Okay, and all you in, he's in all you out. He's welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilder's Guide to Life on Jesse. That's why the weird here, too, guy, George Life after a long hiatus. And like with potential regularity this time.
Fingers crossed that the COVID doesn't come back to you and snatch your soul. Uh, then yes. Yeah, I have a rough go of it with the old coronavirus. Turns out, not a hoax.
Yeah, well, it's the damnedest thing. I've been saying it was a hoax since day one. I was wrong. You heard it here first.
COVID, not a hoax. This is not the first time they've heard you be wrong though. Yeah, I'm wrong with this. Because that would be every episode.
I got it. It killed me. I'm back. I had a home office for a long time and it was garbage because everything else I owned was given to me for free by another person who didn't want it.
Yeah, look at what do the people want to know? They want to know about desk. Do they want to know about desk? Um, yeah.
I've been looking into desks since I need one now. Yeah. And we've been chatting about it. We've had a lot of opinions.
Turns out we have, not something I expected, very different opinions on desk. Very different opinions. Yeah. So let's get into it.
Some categories. Yeah, what you got for this features would be one. That's not like a great thing. Design is the one of the ones I'm looking for.
Let's start there and get the ball rolling. Let's see where we hit. I want to start our biggest contention point. Yeah, I do not like a corner desk.
Why? Tell me why. Okay. I think we talked about right.
It's a bitch to move. That's inarguable. It is a bitch and a half. And I just think it's so, so limiting.
I mean, literally every room, maximum, you got four places you could put a day. Well, I suppose. Yeah. Are you not gonna put your desk against a wall?
No, no, against a room. Against a wall. You still got four places maximum. Against a wall, yes, but like I, right now, for example, in my office, my home office, we have two desks.
I have a desk, Chelsea has a desk. Oh, okay, braggy. My desk is in the corner, but hers is kind of central the way it's arranged. And you just couldn't do that with a corner desk.
I mean, you could, but it would look insane and take up a bad amount of space. Do you disagree with anything I've said so far? I do not disagree that you do need to put it in a corner. Right, hence the name.
Yeah. I just don't mind that, I suppose. I love the dual action, baby. You want just one long desk?
What's inches? How many inches you talking? Let's, before you get into the, you know, just a couple of boys, compare it sizes. Yeah, just talking about inches, baby.
But can we, I will concede design corner desk is a two. I won't give you a three. Yeah, that's fine. That's all I want.
Okay. In my world, it's the worst possible option, but gang, the command center, I found this desk. It is $550. I'm not going to get it because it's $550.
McGrath thinks it's an atrocity. I think it's a fucking blessing. Yeah, it's a corner desk, which I'm calling it the command center. I won't link to it.
I'm staying anyway. So my desk, you asked about height and width. What's 55 inches? What do you mean, what is that?
Like, I'm to flip. Yeah. Probably 100 feet. No, it's okay.
It's about, it's 4 1-2 feet. So my desk is 4 1-2 feet long. Oh my God, too short. No, no, no.
It holds two monitors with more space for me. What you doing on that desk, bro? I have a lot of stuff clipped to the edge of my desk. Like the mic stand that I have.
Try using your sock drawer, the next stand that you have directly next to your bed. Oh wait, you don't do this in bed? I don't do the bed thing. That's more.
Oh, that's so weird. You can marry it if your bed is your desk. That is very, very bad. Oh, I haven't even told you about the new business with beans though.
Like, you ever sit in an airplane that doesn't have a row in front of it and then the little tray table comes out? Uh-huh. That's my desk, but it's a bed. So it pops in a.
Suck, dude. Yeah, a lap. Do you agree that? Very not quite lit would be that something that is at the desk has the option to become a desk?
Yeah. The design, not a desk. Yeah, I think that you want this to be a desk. Yes.
What about? But I need my ledges. So my design, I'm putting it too. Because it's not that important, but I do need my ledges.
I'll get to that. And I'll tell you why. And here's the category, accessories. Because my top accessory and my current work desk at my job doesn't have its flat on both sides.
