Deleted Scenes: The Last Creme Egg

all right so from fingers to hand we've got the last cream egg oh the last cream egg now i've had a cream egg for ages they're a bit much aren't they but they you do want them but you couldn't eat two no like they're just too much fondant in them for you to want i think more than one yeah um there's just too much of that sugary velvety ness in them for you to want to eat more than one yeah um so like the last one though if no you haven't had one in ages that's the thing with cream eggs they don't sell them all year round yeah they sell them like they sell them at easter just about it's very tenuous when they start selling them because i'm pretty sure i saw one being sold in november yes yes which is the other side of the year yeah they start selling them in november they stop selling them in like march they're just after easter they stop selling yeah just for a little bit but it's really early on like i mean early on late on in the year when they start selling them to sell them through yeah through those few months but when they start selling again you're always like oh i haven't had one in a while yeah i haven't had a cream egg in a while and then you have one it's just sort of fine it's this is pretty good yeah i quite like the oreo ones the oreo ones i found quite nice because they've not got that sticky fondant in i see they've just got like the cookies and cream the the oreo cookies and cream bit yeah in the middle it's just not liquidy enough for me though no i i think it's like the right amount of softness it's like it's like having a bit in between custard cream yeah in the middle of your cream yeah it's definitely a more solid thing it's like a hard-boiled egg versus a soft-boiled egg yeah you couldn't dip anything in it anyway so um point being you can't dip anything in a cream egg you can't dip your soldiers into a cream egg you can't dip your soldiers no unless they're like toy soldiers i wonder if someone's tried that you can't dip toasted soldiers into a cream egg um cracked it with a spoon and then the bottom bit's cracked into the top point being they stop selling it after easter and then it gets around to november and some of them are still on like shelves and stuff and then they say we're not doing well well this is the thing yeah right that easter yeah the pope comes out on the balcony right to address the people and it's always a narrative device to have great great catastrophic society great change in the lives of bitch podcast it comes about when the pope makes an announcement and it's uh it's the pope comes out and goes football in it the pope comes out and goes hey we made it up he said isn't real and the cavalry's um someone someone in the um someone in the audience is like get me mr cabri on the phone and uh and we just see this hand come out of the back of an armchair reaching a phone like claw from from inspector gadget hello this is cabri he stopped easter he stopped easter hmm i knew this would come about i knew this was jonathan hyde voicing uh herbert runsable cabri of course of course the uh the hunter from jumanji yes and of course uh the butler herbert runsable cabri from rich rich of course of course i forgot he played a man called cabri yeah in that um so so so he he walks over to to a bookshelf yeah which he pulls a book down it spins around yeah and it's got all the cabri um products on with red buttons and put it just he presses it and then off in the distance because obviously he lives in his factory yeah they've all got different factory buildings assigned to the different products and then loads of people screaming they're escorted out by armed guards they're all they're all running for their lives because it's like a fire alarm they're all running they're all running to head out of all the fire escapes and stuff he rigs he rigs up um he's rigged up all the factories with explosives exactly so he just and then the the cream egg factory just detonates yeah just and um oh you hate to do it just like i hate to do it to do it to whisper all those years before i built it again shh we don't talk about it we whisper about it um cut to the news where like horrible scenes today as one the pope has announced that that easter isn't a thing anymore because to quote the pope we made it up we made it up um jesus didn't come back at all jesus actually died on easter he didn't come back jesus no in fact jesus just never died on the cross no it's still there there was also a little b-plot where um a lesser-known manufacturer of hot cross puns also explodes their warehouse yeah um and uh cut to a a corner shop yeah where there's a like this this guy who would be a good corner shop owner um let's say in this case daniel ragcliffe with a beard daniel ragcliffe with a beard yeah right um he is watching the news yeah he's like and he's made a doomsday bunker right with is this a fact of daniel ragcliffe's character um the corner shop owner rory the corner shop owner is he a prepper in general or is this because of this news he started making a no he's a he's a confectionery prepper right so he knows that some products are finite yeah uh that one day they'll end production of i see he's always had this theory yeah so he's in this doomsday bunker yeah he's got a little tint like oh you doomsday he's also a prepper as well like let's just say he's also afraid of the end of the world and and to be honest right if the pope came out and said easter's not real grass never died you'd think it would be like a sign of the end times um so so um daniel ragcliffe goes downstairs he starts just stroking this cream egg he's got you're my last one you're my last one you're my last one yeah i'll keep you safe and he sings a song what song does he sing he sings uh my cream egg my cream egg it's the egg the egg with the golden