three for me.
What do we think about? Special skills multi-lingual okay. Yeah, I mean, yeah sure for very not quite lit pronounces menu items authentically Does racist accents in general just like yeah, let me tell you another story about rickshaw was literally kicked off the radio once for doing racist Accents. Oh my god.
Why was he on the radio? Him and his brother had a radio show Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean racism in general huh is a bad one for dads that I feel like sometimes they yeah Racism not good Shall we say toxic? I'm asking it to I was just about to say toxic masculinity bad obviously we are like two people who identify male right but like Nothing worse than like dads that are like that's what that's a boy.
That's a girl thing. You can't do that Yeah, that's that's the worst I got one and it's a two for me. Mm-hmm doesn't let you give up even though you super fucking want to give up You know I'm talking about don't quit dad. Don't quit dad.
Where does that go? Is that a skill or is that it's more like a disease? Advice though, right? Oh, yeah, I think it's a two never ever give up never give up is bad advice What we're saying well because I'll give it to you right here you're ready for this little I'm gonna cut you off some of the mic and graph goodness slice it up serve me up baby When I was a wee boy and I was learning to ride my bike without training wheels I was in the court a little cul-de-sac we lived in where many of fuckery went on with my graph and He was pushing me along and I fell and I scraped my knee in I said out and then we did it again And I scraped my knee and I started crying a little bit and I was like I don't want to do this anymore It hurts.
I don't want to do this anymore And he was like we have to and I was like we do not have to do this anymore It's I just want to go inside and he says this is why my graph still can't write a bike It's true and I can't swim because of this um yo I talked to someone today that told me they can't write a bike. That's how old were they my age my dad I said no and I started crying and then my dad said in a much harsher tone than I'm going to say right now Well, if you're not gonna ride this bike then I'm taking it to the fucking dump and he sure did scream it in that cul-de-sac And he picked up my bike and he lifted it above his head and he threw it into the back of his truck And then Mikey McGrath came out because obviously this is just how you operate when you are on a white trash frequency My mom came out in her gym jams on the porch and started screaming at my dad and they're both just screaming Mike at each other It's like fucking Mike And I was crying a bunch and so never give up dad sometimes My moral we gotta fire off some jokes and bits right Mike big pun guy. Nah, he doesn't really fuck with puns that much Interesting. I'm also I wonder how many people out there also don't got pun dads and also are confused by the dad joke I think puns is medium to me.
I think that if it's delivered by a dad. It's fine Yeah, it's over a lot. It's like sometimes you know you know you know you want to hear it right probably pun dad people They're good at puns this is for everyone that's good at puns if you're good at puns It's just like you're not like a little bit good at them very like you're you know right away or you don't know Right if you don't right away that means the the scale of your quality is gonna be all over the map Right. I got a great one for you that I love so much that I didn't realize it's only my family does it's apple core So it's less of a joke more of a game But is this thing where you're in a room with people and you're eating an apple and then you get to the core that with part You don't eat and you say apple core and then somebody else says Baltimore And then the person with the apple core says who's your friend and then the person who said Baltimore?
Name the person and then the sounds exactly like true and then you just fucking huck the apple core at the person Who's named got that's announced obviously incredible. I do love that I taught it by I talked to my students and then they got in trouble for doing it in the cafeteria like 20 minutes like Let me tell you one of rickshaw's big jokes and bits here and it has to be very not quite late Even though I feel like you're gonna want to put it in number two. Let's hear it. Let's hear it.
Let's hear it. Let's hear it big spit ball guy Oh my god. No, that's a nightmare. Are you kidding me?
We want we were once asked to leave Jerry's deli when I was in my middle school because the family was having to big of a spit How many stories you got of rickshaw getting kicked off of something or kicked out of somewhere? Oh man like no Here's the thing this is where hoarder maybe goes into a number two because rickshaw is such a hoarder oftentimes I will ask him if he has something yeah, and he does I'm gonna say a little something for everything What does that mean because that's a big fact? I feel like dad's with a master of your dislike Oh, you know what I need especially I'm thinking about like school project, you know like you're sitting there It's like eighth grade you're making whatever little diorama or whatever you're like damn I wish we had some dead under like oh, we could be a 40 feet in the garage and you're like what why do you have that? What do you think about Star Trek dad very not quite late right?