It's a L desk and it's flat. So I can't use it. My little footsy hammock. Maybe we've talked about this before.
I never watched. Oh, no. You got to have a ledge to clip that bad boy to. So ledge isn't three, but I think you're crazy to not put foot hammock as a very quite lit.
I just think it is unsanitary. Do you ever clean it? Bro. No.
You never clean it. And you're putting it sooner by another one than clean it. Are you putting your bare tutsis in there? No.
What are you doing? A sock? A shoot. Socks.
Well, here's the thing. Let's be real. If this is about to become a home office boy, tutsis are going to touch it. But like, what's, I don't know.
How's that more gross than putting on pair of shoes every day? What? What? How is it less gross than putting your feet back into a pair of shoes all the time?
I think it's gross because the shoes are not made of an absorbent cloth. It's not absorbent cloth. It's like a little piece of canvas. OK.
Absorbent cloth. It's not for me by in any way. But about any sort of foot rest. I don't love it.
Because it angles. You don't love a foot rest. You fucking maniac. Because I want, listen, let's to talk real for a second.
When I'm at my desk, I want to be comfortable. That's for sure. But you know what I want more? Get away from my fucking desk.
Because that's where my work and all my boring dumb shit happens. If I have a foot rest, it is counterbalance. I can't get too comfortable. That is like a tenant for my desk situation.
Another typical case of McGrath wants to loan around the house in his fucking khakis and his sweater vest. Yeah. I got my jeans and my polo on. And I can't.
So you want foot-hand because of three of them. But you know, I'm realizing we're talking about different stuff here. Because I'm coming at this from a home office perspective. And you have a desk at your place of business, where you educate our youth.
Still don't know who let should do that. But you have a different desk. How many minutes per day in a row at maximum would you sit at a desk during your day? It depends.
I mean, some days it's almost none. But teachers are on speaker educating people. You're doing probably. You bring your little skull in to do a last pour, your neck.
But today, for example, there was a lot of independent work happening. So I was almost exclusively at my desk. And I worked at my lunch. And eating lunch at a desk, very different than working at a desk.
But it sucks. Because I have to push my laptop aside. But yeah, eating lunch at a desk is very not quite lit. What are we?
Where's activities? Yeah. And eating a meal is a good one. Let me tell you this.
Is anything good at a desk? Because working sucks. Having fun also sucks at a desk. What does a desk mean to misery?
Record a podcast. I think that what you have to consider is, would you rather do this thing anywhere else? And to me, record a podcast is actually very quite lit. Because I don't want to be in a bed.
I don't want to be in a big open space. I want my little office and my desk and all my dips and my bops. Damn, this episode's so boring. OK.
What color desk do you want in wildest dreams? Wildest dreams, eh? I like, this is like sort of lame, but I don't care. I like a glass desk because I think it looks cool.
And in my wildest dreams, it's a smudge proof glass. It'll never get my, like the swipe. Just because I have to rain down on you right now, is that's why glass to me is almost very not quite lit. OK, but for accessories, can I post it notes?
Can I put it too? Yeah, oh, a two. What do you want in a three? OK.
I'll stick them motherfucks everywhere. I know that's why I was going to give it a two. It's because sometimes I get really in the weeds. And I'm like, what the fuck is this from?
No, I hate. I feel like you probably do this. You stick post it notes on your monitor. No.
Oh, God, an eyesore if I've ever seen one. Yeah, I don't like that very much even one bit. Very quite lit. External mouse.
Fuck my trackpad, dude. Yeah, dude. You remember old mouse pads? They were like squares, and they were like vinyl, and it had like probably Dilbert on it or something.
Oh my god. I have an embarrassment of a mouse pad in my home desk. Are you ready? Do you want to know about this?
Much like my fucking keyboard. I have a gamer mouse pad. It is like, gamer stuff is all very not quite lit, I think. It is all gamer stuff is demerit.