fondant just a cream egg quite a cold cream egg because i put it in my doomsday bunker and there's like silhouettes of naked ladies and painted in cream egg as he starts singing it's about the right point in which like a title sequence happens in a james bond movie and i think i think that you know i've got the premise of the movie so that he's got the last cream egg on his doomsday it is kind of like a zombie apocalypse okay movie in which in which he is holed up in this corner shop that he's uh he's prepped for doomsday already yeah and there's all these um well who likes cream eggs more than anything the easter bunny easter bunny that and uh football hooligans so you know is that true yeah yeah like like nine out of ten football hooligans say they they prefer cream egg over any other convection i didn't know that yeah well that's good information to have next time i need to bribe a band of rowdy hooligans yeah no like i've done it before i've like they've been like oh you don't support the team i support and you're like think fast you just love a lot of cream egg over their heads and like what what what and then scarper off towards it yeah like my legs sort of go in a circle before i like shoot off and leave a cloud of dust behind me um yeah it's happened many times actually when i've been walking around around the boroughs yeah um oh well i didn't know but now i do exactly just it distracts them for a moment and then we've got hooligans you got and the easter bunny the easter bunny played by vinnie jones and the football hooligans played by bill bailey bill bailey yeah yeah in like white tank tops yeah uh baseball bats they've got yep um bill bailey and um elijah wood and elijah wood famous famous for playing football hooligans in in green street green street yeah and don't forget uh our final football hooligan she's dawn french dawn french of course of course she she is she's the most violent one she's the most violent one she's got an ulterior motive though yeah um she doesn't want the last cream egg she's there for the rare collection of terry's chocolate orange yeah of course not terry's it's rory's chocolate orange he's like that's not terry's it's mine yeah he's not gonna take that away from me yeah yeah this is this is a real real deep cut but it's it's it can only be eaten on a total eclipse wait that's that's jaffa cake that's not even terry's no bye hey don't you don't know your confection get out his podcast get the fuck out get out his podcast we don't have people on his podcast don't know their confection yeah so i think i think he shoots them all yeah and gets arrested yeah gets taken to crown court in which the queen arrives yeah and goes i will grant you a pardon on one condition give us that cream egg the queen of course played by um who's got that range helen mirren she's played the queen before i'm pretty sure she could do that yeah the one condition give us that cream egg she she morphs into jason staphon so give us that cream egg how does this fill end oh no she pulls her wig off okay it's jason staphon football really good jason staphon he's like give us that cream egg i see so it wasn't the queen all along no no but everyone else thinks it's the queen everyone else thinks it's the film everyone all the audience is going to be asking wait hang on like that wasn't the queen how how was he able to give out pardons and then everyone finds the queen well she reveals that she's actually jason staphon only to rory oh really oh sort of like yeah right okay i thought we were going to end the film uh unmasking the queen we will end the film in the middle of them in the middle of the movie yeah she's like oh i thought this was this is the end of the movie i see like that cuts to credits on give us that cream egg i think yeah okay yeah all right yeah that works yeah that works it's like it's like a uh not a cliffhanger it's like a tense you know at that point the cream egg is lost yeah you know he's shot all these football hooligans and well we end the movie on your honor it's cadbury it's cadbury yeah the the judge my client oh right yeah so the judge your honor lord cadbury lord hermit runcible cadbury my client confectionary court yes it's confectionary crown court my client pleads all right cool yes cool so that was the last cream egg thank you for that one fingers to hand it's so it's too hot to be thinking about chocolate yeah yeah it's possibly more annoying than bacon it's more common than bacon yes i would say really yeah yeah so um i think because we don't notice that as much because the the level of into bacon you've got to be to be above the threat the normal threshold of it being like annoying yeah is is very high right you've got to be stupidly into bacon to just to clock as not normal whereas not that many people are normally it's not a super normal thing to be into weed so yeah i'm thinking of the people that that have weed as part of their personality exactly what i'm trying to say is that more people than you think have bacon as their personality they just don't appear on the radar they are stealth yeah yeah they're hiding in plain sight which is because society allows it to be normalized this is why we find out that like most of our audience is like really into fucking making so anyway very boring people yeah it turns out turns out yeah maybe because i thought i was into being daft punk yes that was to be fair they were they did shut down after you said you know what was it like going around the world yeah what was it like going around the world um what was it like working with pharaoh williams on get lucky yeah when you said like like when you just when you were walking around you went and got them some coffee and then you were just singing like the legend of the phoenix yeah like the legend of the phoenix yeah it's just weird that you