I think nerd dad. Can we just lump nerd dad? Mmm. What's the deal with nerd dad?
I think nerd dad medium because Nerd dad maybe he's gonna balance you out. Well, here's my thought is half the time nerd dad is a nerd that had a kid which we should be against the law But half the time it's a sweetheart dad. Oh, this is a special skill. It's a sweetheart dad that gets Into nerdy shit because their kids are into it, you know Like I feel like you see that a lot of like comic-con where it's like oh this kid loves Batman's dad dressed as the Joker or whatever So he's gonna hunt him all day.
He's gonna chase him around drink it. I'm dad useless, right? Dad, I do think it's a special skill still though. It's like a skill to be a big fat piece of shit Okay, it's not a good skill area of expertise.
We have nothing and very quite late explain to me what you want here boy Well, see that's where I was gonna put like your car. I would put your car thing in there Okay, that ended up in skills because he also works on cars about like Coach dad that's gotta be medium, right? But also sometimes coach dad is the hero of the town right agreed It's got it's gotta be that's like the most medium dad. There is I got another one.
That's a big medium to me My dad he's loves bits. He loves to pluck. Do you know what a pluck is? I have no idea It's just like a it's just like a fucking dead finger Like he makes his big fat goddamn And I say fat not because my dad is fat but because he has these like construction worker hands And so they're like media's hell and he just like walks up and with a limp finger smacks you right in the fucking head What's that oh that's a great one?
I love that. Well, it's not great when I ask you for me Just clocks you and it's loud. It's like a hollow thump against your fucking noggin What about like the really hard handshake that he doesn't let go of you know that bit Oh, I that one is like rolls your knuckles. Yeah, he was cool teacher Listen this is a tale of Torah that I'm about to tell you that this Hebrew school teacher He was a retired Israeli military guy Okay, so every scary man He would shake your hand and he would squeeze it so tight He would roll your knuckles back and forth and occasionally and he did not do this when you greeted him No, no, no He would be in the middle of talking and then he would stop and he would point at someone and that person was to come to the front of the Room and extend their hand so he could do it You dude it was so insane and like he never said that we had to but he would point at someone everyone start fucking laughing Except for the person who's being points of course who had to walk suddenly to the front look at the floor because they knew their doom Was coming for them.
God damn dude. I'm gonna hit you one with one that I think is controversial hit me musician dad I think it's very quietly. Okay, but is he Fred Armisen from Portland? The musician dad no no because musician dad can go so far to me to me that's coach dad.
Oh, yeah, you're right I just like it's hard. I feel like musician dad is mostly cool. Do you mean like okay? I feel like there's a difference between musician dad and music dad there definitely is a hundred percent like music dad I'm thinking like silly Philly from almost famous.
Okay, like just an expert just like knows like spins the records I like that yeah more than I like musician dad. Okay. Okay. I could agree.
I could agree that so musician dad very pretty good But music dad this is so fucking can I give you another very quite little convoluted yakko tech dad tech deck if you will tech deck Yes, where he is robo dad. You know what I mean? He's like up on this one might be interests Mm-hmm. I Some dads are like about yard work construction dad or like builder dad home improvement dad.
Well, that's a two-man home improvement dad Okay home improvement dad home to the two-man Taylor and yard work dad to me or different. I got it. I got deck dad You know what I mean? Okay, so we already have tech deck you also want deck dad I just mean like cuz he's building the deck that's the type of person and that's a skill because he's building the deck Then that's a skill yeah Only if he does build the deck because I feel like a lot of dads start that deck and it never gets finished Yeah, I got it.
Yeah, I got deck dad got to be a medium to me Definitely because any physical any physical labor thing the tough part about it is you always risk hey son come here real quick And you're it's like Saturday and you're playing video games like are you fucking kidding me? I'm gonna come outside and you're gonna ask me. Oh, just watch you do stuff You're all I'm gonna do is hand you fucking nails and watch you do this is so goddamn boring I'm looking for a reason not to put skater dad in a one Well because the skater dad a big useless piece of shit or what That doesn't even count as a skill to that skater boy. I say see you later, okay?
I actually but what about Tony Hawk? He's a dad Tony Hawk. I suppose is the exception to the rule What if we say skater dad very not quite lit bonus point Tony Hawk? Yeah, okay I have a good advice a very quite little advice be yourself Is it good advice okay sometimes yourself sucks sometimes you got to put the clamps on yourself Yeah, yeah, because I guarantee I tell you what if I have a child and it's anything like me it probably shouldn't be itself Don't it the fuck down.