It is like... What's on your mouse pad? I mean, nothing's on it. It's like a design.
No, everything gamers have like red fucking lights attached to it. No, it's just fucking huge. It is like... It's probably like a dastardly typing all the time.
I need a pen for my little pens and pencils in my... Maybe my scissors accessories. Give me office supplies. I need my stapler.
I need my scotch tape dispenser. I'm never going to use them, but I want them. A scotch tape dispenser. I have to stop you there.
That is a two at max. I have my same translucent green stapler. I love a stapler. What do you scotch tape?
Would you tear your binder paper? You're repairing it? Yeah, bro. Sometimes you've got to make some house repairs.
You know, you fucking drop a glass on the ground. You put it back together with some scotch tape. I'll give you office supplies too, because I think I love to have paper clips. I want them all.
I don't need them all. How fucking sick is it if someone's like, oh, hey, do you have a stapler? Yeah, I got a fucking stapler. Oh, hey, is anyone have a yardstick?
Which color, baby? I got tons of yardsticks. What a fucking yardstick? That's what an office supply?
Is it a private library? Is it a private library? I got those baby scissors in case you want to do a fun design. You want to know what to me?
Oh, no, I guess it's very, pretty good. Design is. Member of those desks. I assume you also had them.
That we had in elementary school where the whole fucking thing opened and you just had that inside of that desk was yours. Do you know what I'm talking about? Absolutely incredible. Like a drafting table almost.
Yes. I mean, it was incredible except if you were a nasty little hog like me, but even just November, that thing had like half broken crayons and like some Valentine's Day candy from the year before. Let me tell you an accessory that the Command Center has, which is honestly the number one reason I want the Command Center. Convertible adjustable?
It's not nasty. Like a lot of them are ugly as fuck. Command Center just like it's like kind of what looks like to be a, you just pull it up and it extends and when you push it down, it's flush with the rest of the desk. That shit is in style this season.
I read it in desk magazine. Okay. I'm going to call that a feature, not an accessory. I want to like design is like how it look features like what the desk does and accessories is like what I'm adding to it.
So feature I want drawers attached to for me is very quite lit. What's your ideal drive? I mean, what's your ideal drive? I mean, what's your ideal drive setup?
So I want different sizes. I'm a sucker for the different sizes. Me too. I like maybe even like two of the same and then one big mother fuck.
Yeah, yeah. Two little one big I think is, can we agree two little one big is the point? Obviously. The thing about my work desk, as always, it's always been the case.
My entire 10 years as a teacher and anybody that's been to a public school knows this. They're obviously all 90 years old. The first one I had was wood and it was so heavy. And on one side it had a big roller drawer.
And then on the left side, it had what appeared to be three little drawers stacked vertically. And when you pulled on them, what was revealed is that that was actually not three drawers. They're worth rehandles. And they were like lines, like divots where it looked like they were drawers.
But when you opened it, it opened up like an oven. And then there was just this huge open space, except for there was a wooden bottom that slid out. Oh, so I'm cutting board? Yes.
Yes. Like a cutting board. So it opened like an oven and the cutting board slid out. And it was I would keep like a tangerine in there.
I put my backpack in there. It was huge. It was awesome. That's your tangerine drawer.
The only other thing about my work desk that I'll say, which I already texted you when we were having this conversation, there's a drawer that's locked. And no one has the key. I talked to the teacher that used to be in that room. And I was like, you got the key.
And he was like, oh, I don't know what's in that drawer. So, and it's a big drawer. It's one of the big ones. It's the only big drawer that that desk has.
And I have no access to it. And it's just got like a human head or something there. One locked drawer. Very not quite.
Good. What do you need? I'll help you. It's one of those weird internal locks.
So there's just like a key slot on the side of the desk. Mailed in for all. I fucking care. I have a very not quite.
No, even worse. A demerit is wire farm. Sort it. Sort it.
Yeah. Just sort it. Yeah. And like I, they're like unreasonably expensive.
Every fucking desk thing can fuck off with things. Dude, because they know. They know that we need that shit. They can gouge us all they want.