didn't go past that point in the song like the legend of the phoenix you did that over and over again it was quite weird it was very weird yeah that's just part of the law of uh star trek that you don't really hear about very often there's always an episode where they're trapped by a maniacal person who wants them to act out plays in star trek it happens in the next generation maybe a few times um and it happens it happens in the next generation like i'm sure the one we watched that one time where wolf was robin hood or something that's yeah like that was so that god i'm trying to remember what the conceit of that was i'm pretty sure that was a time no that wasn't a time thing was that a holiday no that wasn't a holiday thing no it was really early episode and they just oh yeah that was that was q that was q yeah i'm pretty sure that was q they were dressed up and they were in this old mansion yeah it happens again in the well not again but the first time in the original series yeah where the it turns out that it was just a boy playing toys which is the twist of the uh next generation the original series episode futurama yeah yeah as well it's just that again i thought that was really when i watched the futurama i thought it was a really good joke yeah like oh that's a funny joke the big the big gaffiest episode oh no that's just the episode that's literally just the episode okay and then you've got the gorn episode in which they're forced to fight yeah yeah oh yeah that's like that's a that's a wait is that the it's like arena or something like that okay can't get off the planet yes and he has to fight for the amusement of these higher beings or whatever there's an episode of that in like that in um lower decks yeah uh all right yeah i forgot yeah i forgot that show existed i watched like two episodes instantly it's good yeah i remember laughing quite hard with a lot of stuff and then just like i can do it like it's because it's episodic yeah i could just sort of take it or leave it like i mean there might be a through line right there is ish a through line but not really like it is quite yeah it's uh yeah it's like that i think what else like um i was gonna say the oc but now that's that's pretty soapy with stuff although the third series i'm on kind of just giving up you you you you you you you it's just it's going nowhere yeah and i hate everyone i'm just like why am i watching this is it like are you at the point where like the focus is no longer any of the characters you start with no no it's still it's still the main four okay and i can't even tell you what they're doing in season three there was a point in season two where i was talking about that i was like they could have ended it there they're tied off all the all the stories everyone's sort of happy yep in a way everyone's learned a lesson ryan's brother's not killed anyone again no ryan's brother's not even turned up oh really yeah i thought that ryan's brother was like a core point a core plot point in that show but maybe i'm yeah basically he comes in after the after i feel as the show has ended right yeah he then comes in marissa shoots him what you see there you go that's the one yeah i watched the uh the snl short film earlier and forgot how funny that fucking thing is the um the i do remember the oc gets to a point where um that like you're like oh i wonder what i wonder what ryan and seth are up to uh and then and then you turn it switch it on and it's like how's basil gonna get out of this three-way drug standoff how's basil someone in orange county's called basil who the fuck is basil at this point at that point at the oc you're like this is very far-fetched he is he is just a giant leaf in in surfer shorts with a chain wallet and a massive six-pack it's like the the veins of the leaf like the six-pack yeah he's in this drug way three-way drug standoff yeah with uh a chuchipa yeah and uh and uh reno and reno yeah yeah who's a character from fantasy 7 and the oc yeah yeah uh and um and zaynor was there as well i don't know why but i knew you were gonna bring up as soon as you start putting five yeah i knew you were i knew you were gonna bring up the fact that there was a kingdom hearts crossover i love that on kingdom hearts 3.5 x remix xx yeah um where they 12 days till uh christmas till xmas yeah xmas spelt with an x instead of an x yeah yeah x max x max 12 days till x max yeah kingdom hearts 3.5 where they go to the orange county meet ryan instead uh donald sorry i don't know who that's the impression of i thought so i was like it could easily be ryan they turn up and they're all in white meters white time tops oh with like low cut like below the niche uh uh jean shorts yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it should it should be ryan but it's not no ryan is missing yeah for some reason mine's like the princess in uh you rescue him at the end but it's not it's not um what's his name doing the voice because they couldn't get him it's not benjamin mckenzie no it's it's uh it's tom hanks as we all know tom hanks's brother voices benjamin mckenzie in video games yeah it has always done yeah it's always done you know the oc video game that came out exactly tom hanks everyone else everyone else turned up for the voice recordings apart from benjamin mckenzie from the oc so let's do some food please hello just want to say thank you for listening to the water pitch deleted scenes we hope you've enjoyed it if you have maybe consider sharing it with your friends on social media by word of mouth anywhere you know you put it onto a thumb drive and just throw it at someone and maybe even reviewing it on wherever you've got it if you find it somewhere on itunes or any caps or wherever maybe review it there five stars thumbs up give everyone a heads up like i said before thank you cheers right bye