第3105期:How to cope with disappointment

We've all been there. Ending up with a worse exam result than you had hoped for or expected, a friend cancelling a plan you were really looking forward to, or your favourite sports team losing a game. Disappointment is an unhappy feeling when there is a gap between your expectations and reality, when something you desired failed to materialise. It's a normal and natural reaction, but what to do? Is it best to forget about it and move on, or allow yourself to feel the feels?我们都经历过这样的情况。  最终考试成绩比您希望或预期的要差，朋友取消了您真正期待的计划，或者您最喜欢的运动队输掉了一场比赛。 失望是一种不快乐的感觉，当你的期望与现实之间存在差距，当你想要的东西未能实现时。  这是正常且自然的反应，但该怎么办呢？ 最好是忘记它并继续前进，还是让自己感受这种感觉？We often can't control what happens in life, but we can control how we respond when things don't go our way. Dr Radha Modgil, a UK family doctor and campaigner for wellbeing, says that we should take time to process the disappointment. "We can often feel the need to move on straight away or ignore our feelings, but if we take time to process them and talk them through, we can move forward in a healthier way," she says. Next, she advises us to see the opportunities. Things may not have worked out this time, but when one door closes, a different, more exciting door may have opened, in a way that may one day make you grateful for the initial disappointment. 我们常常无法控制生活中发生的事情，但我们可以控制当事情不顺利时我们如何应对。 英国家庭医生兼健康活动家拉达·莫吉尔博士表示，我们应该花时间来处理失望情绪。 “我们经常会觉得需要立即继续前进或忽略我们的感受，但如果我们花时间处理它们并讨论它们，我们就能以更健康的方式前进，”她说。 接下来，她建议我们看到机会。 这次事情可能没有成功，但当一扇门关闭时，另一扇更令人兴奋的门可能会打开，有一天可能会让你对最初的失望感到感激。 The wider the gap between expectations and reality, the greater the disappointment. Make sure your goals are realistic, not idealistic, says Dr Annette Clancy, an organisational consultant who researches emotions in the workplace. Think about what a realistic result would be, rather than the perfect one. When waiting for something significant like a job offer or test result, her advice is to not get ahead of yourself. When we anticipate a positive result, we often start imagining a future that doesn't yet exist, and if that future doesn't materialise, we then have togrieveits loss, which can be upsetting. 期望与现实之间的差距越大，失望就越大。 研究工作场所情绪的组织顾问安妮特·克兰西博士说，确保你的目标是现实的，而不是理想化的。 想想现实的结果是什么，而不是完美的结果。 当等待工作机会或测试结果等重要事情时，她的建议是不要操之过急。 当我们期待一个积极的结果时，我们常常开始想象一个尚不存在的未来，如果这个未来没有实现，我们就不得不为它的损失感到悲伤，这可能会令人沮丧。 Try not to take it personally. Disappointment might make you think, "I'm not good enough," and lead you to blame yourself, affecting your self-esteem. It may cause you to blame others, making you angry that they did not recognise your value. Dr Annette Clancy says both reactions miss the point. Instead, see disappointment as a signal that our expectations and reality are not aligned. Understanding this, she says, can be an important way to develop resilience.尽量不要往心里去。 失望可能会让你认为“我不够好”，并导致你责备自己，影响你的自尊。 这可能会让你责怪别人，让你因为他们不认识你的价值而生气。 安妮特·克兰西博士表示，这两种反应都没有抓住重点。 相反，将失望视为我们的期望与现实不一致的信号。 她说，理解这一点可能是培养韧性的重要方法。