They know. So I'm looking at, I got my eye on a desk right now, gang. Maybe I'll let the chat weigh in. Should I fucking tweet right now?
Tweet right now. I'm sure we're gonna get big response. I'm gonna just hit Twitter real quick. No context.
We are live. I'm flirting what y'all think about this desk. God, this is so boring. This is what call this one the COVID episode.
Blame it on your dirty sickness. You're filthy sickness. My dirty sickness. 12 days.
Oh my God. I want to do a design or no feature, I guess. Maybe it's a design that I heard on a TED Talk recently. You listen to a TED Talk about desk?
This German company. You know the fucking Germans get nasty over there. Shout out to all of our listeners. They are good at making things.
So I read about this office or not read. I listen about this office in a TED Talk where the desks are all. Each corner has a pole that goes into the ceiling of the desk. And at five o'clock, no matter what, the fucking desk pulls up to the ceiling.
No more work. You're done with work. I don't even fucking try. Is that not so lit?
Isn't that the tightest thing? It sounds a little scary. It's a little scary. It's a little scary.
How fast does it go up? Am I gonna get my finger snapped off? I don't think you're gonna get caught in a drawer and you're gonna be hanging from the ceiling. Yeah.
Like a fucking final destination. And I just got a tail of fucking stumps on my fingers squirting blood. Because I didn't finish my sentence. But they were like, it's like, it makes no space all open.
It forces you to stop working. And then eat. Anything that supports not working. That's what I'm saying.
And they said on Fridays that open space turns into like a little fucking dance party. Like they put somebody, that's insane to me. That's some severance shit right there. Because I don't like, I can't just switch from work to party mode in this space.
I have a set. That's crazy. You wouldn't fucking live in the Deutsche Linde dude and you guys know one of those parties they throw out severance. Yeah.
Where it's like mandatory fun. I don't like. It's like the fruit thing from back to the future too. I like it.
I think it's fucking cool. And I would love. I mean, that's such a good. If I have like, if I just finished something important to work or like my big task and I have like one other thing I do, but it's like 450.
You know, it's like, well, I can't start it. Now my desk going to go to the next ceiling. Clear the area. What do you mean?
I think we ought to do like another, I propose another category here. Oh boy. What do you got? It's kind of, what if we open up Joboo's box of nightmares and we design a perfect Joboo desk.
Okay. Well, I don't know if we need another category for it. Let's, let's, what do you do? What do you, let me hear it.
What do you got? Okay. Well, so like it's, so now in my box of nightmares, there's, it's a L best. So I got one side.
I got my drawers. You know, I got my soy sauce drawer and everything. And on the other side, it is a kegorator. Okay.
And it is not limited to only beer alcohol. Like what if I got some fresh beer on tap? Right. And it just comes up in a sleek slender little thing on the edge and it's a nice little tap and anytime I want the glasses are within reach.
I just fill myself up a nice cold beer or a nice cold beer. Maybe sometimes it's just ice cold water. Oh man, you know what I would love in there with like that fucking nitro cold brew. I'd put my mouth right on it.
Yes. Like a baby deer drinking out of his little bottle, baby. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude with my nitro though.
Absolutely fucking cranked up my desk. Just hook it up to the IV slam it. Nitro cold brew for an hour. Shrieking from the other room.
I'm a piss a hole right in my pants. Oh, my gatorator is a three. Right. So I also like what about like I wanted to change temperature.
If it's a hot day and you could just like crank the degrees up on that a little bit. It's nice kind of cold to the touch. You lean your wrist on your arms. Ooh, that's nice.
What if it's a cold day and you just kind of want like a warm desk under your pink flesh, you know? Interesting. I think 10 control. I think climate control is a two actually.
Why? Because I think that there's no way that I'll nail it. Like I didn't want to talk about it. You're gonna change everyone like 1000 times a day.
Right. And I got the heater going. I'm like too hot. And then I changed it.
