Dead Spider Tai Chi

My Tai Chi teacher used to say I practiced Dead Spider Tai ChiI was always poised to collapseI swore I was standing straight and ‘strong’But when I got tapped even lightly from the sideMy leg would collapse into centerSame with my torso or my armsI can now feel that it originated in the tilt of my hipsAnd the relationship from hip to ankle to foot to earthBut for years, this stability eluded meFive minutes with Sue Choi shifted the dynamic foreverI finally found Unbreakable LegPracticing her work, I experience the body’s promisesI am supportedI have power without strainAnd I am at easeThese aren’t affirmationsThey’re the felt sense of a body organized for coherenceWhat’s funny is I remember being awkward in my body as a kidAnd hoping I’d learn how to inhabit it correctly somedaySue’s work brought that day into beingBy aligning reliably into what she calls the neutral body or the body of resourceI can feel the weight of gravity move through my bonesAnd the more settled I become, the more I can notice and release tension and bracingOh-so-much tension and bracingAlthough I would’ve assured you I didn’t hold tensionI was so enmeshed in it, I identified it as my ‘self’Sue’s work also brought into clarity something I’d been dancing around with dozens of somatic teachersThe body of story, my habitual posture made up of accumulated tensionsThe residue of a lifetime of bracings, small and largeCompounded into fields that literally restructured my postureI began to notice that my body took on specific shapes during different emotionsAnd when I could intentionally organize my body differentlyIt loosened the weight of my moodAttention to aligning to and exploring the neutral bodyHas helped me reclaim my body’s natural resourcesMy stories were organizing my posture to a huge degreeNow my design isAnd as I get better at thisI notice these little tensions that have run via my subconsciousJust in the backgroundAll the time, perhaps from last week, perhaps from 50 years agoBut now they get the light of attentionAnd the structure of alignment I can relax into and move fromCoherent Body gave me the reference and knowing I never learned as a kidHow to organize myself to receive the natural support and power of a living beingCounterbalancing so much accumulated bracingI was trapped in a web of my own tensionsAnd didn’t know the simple shifts that could release meNow I doI wish I’d had this knowledge straight out the gateSo I could’ve been a nimble panther in my Tai Chi and in my lifeWithout that pesky Dead Spider phaseJoin me in exploring the felt sense of freedom and possibility even when things are tough. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com