Divorce Expert: Why Smart Women Stay With Narcissists | The Forties Formula

What happens when you wake up one day and realise you've lost yourself inside your relationship? In this deeply honest conversation, Amanda Lim and Jasmin Dhillon sit down with registered psychotherapist & integrated sex & relationship therapist, Cheryl Kennedy McDonald to unpack the invisible process of identity loss in long-term relationships. From self-concept erosion and trauma bonds to gaslighting, narcissistic abuse and the emotional reality of divorce, this episode explores why so many women stay, how toxic relationship patterns develop, and what it truly takes to rebuild your sense of self. Cheryl explains why leaving isn't simply about willpower, how childhood experiences shape the relationships we accept, and why healing requires far more than just moving on. Whether you're navigating divorce, questioning your relationship, supporting a loved one, or simply wanting to understand the psychology behind these patterns, this conversation offers practical insights with compassion and clarity. Chapters 00:00 – When you no longer recognise yourself 01:03 – Meet psychotherapist Cheryl Kennedy McDonald 02:38 – What is self-concept erosion? 04:16 – Healthy change vs losing yourself 06:38 – Healthy conflict vs toxic conflict 06:50 – Why women stay in unhealthy relationships 08:07 – Trauma bonds explained 09:52 – What gaslighting actually looks like 12:15 – How to break free from a toxic relationship 14:01 – Understanding narcissistic personality disorder 17:02 – Love bombing and the dopamine cycle 19:44 – Co-parenting with a narcissist 22:06 – Male vs female narcissists 24:06 – Divorce, grief & rebuilding your identity 28:10 – Learning to be comfortable alone 30:42 – Healing after divorce & dating again 34:23 – Can narcissists ever change? 36:22 – Sponsor: Love Indus 37:18 – Practical steps to rebuild your life after divorce 39:07 – How relationship stress affects your body 41:00 – Can a narcissist have a healthy relationship? 43:22 – Cheryl's Forties Formula --- About your hosts: Amanda Lim is a Metabolic Health Coach and Director at The Lift Clinic in Singapore, focused on helping women build strength and long-term metabolic health. Jasmin Dhillon is an Integrated Health Strategist helping women in their 40s manage health through lifestyle interventions across gut health, hormones and nutrition. Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/thefortiesformula/](https://www.instagram.com/thefortiesformula/) Thank you to our sponsors: For Youth | Use code TF35 for up to 35% off storewide → (http://www.foryouth.co/go/the-forties-formula-system) Cozy Earth | Use code TFF for up to 31% off → (https://cozyearth.com) Love Indus | Use code TFF for 21% off → https://loveindus.com(https://loveindus.com) Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Buy us a coffee: [https://buymeacoffee.com/thefortiesformula](https://buymeacoffee.com/thefortiesformula)