I'm like, oh my god, dude, I can never settle on the AC in my car. I don't know what the fucking deal is. It's like it's like I'm freezing when it's on the lowest setting and then I turn it off and I'm fucking shvitsing in there, dude. I don't know what to do.
Yeah. We're idiots dog. I built in chargers. I said too to me because I don't want to have to plug my desk in.
Yeah, that's what I was going to say. You were telling me about that. And my first thought was like, so you have to plug the desk into the wall? Well, but get fucked.
Where's the cord come from? Well, but remember, this is also it's electronically a standing desk. It's good. Make it work.
It does more than one thing. I basically just want my nightmare of Jabu desk to be a fridge. Dude, I want like a little cold deli meat section in it. I don't know about it.
I actually don't. This is bad because I'm just going to eat all day long. Yeah. That's horrible.
In fact, I would say a feature and this isn't part of your desk usually, but like honestly, the one that you put on Twitter could be a mini fridge. Like on that little platform is a one to me. I'm being there too much. I want this to have a built in footrest.
A nice comfy thing at the bottom. We already have foot rests. It's already a fucking, just be like fucking Tootsie's to be comfy dog. We have talked chair.
Yeah, we have not talk chair the ball the ball chair is obviously a one so annoying like Dwight Um, no chair at all is a one to me. I like the idea of a standing desk, but I need the option to sit I cannot be standing for eight hours. Yes. I've heard of which to me as a fucking nightmare of a chair is treadmill.
Oh my god Exercise chair god fuck you. Yikes. Yeah, I've also heard that I'm trying to type while you're walking I've also seen people but like there's like a thing that like rests on the ground under a desk That's like bike petals so you just be pedaling. Oh my god.
What fucking idiot you look like I already like a little fucking duckling paddling And I already sweat like a lot in just as a baseline if I'm like also hitting a couple of miles on the cycle dude You won't catch me. I'll be drowning in sweat. I don't have a good chair a gamer chair I think it's a two it's hideous, but they are comfy, you know, I used to think I like leather to sit on but I don't Yeah, I agree with that. So what do you want?
I like I like that like that top mesh. Yeah, the top of a nice Oh, so taught dude. I like that top mesh I'm sending you just hot ass mesh dude. Here's something that I honestly like it says it grasses always greener situation, but armrests Can't live with them can't live without them.
You know I'm saying yeah, I dig Arms free, but also like I need them when they're not there, but also when they're there I feel restricted. I feel that majorly I we have each of our chairs one of them has armrests one of them doesn't I can't settle on which one I like just Do one armrests. Oh, they need to design them like the fucking airplane, you know when you can lift it up Oh, that's sick. Honestly that has to exist.
What about if the armrests were like a little farther out so that you If you put your arms out, it's more like a throne Thrown very not quite lit for chair throne is bad. It's hard to move Also, you you gotta have we got a lot of bad chair thoughts. It has to have wheels. I mean it seems like that's a good But yeah, you know what I love I love a good Office designed around rolling from spot to spot.
I love that shit. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, I'm grab the envelope boom roll across the way boom grab the stamp You know what I'm saying? Yeah, of course when it gets to a certain point in the school year Which is right about now I will go as far as to like roll my chair through the crowded hallway and just yeah straight to the bathroom and take a shit Slam into kids. What about a very quiet lit accessory plant?
Oh, yeah sure Okay, every last one of the plants I ever try to buy in this life. That's what I'm saying That was why I was gonna knock it down because like even if it's a little cactus It makes me stand sorcerers out there who understand how to not kill a plant. It looks cool. Um, I got a I guess an accessory.
Um, I have I have a coaster on mine. You go keep my shit tight You think about that little coaster? No, I think toss it and give me on my special job I want a built-in coaster built in coaster. So just like a little air.