Oh, I learned how to not be itself all the time. No actually no, okay? No, I'm like follow your dreams more than be yourself. Okay, okay Yeah, this is something that both of my parents have so this is a mommy and daddy well all this stuff is really mommy and daddy But I need them to be a little intimidating for a lot of different reasons would you agree with that?
Yeah, I mean I get you need them to be intimidating well, okay I'm gonna give you the I'm gonna give you a reason for my mom instead of my dad, okay But I think it was a very dad move we were at a funeral and some people who were not supposed to be at the funeral were there And who you gonna call but Mikey McGrath those posters? Yeah, Supreme Enforcer of funerals and they said Mikey tell those people to leave and by gum if she didn't stand up and tell them that They had to leave and they said no and then she asked them to leave and they said no And then she they were like well, what are you gonna do if we don't leave and she said at this point? I'm not asking you I'm telling you if you'd like to keep protesting we can get a third party involved But I don't think anyone here wants that leave now and boy if you thought a funeral couldn't get more intense I love it. I love it.
I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.
I love it intimidating dad. Yeah, monster man Just like can can flip on the intensity switch. Okay. Yeah, okay, but intensity gotta be very pretty good because some dads too far too And very intense but to control it like a super power.
Yeah, like the Hulk that my mom is very much like Bruce Banner Out super powers. That's got to be very pretty good, right? Because some some superheroes have children, okay You're talking very pretty good because it's like though you got you could turn into an answer sure or you also have that guy's coming I have like I have a very pretty good bit my dad used to do this thing and that he stopped because he's to this thing Where anytime I had a friend over for the first time he would when we sat down for dinner He would reach out his hands and say alright, um whoever the kid was like Tim You're gonna leave grace and they're like now I'm just kidding But except for he did it to a kid who actually said grace at home one time and he grabbed my dad's hand and was like Bowed his head and I was like no no no we're just kidding. I was like oh, sorry.
I mean I was like oh shit. I'm sorry I do wait there's like I mean you've seen the beginning in the end like high risk high reward. That's it Yeah, you're gonna fuck it up at some point. Yeah, you gotta kind of assess the situation before you bust it out I will say though in that same vein.
I'm gonna kind of contradict myself I think that dad's really thrive where they can embarrass you in front of your friends Would you agree with that? Was that just my dad that did that? Yeah, of course of course It's it's the same as embarrassing your friends in front of other people right? It's you kind of have to do it you are contractually obligated to do it honestly I'm gonna put embarrass you and all your little shithead friends.
No that has to be a two though, right? I was gonna I was just making a case for it not being a one I Like that's a three because my dad well, okay, let me tell you about my dad He that can ruin things he would times now he never did it like Massively like he wouldn't do it like you know like in front of a bunch of people or something like that What I mean is like it's me and like two friends over playing video games and he comes in and he's like Fuck you guys doing in here and everyone's like nah, I'm just kidding anyways What do you do at home and he's like talking to like or like he meets my friend for the first time Jeff He's like Jeff Jeff bones. What up Jeffery like just being right? I'm saying like harassing my friends for no reason but in a very Yeah, I mean I just feel like they're the other side of that coin is disaster.
Okay. All right all right all right all right What if your dad's goofy right? Well, but then you're max on stage with power line advice about road trip dad. Oh Gotta be very pretty good.
Yeah What is that skills? Interest yeah, yeah, yeah Road trip dad various dads I got it. I got it. I got another speaking of road trip dad my dad had a lot of road trip bits sports dad gotta be also a two right?
Yeah, for sure. Um your sports or other well, I guess we already have coach dad. That's different Yeah, so sports dad is like dad who's like obsessed with football or whatever. Yeah, that's yeah Yeah, honestly, is it not a one is sports.
I'm not a one. No because sports dad gives you a love of sports, right? Maybe I don't know gun dad didn't give me a love of gun I got a I got an a plus joke My dad used to do this thing where on a road trip he would go I'm tired of driving and then crosses off the wheel Okay, rickshaw had a big move when I was younger if you were ever going somewhere that like I wanted to go Maybe like a toy store or something. You know what I mean something I was excited about yeah He would go I can't see it and he would just drive around for a while and I Fucking there you idiot.
