Divorce Expert: Why Smart Women Stay With Narcissists | The Forties Formula

What happens when you wake up one day and realise you've lost yourself inside your relationship?In this deeply honest conversation, Amanda Lim and Jasmin Dhillon sit down with registered psychotherapist & integrated sex & relationship therapist, Cheryl Kennedy McDonald to unpack the invisible process of identity loss in long-term relationships. From self-concept erosion and trauma bonds to gaslighting, narcissistic abuse and the emotional reality of divorce, this episode explores why so many women stay, how toxic relationship patterns develop, and what it truly takes to rebuild your sense of self.Cheryl explains why leaving isn't simply about willpower, how childhood experiences shape the relationships we accept, and why healing requires far more than just moving on. Whether you're navigating divorce, questioning your relationship, supporting a loved one, or simply wanting to understand the psychology behind these patterns, this conversation offers practical insights with compassion and clarity.Chapters00:00 – When you no longer recognise yourself01:03 – Meet psychotherapist Cheryl Kennedy McDonald02:38 – What is self-concept erosion?04:16 – Healthy change vs losing yourself06:38 – Healthy conflict vs toxic conflict06:50 – Why women stay in unhealthy relationships08:07 – Trauma bonds explained09:52 – What gaslighting actually looks like12:15 – How to break free from a toxic relationship14:01 – Understanding narcissistic personality disorder17:02 – Love bombing and the dopamine cycle19:44 – Co-parenting with a narcissist22:06 – Male vs female narcissists24:06 – Divorce, grief & rebuilding your identity28:10 – Learning to be comfortable alone30:42 – Healing after divorce & dating again34:23 – Can narcissists ever change?36:22 – Sponsor: Love Indus37:18 – Practical steps to rebuild your life after divorce39:07 – How relationship stress affects your body41:00 – Can a narcissist have a healthy relationship?43:22 – Cheryl's Forties Formula---About your hosts:Amanda Lim is a Metabolic Health Coach and Director at The Lift Clinic in Singapore, focused on helping women build strength and long-term metabolic health.Jasmin Dhillon is an Integrated Health Strategist helping women in their 40s manage health through lifestyle interventions across gut health, hormones and nutrition.Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/thefortiesformula/](https://www.instagram.com/thefortiesformula/)Thank you to our sponsors:For Youth | Use code TF35 for up to 35% off storewide → (http://www.foryouth.co/go/the-forties-formula-system)Cozy Earth | Use code TFF for up to 31% off → (https://cozyearth.com)Love Indus | Use code TFF for 21% off → https://loveindus.com(https://loveindus.com)Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.Buy us a coffee: [https://buymeacoffee.com/thefortiesformula](https://buymeacoffee.com/thefortiesformula)