That sucks the only area You can put your drink you press a button and it pops up and it's a little core board coaster That's so gross to a court board one. You'll be sick Let me let me hit you with the with the job who perfect design in the job who at HQ all our employees have this The outlets are on the floor and the plug for the desk is underneath one of the legs So it just sits on four plugged in you don't even see that shit, dude I like it's so you know, it's tight until somebody who doesn't isn't familiar with it Try to move it snaps and then ruins the whole desk and then it starts to propel to the ceiling and takes them in their life With our desks are equipped with little hologram projections of us all the time like little little a little way knight situation Oh, it tells you telling you no no no when you've entered the password correctly Our employees know that if you do something wrong wrong at job who HQ if you try to move the desk for example The chip that we put in your brain. It will shock you a little bit. Oh cool We're a small charge of electricity to have to let the employees know they're not doing anything right and then their desk propels to the ceiling and takes them What do we think about massage capabilities?
I just think it's gonna be so distracting if I'm getting a massage Yeah, I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't believe I cannot spend any more time at this in desk Oh, I got a very not quite late activity that just because you mentioned it I have fallen asleep at the desk. Yeah, that's bad. Obviously. What about like signing a big deal at a desk?
You know, I mean like you sign in the contract. That's kind of fun Yeah, suppose drafting a drafting drafting a revolutionary document perhaps I don't hate when the desk faces towards the rest of the room, you know, I'm saying you don't hate when the desk faces So like you you you wilder. I call you and I'm your boss cuz I'm more I love that shit. I don't really want to be working.
I don't want them to know I'm not working right exactly and I'm on Instagram and there's a little bit of power in it to me. Oh my god call someone in Yes, it's a college coming here for a minute chairs on the other side of your desk for visitors very quietly You are so powerful if that's the case or a couch even oh I think we did a pretty good job being very boring about this is boring and it sucks But like look now, you know now you know about desk you didn't know about desk before and now you know about desk So you're welcome Yeah, Jesus Christ. It's like they don't fucking appreciate it. It's like they don't even fucking appreciate that we're out here in the trenches in the lab Figuring it out Mix it and match in next time jeez just ask yourself if you know about desk We we got to wrap it up soon, but I got a couple of more little uh, you know open up my mind's eye open up the Jabu nightmare box Gotta like what if there's a toy in it?
What if you could piss in it? That's so bad. It's so bad. It's so bad.
It's bad. It's very bad Jacob Ruben said that he likes the desk So there's that shot at Jacob Ruben. Nah, he said good. Yeah, I mean I said good too It's like I said it's almost identical to the desk that I currently am using if I don't have this weird little Yeah, it's the current front runner shelf.
Yeah, that's not how much I mean which is the best thing about it It's totally oh my god design kitchen table bad desk. Oh my god, dude That's what I did for almost all of Kobe because Chelsea would be working in here We can't fucking work in the same dang room. Can't be teaching with her bladder in the background. You know talking about blah blah blah the big account Classic women always talking with a big account while we're trying to teach the nation's youth jeez Louise.
I'm sure it is in my desk all very Yeah Look this episode was a stinker, but we did get some merch out of it and it's My dad's gonna be here bumper sticker. We should make one of those like targeted ad shirts I can't do anything without listening to my girlfriend talk about the big account I'm just a cranky old man who wants to piss at his desk Yeah, the like AI design targeted ad Facebook. Every line is a different font Dude those are so wild. Hey, if you don't follow Facebook shirts the social media account highly recommend they post a lot of real things That they see it's also the best part about those is when you see them in the wild and you're like whoa somebody bought that shit dog I live in North Carolina people have them all over the fucking place.
Oh, yes, the motherly That's fucking tight. Shout out to DC. Oh, we got the DC flavors. Yeah, it's a bit.
Oh, it's probably Joey Yeah, and he's even though he's dead and he's being played by an actor anyways Yeah, we did good and this is you know, we needed a palate cleanser after fruit And so we said what's more boring than fruit desk. Yeah, and tune in for next week dust Anyways, oh bad Todd music Adam fake for the art. Thank you both. You did a great job once again The best part of our podcast 56 episodes running congratulations as they say if you forget about the risk you don't got the desk