It's right there. It's right there. I can't see it. I'm gotta give it a three It's making me laugh just hearing about it.
Okay, your love. I can't see it. Yeah, I can't see it's so fucking funny to me my Dad used to do I feel he stole this from something my dad used to do this thing where he would put his fucking Giant hand on my head when I was a little kid and he would look massage my head and he would be like you know What this is and the answer was it's a brain sucker and then And then he go do you know what it's doing right now? I go wet and you go it's starting to death Good one.
No dog brain sucker. I gotta give to it's brain sucker really not bad It just doesn't have a lot of legs, you know, it's really only it's you get it's from a mile away you catch it Did you ever do any physical humor? Yeah, so he's got this bit You're gonna put your knock-and-a-leaf host I just realized describing this out loud It's going to sound even stupider than I've always thought it was If he's about to make a left turn he slides his hand over the top of the wheel a bunch of times like he can't grasp it properly And then finally grabs it and turns Light not you mean the perfect joke Yeah, that's a classic it's getting three for me. Oh shit I mean that's the beauty right is with a dad with parents and general but with a dad I feel like especially yeah, all their shit is so whack that when it's your dad.
You're like, oh my god What but then you hear some other dads shit and you're like that's funny It's true. It is true I think that's sort of a hallmark of dadism right like right everyone else except for your kid knows how fucking funny you're Yeah, and this do we it is like genuinely funny dad got to be a three right like if you're if your dad's interest Is that he's funny? Yeah funny dad like a real funny dad cuz obviously like yeah I gotta get rich on that rich on actual funny dad. We gotta get to the birds and the bees didn't have one I never had a chat never had either did I is birds and bees very not quite lit are we just done with it?
Absolutely birds and bees very not quite lit okay great. Oh, I got a I got a bad one I don't I just hate it because I hate him in every movie a TV show I've ever seen yes English teacher dad You know like the cool one Not at all to give me one example like English professor or teacher dad. He's like so calm all the time. He's always reading.
Oh, okay Yeah, almost almost like a hipster dad not quite though. Yeah, like yeah sorta Oh hipster dad very not quite lit right yeah, that's a no But here's the thing it's gotta be a two because it's the only thing about her first is they do have some good taste and stuff So they're gonna pass off good taste. I don't think so. I don't think so I've got another little shitty critter because here's the deal that hipster dad wasn't raised a hipster probably he became a hipster What is that kid gonna be a pure little hipster monster?
I don't think so physical labor dad is that the same as deck dad Yeah, I don't know what do you mean my physical labor like my daddy was a construction worker like his actual profession. Oh, gotcha So that's deck dad deck dad's fine. Okay. Well cuz deck dad the moron my dad actually like builder builder man dad You say builder man.
Yeah, builder man dad. What about lies is that a category? Okay I like what if what if your dad says something all the time and you know it's a lie like what tell me right now What you're talking about okay, so he claims that he has this for he had this friend in college who could Throw a key into a lock Look bad if you're just reading it But if you're listening to the podcast you know to me liar is very pretty good because what you just said to me is objectively Funny and also you can lie about lots of things right like it's a thing that he maybe told me this for the first time Who knows 15 years ago and I'd say will never ever leave my brain right of course Yeah, because also there's a horrible line dad's who's lied to their like hey I'll buy you this and they don't or like hey Even like the awful side of the still nice lies like if you like your dad's like I father great What you know what I mean yeah, yeah, yeah, oh man geez throwing a key into a lock at what distance look like right in front of it He said he would just I don't know what it is that's so funny to me Holy shit, you know what I advice maybe is the worst one Don't tell either mom or dad or whoever right don't tell the other parent Yeah, I mean I guess it depends what we're not telling her oh because sometimes Sometimes daddy comes is there but like is there a good reason we would not tell mom or dad or other parent? Well, I mean first of all it could be like it's a surprise for them right like don't don't tell that's to me He doesn't go into that category advice right yeah, but okay, so here's what I'm thinking Daddy picked me up from school two hours early so we could go to the we go to the batting cages don't don't tell mom So sometimes it's because you're doing something nice for people, but it's still why are we not telling mom?
