Ken Novenstern: Divorce 101, from Filing to Settlement

Almost nobody learns how divorce works until they are in one. This episode is the orientation nobody gets: what starts a case, what the process options actually are, what gets divided, and where people give away things they never knew they had.Ken Novenstern is a matrimonial attorney who began practicing in Syracuse in the mid-1980s and has spent most of the decades since in Westchester County, New York, where he is a partner at Fredman Baken & Novenstern with offices in White Plains and Mount Kisco. Alongside litigation he works in mediation and collaborative divorce, and he served as president of the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals. He also recorded a large library of short explainer videos during the pandemic, for the same reason this show exists: people cannot find plain information about any of this.He starts with process. One attorney cannot represent both spouses, so the arrangement people describe as sharing a lawyer is really mediation, where the neutral gives information rather than legal advice and each party keeps a consulting attorney. Collaborative divorce puts counsel on both sides plus financial and mental health professionals. Litigation is the last option, though Novenstern is fair about when it helps, particularly where one spouse has not accepted that the marriage is ending and nothing moves without a judge. He walks through the summons and complaint, the request for judicial intervention and the clock it starts, and how uneven the wait for a judgment can be from county to county.Then the substance. Separate property claims built on a parent's contribution to a home purchase decades earlier. How 529 accounts are actually owned, and how they are treated when they were funded during the marriage. What to gather before a first consultation, and why an attorney asks about your finances at that meeting, which is issue identification rather than a look at your wallet. Why judges are more concerned about someone refusing to acknowledge a mental health or substance issue than about someone treating one. Dividing retirement against home equity once tax is accounted for, stock options and restricted stock with vesting dates that straddle the case, and the domestic relations orders that keep the division from triggering tax. And prenups: useful when written reasonably, and dangerous in the version where one party waives everything.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy one attorney cannot represent both spouses, and what mediation actually isMediation, collaborative divorce, and litigation, and when each one fitsWhat a summons and complaint start, and what a request for judicial intervention triggersHow a parent's contribution to a home can support a separate property claim decades laterWho actually owns a 529 account, and how it's treated in a divisionWhy a dollar of retirement money isn't a dollar of home equityStock options and restricted stock that vest after a case beginsWhat makes a prenup reasonable, and the version that leaves one person exposed⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 Decades in matrimonial law, and why self-representation is a last resort 3:00 Separate property: a parent's contribution to the house, and 529 accounts 7:00 "Let's just use one attorney": the conflict, and what mediation really is 15:00 The summons and complaint, and the request for judicial intervention 18:00 When litigation is the right call, and what it costs everyone 21:00 First steps: gathering documents, and securing what matters to you 24:00 Therapy and medication, and what judges make of them 26:00 Choosing an attorney, and why the first meeting asks about money 35:00 Prenups: useful, and the version that goes too far 40:00 Dividing assets: retirement, home equity, stock options, and QDROs 47:00 Filing first, grounds for divorce, and orders of protectionKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Ken Novenstern at Fredman Baken & Novenstern: https://fbndivorcelaw.com/ken-novenstern/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.