第2580期:Why friends are sometimes unreliable

Do you have a friend who happily agrees to your plans, only to disappear when the time eventually comes? Maybe they flake on you and cancel last minute, or just don't tell you and then ghost you completely. Or just maybe, it's you that sometimes lets people down. What lies behind this reluctance to keep to engagements? 您是否有一个朋友愉快地同意您的计划，只是在时间到来时就消失了？ 也许他们在您身上涂抹并取消最后一分钟，或者只是不告诉您，然后完全鬼魂。 或者，也许，有时候您会让人们失望。 这种不愿继续参与的背后是什么？ It could be our personality traits. According to psychology professor Richard Koestner, less conscientious or agreeable people tend to have less concern for others and are more likely to overbook themselves socially. While this can be due to bad time management, it can also be because people are afraid of confrontation and saying no to their friends, so end up agreeing to things that they don't really want to do. 这可能是我们的性格特征。 根据心理学教授理查德·科斯特纳（Richard Koestner）的说法，不太认真或愉快的人对他人的关注往往较少，并且更有可能在社交上超额预订自己。 尽管这可能是由于时间管理不佳，但也可能是因为人们害怕对抗并对他们的朋友说不，所以最终同意他们不想做的事情。 Technology could be another factor behind people's willingness to back out of social commitments. Firstly, being able to cancel plans with a simple text message or pressing a 'not attending' button on an invitation, rather than doing it face-to-face or through an awkward phone call, is a much more frictionless way to say you have changed your mind. On top of this, people have become used to the instant gratification offered by social media and streaming platforms. Does this make real-life interaction seem mundane and arduous by comparison? Could it be generational? A 2017 study found that 45% of American millennials saw nothing wrong with withdrawing from social arrangements. Older generations were less likely to pull out of events that they had been invited to. 技术可能是人们愿意退出社会承诺的另一个因素。 首先，能够通过简单的短信取消计划或按邀请上按下“不参加”按钮，而不是面对面或通过尴尬的电话进行，这是一种更无摩擦的方式来表明您有 改变了你的主意。 最重要的是，人们已经习惯了社交媒体和流媒体平台提供的即时满足。 相比之下，这是否使现实生活中的互动看起来平凡而艰巨？ 会是世代相传的吗？ 2017年的一项研究发现，有45％的美国千禧一代从社会安排中退出没有错。 老一辈不太可能摆脱被邀请的活动。 Whatever lies behind it, psychologists have advice for us. Kurt Gray from the University of North Carolina recommends a simple phone call to reinforce human connection. Andrea Bonior from Georgetown University tells us to gently let our friends know that being let down disrupts us and makes us feel less valued. Caution is important though. Life coach Kira Asatryan reminds us that sometime people withdraw, not out of disrespect, but because they themselves feel anxious, stressed or sad. 无论其背后是什么，心理学家都会为我们提供建议。 北卡罗来纳大学的库尔特·格雷（Kurt Gray）推荐一个简单的电话来加强人际关系。 乔治敦大学（Georgetown University）的安德里亚·邦尼尔（Andrea Bonior）告诉我们，让我们的朋友知道，让我们失望的是打扰我们，并使我们感到不受重视。 谨慎很重要。 生活教练基拉·阿萨特里安（Kira Asatryan）提醒我们，有时人们会撤出，而不是出于不尊重，而是因为他们自己感到焦虑，压力或悲伤。词汇表flake on someone 放弃遵守与某人的约定last minute 最后一刻ghost 突然消失，不再联系（某人）keep to 遵守，坚持engagement 约定，约会personality trait 人格特质conscientious 认真自觉的agreeable 随和的overbook 做出过多的约定time management 时间管理confrontation 争执，冲突back out 食言，变卦social commitment 社交活动frictionless 没有摩擦的，顺畅的instant gratification 即时满足mundane 平平无奇的，稀松平常的arduous 艰难的，费力的generational 代际的，代与代之间的withdraw 放弃，退出human connection 人与人之间的联系