You're just betraying mom. Yeah, like why wouldn't mom want you to go to the batting cages? Oh geez. Yeah, okay So maybe that one's always very enough it's but but for me the kid the result is so sweet I'm at the fucking batting cages, bro And I'll tell you where I'm not lame.
Oh, I'll school But why don't you just so you what does it have to be I don't tell why can't you just have a make a category for well Because I'm trying to add advice here because we're a little a sparse on advice and I do think that advice tell your other parent is not advice All right, that's that's more just like you guys are doing some deception Maybe not in the maybe not in the instance that I provided but I do think there are times when a dad will say like don't tell Your mom that or don't tell your dad that mmm. Tell your other parent that yeah I just feel like that was usually gonna be not good almost always Special skills or area of expertise kingpin of a meth cartel that didn't end well sure sure I have one go on Holiday dad dad that's like fucking nuts. Oh for like Christmas lights and Halloween decorations. I have obviously got you to right What's the downside?
It was a fucking time like Valentine's day and Arbor day. Oh, yeah, he's ripping it for groundhog's day, baby I love that. Oh, I'll tell you which one I tell you one that I hate but you can you can tell me like outdoorsy dad like hiking and camping and shit I guess people like that, huh? See I know people that's gotta be a two that's gotta be a good You gotta get you gotta do some outdoorsy stuff honestly I hate it, but I love it or is it maybe even a three like if your dad's a survivalist like if you could fucking tie knots and like I would put it in a three well no, maybe it's a two because sometimes that goes way too fucking far That's like everything that's like okay three days no water.
We're doing it. It's a vision quest Ooh vision quest dad not good my stupid ass dad would take us camping But we would go like car camping and we would just sleep in sleeping bags in his like the camper shell of his truck It was like this is even camping you know we're not being outdoorsy. We brought a bunch of me That's not outdoors dad though Yeah, but he's trying to be outdoors dad like he's trying to be outdoors dad is a not good one What do we put rich dad you dude honestly tell me one good thing about it ripped no no no rich a rich dad Oh rich dad no ripped dad is terrible. We've got bad right?
Okay. We agree with dad that ripped dad is bad rich dad is Is borderline a one but it has obvious benefits Yeah, so that's two to me the benefits are as wide as the as the bad things Yeah, dude I have a joke or a bit that it's only good because I think you're about to like do it Oh boy, wouldn't that suck? I just I have a joke I'm gonna run a bit real quick on me Which thing I was little my favorite movie was Terminator 2 which like it was far 2 I was like six or something like it was definitely too young Fucking rules. Oh wait interrupting myself seeing seeing showing your kid already did movies dad.
I feel like that's I feel like that's invincible The year was 1997 I was eight years old rich shot me to see Air Force one Yeah, dude I think I think our rated movies are excellent because you do that instead of birds and bees you take them with the Armina films yeah, and that would maybe be a classic don't tell parent see exactly but unless advice you're right That's not really advice. That's like hey listen this is a command. We're not gonna tell yeah the other one No, my dad used to this thing, you know the you know the the Terminator done done done done done that yeah My dad used to walk down the hallway like when he thought I was still awake when I was supposed to be sleeping Oh and just do that the way that he did it though was Like he did pop and like I thought that shit was a riot when I was a kid obviously now It's nothing but just like here my dad walking in the hall I was doing it that way I don't know I like maybe that's the only way I could do it or I would just be a dumb little kid I'm like I don't know why that was it doing so doing like Terminator Patrol noises. Yeah, I'm asleep.
I like that Terminator Patrol. No, that's a three to me. Okay. That's fine in the moment.
It was nothing better Yeah, it's a good one. I'm gonna take one from that uplifting film marriage story Feel good movie of the summer. Yeah, I dad or a parent that really likes to play mm-hmm like like doesn't just play to go through the motions But like yeah, but like enjoys it. Yes wants to fucking play with your kid What do you put that fact that my dad likes every single movie ever made?
Oh, I love that My dad won't admit it but like he'll watch anything and he'll text me like yo Have you seen and he'll text me like some nonsense and I'm just like no, of course not He's like checking out pretty good pretty good flick. It's got the one girl from down I know you want to hear a bullshit move someone by place of work recently was like hey, you guys uh you guys seen true grit And everyone was like yeah, like ten years ago. He's like oh, think about watching it. Oh you took me a couple days later It comes back yo watch true grit.
We fucking sucked Bro, is that a dad is that behind on movies dad movie dad also something right? Yeah, that's another two movie dad got to be a two I got one that I think is a three for special skills fountain of useless knowledge My dad used to be this guy that people would call when they couldn't like before the internet existed and like call up my dad And I hear about these conversations and it was just like it was just nothing where it would be like yeah my care Yeah, no, I remember that movie. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah I was courting cocks and then hang up the phone and it's like what?
Rick shot says Eddie Zwick and Bobby De Niro. What's like nicknames celebrities like their close dad? Yeah, yeah I think that's a joker a bit. I don't think it's a I don't think it is it's just like how we kept calling Jim Carrie James Carrie when we watch the sonic the hedgehog movie because no no we are doing that because we find it hilarious Rick shot you do what he really he thinks that's like maybe something that the person goes by oh my god That's an attribute.
It's dumb Celebrity nickname dad Damn I think this episode is hell of funny to me and you maybe only I guarantee he'll never listen to it. I have another piece of good advice. I think sometimes you got taken out I feel like that's a good dad advice like hey can't win them all you know can't win them all We'll just name like a hundred different types of dads pretty much with this whole episode was yeah Which is fine because here's the here's my justification. We live one bonus point in Tony Hawk.
Here's my My justification no no dad is pure one of these and if they are they're a one they're zero They belong in hell every dad like my dad a lot of these right my dad barbecue dad. He also a deck dad He also kind of a holiday dad a little bit like sneaky sure so I think that the whole thing here is like you kind of picking I mean much like you know It's somewhat this is more of a schlorgaspor like you your dad and nobody got perfect dad because everybody's dad is a little bit of a sports dad Or a little bit of a liar or like kind of rich or whatever, you know You know everyone got a little bit of that stupidity in them, but that's fine Yeah, I feel like dad's like and this is like a whole different thing But like backyard dad so they have like all their all their gadgets are like hold on tiki dad To me that's a great one like luau dad. Here's the only problem Okay, there is a fine line and you know this is just oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there Yeah, there is a fine line because to be honest while they're and I both love tiki a lot But there is like objectively some cultural appropriation hazards course. Yeah taking all of the Polynesian culture Yeah, so tiki dad it's gotta be it's close though.
It's like a 2.5. So what about a utility belt backyard bar? You know what I mean? Okay, we didn't talk about alcohol or drugs at all for the first time ever And I almost want to leave it that way, but backyard bar your saying is very quietly like all of your barbecues all your family functions Gonna be that much more fun because everybody getting litty at the backyard bar dank ass backyard This is something something where rich dad comes into play right exactly exactly your backyard right?
I'll give you a bad utility belt too many vehicles is something that my dad's very guilty of we're okay Any given time it's like he's got two cars and a boat for no reason. They don't live near any water I think that might be a three. I don't know that there's anything ever wrong with them. It's so fucking fun too many vehicles I'm putting in gadgets.
Mm-hmm. I like that. It's like a smart house. I guess that's like tech dad though.
We talked about tech dad Yeah, but you just for you. That's a very quick let you tell you know, I think smart house. I guess yeah It's kind of annoying, but yeah, this is good. This is a big dad guy.
Yeah, this is our little daddy guy big shot toenie hawk on this one Number one dad might be a horrible dad. Literally don't know is he even a dad Yeah, I think you got a whole little message. He's got a whole nest who I see what you did there Are we both fucking googling of Tony Hawk as kids are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
Riley Hawk and Spencer Keegan and cadence. Oh, he's got some Tony Hawk wherever you are dude Big shout out to Adam Faye for the art that taught for the music. I had to PDX again Yes, big shout out to I for legitimately don't get it. There's nothing to get baby.
We fucking shred up there That's it. Hey everyone be good to each other and be good to your dads Oh tell them happy father's day every day and tell your mother or your other your grandma or your aunt or whoever that they're fucking tight And you know, maybe they don't cut your hair and maybe they don't pluck you and maybe they don't tell you to peace sitting down or they do I don't know but tell them that they're cool because you know what they're trying their hardest that what do we put trying their hardest? Attributes trying their fucking hardest. That's a big three.
I'm really glad that you found a way to get back into the river We're just about to wrap it up. No, no, no, that's the that's the end just everybody's trying hard. Just keep doing it guys